A Very Very Long, Very Very Late Oasis of the Seas review

[Cheesepleese]

Oh man, I wanna go on a cruise now!

[perfect match]

Too bad you didn’t get to see the sloths. I would have been disappointed too. Glad you didn’t let it ruin your day. 
Definitely enjoying your writing style! 😀

[joeyancho]

We will be on the Oasis in January 2023.  We will be celebrating our first anniversary.  We were married by the captain,  on the Oasis in January 2022.  Glad to hear you are enjoying her.  Did you get a chance to try thr Indian food, offered daily at the lunchtime buffet?   It is stellar.  The naan is made fresh onboard.  Here's a picture from our excursion in Roatan.  I think my wife was having a "moment". 

Edited December 31, 2022 by joeyancho
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[graciekelli]

5 hours ago, joeyancho said:

We will be on the Oasis in January 2023.  We will be celebrating our first anniversary.  We were married by the captain,  on the Oasis in January 2022.  Glad to hear you are enjoying her.  Did you get a chance to try thr Indian food, offered daily at the lunchtime buffet?   It is stellar.  The naan is made fresh onboard.  Here's a picture from our excursion in Roatan.  I think my wife was having a "moment". 

OMG!!  That is the most precious picture I have seen.  Loving this review.

[Donsyb]

Mario was on board for our cruise in November, and I believe I heard he would be on for 6 months, so he should have still been onboard for your cruise. He did the trivia on our cruise too. We saw him in his “office” - by the pool in a roped off area with a sign saying “super Mario’s office” 😂

[HLFam2022]

13 hours ago, Cheesepleese said:

Oh man, I wanna go on a cruise now!

 

Me too! And Royal keeps sending me emails with sales...

 

10 hours ago, perfect match said:

Too bad you didn’t get to see the sloths. I would have been disappointed too. Glad you didn’t let it ruin your day. 
Definitely enjoying your writing style! 😀

 

Thank you! And we were definitely disappointed, but compared to some other passengers who actually missed their excursions because the ship was late, we counted our blessings 🙂

 

[HLFam2022]

10 hours ago, joeyancho said:

We will be on the Oasis in January 2023.  We will be celebrating our first anniversary.  We were married by the captain,  on the Oasis in January 2022. 

 

Congratulations on your first anniversary!!! I hope your first year was wonderful and full of joy. (also, how cool to get married by a ship captain!)

 

10 hours ago, joeyancho said:

 Glad to hear you are enjoying her.  Did you get a chance to try thr Indian food, offered daily at the lunchtime buffet?   It is stellar.  The naan is made fresh onboard. 

 

Thanks! If I recall correctly the WJ usually had a meat Indian dish (e.g. chicken curry) and a veggie Indian dish (e.g. channa masala) each day + naan. I added some Indian to my buffet plate in lieu of soups or chili 🙂

 

10 hours ago, joeyancho said:

 Here's a picture from our excursion in Roatan.  I think my wife was having a "moment". 

 

That is adorable! Going to show the pic to my wife tonight (although she may be a little jealous of how you got to meet the little guy :))

[HLFam2022]

5 hours ago, graciekelli said:

OMG!!  That is the most precious picture I have seen.  Loving this review.

 

Thank you! (and I agree, what a cute pic!)

 

2 hours ago, Donsyb said:

Mario was on board for our cruise in November, and I believe I heard he would be on for 6 months, so he should have still been onboard for your cruise. He did the trivia on our cruise too. We saw him in his “office” - by the pool in a roped off area with a sign saying “super Mario’s office” 😂

 

That's awesome- thanks for the anecdote! I wonder how many points you need to get your own "office" on Royal 😄

 

[HLFam2022]

Day 6- Puerto Costa Maya, Watching FlowRider, Zipline, Internet/Drink Packages

 

[Note: I forgot the other Sea Day! I have adjusted the story accordingly]

 

We didn't book any excursions for Puerto Costa Maya. I suspected that we would be too exhausted to go on a Mayan tour or to the beach, after a difficult week of sleeping in, taking naps, eating outdoors, and midnight pizza. This turned out to be correct; we slept through most of it and didn't even leave the ship.

