Can't decide if we will bring our 1 yr old

[sunset785]

My DH, DS (will be 18 mos on our cruise), myself, and my two inlaws are booked on the Oasis for the eastern route in June 2013. My mom has offered to watch DS for the week in June and I'm torn about what we should do. It will really be 8 nights away from him because we would go down to Ft. Lauderdale the night before the cruise (it is driving distance- 5 hours away from us). Yes, my inlaws will help on the vacation but it is their vacation too so it's not like they are his nannies and will take him just whenever. On one hand, it will be good for DH and I to have some time to ourselves without the early bedtimes, diaper changes, nap time, etc. Also, what if he gets sick on the ship (not in daycare at home so he would be exposed to more germs) or is just plain seasick and can't handle it? On the other hand, I'm not sure if I can handle being away from him for 8 nights. 3-5 nights would be easier to handle but I'm just worried that I'm not going to be able to enjoy my time away from him because I'll constantly be worried that something is wrong. Also, there is so much stuff for kids on this ship and I'm sure seeing other toddlers on the ship will make me think of him. This is hard! Can anyone offer any insight? Thanks!

[Mom2B&Z]

You're going to get two points of view, each argued as vehemently as the other :). One group will say the time away is good, grandparents take wonderful care of children, and every parent should get away regularly for a trip. The other group (of which I am admittedly a part), says take the kids! Trips with children are very different than without, but they can be a great way to spend time together without the usual demands on your time.

FWIW our boys are now 7.5 and 5 yrs old respectively. We started travelling when the youngest was 26 months old and never looked back. We did have my parents with us on our first trip, but all they did was out the boys to bed one night while we went out to supper. Honestly we ended up coming back to the room early :). Now we travel with the boys because we can just focus on spending time with each other, as opposed to work, hockey, swimming etc. I don't worry too much about healthcare on a ship, essentially you have a family practice/ER with you at all times. As for getting sick, again, if you go out in your community with your child the risk is likely not much different on the ship than at home, depending on the ports you visit (iirc there are no WHO travel restrictions on the itinerary you mentioned).

Now I'll sit back and watch the rest of the viewpoints come out ;)

[rebeccalouiseagain]

Leave the baby at home. I left my son at home with my sister when he was 19 months old and I did miss him like crazy but we wouldn't have been able to take advantage of all the activities available to us had we brought him.

 

The fact is 18 months is an especially hard time to travel with kids. They are very active and not terribly verbal yet- so are prone to outbursts and don't like sitting for long periods of time.

 

It sounds from the tone of your post that you about 90% sure it is the right thing to do to leave him at home but want reassurance from other parents that have done this.

 

I did leave my son at home and he did just fine. You know your mother is up to the task and probably will enjoy have the little one all to herself.

 

Don't sweat this- go and have a great time.

[Onessa]

Do your in-laws want to use this trip as an opportunity to spend some time with your son? If so, they may be disappointed if he stays back.

 

Our DD has travelled with us her whole life. We enjoy travelling as a family - she is now 17YO and will be leaving home for college in a bit. The time just flew by. I do not regret a moment of our travels all together. In our situation we had a kid who loves to travel. DH and I have a great relationship, so we've never needed to vacation as a couple.

[Gatrcruzer]

Do your in-laws want to use this trip as an opportunity to spend some time with your son? If so, they may be disappointed if he stays back.

 

Our DD has travelled with us her whole life. We enjoy travelling as a family - she is now 17YO and will be leaving home for college in a bit. The time just flew by. I do not regret a moment of our travels all together. In our situation we had a kid who loves to travel. DH and I have a great relationship, so we've never needed to vacation as a couple.

 

This is definitely a consideration.

 

I agree that one could argue for both sides of this decision, and in the end I suspect that either choice would be fine. I agree that it can be a little challenging to cruise with a child at this age, BUT you will have your in-laws with you AND you will be traveling on a ship that has a lot to offer for a child this age (splash zones, carousel, nursery, etc.). It is different cruising with a little one, and not as relaxing as pre-child, but we don't regret any of the cruises we took with my daughter when she was little.

 

To me it sounds as though the plan has been for you to take your son, but with this new offer, you are now considering switching the plan. My thinking is that if you can, you might want to pursue some alone time with your husband, but maybe not on this trip. If you haven't been away from your child for such a long time, maybe a weekend would be a good way to start. And if I was going to do a "couple time" respite trip, I don't think I'd want my in-laws with me...

