Just lost my husband, nervous about cruising as a widow

[fleckle]

Has anyone ever felt this way? My husband suffered a fatal heart attack 15 days ago. We already have airfare, and we were booked on the Legend. I'm just afraid I will be too lonesome, missing my husband. My kids will probably enjoy the kids club. Anyone experience a situation like this?

Very sorry for your loss.

 

Look at it this way -- you are going to be lonesome, missing your husband regardless of whether or not you go on the cruise.

 

But if you go, it will make that time a little easier for you by providing a brief respite and diversion from the everyday cares and responsibilities that you face at home.

 

I disagree with the others, however, about bringing someone else along in his place. Nobody else will take his place and if you bring someone else along to share your cabin, you may subconsciously even resent that person, thinking that your husband should be there instead.

 

If I were in your position, I would just go with my kids and would not want anyone else in my cabin, not even other close family members whom I love dearly.

But we all react to grief differently and it is your decision, so if you would find it comforting to invite someone else, by all means do so.

Edited December 14, 2012 by fleckle

[DukeFamily]

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. I was just acting angry with my hubby, but I'm not now. You and your children need this time together. He would want you to go. Let the kids be kids and have fun, or grieve, while you do the same. (Read A Pirate Looks At Fifty, by Jimmy Buffet if you want a fun read....when you are feeling like relaxing! I take it EVERY cruise!)

[lisa414ny]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can very much relate - my husband passed away 7 years ago suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 43. My children were 13 and 14 at the time. We went on a cruise not too long after. The trip was fantastic for the kids. I had a nice time also, though I will admit that there was more than one moment where I felt very lonely. However, I found that for the first year or so moments of feeling lonely (even in crowded rooms) were common. It's all part of the grieving process and learning to live with your new "normal."

 

Looking back, I'm glad that we went even though a moment or two was difficult for me. The kids still talk about happy memories made on that cruise.

[momofmeg]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can very much relate - my husband passed away 7 years ago suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 43. My children were 13 and 14 at the time. We went on a cruise not too long after. The trip was fantastic for the kids. I had a nice time also, though I will admit that there was more than one moment where I felt very lonely. However, I found that for the first year or so moments of feeling lonely (even in crowded rooms) were common. It's all part of the grieving process and learning to live with your new "normal."

 

Looking back, I'm glad that we went even though a moment or two was difficult for me. The kids still talk about happy memories made on that cruise.

 

I took my first cruise 2 months after my mother died. My husband and I had booked it 8 months out and she had known we were going and was excited about my gown that I had bought for formal night, which she never got to see but she had liked my description.

 

I had a wonderful time-that cruise hooked me for sure-I am about to take cruise # 21 and add 4 more cruise days to my now 128 day total -which actually matters more than number of cruises in my mind is number of cruise days- my days number also shows I am still a cruise novice LOL!

 

Still, on that cruise, I had moments of sadness thinking of my mother-some of them silly-like that I would never get to show my mom my gown. I do believe that is part of the grieving process. We can be happy and enjoy life but there will still be things that will sadden us that remind us of our loved one and times we feel lonely for the person or grieve for them.

[sjcruiser]

Sorry for your lost. You, your children, and family have my condolences. Whatever decision you make, do what's right for you and your children. I'm sure that you will enjoy your cruise, which will include times of thought and reflection of a husband and father, which are apart of the grieving and healing process. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Sailor_Sally]

My husband died in October 1998 and I went on a cruise with my daughter Jan.1999. I was still grieving so the cruise was a distraction but frankly I wish I had just stayed home . I was not ready to cruise .It takes a few years to get over a husbands death and cruising does not make it better .

[shorbr]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Condocat]

Heartbreaking and my thoughts are with you and your family.

 

Bottomline, however, on what to do regarding this cruise is in your gut and you know it. Obviously you and your husband planned this fabulous trip and he probably would still want you to still go, especially to give the children a chance to get away from the recent dark memories and have a change of scenery...and for you too.

 

Others have suggested taking a close friend or relative so you have a buddy to relax and actually enjoy yourself...yes, you are allowed to even have some fun! Great idea. Do it! Time away can be very healing, and healthy, mentally and physically. Best of all, your family will be close by.

 

What are you waiting for? Deciding who to invite?

 

You'll do fine, many bumps in the road, but it will smoothe out with time!

[klauer]

What do your kids want to do? If they really want to go, I would try to go for their sake. If they don't, I wouldn't assume that as teens they will get on the ship and love the kids' club. Maybe an alternative vacation would work better?

[bean24]

Just wanted to add my sympathy for your loss. We lost my father in law( I know it doesn't compare) but went to Disney the following week. My husband was sad but it was good to get away.

[vmom]

I recently lost my husband also. He passed away last April. We had been planning an Alaskan cruise for my birthday when he passed. I am mid 50's.

 

I had debated what to do, thinking that it would be strange to be without him on a cruise and yet I loved cruising and didn't want to give up cruising.

 

I went ahead and went on the cruise with my college age daughter this last summer. I am glad I did, we had a wonderful time and created memories together, mother and daughter.

 

Yes there were some things that were hard, like the first time we went to the dining room and it was my daughter and me without him, the first formal night reminded me of how he looked in a suit and when the dancing started, it reminded me of how we used to dance together.

 

However...I am so glad I went. I made new memories and found new activities I enjoyed and enjoyed a lot of the old ones, but this time with my daughter. I wouldn't have traded that week with my daughter for anything.

