Widows traveling alone, please answer questions

[traveled]

As a widow I want to try cruising again, I want to be independent and try a 7 day cruise before the 30 day that I want but these are my questions?

 

Does Hal put singles at specific tables that makes dinning enjoyable?

If affordable which is better inside large or obstructerd view?

What suggestions do you have?

[Essiesmom]

If you ask to be seated at a large table at traditional dining, they will seat you with people they think may be compatible. Often other singles, sometimes couples. they do not know whether you are single or widowed...EM

[ILUVBDA2]

I just completed a 7 day cruise to Bermuda on the Veendam. I am a widow and traveled alone. I had the best time!! HAL has the "as you wish" dining program and they will seat you at a table with others, groups and couples included. Each meal you are likely to be seated with someone different each time. I loved it and met so many lovely couples and families.

I had a Lanai cabin #336 on deck 6, I liked it very much. No worry about people walking on the deck and seeing you inside. They can't.

Once you book a cruise join the Roll Call for that curise date, and you will already know people on the ship.

Met some really nice people on my Roll Call.

Have fun,

Linda

[Sophiebaby]

:DI'm not a widow. I'm a single woman who sails "solo" because none of my friends are "addicted" to the cruise experience as I am. I prefer traditional early seating and had a marvelous time on my last three HAL cruises...a 16-day transatlantic, 14-day deep Caribbean and this past April, a 30-day Secret Civilizations to South America. The only two times that HAL has placed me at a table of all "solos" was in 1976 and and 2009. The other 12 cruises I was at tables of eight or six. Some of my tablemates were traveling alone, others were couples. It has been wonderful. I returned a couple of months ago from a reunion in Montana of my tablemates from the 2010 cruise (two couples and me!), and will be sailing in October for 45 days with a couple I met on the 30-day cruise a few months ago. Go for it! People are wonderful. Also, on sea days on the last cruise I sometimes ate lunch in the MDR where they had "singles and solos" tables with a HAL Gentleman Host at each table. These gentlemen are only on the long cruises. I prefer traditional seating because I like to really get to know people and not have to introduce myself night after night. Whatever suits you, but GO FOR IT! I have observed, however, that there are more singles of "a certain age" on the longer cruises. At this point in life, 7-day cruises don't interest me. I'm lucky to be able to do the longer cruises.

[CowPrincess]

I took my first cruise about 18 months after my husband passed away. My travel agent advised late seating. At that time, there were only fixed tables. Got to know the group and never felt lonely. One couple was VERY good about including me in things besides dinner.

 

I'd go with the obstructed-view cabin instead of an inside cabin, even if it is smaller. You don't really need a ton of room.

 

Take a shore excursion where you will get a chance to meet other people.

 

For your port city, do some research and find a nice hotel to spend the night. Consider whether you want to explore, or just relax and prepare for your cruise. Room service in your pre-cruise hotel can be a godsend if you don't like eating alone in restaurants.

 

Try to connect with a few people on your Roll Call.

 

If you do go with the fixed seating time (instead of anytime dining) and find yourself at a "dud" table, ask the Maitre d' to move you. Dinners should be enjoyable, not a trial. :)

[twodogmom]

I travel solo, and was a table mate of Sophiebaby on her last cruise. It was a great table. I now only request tables for six and early seating. I did a table for 8 and I hated the slow service. One of my table mates on that cruise will be on the world cruise with me. We have both requested being seated at the same table.

 

I prefer a large inside to an outside. On my last cruise on an R class, my cabin was on the LP deck, very small and I hated it, plus at night you had to keep your curtains closed. I've found I would rather have space than a view.

 

As someone said, sign up for the roll call, and go to the meet & greet.

 

I'm also like Sophiebaby, I don't want to do short cruises anymore. My next four cruises are 112, 35, 115 and 75 day cruises. Go up to people and say hello, my name is XXX. By the end of my cruises, more people remember my name than I do theres. It is great when you walk around and so many people say hello with your name. You really don't get to know people on the shorter cruises.

