Why Do Some Insist Solo Cruisers Are Lonely and Pathetic

[kitty9]

Why is it that on every thread that asks about solo cruising, there's always someone who has to come on and post that it's not worth it to cruise solo, that you need to share with someone, anyone, and if you don't, you're lonely and pathetic. There's one very frequent poster on CC that comes on to the Ask a Cruise Question board or the First Time Cruiser board, and if the question has to do with cruising solo, he/she always makes a snide comment about solos looking so sad and lonely and that he/she cannot imagine taking a solo cruise because all things on a cruise demand that it be shared to be worthwhile.

 

So tell me, do all of you solos get this vibe from others when you cruise solo? Do other cruisers make you feel pathetic? Do they say they feel sorry for you because you don't have anyone to share the cruise with?

 

I know for me, if I had the attitude that you need a cruising partner to have a fun and successful cruise, I'd be sitting home. As it is, if that were my attitude, I'd never have seen the Taj Mahal, gone on an African Safari, did the tango in Buenos Aires, held a koala bear in Sydney or shopped til I dropped in Hong Kong, Dubai and London.

[TessM]

I think it's just that the world's made of up of a lot of different people and we all have different ideas on what makes us happy - or, what we *think* will make us happy.

 

I've been single all my life. I live alone and enjoy my life. I never feel lonely. (But I know some married women with seemingly wonderful husbands that feel lonely -so go figure.)

 

My older brother (divorced with grown children) recently left for an extended solo vacation to Alaska.I'm thrilled for him as he is fullfilling a life long dream. But, my younger sister admitted that she would never be able to do anything like that. She acknowledged that while I travel alone all the time, it's nothing she could do. She would be too scared to be in a place that she doesn't know by herself. fyi...I don't think she views my vacations as pathetic - at least she's never said that to me. :p

 

Sharing experiences is great - but, it's not necessary to me and even at that, I usually meet people along the way to share the moment with. (And, quite of few of them are far more interesting than any of the folks I know that I could have travelled with.)

 

Like you, I would have missed out on some great fun if I stayed at home and waited for someone who wanted to travel to the same places I wanted to go to.

 

My favorite travel experience (so far) was playing with eight 1.5 yo panda cubs at the Wolong Panda Reserve in China. Was my experience diminished because I didn't have someone to "share" it with? Nope, not one tiny little bit.

 

--to specifically answer your question.....

So tell me, do all of you solos get this vibe from others when you cruise solo? Do other cruisers make you feel pathetic? Do they say they feel sorry for you because you don't have anyone to share the cruise with?

 

Do they make me feel pathetic? - Nope. I don't feel pathetic when I'm cruising. I feel happy to be on vacation, on a big, beautiful ship that's taking me to my next adventure.

 

Do they say they feel sorry for you because you don't have anyone to share the cruise with? - Only once but it was coming from another solo cruiser that was cruising without her recently departed husband. I was gentle with her when I explained that I was happy to cruise alone and when she didn't really accept that, I didn't press my views - but, only because I believe her conversation with me was more about her and her grieving process.

 

I've had some wives (with their husbands next to them) sort of start to feel sorry for me. In these cases, I start asking her questions about some of the things that they've done that day or on the cruise so far and what they've seen and who they've meet. Once she finishes, she'll usually ask me the same and I begin to tell her and since my list is usually longer than hers and filled with more people/places/experiences, it usually makes the point that there's no need for pity - I'm doing just fine.

 

 

Why is it that on every thread that asks about solo cruising, there's always someone who has to come on and post that it's not worth it to cruise solo, that you need to share with someone, anyone, and if you don't, you're lonely and pathetic. There's one very frequent poster on CC that comes on to the Ask a Cruise Question board or the First Time Cruiser board, and if the question has to do with cruising solo, he/she always makes a snide comment about solos looking so sad and lonely and that he/she cannot imagine taking a solo cruise because all things on a cruise demand that it be shared to be worthwhile.

 

So tell me, do all of you solos get this vibe from others when you cruise solo? Do other cruisers make you feel pathetic? Do they say they feel sorry for you because you don't have anyone to share the cruise with?

 

I know for me, if I had the attitude that you need a cruising partner to have a fun and successful cruise, I'd be sitting home. As it is, if that were my attitude, I'd never have seen the Taj Mahal, gone on an African Safari, did the tango in Buenos Aires, held a koala bear in Sydney or shopped til I dropped in Hong Kong, Dubai and London.

