Widows traveling alone, please answer questions

[RuthC]

Obviously doubling the cost is not appealing and my kids are busy with families. Any ideas how to meet others interested in cruising?

My sympathies on your loss.

I don't remember if it was mentioned in this thread (it's been a year since I read it), but do you know about the HAL Single Share Program? It isn't as attractive as it used to be, as the price has gone up, but there is still a savings over paying full double price.

Another idea is to ask your travel agent to see if there is any other single interested in the same cruise as you are. Your agent may be affiliated with a larger group of agencies, and just might be able to hook you up with a roomie.

 

As time goes on you will develop a circle of new friends. You might meet up with others who like to travel, and will be interested in sharing a cabin. It does happen!

 

Best wishes to you as you continue your journeys.

[PathfinderEss]

Sorry for your loss. As Ruth says there are options for you, and eventually you'll know how you want to cruise, whether with someone or by yourself. I'm glad to see you still want to travel. We have a gentelman traveling on our next cruise that just lost his wife and he is still going to go on this cruise. I think it is great. If I lost my partner, I know I still would want to keep cruising.

[AZWTRLVR]

I am so happy to have found this thread. I am booked on an Alaskan cruise in September solo. My husband passed away in February. My daughter and I took an Alaskan cruise in May.

 

After being my DH's caregiver for several years, due to health reasons of my DD I found myself again being a caregiver for her. DH and I took thirteen cruises during the past eleven years. The last two he was on oxygen 24/7 and required a scooter. I am looking forward to being alone on this trip. I realize there will be times of great grief, as there are now, but there will be a lot of memories to relive also.

 

One of the ship's officers is a personal friend so that should help alleviate some of my children's concerns.

 

The comments made have been very helpful. Especially Cow Princess's. I cried as I read them. I might add that this is the second time of my going through the grief process. It isn't any easier.

[luvcruisn']

AZWTRLVR: I hope your cruise in September is great. I love Alaska, have been there twice so far, and want to go again.

[babyher]

A few random thoughts, building on what others have said.

 

The "widows' club" is not one you ever want to be part of, and once part of, you never really lose your "membership". Even if you re-partner, you will be available and willing to help "new widows" cope, through sharing info and experiences. Your "membership" does put you in touch with some of the most amazing, supportive, sharing and caring individuals you will ever meet. And your turn will come to be that amazing, supportive and caring individual to someone else. So take everything you can from those who offer love and support, and know that in time you will pay it forward, possibly making an ENORMOUS difference in someone else's life.

 

I think a shorter cruise as your "starter cruise" is a great idea. You have no idea what innocuous little thing might send you into a tailspin. For me, it was an art gallery and an ice cream stand. My late DH and I used to spend a fair amount of time in art galleries, and I could not walk through the door of one for three years after his death. Couldn't do it. COULD. NOT. DO. IT.

 

The ice cream stand? I saw a very elderly couple holding hands, enjoying ice cream cones, walking down the street together and I dissolved into a messy, sniffling, snerking mess, because DH and I would NEVER be in our 80s and still holding hands. And up until that instant, I'd been having a VERY good day.

 

Onboard, be prepared for something to trigger your tears. It will very likely happen. And that is completely normal.... you aren't going crazy, you ARE coping, but once in a while, the "weepies" hit. Once you've identified some of your triggers for the weepies, you can plot a strategy to avoid those triggers, or deal with them. Hence the starter cruise being the best idea IMHO.

 

 

 

Beautiful post

 

 

This week marked 28 years that my dad passed away . (God there are times it seems like yesterday and times it feels like 100 years ago).

 

My mom and dad did EVERYTHING together and it was tough on her. My sisters and I did everything we could , and the grandchildren were a great comfort , but it wasn't the same.

 

The biggest push she got to get back on her feet were the friends who had already lost their husbands. They had been through it all. They knew Exactly what she was going through.

 

My Dad was a firefighter , so a lot of firefighters widows called on her to make sure she knew all her rights and benefits, Who to call and what she was entitled to. My sisters and I never knew all this .