[luvcruisn']

Does Hal put singles at specific tables that makes dinning enjoyable? If affordable which is better inside large or obstructerd view?

What suggestions do you have?

 

As a solo, I have done both late fixed dining, and "as you wish," dining. I have never done early fixed dining, as there are too many things I like to do at that time, such as watch the sailaway from the deck, evening trivia, etc. Fixed dining doesn't always work out, if you are not compatible with your tablemates. I thought about asking to change on my last cruise, but didn't feel comfortable doing so. One can, however, dine at other venues, such as Canaletto, or the Lido.

 

Re: Inside cabin versus outside: I usually book an inside guarantee, and have been upgraded many times to an outside cabin. I prefer the outsides as I love to watch the ocean every time I am in the cabin. I book the inside cabins, as they are better for my budget after paying the single supplement. Some people prefer inside cabins as some of the J cabins are very spacious.

 

I also attend most of the singles and solos get togethers. It is a nice way to meet people; you then have more people to say hello to on your cruise. As others have mentioned, join the roll call and attend the "meet and greet," for your cruise.

[Sophiebaby]

I agree with my tablemate Twodogmom. If my budget would allow a more "elegant" cabin than a large inside cabin, I would not book it. The joy of cruising, at least for me, is getting out to meet people. If I paid for a verandah (which I did once in 2009), and didn't stay in it a lot, I'd feel guilty about spending the money for nothing. I'd rather cruise for a longer period than spend money on a view that I would have limited time enjoying. And I agree that if you're not comfortable with your tablemates in traditional, "fixed," seating, if that's what you choose, by all means ask to have your table changed. It's done very frequently. Why be miserable.

[martinimadam]

I've been on 19 cruises, 18 of them as a solo. And I love it! Most of them have been on HAL or Crystal and all have been more than 10 days.

 

Here's some pointers I've learned along the way (just my opinion, of course).

 

Dining

For your first time out as a solo, I'd suggest you get fixed seating at a table for 6 or 8. That way you'll get to know a group of people very quickly. It's also nice to get to know the wait staff. Makes you feel like you're not alone. You can try open seating on your next cruise, if you want, but, since it's your first time solo, I think you'll be more comfortable this way.

 

If you don't get the seating assignment you want (sometimes you may not know this until you check in at embarkation), the Daily Program will tell you where you can go to see the Dining Room Manager on that first day. Don't hestitate to go see him. I've never had to take open seating, though once I had to take early rather than late. He can usually fit a single in someplace. I try to get a table that's not all singles. Just my preference...

 

You'll know right away if you aren't going to get along with the folks at your table. Again, don't hesitate to see the Dining Room Manager right after your meal and ask for a change of tables. It's done all the time, and they really want you to be happy. I've only had to do it twice, both times on Transatlantics, and it was easy as pie....

 

Cabins

I prefer outside, even with a semi-obstructed view. I don't, however, like to be on the lower promenade deck, as I don't want folks to see into my room, and I don't want to have to close the curtains at night.

 

Meeting folks

Do join the roll call for your cruise. It really adds to the anticipation, and, as has been said, you get to know people before you even get on the ship. If there's a Meet & Greet, by all means attend. Another way to expand your horizons.

 

If you like an "adult beverage" before dinner, sit up at the bar. I know it may feel a little strange, but, it's fairly common practice on cruises, and, the bartenders are all really entertaining. That way you're not sitting by yourself at a table. Once you meet folks, you can move to a table with them.

 

Participate, participate, participate. Whether it's Bingo, cooking classes, card games, whatever. It's a great way to mingle.

 

Enjoy your "ME" time

One of the benefits of traveling solo is that your time is your own. I always have room service deliver my coffee in the morning and take my time getting ready for the day. I just love to hang the little card out on my door at bedtime, knowing there will be a friendly knock on my door in the morning with my coffee!

 

I also get to the embarkation city a day ahead, have reservations at a nice hotel, and let room service bring my dinner. It's a wonderfully luxurious way to start the whole cruise.