[Goldryder]

Personally I think the 'sad/pathetic' comments come out of fear & jealousy.

 

Those who say these things can't go solo like we do due to fear of 'being alone in a foreign place' and jealousy cos we actually manage it with easy and are comfortable doing so.

 

There are some who really cannot handle that we who choose to go on cruises or just away by ourselves or live alone just ENJOY the experience. We don't need the 'significant other' to have a good time or to go see places around the world as/when we want to.

 

Those who insult us are simply fearful of doing it themselves and jealous cos we are not.

[TSUmom]

I have not yet sailed on my first solo cruise but have 2 coming up. I am not single by choice due to a divorce but I am choosing to cruise solo. My friends, family and co-workers can not understand why I would choose to vacation alone - I tell them after 28 years of vacationing for others on their scedules and what they want to do I am being selfish and going to see and do what I want. What could be more exciting then seeing new places and meeting new people on a cruiseship!!!! I am really looking forward to my new life and new experiences and growing as a person through those experiences:)

[travelgip]

Personally I think the 'sad/pathetic' comments come out of fear & jealousy.

 

Those who say these things can't go solo like we do due to fear of 'being alone in a foreign place' and jealousy cos we actually manage it with easy and are comfortable doing so.

 

There are some who really cannot handle that we who choose to go on cruises or just away by ourselves or live alone just ENJOY the experience. We don't need the 'significant other' to have a good time or to go see places around the world as/when we want to.

 

Those who insult us are simply fearful of doing it themselves and jealous cos we are not.

I totally agree! I have cruised with and without people and I can tell you for a fact that I enjoy going on my own much more. It's the only way to totally relax and be yourself. People should stop projecting their own fears and indiocincracies (sic) and we need to stop listening to them.

[Gator626]

I think it just comes down to what they are used to and comfortable with. They have always grown up being attached or 'with' someone, that they cannot fathom life being alone or independent, and are usually the first to break down in the unfortunate event that they lose the person they are with. Me personally, I feel more sorry for those people (meaning those who would not know what to do with themselves if they were alone) than they do for me.

[jp2001]

Lots of people ask me who I am travelling with and find it are surprising when I tell them that I am all by myself. Some do ask some questions like “you had no one to come with?” or say something like “I’m sorry” (I feel that they say they are sorry to have asked the question in case there is a “sad” reason why I am alone, they don’t seem sorry by the fact that I am travelling alone).

 

I’ve heard some comments on CC about how we seem lonely or how pathetic it must be to be alone but, really, I do feel sorry for the people telling this. I feel for them since I have the impression that those people have probably never lived alone, got to know themselves and be happy with what they are, no matter what can happen in their life.

 

I have a boyfriend that I love immensely and I know I would be very sad if he left me, but I also know that I wouldn’t fear the fact of having to live by myself. I did live by myself in the past and had a life that suited me well. I am happy that I have Bruno to share my life with, but it will not be “at all cost”, if I find myself very unhappy for an extended period of time, I know the type of life I can go back to.

 

I have cruised 3 times since I met Bruno. Twice solo and once with a friend since he doesn’t have as much vacation time as I do and I often cruise at the last minute but he doesn’t have this flexibility at his job. I never feel lonely and even less pathetic. When I talk to people, after the surprise, they usually realize that I am a happy person who can have a good time with or without someone to travel with.

[rmmm]

I am in my forties and single and I have traveled to Ireland and Russia and another part of the US alone but I hesitated to cruise alone because cruising was something I did with my mother and I thought I would miss my mother too much and feel lonely not knowing anyone else on the ship. I decided to take the plunge and go on my own last month and had a great time.

 

I think that there is a large group of people in the world who aren't comfortable alone or fear that they will be judged by others because they are not part of a couple or group. They don't see adventure in solo travel, they see fear. There are many people who stay in unhappy marriages because they can't bear the thought of being alone. When they see people who travel alone they project their own fears and insecurities onto them. I know many people who would never be able to travel alone.

 

The way I look at it is this - I don't want to miss out on anything because I don't have a ring on my finger. I am in the process of adopting a child on my own and hope someday to enjoy traveling with her as much as I enjoyed traveling with my mother. Until then I am willing to travel alone.

[janetlm]

I have been married for nearly 30 years. I have cruised with my husband and with other family members. In both of these cases, I compromized on activities that I wanted to do for their sake. Now I feel that in order to complete the cruise experience it is time to go solo. Yes, I may feel a little uncomfortable in certain circumstances, but I feel that it is going to be an opportunity for growth.

