Parenting 101

[Friend100]

IMO well worth the time to read all of them. Enjoy.

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1389333

[B_Mc]

Care to summarize for me?

[reallyitsmema]

I had seen the thread the OP is referring to but I am not quite sure why they linked it. Would like to know what point they are trying to make too.

[Mom2B&Z]

Care to summarize for me?

 

It's a large and diverse group of people talking about a parent who (under uncertain circumstances) has a child in competitive sports that carries into a spring break. The child was told they would lose team status (ie get kicked off/lose game time) if they went on the trip. The parent was torn between bringing the child or losing money on the trip.

The opinions ranged from a) the child had made a commitment to the team and needs to carry through; b) the coach is on a power trip and the mom should contact the school or athletic director to remedy the situation; and c) family comes first and school sports should not interfere.

IMHO I am grateful I live in Canada and do not have to deal with school sports taking over our lives. Hockey is at least a choice!

[sparky-elpaso]

For me the biggest issue was that the boy is only 14 so it's not like he's a senior looking for a college scholarship in baseball. I think sports have become way too important. I posted on that one - was the coach going to write a check for the amount of the kids ticket? If not - DS would be going on the cruise.

[crusinmama06]

We have the same issue here with dance school. And we PAY for that service. :rolleyes: If my daughter misses ONE of the rehearsals the week before the recital, then she is not "allowed" to dance in the recital. :mad:

 

It doesn't matter if she has a school event going on the same night as a rehearsal, the rehearsal is more important. :rolleyes:

 

I often wonder why we pay the dance school to run our family lives for us. :cool:

[reallyitsmema]

Unfortunately, it only gets worse as they get older. My son's high school coaches set the rules before the season began in a meeting with all students and parents. Any issues were to be handled by the student, not the parents. Students had to deal directly with the coaches, if that didn't work they had to contact the athletic director. If there was still a problem, the student could speak to the principal then the headmaster. Only at that point could a parent become involved.

 

All practices were mandatory. College visits were not considered an allowable excuse for missing a practice, even during vacation time. Students would lose their starting positions on teams if they missed practices.

 

We only took vacations after my son got out of school for the summer. It is more expensive but playing sports was important to him. He is still playing now in college and I know he will play in an adult league once he graduates.

 

I still wonder what the Parenting 101 reference is for this thread though.

[sparky-elpaso]

Unfortunately, it only gets worse as they get older. My son's high school coaches set the rules before the season began in a meeting with all students and parents. Any issues were to be handled by the student, not the parents. Students had to deal directly with the coaches, if that didn't work they had to contact the athletic director. If there was still a problem, the student could speak to the principal then the headmaster. Only at that point could a parent become involved.

 

All practices were mandatory. College visits were not considered an allowable excuse for missing a practice, even during vacation time. Students would lose their starting positions on teams if they missed practices.

 

We only took vacations after my son got out of school for the summer. It is more expensive but playing sports was important to him. He is still playing now in college and I know he will play in an adult league once he graduates.

 

I still wonder what the Parenting 101 reference is for this thread though.

 

I think maybe for the reason in the next quote. Who's running the family - mom and dad or the coaches / dance teachers, etc.

 

We have the same issue here with dance school. And we PAY for that service. :rolleyes: If my daughter misses ONE of the rehearsals the week before the recital, then she is not "allowed" to dance in the recital. :mad:

 

It doesn't matter if she has a school event going on the same night as a rehearsal, the rehearsal is more important. :rolleyes:

 

I often wonder why we pay the dance school to run our family lives for us. :cool:

[bus man]

My son's high school coaches set the rules before the season began in a meeting with all students and parents. Any issues were to be handled by the student, not the parents.

 

All practices were mandatory. College visits were not considered an allowable excuse for missing a practice, even during vacation time. Students would lose their starting positions on teams if they missed practices.

 

Lots of red flags for me. There is NO WAY I will let anyone tell me that I cannot handle an issue for my minor child. Granted, letting the kids handle things is good for growing their sense of independence. But that's not the same as not "allowing" the parents to be involved.

 

As for not missing practices, my answer is "tough." I'm the parent, and I'm not going to allow some sports coach to decide when my family can go on vacation, whether it's to visit colleges or any other reason. This applies all the more so during school vacations. As far as I'm concerned, that's "our" time, and the school system (including its athletic department) has no claim on us during that time. If that means that my kids don't play on the teams, then so be it. Family is FAR more important than any sports game.