 

I was too tuckered out from standing in all the buffet lines to be able to suit up for the FlowRider while we were in port (port days are by far the least crowded on the boat; my brother and SIL end up going down every single water slide about 200 times during one of the port days). But I did end up watching a number of people display their competence (and lack thereof) on boogieboards and surfboards, usually coached by the staff, who would enthusiastically try to communicate tips over the roar of the water through a mix of top-of-the-lungs shouting and charades. There is an activity to get a private FlowRider lesson, but it costs money, and even worse, starts at 8am. This is clearly all Joe Biden's fault.

 

I do end up deciding to try the zipline, which runs on Deck 15 over the cavernous Boardwalk neighborhood. Watching people go over the zipline reminds me of the bank robbers ziplining between buildings in The Dark Knight, except with less murder.

 

The zipline is free and you have to be dressed sensibly (no flip flops) to ride it, as well as meet some height and weight restrictions, and wear a helmet. In line with me are an older Asian grandmotherly-looking lady and a couple of teenageish kids. It takes a while because four or five different crew members have to check each cable, cord, and strap that connect you to the zipline.

 

Riding the zipline runs your emotions through stages, similar to the cycle of grief:

 

1) Nervousness: "Oh wow, I didn't realize how high up we are. And they're just letting me zip over it? What if the cable falls? What if I slip?"

 

2) Terror: "You know, it actually doesn't seem so b-[crew member pushes you off the dock] AAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

 

3) Fun: "Oh, this isn't so bad. I can see people on the ground from here."

 

4) Surprise: "Wait, it's over already?"

 

As I get off the zipline, I see the Asian grandmother booking it back to the entrance to go on the zipline again. What I would give to be that energetic when I reach that age.

 

I return to the room to find my wife post-nap watching Netflix. We paid for a 1 device Internet package, and it apparently works well enough that she is able to stream video with no issues. Although I think there's a discount if you buy multi-device packages, I refused to so I could tell my boss with a straight face that nobody from work would be able to contact me while at sea (one of the best but often under-utilized perks of going on a cruise).

 

This also works in my favor unexpectedly; because I don't have Internet access, I was unable to send my letter of resignation to go play professional poker earlier in the week, which means I still have employment options when I return to land.

 

We also paid for a soda pop package, which grants unlimited access to the Freestyle Coca-Cola machines onboard. For those of you who have not spent hours in a Wendy's lobby giggling like a small child and making random, foul-smelling bubbly concoctions (i.e. "normal people"), the Freestyle machines use technology originally designed to mix prescription drugs to allow you to create your own combinations of fountain drinks: Seagram's Ginger Ale with cherry flavoring, for example.

 

[Wikipedia tells me that Pepsi has their own version, called the Pepsi Spire, which sounds considerably less cool]

 

The soda pop package comes with a commemorative cup with a microchip/QR code in the base that scans in one of the machines to activate it. While my wife doesn't drink enough pop in a day to really get our money's worth, it was helpful to feel like she could get sparkling water or ginger ale any time she felt seasick, since we had already paid for it, and the peace of mind was worth the price IMO.

 

Also, apparently if you have the soda package you can get fountain soda from any bar onboard, something I only discover after spending 30 minutes wandering around the ship trying to find a working and line-less Freestyle machine (the one closest to our room was malfunctioning).

 

Next up- Sea Day, Casino, Johnny Rocket's, Cats, Poker

[the_dylaness]

"I refused to so I could tell my boss with a straight face that nobody from work would be able to contact me while at sea (one of the best but often under-utilized perks of going on a cruise)"

 

Hear hear! I have often either found myself going on cruises or hiking trips to remote locales so I could honestly say "I'll be out of internet range"... or in a few cases, perhaps slightly underestimating the level of internet connectivity available...

 

You can't really say "I'm sorry, you'll need to reach out to XYZ, I'll be in Manhattan and the cell service there is just SOOO SPOTTY."

[HLFam2022]

Day 7- Sea Day, Johnny Rocket's, Casino, Cats, Poker

 

Sea day 2 is packed. My plan of trying the water slides, etc. goes down the drain due to the lines for everything, so I spend more time taking walks and trying to enjoy the sea breeze and warm weather before heading back to winter storms and gray skies.