 

Hope this all helps. If you have any other questions, just ask.

[RuthC]

That first cruise after widowhood can be intimidating, but it gets easier each time. You'll have your moments, expect them, but they pass.

I've had many, many cruises since I became suddenly single. I've been fortunate to get my As You Wish dining choice of a large table at late seating every time; most of those times it was a pleasant experience. It's nice to get to know people well, which fixed seating allows much more than open seating, and look forward to sharing the details of the day. It's something I really miss in real life, and enjoy on cruises. As posted, on those couple of occasions when the tablemates weren't compatible, I changed tables. Very easy.

Do ask to be seated at a round table. If there's an odd number of people at a rectangular table, you will be the one who ends up stuck with no one across from you. Having a round table eliminates that concern.

I totally agree with the advice to belly up to the bar---assuming you're able to climb up on the barstool. (why don't they have handicap ramps to get up there?) The same people will congregate there every night, and you will have people to talk to there.

Go to activites that you enjoy. The same people will go there every time, and you'll get friendly over the course of the cruise. Having the same interest is in itself an icebreaker.

I love an inside cabin, but if you want daylight, then an obstructed outside is nice, too. Be aware, though, that outside cabins have tubs, instead of showers, and on some ships it's a big climb over. That can be a problem for some of us.

Good luck to you. There is life after widowhood. I promise! :D

[SharonN]

I took several solo cruises after losing my first husband 5 years ago. The first one was just a few months after I lost him but I needed to get away from things even though people thought I was crazy (I probably was). It wasn't easy and I had some tough moments but I'd have had them at home too. That was the first cruise I posted here from the ship even during one of my rough days and will never forget the kind words I got from people here when I needed them especially RuthC who I was glad to meet on my first long cruise a year or two later. But overall it was a great trip as I realized I could still travel even though on my own. As most of the others have said I definitely recommend fixed seating when traveling solo as having the same group of people to eat with each night really helped. In most cases I ended up going to shows etc with them which was really nice. I also met quite a few other widows on shore excursions etc and it was nice to talk to others who had been thru it. I'm happy that I don't have to travel alone anymore (I remarried almost a year ago) but it was a great way to travel while I was alone and I took advantage of going some places I'd always wanted to see. I hope you too have many great cruises ahead of you.

[IslandThyme]

Just want to say that my husband's health has been very precarious in the past few years and I'm reading this with great interest and a feeling of encouragement.

[Essiesmom]

I travel solo often, other times with my sister. Our second cruise we had a table of six, I think, all widows or divorced. One of them said a memorable thing: 'The best day of my life was when I realized that I didn't need a man to be a complete person. The second best day was when I realized I never had.' EM

[Sophiebaby]

Ruth C., you made me giggle when you mentioned the bathtubs in the outside cabins. On the first morning of my 30-day Rotterdam cruise this past April, I got stuck in the bathtub. (Don't ask! Twodogmom knows the story.) It took me over an hour to extricate myself.

 

As a result, the people I sat with up in the Lido heard my harrowing tale. Word spread, and before long 25 other people heard the story. As it turns out, it was a great way to meet people and have them remember me! If you're able to laugh at yourself and the dumb things you do, people like you for it. As I said before, people are great.

 

Those bathtubs are difficult enough to climb into if you have lower back problems, and even tougher to sit down in.:D:D:D

[DFD1]

Nice discussion. Interesting to read. Thanks for starting it and posting to it.

[HamburgAvonLady]

Ruth C., you made me giggle when you mentioned the bathtubs in the outside cabins. On the first morning of my 30-day Rotterdam cruise this past April, I got stuck in the bathtub. (Don't ask! Twodogmom knows the story.) It took me over an hour to extricate mysel

 

As a result, the people I sat with up in the Lido heard my harrowing tale. Word spread, and before long 25 other people heard the story. As it turns out, it was a great way to meet people and have them remember me! If you're able to laugh at yourself and the dumb things you do, people like you for it. As I said before, people are great.