[reallyitsmema]

Lots of red flags for me. There is NO WAY I will let anyone tell me that I cannot handle an issue for my minor child. Granted, letting the kids handle things is good for growing their sense of independence. But that's not the same as not "allowing" the parents to be involved.

 

As for not missing practices, my answer is "tough." I'm the parent, and I'm not going to allow some sports coach to decide when my family can go on vacation, whether it's to visit colleges or any other reason. This applies all the more so during school vacations. As far as I'm concerned, that's "our" time, and the school system (including its athletic department) has no claim on us during that time. If that means that my kids don't play on the teams, then so be it. Family is FAR more important than any sports game.

Are your kids actually in school yet? I am guessing they aren't. Preseason practice for any sport my son has every played always happened during vacation periods. Football had double sessions during August of summer vacation, with captain's practices all summer long. Spring sports always have practices and cames during April vacation week and preseason during February vacation week.

 

My son went to a prep/private high school which taught all the students to take responsibility for their actions and become their own advocates. Academics, as well as athletics, were very competitive. Some of his friends are at Harvard, Dartmouth, Tufts, to name a few, all on full academic scholarships while others are on full athletic scholarships. One of his classmates was drafted at 18 by an MLB team. There is an alumni currently in the NFL, NHL, MLS and there were 2 olympians in the last winter olympics. Like I said, it is a very competitive school.

 

Was I always happy with the strict conduct policy for sports, no, but we knew what it was when he applied to the school. Had he had any problems I would have contacted his guidance counselor to arrange for a meeting. I never needed to because the coaches demanded respect from their players but showed respect in return.

 

Family is very important to us too but being a well rounded individual is too. Not cruising during April vacation so my son could remain a starter is not going to hurt our family dynamics one bit. Traveling to see my son's team win the northest regionals his senior year was wonderful. Seeing them hold up the golden eagle is a memory I will have forever and will treasure more than any cruise. Two years later that is still my son's facebook picture.

 

Your kids might not play on teams so you can have your family time, but I will keep the family time that team sports has given us.

[chipmaster]

Parenting 101, or just confused crusing parent 101 :D

 

IMO well worth the time to read all of them. Enjoy.

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1389333

[mjkacmom]

My oldest is in HS, and doesn't play sports, and even I know that when you play on a HS team, you have games and practices during school breaks. When my kids sign up or try out for things, I find out what is involved, and what the committment is.

 

Ds12 is very involved in sports, and I know that if he continues to play in HS, he won't be free to travel during school breaks. There are always limited fields, so games and practices are scheduled pretty heavily when school is out.

 

OP, I'd give the choice to your ds, since he is the one paying the consequences. Does he want to go on the cruise, and get kicked off of the team, or miss the cruise, and stay on the team? I doubt you are going to change the coach's mind. What if half the team decided to vacation that week?

 

Choices can be hard - right now, ds12 is at play rehearsal (tech week), and is missing his soccer game (although his dad is there - he is the coach).

[klauer]

I agree -- there is no reason that "family time" and sports, drama,music, etc. have to be mutually exclusive. It's a valuable lesson to learn that you can't have everything you want, and that choices have to be made.

[Friend100]

I think that thread gives me a lot of insight about choices, compromise, priority and value. I learn a lot reading from both sides of the argument which I think each have a strong case, and different family with different background can have different preference and outcome.

 

Feel free to post to that thread if you have further comment there. And IMO, the OP there made a good decision.

[Onessa]

My DD is involved in sports, and music, and is very academically driven. More and more, kids her age are making choices about what is important and changing their own priorities.

 

DD switched to cross-country from volley ball for her fall sport when the demands the VB program made became ridiculous. One of her best friends decided to stop playing "elite league" soccer this summer and join the rec league so she could "have a life" (her exact words) -- even though this girl was a starter on a championship team.

 

Fortunately in our area, we have examples of people -- pro atheletes, performers, etc. -- who managed to make the "big time" even though they did not start their sport (or whatever) until they were in high school or older; or who did a lot of different activities while in school and still managed to be the best in their game.

 

Her HS band will be performing in the tournament of roses parade in Pasadina this year. She is on the band counsel and they have been charged with coming up with expectations of those members who will be unable to make certain manditory practices/camps/parades. The band director has charged them with coming up with what will be fair for max number of prep events someone can miss, and what the rules are for missing an event. These types of policies will allow her to miss a parade this summer while she is at curling camp.

 

A good coach or instructor or director for a program for youth will take the opportunity to make their program a learning experience for kids -- how to balance priorities, how to make decisions. Being too authoritarian will drive away some kids. Being too authoritarian will deprive kids from a valuable learning experience.