 

I overslept the ship's crew Q&A, but my parents went and reported that the highlight was a 6-year-old boy, clearly very nervous, asking the captain, "If you're down here answering our questions, then who's driving the ship?" The captain (who I'm assuming was trying to avoid chuckling at this) explained that there is a team of officers who take turns at the wheel, including one up there at that very minute, which seemed to assuage him. Apparently, ship captains don't spend a lot of time actually driving the ship, which makes no sense to me; isn't the whole point of becoming a captain that you get to steer the giant boat?

 

My wife and I go to the "Friends" trivia, which is packed with people. The host starts trivia with a hearty "Hey everyone, how YOU doin'" which gets a hearty laugh from the crowd, before sheepishly admitting he's actually never seen the show before and is just reading things his boss wrote for him. Friends trivia is fiendishly hard, even for my wife and I who have watched the show end to end approximately two million times (each)- how much do you know about Rachel's ex-fiancee's new wife's profession, for example?

 

At the end, the host calls up the winner:

 

Host: What's your name?

Winner: [Something I can't remember, let's call her Jan]

Host: Everyone, give it up for Jan! [awkward, desultory applause] Jan has just WON A FREE CRUISE-

Everyone else, including me: [Shocked gasps]

Host: -BROCHURE! That's right, she gets a free cruise brochure, and a highlighter pen!

 

People grumble about this, but the joke delivery is absolutely top-notch. (Also, I'm pretty sure she didn't get an actual paper brochure.)

 

We go to lunch at Johnny Rocket's, which has some nice outdoor seating and basically the same menu as Johnny Rocket's on land. It is, however, a Continental-style prix-fixe deal, meaning you pay one price for everything (I believe it was $16/per person on our cruise). With this in mind, we decide to get our money's worth and order salad, regular French Fries, chili fries, and cheese + bacon fries as appetizers, before getting into burgers, and then ice cream for desert.

 

Johnny Rocket's carries a great deal of nostalgia for me as we used to go there for a special treat as children. The fries are as good as I remember, but the burgers are extremely greasy and overly sweet- much more so than I'd like. Still, the service is good and we get to eat in the sun, so it's not a total waste.

 

All week, I've been planning on taking my mother down to the ship's casino so I can teach her to play Craps, perhaps the most fun game involving dice and bad decisions ever created. Craps, unfortunately, isn't really fun unless you have at least 4-5 other people playing and cheering you on (and one grouch on the other side chain-smoking and betting the Don't Pass Line out of spite). Every single day I've been down to the casino, the Craps table has been empty (and $10 minimum bets). Do better, Oasis of the Seas passengers!

 

(I find out later that there's a second Craps table on the other side of the casino that sometimes has players)

 

So that afternoon, I take my mother down to the casino with a couple of $20s and we play the slots instead, which is...a choice, but we have a half-hour of fun looking for slot machines with real arms that you can pull (there are precious few, as most of the machines are digital/button press machines). It takes a moment to figure out how to get loyalty points for playing the machines- tap your SeaPass against the glowing rectangle to log in, and then prepare for a very long wait, as it takes forever to earn points.

 

My mother wins $15 on her first slot machine bet and gets excited, which unfortunately gives her a thoroughly unrealistic idea of how casinos work. She ends up walking out "only" up $10, whereas I have lost $20. It's OK, I'll make it up playing poker.

 

For dinner that evening, we take the waiters' suggestion of surf and turf (beef tenderloin with lobster tail). Given all the discussions about Royal Caribbean changing the MDR menus in Jan 2023, it's interesting that the menu we're given does not have surf and turf listed as an option (beef and lobster are separate entrees) but that the waiters recommend it.

 

It's a good meal; the lobster tail is large and meaty and the beef tenderloin comes out cooked at the temperature I requested, as it did the other time I ordered it (I think one of the earlier days).