 

Good luck with your decision! Whatever you decide, hope you have a great cruise.

[Gatrcruzer]

PS - from what I have read, seasickness doesn't usually seem to be an issue for kids that young.

[B_Mc]

Bring him! Cruising as a family is wonderful! We've cruised just us and DS and with my parents and always enjoy it.

[cb at sea]

If you want to bring him, do so. Seasickness is very unlikely.

 

If you'd rather have an "adult only" vacation, leave him with the g-parents...they will love the bonding time and he'll be just fine. It's actually good for parents to get away from being parents for a short time.....because you are MORE than parents...you're a couple! Being childless for a short vacation is good for a relationship!

 

Your child will be watched over by g-parents MUCH better than you'll ever do....they LOVE their grandchildren and he will be taken care of just splendidly. No worries. Do not feel guilty if you decide to have a spousal vacation!

[sunset785]

Thanks everyone for your replies. This was supposed to more of a family trip in the beginning. My SIL, her DH, and toddler were booked to go to but this summer she found out she was pregnant (we booked way back in March) so she will have a 3 month old when we sail so they are not going.

 

I still have some talking to do with DH so we will see. We have until April 1st to decide.

[crusinmama06]

Good luck with whatever you decide. I started cruising with my girls when they were 7 months old - so you already know what I would say ;)

 

I do remember those early years and although it was much harder - I wouldn't trade it for the world. And now what seems like just a blink and that baby is going to the teen clubs. {someone pass a tissue please}

[Mom2B&Z]

Good luck with whatever you decide. I started cruising with my girls when they were 7 months old - so you already know what I would say ;)

 

I do remember those early years and although it was much harder - I wouldn't trade it for the world. And now what seems like just a blink and that baby is going to the teen clubs. {someone pass a tissue please}

*passing the tissues*...

ITA that the time flies. Those vacations where I worried about DS2 falling out of bed at 26 months (there were no playpens in Cuba lol!) are long gone, and DS1 at 7.5yrs already choses the kids club over spending time with me.

I wouldn't give up those early trips for the world, but that's me :rolleyes:

[Keith1010]

Good luck on what you all decide.

 

As some have said, there is no right or wrong on this.

 

Keith

[MellowMel]

I love cruising with my kids. I love cruising without my kids. Good luck with your decision. My youngest was old enough for Adventure Ocean when we first started cruising so I don't have any experience to share or advice for that age.

[akcruz]

I agree with the others here, there is no wrong answer. But, only you can decide what the right answer is for you. We can give you advice to help you make the decision but it is your decision.

 

What do you want to get out of the vacation? Are you looking for a relaxing time, nights at the shows, etc? Or are you looking for family time, exploring the ship with your toddler and dinners together? Think about what you would like to on your trip.

 

I had a similar option when my DD was about 9 months. We booked a hotel with kitchen right on the beach to allow us to have the conveniences we needed. We had the room booked and just happened to mention it to my in laws. My MIL said leave her with me, I've got the time and would enjoy spending it with my GD. I struggled and struggled over the decision while DH was ready to say yes right away. After about a week I gave in and we left DD with Grandma. DH and I had a wonderful time. Yes we (Me) called to check in a number of times, but in the end found it was one of the best things we had ever done.

 

We learned from that we needed some couple time and some family time in our lives. From then on we took at least one family vacation a year, and a couples trip about every other year. DD is now 22 years old and living on her own 4 hours away but she still joins us for family vacations (with her younger brother) and DH and I still have our couples vacations. For us its worked out very well and have been fortunate to have 2 great well adjusted kids.

 

As I said before, only you can make your decision, best of luck whichever way you choose to go!

[2CuteKiddies]

We went recently with our 5 year old daughter (her 3rd cruise) and our 6-month old son. Even at that age we could tell he had fun based on his reactions to everything going on! It was a great time with lots of great memories. We're going again in February with the extended family. I don't think you'll regret taking him along.

[Athankfulheart]

I have cruised both WITH and WITHOUT a baby of this age. Both of those cruises were wonderful and neither was as painful as I'd imagined it might be :D. I would suggest that you do a few trial nights and maybe a weekend between now and then to test the waters.

[CarnivalGirl3]

I'd NEVER leave my daughter that long, but that's us. I'm a sahm. The max I'll go without her is 3 hours...

