Cruise Tips When Cruising With People With Memory Issues

[indygirl99]

It sure is! I always say...you lose them twice....first, when they forget us and everything about themselves and then again when they finally pass. I so wish we coudl find a cure!

 

We are closer to a cure today than we were a few years ago.

 

The key is early diagnosis and starting treatment early. As we get rid of the stigma attached and start treatment early we are finding that some do not spiral downward so fast.

 

If we speak up when we first notice some of those "forgetful" or "its just old age" moments we might assist our loved ones or even ourselves to get early treatment.

[opieconklin]

There is a difference between dementia and alzheimers, subtle but important, but that is a discussion for another time.

 

My mother had a stroke 6 years ago which caused short term memory problems and my father started showing signs on dementia about 3 years later. Family cruises were wonderful and the only way we vacationed until my father's death in March.

 

With 12 of us on the trip, someone was always with them. We'd have 6 or 7 cabins in a row. We had an alarm on their door; they often mistook the cabin door for the bathroom door. With a family group it is quite reasonable to keep an eye on them at all times. The ship's staff won't be responsible for them but will certainly help out. We had magnetic dry erase boards on each door which allowed us to keep track of who was where and with whom. Having family around helped comfort my father on the rare occasion he became confused.

 

We had bracelets made with my parent's names, cruise information and my cell phone number just in case.

 

The 4 cruises we took with my parents in their "infirmed" state made for some of the best family memories.

[billco]

We are closer to a cure today than we were a few years ago.

 

 

 

Perhaps for Alzheimer’s, which has a lot of research and effort to find a cure. Not so much for the rarer forms of dementia. My first wife died 22 years ago of frontal lobe dementia, three years after diagnosis. Her younger brother died last year, two years after diagnosis of the same thing. Finding out earlier wouldn’t have changed a thing. Losing the person twice is true. First is when the who they are fades away. Sadness. Second is when they die. Relief.

[Steve007NY]

DO research travel insurance. Allianz has policies that cover reimbursement for Family and individual is traveling with someone who needs medical intervention or for whom the trip is interrupted. Reimbursed us for $7000 when a family emergency forced us to return on a few hours notice from Bangkok.

As a psychiatrist, with a MIL who spent years in a nursing home with AD, and now with a mother who, although she lives on her own at home, but couldn't find our cabin last year (and I'd chosen a cabin with something like 1500 on purpose) I'm finding folks' suggestions for future cruises with Mom. Thankfullyshes in an early enough stage that she still largely can participate in most onboard activities.

We've also found that some of the "ship within a ship" areas on Norwegian and MSC- with their smaller number of passengers and more staff focuse have helped. We're trying to convince her to come on Seabourn since the ships are smaller and the service intense, but she is stubborn and wants the show and casinos (don't ask!) of the big ships! God bless her.

[suzyed]

We are closer to a cure today than we were a few years ago.

 

The key is early diagnosis and starting treatment early. As we get rid of the stigma attached and start treatment early we are finding that some do not spiral downward so fast.

 

If we speak up when we first notice some of those "forgetful" or "its just old age" moments we might assist our loved ones or even ourselves to get early treatment.

I agree....I had been mentioning it to my FIL about my MIL but he refused to acknowledge it. He just couldn't believe that was what was wrong with her, so as a result, he never told the doctor and was giving her vitamins! This was a man with a genius IQ! Some things are hard to face. From beginning to the end it was about 10 years, but it could have been so much more. So sad.

[suzyed]

There is a difference between dementia and alzheimers, subtle but important, but that is a discussion for another time.

 

My mother had a stroke 6 years ago which caused short term memory problems and my father started showing signs on dementia about 3 years later. Family cruises were wonderful and the only way we vacationed until my father's death in March.

 

With 12 of us on the trip, someone was always with them. We'd have 6 or 7 cabins in a row. We had an alarm on their door; they often mistook the cabin door for the bathroom door. With a family group it is quite reasonable to keep an eye on them at all times. The ship's staff won't be responsible for them but will certainly help out. We had magnetic dry erase boards on each door which allowed us to keep track of who was where and with whom. Having family around helped comfort my father on the rare occasion he became confused.

 

We had bracelets made with my parent's names, cruise information and my cell phone number just in case.

 

The 4 cruises we took with my parents in their "infirmed" state made for some of the best family memories.

Wonderful!

[donswife]

Since your dad has "always loved cruising", being on a ship will be a familiar experience for him, so there is good reason to believe he will enjoy himself and being with family. It sounds like you have a solid plan for there to always be family members with him, and the ability to keep him company in more quiet spaces of the ship if he does find noisy places like the MDR overwhelming.

I am an occupational therapist, and have worked with numerous people with dementia over the years. Not everyone becomes agitated, in fact my ever anxious grandmother was finally content and happy (and even forgot that she hated her son-in-law!) as she progressed. To a large extent, dementia patients pick up a lot of cues from their caregivers, so if all of you are relaxed and confident, it is likely that most of the time, he will be too.

 

That being said, if your family does notice a significant change in his temperament before the trip, they do need to be willing to call it off.

[JVtech]

Thank you to those who have been posting in this thread!

 

I had read through this thread the day before curising with my wife, 3 yr old, and my 73 yr old father (whom has memory issues).

 

Two days before our cruise on Independence of the Seas, my father spent the night at my house and we had a 30min conversation on choosing a shore-excursion, which he was extremely excited about. Sadly the next morning he had no recollection of the discussion, especially because he had been so excited to be the driver in this manual transmission jeep excursion.