 

Then we go to see Cats (or the Royal abridged version, which runs about 90 minutes with no intermission). I am what you would consider a casual musical theater fan; my wife is a much more hardcore one (she asked to go see Six on Broadway, which is a show that is entertaining and also short enough that you can see it and then go to dinner afterwards- a win on both counts!) I have never seen Cats before and only know snippets of "Memories" by pop-culture osmosis.

 

I'm not sure I can summarize what the play's about, other than it involves cats, and it's based vaguely on a T.S. Elliot poem (no wonder I didn't enjoy the show; I hated that guy when I had to read him in college). The acting, singing, dancing, stage decoration, lighting etc. are all top notch, but the show itself was confusing and weird. Multiple people walked out of the show midway through; I feel terrible for the performers (that's awful etiquette) but at the same time, I recommend you skip "Cats" unless you REALLY like Broadway and/or Andrew Lloyd Webber.

 

Finally, that evening I take a much larger sized bankroll to the poker tables to try to redeem myself and keep the "quit my job to be a pro" dream alive. Surely I can't play so poorly that I lose a bunch of money again, right?

 

On my first hand, I play so poorly I lose $150. Now I have to spend the rest of the evening just trying to win my money back (note: this is an exceptionally stupid mentality to have when playing poker). This is clearly all Joe Biden's fault.

 

I am seated at a $1/$3 NL cash table next to a guy I'll refer to as Groucho Marx, who apparently knows the ships' officers pretty well ("The Captain should have listened to me and pulled the ship in closer to shore, that way the ship wouldn't be rolling so much"). Groucho and I have similar lucky/unlucky streaks, and both of us enjoy complaining about things that we have no control over whatsoever, so I feel a certain sense of kinship with him.

 

For those of you who speak poker: as the evening gets late, I get dealt A5o and call pre-flop. Everyone folds except two players: Groucho Marx, who calls, and another player I'll refer to as Spanish Dennis Quaid, who raises about $50. It's way past my bedtime, and I've made nothing but good choices this whole trip, so I trust my instincts and call to limp into the flop, as does Groucho.

The dealer flips A34 with three suits; Mr. Quaid goes all in. Groucho calls, which means he probably has a straight draw. The smart thing to do here would be to do the math in my head to count my outs, figure out pot odds, and then make a reasoned judgment of whether to call or not, so instead I immediately shove all my chips into the center.

 

Mr. Quaid flips AKs, which has me beat; Groucho flips Q5o. If I had a case of cigars, and was a smoker, and if Royal's poker room wasn't smoke-free, I would offer each of them a cigar and a hearty handshake (and probably a "gentlemen, it has been an honor" in the style of a Rebel Alliance Y-wing pilot making a bombing run on the Death Star). The dealer flips a J, which doesn't help anyone, and then the magical 2 which completes a straight for both me and Mr. Marx.

 

Spanish Dennis Quaid is crushed (as he should be- he played brilliantly and lost because of dumb luck), but I'm ecstatic, as there's just enough chips split between me and Groucho that over the course of the cruise, I have officially made a total of $36 for six hours of hard work at the poker table. I may yet be able to quit my day job! 

 

Next up- Disembarkation, flying home, Royal v. Carnival

[HLFam2022]

On 12/31/2022 at 7:40 PM, the_dylaness said:

Hear hear! I have often either found myself going on cruises or hiking trips to remote locales so I could honestly say "I'll be out of internet range"... or in a few cases, perhaps slightly underestimating the level of internet connectivity available...

 

You are brilliant, and I support this approach!

 

On 12/31/2022 at 7:40 PM, the_dylaness said:

You can't really say "I'm sorry, you'll need to reach out to XYZ, I'll be in Manhattan and the cell service there is just SOOO SPOTTY."

 

LOL! The best part is, I actually went to Manhattan last year for vacation and tried to enforce a no-work-email rule 😄

[Scottdalfonso]

Thank you so much for this review...we (family of 3) are going on our first cruise as a family and first one on Oasis. Sounds like it can get a bit crowded for some things, but not enough to ruin the fun. The one thing I caught that I had a different outlook on was the Solarium Bistro- you said it was also Adults only like the Solarium itself? I thought the bistro was open to everyone? We have dinner reservations for one night there and planned on at least one breakfast up there, but if its adults only we will simply make other plans. 