 

We're taking her with us. It wouldn't be any fun without her. But the point of our cruise is family time, not alone time. We did book a balcony so we can chill after bedtime (leaving her in the nursery with strangers is NOT an option for us). But if you're used to daycare, then you may be ok with the nursery option.

 

Dh and I had our time before we had dd. Leaving her is not an option (plus, I'm still nursing, so no way would that work).

 

I know many parents who have no problem leaving kids behind overnight or for a weekend/week. We aren't those parents; we take our kids with us.

 

If you're ok with leaving lo behind and you have someone you trust, then it's up to you.

[sunset785]

Thanks everyone for the replies! We will probably allow him to stay with grandma and grandpa for the week while we enjoy our week with the in-laws. I know we won't be by ourselves but really we will probably only meet up for dinner and maybe a few shows during the week. This will probably be the first and last time for a long time that we will be able to leave LO at home. Of course, if plans change and we need to bring him, I'm sure we will enjoy ourselves still.

[beachchick]

Do your in-laws want to use this trip as an opportunity to spend some time with your son? If so, they may be disappointed if he stays back.

 

Our DD has travelled with us her whole life. We enjoy travelling as a family - she is now 17YO and will be leaving home for college in a bit. The time just flew by. I do not regret a moment of our travels all together. In our situation we had a kid who loves to travel. DH and I have a great relationship, so we've never needed to vacation as a couple.

 

From your posts, I know you've got a wonderful family and your daughter sounds like an absolute treasure. My one little quibble is your statement that you and your hubby have a great relationship, so you've never "needed" to vacation as a couple. On the whole, I have no argument with your choice to never travel without your daughter; I agree that the time goes by too fast.

 

But does your assertion mean you believe that couples who do enjoy occasional getaways without the children must not have great relationships? If so, well, I'm rather insulted because my hubby and I do have a great relationship and we did take couples getaways from time to time when our daughter was growing up. Did we "need" to? Probably not. Did we enjoy our time together without being full time parents? You bet. And of course we missed our daughter, who (like many other children) spent time with close relatives who loved her and spoiled her like crazy. It's not as if we didn't spend most of our vacation time with her. We did. She's a wonderful adult, a travel fiend, and has passed that love on to our now 4 year old granddaughter.

 

I think parents are right either way, as long as they do what is best for their family.

 

beachchick

[rebeccalouiseagain]

I really think it depends on your budget and comfort level. For me personally- I did travel with my two kids as toddlers and it was a lot of work. I was a stay at home parent with them- so I did need some time to myself from time to time and I should have taken it.

 

I only traveled a few times without my kids and I missed them very much but having said that, we wouldn't have been able to do the things that were available to us had we taken our toddlers.

 

We also did travel more than once a year anyway- so we did have family vacations each year and every few years (like every 5 years or so) a childless trip. One thing is who you travel with as well- sometimes even immediate family doesn't want the job of babysitting on their vacation. Some families are delighted to pitch in.

[mjkacmom]

I'd NEVER leave my daughter that long, but that's us. I'm a sahm. The max I'll go without her is 3 hours...

 

We're taking her with us. It wouldn't be any fun without her. But the point of our cruise is family time, not alone time. We did book a balcony so we can chill after bedtime (leaving her in the nursery with strangers is NOT an option for us). But if you're used to daycare, then you may be ok with the nursery option.

 

Dh and I had our time before we had dd. Leaving her is not an option (plus, I'm still nursing, so no way would that work).

 

I know many parents who have no problem leaving kids behind overnight or for a weekend/week. We aren't those parents; we take our kids with us.

 

If you're ok with leaving lo behind and you have someone you trust, then it's up to you.

 

As a SAHM to 5 children, I say leave the baby. I've left all of mine at times in the care of their grandparents (who are very involved in their lives). I've left them in the care of strangers on cruise ships and many resorts, happy as clams. They've never been in daycare, but all of them did 2 - 3 years of preschool.

 

They're now between the ages of 9 -16, and extremely well adjusted and happy. It's wonderful to know that they think of staying with their grandparents as a huge treat (they see them daily), and they know that even if we're not with them, they're going to be fine.

[Onessa]

. . . But does your assertion mean you believe that couples who do enjoy occasional getaways without the children must not have great relationships? If so, well, I'm rather insulted because my hubby and I do have a great relationship and we did take couples getaways from time to time when our daughter was growing up. Did we "need" to? Probably not. Did we enjoy our time together without being full time parents? You bet.