 

I admit that I will make an effort to meet and talk to people but I plan on doing my best to ensure that I do not appear pathetic or lonely. That is more of a goal for me since reading some posts on these boards.

[yellowbird23]

All I have to add to these comments is that on EVERY cruise I've done solo, I just chuckle to myself because undoubtedly on each and every one of them, I have run into several couples who I can see are absolutely bickering and complaining about one thing or another. Travelling solo, I don't care if they pity me because they should hold that thought. I cruise solo because I enjoy my own company and when I'm dead, I'm dead and no one else and I will live my life to the fullest doing anything and everything that makes my happy, be it in the company of my spouse or without him.:o

[zamboni_girl]

I cruised solo last fall out of Boston to Bermuda. I never once felt like I was pitied by people because of my single status. And as much as I love traveling with a companion, I find when I travel alone I can be so much more immersed in the experience.

One day I took the bus out to the south beach area, along the way I chatted with some women. But I opted to get off and stay in Hamilton for a bit. Then I continued on, walked over to the lighthouse, chatted with some people. Then I walked over to South Beach, met a local, and chatted with him for about an hour or so. Then I decided to hop on a bus and head back, I met the same women I had met early and decided to stop at the swizzle inn for a drink. I am pretty sure if I had a travel companion some of those experiences would not have been available to me. I noticed the same types of experiences when I have traveled in Europe.

Not to say that experiences with a travel partner would have been bad, just different. I also look younger than I actually am, so I often give off the sort of “wild young sprit” sense, so that might be why I havent really encountered much of the negativity.

[Lois R]

Hi Darcie:), you know I have to reply to this thread, right?:D

Who says its not worth it to cruise solo??? That person has no idea

in the world what they are talking about:rolleyes:.....if I didn't go solo

I would never cruise, and that my friends, is NOT in the cards.

I have lived on my own for most of my adult life....yes, I was married

once.....gosh, that was another lifetime ago.

 

Cruising is so awesome and I LOVE going solo. That stuff we solo

cruisers LOVE...doing what we want, when we want, or don't want.

If someone wants to feel sorry for me? Sounds like a personal

problem to me. Look at the folks who are couples who are unhappy.

I am quite happy with my life and feel really happy when I am on a

ship:D

 

Oh, I think its more on the boards than actually on the ship. Remember,

this is a public forum where folks post who are "anonmyus" and within

the CC rules can say many things.

I still get the "you are sailing by yourself"? on board the ship or the

"You are so brave" comments...LOL...I just let it go in one ear and

out the other these days. I am so not about that....brave..whatever.

Cruising solo is so easy....you see the same staff and crew and

they are the best! I get to know them and its just plain FUN! Oh, and being

pampered for a week or two isn't too bad either:)

 

Next up: Alaska in September, solo of course:D

[DizzyDallasDi]

When I've been asked who I'm traveling with (very rarely happened), I smile a big sincere smile and proudly state that I'm traveling solo. :D Perhaps their eyes widen with surprise but then they realize I'm still smiling. No one has ever taken the "you're solo ??" conversation any further. Maybe I've been fortunate to encounter really nice people who don't care what anyone else's traveliing situation is. If I ever get into a conversation where someone is feeling sorry for me, I'm sure I'd just laugh and tell them it's a really great way to travel and I thoroughly enjoy myself.

 

Most people on a cruise ship are jovial, happy-to-be-on-vacation folks and I love the feeling of comaradrie amongst the passengers. I can't imagine that someone wouldn't feel welcome or have someone to chat with...UNLESS they don't want to or give off a vibe of unapproachability.

 

Let that weirdo naysayer continue his/her jabs at solo travelers...doesn't bother me in the least. My take is they're jealous and don't have the guts or self assuredness to do it themself. :p

 

Diane

[Liv4cruzin]

I'd almost rather cruise solo than w/ my best friend (whom I love dearly). I've never had anyone "pity" me; but I have had a hard time explaining to some women how great a solo cruise can be. I agree that it's just fear of the unknown. With that said, even I would be apprehensive about doing non-cruise foreign travel alone (unless it was an escorted tour). I've done some pretty exotic land trips w/ my best friend; & felt very comfortable w/ just us girls. But there are some travel situations where I wouldn't be so confident out on my own.