 

I'd recommended going. There are moments when it may be hard because old memories will come back, that is to be expected, but the new memories and enjoyment of the cruise will out weigh the sad moments.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed my cruise and am so glad I went. Hope any of these thought may help you during this difficult time.

 

Also, to anyone else out there, I would like to continue to cruise and won't necessarily be able to cruise with my daughter. Does anyone know of a group for the over 50's that enjoy cruising together, either couples or solos, it doesn't matter.

Edited December 21, 2012 by vmom

[mytwokidsmom]

Has anyone ever felt this way? My husband suffered a fatal heart attack 15 days ago. We already have airfare, and we were booked on the Legend. I'm just afraid I will be too lonesome, missing my husband. My kids will probably enjoy the kids club. Anyone experience a situation like this?

Sitting here, preparing for my next cruise, I realized I never followed up with this thread. Well, I did go on the cruise, with my two teenagers, and was glad I did. We flew into Jacksonville, and I rented my very first rental car. We stayed with my brother the day before the cruise. We went on the Legend out of Tampa. The cruise was nice, although very sad when the 3 of us (with ATD) were brought to a table of 4. Seeing the extra table setting was very sad. We returned to the same table each night, with 3 settings. The staff was wonderful and so understanding. I decided the first night that I could watch people have fun, or try to have fun myself. I really stepped out of my comfort zone...I volunteered for games, including the trivia game up on stage, which I won...and the "secret dance classes", and much more. But the biggest challenge was on the way home when the Port of Tampa was closed due to fog. We had to change our flights, as did everyone on the ship, take a shuttle to the Tampa airport, rent a car to drive to the Orlando airport, to take the only flight we could get on back to Boston on the last day of the President's week vacation. We made that flight by the skin of our teeth. But we did it. I was very proud of myself, and my two kids. They were a huge help. We have continued to cruise. We went on the Glory out of Boston in June, and are going on the Breeze in February. The President's week cruise tradition is something my husband started, and I will continue for the sake of the kids.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support.

[trish1c]

I'm so happy for you that you found a way to honor your husband's memory & keep living for your kids.

 

Again I'm sorry for the loss of your husband but I hope your thread inspires others to keep going & keep cruising.

[sail7seas]

Thank you so much for the update.

It was kind of you to return to this thread and tell us all went as well as you could have hoped.

 

Wonderful you and your children continue to cruise.

I send you all best wishes for new memories and joys in your life.

 

Happy cruising!

 

[momofmeg]

I recently lost my husband also. He passed away last April. We had been planning an Alaskan cruise for my birthday when he passed. I am mid 50's.

 

I had debated what to do, thinking that it would be strange to be without him on a cruise and yet I loved cruising and didn't want to give up cruising.

 

I went ahead and went on the cruise with my college age daughter this last summer. I am glad I did, we had a wonderful time and created memories together, mother and daughter.

 

Yes there were some things that were hard, like the first time we went to the dining room and it was my daughter and me without him, the first formal night reminded me of how he looked in a suit and when the dancing started, it reminded me of how we used to dance together.

 

However...I am so glad I went. I made new memories and found new activities I enjoyed and enjoyed a lot of the old ones, but this time with my daughter. I wouldn't have traded that week with my daughter for anything.

 

I'd recommended going. There are moments when it may be hard because old memories will come back, that is to be expected, but the new memories and enjoyment of the cruise will out weigh the sad moments.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed my cruise and am so glad I went. Hope any of these thought may help you during this difficult time.

 

Also, to anyone else out there, I would like to continue to cruise and won't necessarily be able to cruise with my daughter. Does anyone know of a group for the over 50's that enjoy cruising together, either couples or solos, it doesn't matter.

 

Many people cruise solo. I would have no qualms about cruising solo or doing a land tour solo if I ever came into that position. I know we did a week land tour of France almost 5 years ago and we had several unattached women in our group who were solos. We had a great time with them. I know 2 of them buddied up and became fast friends. I still occasionally get emails from those gals. One lived in California, the other in Illinois. They have done trips together since a couple of times

 

Lois who posts a lot of the fashion board could tell you all about cruising solo. She loves it and prefers to go solo than sharing with a friend. Go to the off topic thread and ask her about it.

[goodml]

Sitting here, preparing for my next cruise, I realized I never followed up with this thread. Well, I did go on the cruise, with my two teenagers, and was glad I did. We flew into Jacksonville, and I rented my very first rental car. We stayed with my brother the day before the cruise. We went on the Legend out of Tampa. The cruise was nice, although very sad when the 3 of us (with ATD) were brought to a table of 4. Seeing the extra table setting was very sad. We returned to the same table each night, with 3 settings. The staff was wonderful and so understanding. I decided the first night that I could watch people have fun, or try to have fun myself. I really stepped out of my comfort zone...I volunteered for games, including the trivia game up on stage, which I won...and the "secret dance classes", and much more. But the biggest challenge was on the way home when the Port of Tampa was closed due to fog. We had to change our flights, as did everyone on the ship, take a shuttle to the Tampa airport, rent a car to drive to the Orlando airport, to take the only flight we could get on back to Boston on the last day of the President's week vacation. We made that flight by the skin of our teeth. But we did it. I was very proud of myself, and my two kids. They were a huge help. We have continued to cruise. We went on the Glory out of Boston in June, and are going on the Breeze in February. The President's week cruise tradition is something my husband started, and I will continue for the sake of the kids.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support.

 

Thanks so much for the update. I'm so glad that you persevered through the tragedy. All the best to you.:)