 

We knew he had minor issues with his memory but since we haven't spent 3+ hours a day with him prior, we didn't know how extensive it was. Realizing this 1 day before our cruise really freaked out my wife and myself. Especailly since my father was on deck 2 and my wife/daughter/myself were on deck 6 in our ship.

 

I hit the internet and found this forum. Reading through this helped immensely. My father had the 1st cruise of his life and probably the last cruise and it was awesome!

 

While every case is different, my father had a great time, and so did we!

 

Here's what we did:

 

The Planning

I purchased 36 mile two way radios, that supported both "silent" tones and a lock function so he couldnt accidenlty change the channel. (Midland GXT1000VP4 36-Mile)

Every morning of the cruise I would call his stateroom phone and we'd plan on meeting for breakfast in 15-30mins. I'd bring batteries each morning to replace the previous day's in his radio.

 

I printed off signs to tape on his stateroom door.

1. Don't forget your radio (with a picture of his radio) and instructions on how to turn it on.

2. Don't forget to wear your SeaPass card lanyard.

 

I also took my 3yr old's picture printed on a lanyard (which he was happy to wear) and wrote in permanent marker on the back my dad's room number and deck number (this saved him on multiple occasions from getting lost at night). I had hooked his SeaPass card on that same lanyard.

 

We made sure to schedule dinner at the same time/place each night of the cruise. On multiple occasions he did ask me on the radio/phone which deck we were eating on or what time tonight... (if I were to do it better, I should have taped the "dinner" time and location on his stateroom door)

 

Our biggest concern was our shore days in Mexico and losing him. Without noticably inhibiting him/treating him like a child we made sure to keep him part of our excursions and shopping. He did eventually want to go back to the ship early. I feigned an excuse to walk him until we were in sight of the ship and he could make it back the rest of his way on his own, still making sure were in contact with our radios.

 

 

Finishing:

 

Overall, I was proud of my dad, and I was excited that he had a great time.

 

With proper planning and repeated directions/instructions/reminders to your loved ones I do believe a cruise with a person suffering memory issues is possible and can be enjoyable for everyone. (Of course this does depend on the severity though)

[3kidsncats]

I have to potentially join the side of the naysayers. I have cared for my MIL (for a year) in the early stages of dementia. She still had apparent full cognition of her location and identities (hers and ours). She could have had a good cruise experience at that time, although after the cruise she went on a few years earlier, she expressed not wanting to cruise anymore due to the stress of the disruption of her daily routine. She was aware enough still, to recognize she was declining.

 

Both of my parents lived hundreds of miles away, (separately, as they've been divorced for close to 50 years) so I was not aware of just how quickly they were declining. I had to drop everything and go get my Dad in Dec 2014. I provided full time care for him in my home for 6 months before placing him. He was evaluated as moderate heading into severe Alzheimer's and Frontal Temporal Disorder. He could pass as somewhat functional to people who didn't know him and for brief interactions, but to family and doctors, he was obviously severely incapacitated.

 

About 7 months ago, I had to go get my Mom, and she has been living with us ever since. The decline she has experienced in the past 9 months is extreme. She mostly has no idea who I am, thinks my husband is her husband, and doesn't know her granddaughters. She has almost no cognition of where she is (usually convinced her room is an apartment and that we are the apartment managers).

 

For both of my parents, taking them to a hotel over night would be very traumatic. I can't even imagine taking either of them on a cruise. Any real change in routine causes agitation and in some case, quicker decline (such as bringing them to my house or a hospital visit). I personally think it is a fairly bad idea to take your Dad on a cruise. Especially since you stated you live quite a ways away, his decline may be much worse than you realize. Also, the potential for significant decline between now and when you cruise is also very real. For example, 8-9 months ago my mom was still reading for pleasure, and quilting, although not well. As of 6 months ago, she stopped both. She can't read more than a word or two on a sign, and doesn't always comprehend the word or two.

 

My suggestion is to go visit your parents soon, if you haven't been there in at least the last 2 months. Have full trip insurance, and visit again within a month or so of the cruise. Talking on the phone is not enough. My mom can carry on a phone conversation that appears "normal" to the caller. But everything she says is fantasy. She can readily verbalize a life routine that she USED to live, but no longer actually does. I've listened to her tell her brother all about the cooking and quilting she has been doing, people she has been visiting, etc. To him, it all seems normal, but he is across the country and has no idea that she can't even make a PB&J sandwich anymore.

 

I respect your desire to have a quality trip and experience with your Dad and family. I just don't know that it is possible. It really all comes down to what his actual status is, and how dementia affects his personality.

 

Best of luck to you and your family

[Essiesmom]

To those making suggestions to the OP...His cruise sailed Dec. 1. It would be nice if he came back and told us how it went, but he has probably forgot about it. You could probably pose a question to him on the OZ/Kiwi forum. EM

[trbarton]

If anyone reading this thread is or will be in a similar situation I have one suggestion. If you are near a port where Princess cruises out of how about signing up for the Bon Voyage Experience where you get to spend some time on a ship to see how the person reacts.

Tom😎

[suzieb25]

On a short cruise a few years ago I met a beautiful woman and her charming husband who had a form of dementia. It was her first cruise with Princess and she was not terribly impressed as several things had gone wrong. They joined me at my table In the buffet one morning when her husband simply asked for his cup of tea but was told there was an issue in the kitchen and they were unable to provide hot water. He didn't understand and when I saw the disappointment on his face and hers, I asked the server to get some bottled water and boil it in the microwave. The gentleman enjoyed his tea and I hope this beautiful couple is still cruising together.