 

Those bathtubs are difficult enough to climb into if you have lower back problems, and even tougher to sit down in.:D:D:D

 

WHEW !! Really glad I booked a SY for next year !

[gregdude]

I have traveled alone several times (wife was working and could not get away for long cruises). My suggestion would be, if you are on a HAL cruise with Lanai cabins, and if it is your price range, jump at one. They provide something no other cabin provides, socialization. Since you have the benefit of two reserved chairs on the open promenade deck you immediately make friends with folks in the adjacent cabins. On my last long cruise we all started to gather for drinks and at the shows. We also had several meals together, making for a very memorable cruise.

[traveled]

Would you start with a 7 day to get your fet wet or would you immediately go for the longer one. Please tell more about your experiences

[barbarapga]

My first post-widowhood was a TA.......followed by 7 more TA's. All were wonderful, folks on TAs are well traveled and very friendly. I was more hesitant to go out of my local port and do Caribbean cruises. [which we'd done often as a couple] Reason....I thought folks usually had companions and excusions were more 'romantic' LOL. So, took a couple of years to do 7 day Caribbean trips. Learned, easy...friendly people are everywhere!

[RuthC]

Would you start with a 7 day to get your fet wet or would you immediately go for the longer one. Please tell more about your experiences

My first cruise as a widow was a 15-day Hawaii cruise, about 10-11 months after my husband died. So, I was still in that deep mourning period.

I think that since you are anticipating a long cruise, then taking a shorter cruise first is a good idea. As I said originally, it does get easier with each succeeding cruise, so you might as well get started.

You'll go, have your up & down times, then come home and regroup. A 7-day cruise will get you over that hump. That way you'll be better able to enjoy that longer cruise.

[SharonN]

Would you start with a 7 day to get your fet wet or would you immediately go for the longer one. Please tell more about your experiences

 

I agree with Ruth that a shorter cruise would be probably be best first. I took a 10 day New England cruise just 3 months after my husband died. It gave me some time alone to think thru my new life, remember my husband, and also the oppportunity to keep busy with tours, shows, and meals when I needed it. But away from my well meaning friends and families checking on me daily to make sure I was ok. I definitely had some rough moments. The worst being when I was the only one to show up at my Dining Table the third night for dinner after a rainy day where my tour was canceled and a good long cry in my cabin that afternoon. I thought I'd made a mistake taking the cruise at that point. But before the meal started I was reseated at another table with 2 wonderful couples who adopted me for the rest of the cruise. And I realized that if I hadn't gone I'd have still had some rough moments at home too. So just be prepared for some down times during the cruise and then move past them as best you can.

 

My husband and I had originally planned an Alaska cruise for our 30th anniv the summer he died. I was not up to taking that one on my own because that was a trip we'd also made for our 10th and 20th. But I had a real desire to go back to one of our favorite places again. So I went the following summer but took my parents and all my brothers and sisters and it was a great way to remember my trips with Jim but also show my family what a wonderful place it was. It was wonderful to spend the time with my family and since we lost my Dad the following year it's a great memory for all of us. I am so glad that I was able to take that trip and know that my family feels the same way.

 

During that trip I decided that I was ready to take a longer trip on my own and booked the 21 day South America/Antarctica trip for the following year. I even got to meet Ruth on that cruise. I was a bit nervous about it since I'd never done that long a cruise but had a great time and knew I'd be able to travel on my own again. I went to several of the Solo's lunches and other meetings I wouldn't normally do but it was a good way for me to meet people since i can tend to be a bit shy at first.

 

The following year I did a cruise with my sister, brother-in-law, and mother (her first alone) and then booked another solo one to Australia/New Zealand. However, I didn't end up solo on that one as I became engaged just a few months prior and he was able to join me on that trip to start our traveling together.