 

1000 people called or wrote and said "If you need anything call" . People don't like to be a burden on others and usually won't call.

 

But the friends who came by and said "Come on get your coat on, we're taking you to dinner and a movie and get you out of the house" those were the people who made a difference.

 

Sure at first she didn't want to go , but you know what. You're gonna miss him and think about him sitting home staring at the wall, standing at the cemetary staring at a stone, or in the comapny of good friends socializing.

 

Little by little it got easier.

 

So true about the pay it forward. A lot of my mom's friends and relatives have lost their husbands in the years since, and no matter how big a family the woman may have , My mom and the other widows are always there to help. As some one here said They know.

 

We call my mom's group "The Cemetary Club" after a movie about just such a thing.

 

When my mom saw it she had to laugh at the different characters . "Oh god that's Dee dee" "That one was Norma after Phil died " "I remember doing or saying that too when your dad died "

[solocanadian]

Traveled: As a solo cruiser & widow I think CowPrincess could not have said it better. My last cruise I ended up at a dud table & got moved to a great table. I too would go for obstructed view - you can at least tell if it is daylight, sunny or raining. I'd go stir crazy in an inside all by myself with no one to talk to but 4 walls. Enjoy your cruise.:)

[iancal]

DW and I were seated at a table of eight on a Carnival cruise a few years ago. Our six tablemates were all single women....single, divorced, widows who were travelling together. They were from the south, we from western Canada.

 

I do not think that we have ever had so much fun at a MDR table as we had on that cruise. We never stopped laughing from the minute we sat down until we finished our after dinner coffee.

 

Don't be concerned about it. Just go on your own and have a wonderful vacation. You will not regret it.

[Watson's aunt]

hi

 

I have traveled solo last two years both on Amsterdam to Alaska. I got a inside room last year. Main deck cabin 2600. it was a large room and they pushed two beds together and made it a queen or double. The bathroom was also large but no tub. I was a few cabins from self service laundry. and stair up to walk around deck. Room very was quite. This year I booked 2604 then I was upgraded even though I did not requested it and I could pick my cabin. I was in cabin 3355. I was much smaller than the inside room. the bath room was small but I had a tub and soaked in it every night. It was worth the upgrade. no noise only when they lowered the Tenders. Go to events go to happy hour. Post on roll call. Don't worry its safe to go to these as a solo. I was at a table for six two were couples and a solo man. We took a long time eating and chatting Late seating. (8pm) last year I was at a table for 8 but there were only 7 of us. (my friend got sick just before last year cruise. If you do not like your table mates tell your waiter. Last year I was at a table for six and a couple came in and I intriduced my self and they just said we are from State and never spoke another word to me. So don't stay in your room there is nothing to do there but sleep. Walk around the deck go to events you will be crusing aolo again. Any questings just ask

 

 

Mary

[Typhoon1]

Definitely go with the obstructed view. At least, you will get some daylight. Inside cabins are liking living in a closet for a week.

[monina01]

I am not a widow so I don't have any answer the the OP's questions.

I just wanted to say that I am deeply touched by some of the posts.

[the2ofus]

Another widow checking in. There are some wonderful posts here and some great advice. After my husband died I wanted to cruise again but had many of the same concerns others have expressed about cruising solo. I decided to look at a CC group cruise to Hawaii. On the CC Group thread I expressed my trepidations and was reassured by RuthC that I could do it, and I would not be alone or lonely unless I needed to be. That group took me in as though I was family and we have remained friendly ever since. Have even cruised again with some of them.

 

One piece of advice re: accommodations.. have the room made up with two single beds. Gives you a whole lot more floor space and direct access to the window. If you and your spouse always had the double/queen configuration it is another aid to reducing some of the sad times.

[the2ofus]

I did not want to be home on the date of my husband's birthday that first year after his death. My sweet sister booked us on a cruise which sailed on the exact day, thinking it would keep me too busy to be sad.