[retiring soon]

Hi all!

I've cruised a couple of times solo & found that people were in awe of the fact as it's not something they thought they could do. I've cruised with my DH of 43 years & a newfound friend from a cruise 3 years ago & do like to share the experiences but if I can't find someone who wants to go where I want to I'm all for going alone ~ you only live once! My next solo cruise is coming up in Nov. & I can hardly wait!!

Enjoy!

~Jo~ :)

[fifties chick]

While I would hesitate to holiday without DH, there is no doubt that he has stopped me from getting the most out of life...

couldn't go on the sky-rail at Kuranda, because he doesn't like heights

couldn't go snorkling because he can't swim

A lot of us need a gentle push to try something new, and that will never happen with my very laid-back hubby..a watcher, not a doer..

At least he does like to cruise, because as we all know, we can do as little or as much as we like, anytime we like..

[ilovefla]

I also am single (and in age not a youngster) ...but I love cruising solo. I've always met wonderful intersting people and enjoyed myself to the fullest. My next solo cruise is this coming February 14 days on the constellation...I can't wait!

[LoveThisCruisingThing]

I think the comments of "sad and pathetic" are due to the experience of never cruising/traveling solo. For me, the choice is very obvious...travel alone or don't go at all. I refuse to be 80+ sitting in my rocking chair saying "I wish I had.......". I have thoroughly enjoyed my solo trips as well as trips that I have taken with others. I guess I am lucky that I haven't had the "negative" comments in my travels. In fact, the opposite. People are surprised and tell me how brave I am to do the trip alone. I personally think they are jealous that they HAD to wait to travel with someone. :D Traveling alone far outweighs the not having anyone with me.

[hal lover]

When I did my solo, all people ever said to me was, you are brave! Yep, I guess I was. I enjoyed myself so much that being solo never crossed my mind much. I'd do it again in a heartbeat! I did what I wanted when I wanted to. No one to ask what they wanted to do and really not want to do it. Up early, 5:30am, coffee delivered. Morning walk when the sun it rising, off to breakfast and then plan my day. Early dinner seating, see a show and off to bed at an early hour to only get up the next day to do it again! There is nothing sad or lonely about it if you enjoy meeting new people and have no attachments. ENJOY!

[vacation luvver]

I have received numerous put-downs for being alone, not just on cruises, but when on land vacations and just in general. It has nothing to do with my attitude. People didn't even know what my attitude was.

 

When I was on a bus trip in Mexico, there was a group breakfast on the first morning. I got to the table and sat down in an empty chair and said hello to the people seated near me. One man immediately asked me, "Where are your friends?" And then he got up and moved away from the table and looked around the room, because he just knew that my friends had to be somewhere.

 

Later on in that trip, a woman told me how nice it was travelling with her husband, because he put her carry-on bag in the overhead compartment for her. I said that since I was alone, I could put my carry-on bag on the seat next to me.

 

On a flight home from Europe on another trip, a woman told me that next time, I should wait until I was married to go on vacation, because it's much more fun to travel with a spouse than alone.

 

On a bus trip in Europe, a woman travelling with her boyfriend said that it was better to travel with someone else, that she was with her boyfriend every single second, because what if she saw a beautiful sunset and he wasn't there to see it too? I said that she could take a photo of it, but she said no, that she would prefer to see the sunset with him. That way, she said that she could say ten years later, "Remember that beautiful sunset we saw?" And he would say yes.

 

I read a newspaper article online written by a woman who went to a restaurant by herself. She said that another woman, who was four people, approached her and asked her if she was alone. When she said yes, the other woman announced, "How sad!"

 

When I was on a cruise by myself, a man asked me if I (a woman) was sharing a cabin with the cruise director (a woman). I haughtily said that I was not. I was insulted that he thought that the only way a cruiseline would allow a solo woman to cruise with them was if she shared a cabin with a ship employee, and that he thought that I was desperate enough to say okay. He wasn't trying to find out if I was alone for any ulterior motive. His wife was standing next to him when he asked me. I had the feeling that they had been discussing whether or not I was rooming with the cruise director, and he said that instead of guessing, he would ask me.

 

I guess I did come across as sad and pathetic when I was on NCL as a solo. I ate practically every meal by myself, as people didn't want to sit with me. I prefer eating in the dining room instead of the buffet, because I hate the fact that at the buffet, if I should forget to get a spoon or napkin or something, or if I want another glass of water, if I should get up to get it, my food would be gone by the time I got back to my table. Anyway, I can understand it if people seeing me eating by myself thought that I looked sad and pathetic, because THEY would not enjoy eating by themselves.