 

Sorry didn't mean to write my life's story :) Only you know what will work for you but I'd recommend a short trip first to somewhere you won't be overwhelmed with memories of a trip you did together. Join in or attend the Solos meetings/lunch even if you're not entirely comfortable with it. Worst case you spend an hr eating lunch with a group you don't ever have to see again. Best case you make some friends for the rest of the cruise. Once you've got that cruise under your belt you'll have a better idea of when you'll be ready for a longer trip.

 

 

I hope you're able to find a cruise that works for you and that it's the start of many wonderful trips for your new life!

[CowPrincess]

A few random thoughts, building on what others have said.

 

The "widows' club" is not one you ever want to be part of, and once part of, you never really lose your "membership". Even if you re-partner, you will be available and willing to help "new widows" cope, through sharing info and experiences. Your "membership" does put you in touch with some of the most amazing, supportive, sharing and caring individuals you will ever meet. And your turn will come to be that amazing, supportive and caring individual to someone else. So take everything you can from those who offer love and support, and know that in time you will pay it forward, possibly making an ENORMOUS difference in someone else's life.

 

I think a shorter cruise as your "starter cruise" is a great idea. You have no idea what innocuous little thing might send you into a tailspin. For me, it was an art gallery and an ice cream stand. My late DH and I used to spend a fair amount of time in art galleries, and I could not walk through the door of one for three years after his death. Couldn't do it. COULD. NOT. DO. IT.

 

The ice cream stand? I saw a very elderly couple holding hands, enjoying ice cream cones, walking down the street together and I dissolved into a messy, sniffling, snerking mess, because DH and I would NEVER be in our 80s and still holding hands. And up until that instant, I'd been having a VERY good day.

 

Onboard, be prepared for something to trigger your tears. It will very likely happen. And that is completely normal.... you aren't going crazy, you ARE coping, but once in a while, the "weepies" hit. Once you've identified some of your triggers for the weepies, you can plot a strategy to avoid those triggers, or deal with them. Hence the starter cruise being the best idea IMHO.

[RuthC]

The "widows' club" is not one you ever want to be part of, and once part of, you never really lose your "membership".

Profound, Cow Princess. And oh, so true.

As someone once put it to me: You know.

[surfsidemary]

(Another member of the widow's club here. I previously posted my experience on your other thread, but this thread has so much more to offer.)

 

I am in my sixties and have been a widow traveling alone on Holland America for several years. What you will discover, if you wish to, is that it is OK to discard a lot of "tradition" as a widow and solo cruiser. You can break away from both the "couples" and "5th wheel" mindsets. Clinging to the "We always....." cruising traditions can hinder the adjustment to widowhood.

 

Since you do not state that the Main Dining Room is critical, you might try the buffet, either alone with a book, or casually joining various people you will meet on the cruise. There's no need to dine at traditional times - I decide daily what I would like, when I would like it -and for that matter, with whom I choose to eat it. If I desire to have two appetizers or just soup and a roll for dinner - it doesn't disturb the more formal serving "choreography" of the dining room (and invites no well-meaning comments).

 

I find that traditional dinner hours are some of the most pleasant times to be outdoors. Often I don't care to endure a long, served meal while hearing about other people's grandchildren (which is painful because I have none living) or comparing wine (which I don't drink), or going on about their husbands or widowhood (for obvious reasons).

 

I can't speak to other cruise lines, but I have found HAL's Lido buffet to be a very pleasant casual dining place - with virtually the same food choices.

 

I am not you, but please consider that your sad change in marital status comes with the freedom to explore options to change your everyday routine.

[shantihhh]

My husband recently passed away and we loved cruising. I really want to try a cruise this Fall. HAL has a couple ones of interest that he and I had planned to take (Black Sea & Holy Lands, and N. Africa). Obviously doubling the cost is not appealing and my kids are busy with families. Any ideas how to meet others interested in cruising?

 

I am not concerned about traveling alone as I have been to 70+ countries including 30+ times to India, Thailand and China. I was a VP of Sourcing & Design and often traveled solo.

 

TIA:)