 

(I should tell you that my husband had a rather uncommon first name, Vernon. I have many reasons to believe he is my guardian angel.)

 

The first evening of the cruise, we were seated at a table for eight in the main dining room, two married couples, my sister and me. Next to me were two empty chairs. Another couple joined us, the husband sitting next to me. He turned to me and said, "Hello, I'm Vernon."

 

Stunned, I burst into tears. Needless to say he was not sure what to do or say next. I recovered enough to explain to him and the group at the table what was going on. Soon I was laughing through my tears at the amazing coincidence. Our table all got along famously and had a wonderful cruise together. Whenever the photographers came around at dinnertime that gentleman made sure I had my picture taken with "Vernon". Those pictures still make me smile.

[pris993]

Great thread. I'm not a widow at present.

 

My DH is 80 and going strong, I am 65. He may out live me, one never knows.

 

We love cruising and think it is great to continue no matter what happens. You folks are all an inspiration.

[kazu]

WOW! I am not a widow and hope not to be - but I just wanted to say that there are some very moving posts here. I admire you all for your ongoing challenges.

 

tremendous posts and very powerful. I can only wish you all the best.

 

You are all reminding me to appreciate my DH while I have him. And while I do - this is a real hit home thread.

 

Tremendous people posting here and I admire you all:)

[jrzebird]

Another widow checking in. There are some wonderful posts here and some great advice. After my husband died I wanted to cruise again but had many of the same concerns others have expressed about cruising solo. I decided to look at a CC group cruise to Hawaii. On the CC Group thread I expressed my trepidations and was reassured by RuthC that I could do it, and I would not be alone or lonely unless I needed to be. That group took me in as though I was family and we have remained friendly ever since. Have even cruised again with some of them.

 

One piece of advice re: accommodations.. have the room made up with two single beds. Gives you a whole lot more floor space and direct access to the window. If you and your spouse always had the double/queen configuration it is another aid to reducing some of the sad times.

 

It amazes me to hear the miracles that happen when you least expect it. This thread has been a roller coaster or tears and laughs. Thank you all.

 

I am a widow, and do love to travel solo, but that's not what this post is about. It's about my sister and our family, who lost my nephew a bit more than 2 years ago, at the age of 37. It was the most difficult, and still is, time we have ever had to endure, particularly for my sister and BIL. He died in April 2010 and in August 2010 my DS, DBIL, DSon and former DIL all decided that a cruise was what we needed to help recover. It really didn't work out so great for my sister and bil. So many things went wrong and they were miserable.

 

Fast forward to this past April 2012. We decided to take a Panama Canal cruise, on the Zuiderdam, leaving 2 days before Paul's 2nd anniversary. When the anniversary day arrived, my sister was not doing well at all (neither was I for that matter) and my BIL just stopped talking. We had a wonderful table in the MDR, with 2 couples who had traveled together before. They gave my sister a "thinking of you" card at the start of the meal. And then the miracle happened. Our head waiter (or whatever you call them on HAL) was fantastic, and spent a lot of time at our table. That night he came by and stayed an extraordinarily long time. He had no idea about my nephew, but for some reason, told us a personal story about a tragedy he had experienced when he was younger. As he spoke I could compare and identify with what he was talking about to what we had gone through. So did my sister and BIL. It was the turning point in our recovery and ability to enjoy small things once again. This man had no idea what sharing a part of his life would do to help with our healing.

 

I really do believe that miracle happen in the most unexpected places if we are open to them.

 

Maureen

[jaspersmycat]

Thanks for resurrecting this thread. I just lost my DH in May and have booked a cruise for next March. I am taking my 21 year old niece with me. Since the single price and the price for two is almost the same, I decided it would be better to have someone with me on this first cruise.

 

To change it up, I booked up a cabana for the week. I know she'll enjoy it and it will be a change of pace for me.

 

Thanks all of you for your great advice.

[fatcat04]

I admire you brave people who have lost spouses and are going on with life. Your stories and post are inspiring. I hope we meet "onboard" one day. It would be an honor.