 

I have no idea how to come across as looking happy to be eating alone in the dining room, especially when I asked the hostess if anyone wanted to share a table (meaning that I would have liked some company), and the answer was always no. Sure, I brought a book with me, but that didn't make me look happy. And it meant that the waitress wouldn't even take my order until I made a fuss and sent someone to look for her, because she told me that she didn't realize that I had gone into the dining room because I wanted to eat. She said that she thought that I went into the dining room so that I could read.

[azrayne]

I'm in sales for my real job and in discussions we talk about upcoming vacations. When I say that I'm cruising in a couple weeks, they ask they usual, to where, who are you going with. When I answer that I'm going solo, they look at me strangely, smile and then say something how nice is that??? Then they realize that Im going to some very poor countries and they get concerned about me being alone or the fact that I will stay on the ship in port.

 

1. No way am I staying on the ship anywhere! My roll call members and family all know what I'm doing and if they don't see me, then they can worry.

 

2. I'm not waiting for those around me to WANT to cruise or vacation for that matter. Vacation is about me and what I want to do. I work hard for it.

 

I'm going on my first solo cruise. I've done many land solo vacations. Not a big deal. I can't wait to go!

[West Maui]

I have traveled alone most of my life, and also travel a fair amount for business. When someone asks me if I'm alone, I sometimes reply: "No, there are three of us (traveling/here/going together)--- Me, myself, and I!" This has always brought smiles and laughter-and also sent the message that I am comfortable being solo. For me, it breaks the ice in a nice way and has also brought new friends who respect my choice. I even get asked if "the three of you" are busy or would you like to join this group/tour/dinner, etc. A hotel I use for business often has made a tradition of asking me how the "other two" are, and the servers in the breakfast room tease me that I do eat enough for 3!:eek:

 

I think most people mean well, and sometimes they do wonder if a solo traveler is perhaps recently widowed, or similar sadness has resulted in the person being alone. Rather than think the worst, I find that using humor is much more successful than being cranky. It also ensures that one is remembered in a GOOD way.

[moonpie906]

I have been cruising solo since 2004 and I absolutely love it!! There have been a couple of times I have gone with friends/family, but generally, I prefer solo. I personally could care less what someone thinks about the fact that I am solo. I did have one woman who asked me "How can you travel solo"? I couldn't resist... my sarcastic repy... "The same way you travel with your husband, I just showed my boarding pass and passport and they let me on the ship"!!

West Maui, with your permission, I would love to steal your "me/myself/I" line!! That is pricelss!!

 

Seriously, being a widow, I love cruising solo.. It is the perfect vacation as far as I am concerned...

[West Maui]

Aloha,

 

You are more than welcome to steal the line! I hope you enjoy the reactions you get as much as I do.

[NewJersey222]

Why is it that on every thread that asks about solo cruising, there's always someone who has to come on and post that it's not worth it to cruise solo, that you need to share with someone, anyone, and if you don't, you're lonely and pathetic. There's one very frequent poster on CC that comes on to the Ask a Cruise Question board or the First Time Cruiser board, and if the question has to do with cruising solo, he/she always makes a snide comment about solos looking so sad and lonely and that he/she cannot imagine taking a solo cruise because all things on a cruise demand that it be shared to be worthwhile.

 

So tell me, do all of you solos get this vibe from others when you cruise solo? Do other cruisers make you feel pathetic? Do they say they feel sorry for you because you don't have anyone to share the cruise with?

 

I know for me, if I had the attitude that you need a cruising partner to have a fun and successful cruise, I'd be sitting home. As it is, if that were my attitude, I'd never have seen the Taj Mahal, gone on an African Safari, did the tango in Buenos Aires, held a koala bear in Sydney or shopped til I dropped in Hong Kong, Dubai and London.

 

 

Hi Darcie,

 

I say good for you!!!! I cruise solo and have also cruised with friends. I do my thing either way and LOVE it!!!!

 

Next up:

 

9/17/09 Explorer of the Seas, out of Cape Liberty, NJ:D

 

and considering same ship 11/21/09. I have noticed some people have to learn how to enjoy their own company!!! And some never do!!

 

Happy cruising and we LOVE it,

At peace,

 

NewJersey222:D

Marie

mem775416@aol.com