My assertion means that my DH and I spend time every day on our relationship and that we do not need to get away together to reconnect. I have friends whose lives dictate that they have to spend more time apart from their spouses, who do need some dedicated time together to help accommodate their lives. (and yes, to your point, there are others who "get away" because they do not have a great relationship but that is not the ONLY reason)

 

DH and I both work full-time (plus) jobs -- but we both like what we do.

DH and I both volunteer alot -- but love what we do and look for opportunities to do it together.

DH and I both enjoy sharing political banter, yard work, cooking, etc. and we look for opportunities to do this stuff together.

 

We are fortunate. But we do conciously work on keeping our relationship strong. We have never felt a need to get away from "it" -- we tend to vacation "hard" (lot's of sightseeing, trecking, activities). That is our personality.

 

.And of course we missed our daughter, who (like many other children) spent time with close relatives who loved her and spoiled her like crazy. It's not as if we didn't spend most of our vacation time with her. We did. She's a wonderful adult, a travel fiend, and has passed that love on to our now 4 year old granddaughter.

So it appears that you have done what is right for your family as well.

 

My point always is that I, personally, cannot imagine not taking my kid on vacation. That does not mean that I don't think that I cannot understand that not everyone else feels the same way (I'm generally that way -- my co-worker thinks that basketball is the greatest game ever, I'd rather have a root canal than watch an NBA game -- Does that mean that I think co-worker is wrong, or crazy, or whatever? No, it just means that we won't be going to a game together anytime soon.)

 

I also think it is great that you had family nearby to support you. My mother passed away when DD was pretty young and my dad suffered from some pretty major dementia issues. DD has wonderful memories from her pre-school and early elementary years of my parents, and they very often travelled with us (to spoil her rotten :)) but my DH's family is 5.5hours away in one direction.

 

I also know that relatives are not always really all that thrilled with helping out -- so be certain that you KNOW that the DGP's or whomever really does want to help out. I was "dumped" on my grandmother once when I was younger -- DGM and I had a great relationship otherwise, but she was a bit overwhelmed trying to deal with an 8YO (getting me to school, herself to work, getting me from school and fed, and then finishing up her work once I went to bed -- it was a bit much for her, particularly when she wasn't really "asked" but was instead pretty much "told"). I wasn't really very comfortable staying with an aunt and uncle -- they had five boys (I normally had one sister who was 6.5Yrs older than me). When I was a teen, my sister was "expected" to give up her spring break to stay with me. So when my parent's vacationed without me it was not -- for me -- a pleasant experience.

 

But . . . I also see my DD's best friend's aunt anxious to take a week's vacation to travel a few hundred miles to spend the week with her niece and nephew -- and she DOES love it and the kids DO love it and really look forward to it.

 

So you are right, you need to do what is right for you and for your family.

[CarnivalGirl3]

As a SAHM to 5 children, I say leave the baby. I've left all of mine at times in the care of their grandparents (who are very involved in their lives). I've left them in the care of strangers on cruise ships and many resorts, happy as clams. They've never been in daycare, but all of them did 2 - 3 years of preschool.

 

They're now between the ages of 9 -16, and extremely well adjusted and happy. It's wonderful to know that they think of staying with their grandparents as a huge treat (they see them daily), and they know that even if we're not with them, they're going to be fine.

 

That's you. If that works for you, then great!

 

Once she's potty trained and can yell no/run away/tell me when something is wrong, we'll revisit the idea.

 

Back from our cruise. I will say I was impressed with the staff in the club during open house hours. I wasn't able to see the nursery as the view is blocked, so I have no idea what goes on there. I liked that the club is more open (as far as view).

 

I'm VERY happy we took her. We had tons of time as a family and dh and had time for just us after she went to bed. At home, there's stuff to do after bedtime. It was the best. We actually watched a movie! But spent most evenings hanging out on the balcony. We'd order room service and enjoy.

 

I was able to have time for just me-no problem! I had dessert and coffee to myself each night, a long shower 2-3 times a day, plus there were other times dh had dd, either in the club during open house or just running around.

 

One night he left to go see a movie and one night I attempted to see the midnight viewing of Monsters Inc. (However, dd woke up and wasn't happy I wasn't there. She only stopped crying once dh said he was going to find momma. I can't imagine how long she would have cried if I hadn't been close! Her 4th molar came in our last two nights.)

 

All in all, it was perfect. There was a good balance all around for us.