[HLFam2022]

11 hours ago, Scottdalfonso said:

Thank you so much for this review...we (family of 3) are going on our first cruise as a family and first one on Oasis. Sounds like it can get a bit crowded for some things, but not enough to ruin the fun. The one thing I caught that I had a different outlook on was the Solarium Bistro- you said it was also Adults only like the Solarium itself? I thought the bistro was open to everyone? We have dinner reservations for one night there and planned on at least one breakfast up there, but if its adults only we will simply make other plans. 

 

I hope you have a delightful time on Oasis!

 

I am almost certain the Solarium Bistro was adults only- you can't get there without walking through the "Age 16 and over only" type doors that lead to the Solarium, and I don't think I ever saw kids there. That said, we only did lunch and breakfast there, so it may be different for dinner.

[HLFam2022]

Last Day- Disembarkation, Flying Home, Royal v. Carnival

 

The last day comes too soon. We grab a quick bite to eat on the WJ and leave rolling our own luggage sadly across to the terminal. Customs and Immigration is stupidly short coming off a ship, and an SAS Transportation van driver shows up to pack away our bags. We end up waiting for around 30 minutes for other passengers from Royal and Carnival before heading to the Fort Lauderdale airport.

 

The flight home, thankfully, is uneventful, and I spend most of it alternately napping and dreading the cold, gray reality that awaits, with no expert professionals preparing meals and entertainment for me and only some nostalgia-tinged memories to tide me over until our next vacation. Is post-cruise funk real? Maybe, maybe not, but it definitely feels real.

 

Debriefing later with my wife, I am asked how our time on Oasis compares to my last cruise on Carnival. My immediate instinct is to say, "It's like the difference between shopping at Walmart (Carnival) and shopping at Target (Royal)"- they both offer mostly the same stuff (though the things you really want will be out of stock at Walmart), but Target/Royal just feel a lot cleaner and nicer all around.

 

But if I'm being really honest, there's a few important things to consider when comparing the cruise lines and Royal doesn't win on all of them:

 

1) Lifestage and vibe. This is the biggest one for me- the two times I was on Carnival, I was a tiny child traveling with parents, and a slovenly young man living wild and carefree, respectively. Royal felt like the passengers were all Midwest polite (minding their own business), while Carnival felt like the passengers were all Southern polite (all up in your business). Being younger, I appreciated the drinking and chatting with strangers more on Carnival; now, I can appreciate the gentle relaxation of being left alone with my family. Advantage: depends on what you're looking for.

 

2) Microtransactions! This became one of my brother's favorite expressions during the cruise, but the amount of upselling on Royal felt significantly lower than on Carnival. I recall being peeved that Carnival was charging for different types of tea in the afternoon, and while an extra buck to get real Earl Grey v. generic is probably not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, it made me mad, and if Joe Biden had been President at that time it would have completely been his fault. Advantage: Royal by a long shot.

 

3) Food. I'm really into food, and Royal's was generally better. That tuna steak haunts my dreams. Advantage: Royal.

 

4) Service. Service on Carnival wasn't bad at all, but the competency and focus on what I wanted v. what procedure dictated puts Royal firmly ahead. 'Thank you' to our room steward for showing how it's done in an incredibly kind and classy way. Advantage: Royal.

 

5) Casino. This one was hard for me, as Royal's craps tables were a complete ghost town all the times I tried to play, whereas Carnival's were rocking and I ended up teaching some other passengers how to play, earning myself the nickname "The Professor" from the staff (though no comps or onboard credit). I didn't play poker on Carnival so can't compare there. Advantage: Carnival.

 

6) Stuff to Do. There was significantly more stuff to do on Oasis than on either of the Carnival ships I was on; my wife and I probably only took advantage of about 30% of what was available aboard. We did not: go to the rock and roll shows, ride the water slides, go to Playmakers sports bar, check out any of the comedians, watch a movie in the theater, go ice skating, play laser tag (and I love laser tag), go rock climbing, ride the carousel, go shopping at any of the onboard stores, ride the FlowRider, or sing karaoke. Yet I still feel like I had a fun and activity-filled vacation. Advantage: Royal.

 

7) Live Music. This is one area where Carnival did better. Live music on Oasis felt like going to a bunch of mini-concerts and following a schedule. On the other hand, Carnival had many more artists that I liked just hanging out and playing all over the ship at all hours of the evening, which gave me much more of the "drifting in New Orleans/Nashville" casual vibe. Advantage: Carnival.

 

8 ) Price. The elephant in the room. Eyeballing some quick search results shows Royal to be 20% + more expensive than Carnival for similar length Caribbean cruises, and I suspect that the price difference rises depending on what class cabin you book. Even with more included/less nickle and diming, I think from a budget perspective Carnival will be very hard to beat. Advantage: Carnival

 

But when all is said and done, I would pick Royal over Carnival in almost any circumstance for a future cruise with my family. Now, since it's been 27 years between this cruise and our last one as a big group, I will need to start looking at bookings in 2049...

[Missusdubbya]

Great review, thank you!

 

[Dina7]

21 hours ago, Scottdalfonso said:

Thank you so much for this review...we (family of 3) are going on our first cruise as a family and first one on Oasis. Sounds like it can get a bit crowded for some things, but not enough to ruin the fun. The one thing I caught that I had a different outlook on was the Solarium Bistro- you said it was also Adults only like the Solarium itself? I thought the bistro was open to everyone? We have dinner reservations for one night there and planned on at least one breakfast up there, but if its adults only we will simply make other plans. 

Though I haven’t been on the Oasis yet, the Solarium Bistro on Anthem of the Seas is open to all ages for dining. (Even though kids would need to walk through the Solarium to get there.)

 

Loved this review & your sense of humor!😄

Edited January 4, 2023 by Dina7

[mikefromny]

This is one of the best reviews I've read in years! Informative and hysterical! I've put a reminder in my calendar in 2049 for your next review.

 

Thanks & happy new year!

[Scottdalfonso]

1 hour ago, Dina7 said:

Though I haven’t been on the Oasis yet, the Solarium Bistro on Anthem of the Seas is open to all ages for dining. (Even though kids would need to walk through the Solarium to get there.)

 

Loved this review & your sense of humor!😄

Yeah, sounds like the Bistro is open to all ages according to another post on the RC blog website. 

[HLFam2022]

17 hours ago, Missusdubbya said:

Great review, thank you!

 

Thank YOU for reading through 🙂

 

12 hours ago, Dina7 said:

Though I haven’t been on the Oasis yet, the Solarium Bistro on Anthem of the Seas is open to all ages for dining. (Even though kids would need to walk through the Solarium to get there.)

 

Loved this review & your sense of humor!😄

 

Thank you for the compliment (and for the info about the Solarium Bistro! My wife pointed out I got this wrong after she read my review :))

 

 

[HLFam2022]

11 hours ago, mikefromny said:

This is one of the best reviews I've read in years! Informative and hysterical! I've put a reminder in my calendar in 2049 for your next review.

 

Thanks & happy new year!

 

Thank you, and happy New Year! If we go on a cruise before '49 I'll be sure to post about it here 🙂

[HLFam2022]

11 hours ago, Scottdalfonso said:

Yeah, sounds like the Bistro is open to all ages according to another post on the RC blog website. 

 

Yep, you're correct (my wife informed me I was wrong about this earlier today :))

[Liljo22]

There were cash games for poker?  I wish I knew.  I was enrolled in one of the tournaments but backed out.  I played and won one of the tourneys on the Liberty but that was $100 plus $50 for double chips with 1 table and top two pays out.  This time it was $200 plus $100 for double with 2 tables and still only top two pays out. Didn’t feel comfortable with double the buy in for half the odds.  Would have jumped on a cash game though.

[Scottdalfonso]

You have inspired me to do a "live" blog of my trip in a few weeks. It won't be nearly as entertaining as this, but I'll do my best! 

[mikefromny]

11 hours ago, HLFam2022 said:

 

Yep, you're correct (my wife informed me I was wrong about this earlier today :))

Must be Biden's fault. 😉