Need advise on treating adult children to a cruise.

[kuddles14]

I am in need of expert advise on treating our two adult children to a cruise so I have come to the experts.

 

MY DH and I are currently booked on the Oasis for this coming June. We decided last week to book a room for our two children daughter (26) and son (23). We have booked them an inside cabin. We have not told them that we have done this. Here is what I need help with. We were going to wait until Christmas and tell them that we did this. Now we are wondering if we should tell them now so it will give them more time to save up money for spending. Do we have them pay for excursions or do we treat? How much money do you think they might need on their account while on the ship? Can they each have their own account attached to their sea pass even though they are in the same room?

[reallyitsmema]

The decisions are really yours but you need to set the parameters up front. I think you need to tell them now because you don't know if they have plans they haven't told you. What about significant others? Are you getting an interior for each of them and a guest or are they sharing?

 

I think it is very generous of you but not knowing your family dynamics, I would really have a sitdown with them and discuss the whole thing.

[jkfreeman33]

I would tell them now for several reasons.....

If they are 23 & 26, don't they have jobs they need time off from?

I'm sure you are great parents, but they might not want to go on vacation with you and share a room with their brother/sister. They may be planning their own vacation with friends and boyfriend/girlfriend.

Kids at this age have a different idea of what a fun vacation is from adults.

My DH is unable to come on a upcoming family cruise and I am paying for my niece (age 30) to share a cabin with me. I am paying for the cruise fare ONLY. She is employed and will pay for her own air fare, bar bill, tips and all other expenses. I paid for the cruise. She was more than happy to come along and pay part of the expenses.

Talk to them..........

[H2OH!]

Agree with above poster. Also not sure about your financial status so this will weigh in on your decisions as well. In my family, my parents always paid 100% for our family vacations while we were in college. WHen out and on our own, they would subsidize our vacations depending on our financial situation at the time of the vacation. I am 42 years old and so thankful for the travel experiences my parents provided us in our teen years and in our 20's.

 

Here are some ideas...

 

1) Tell them now so they can plan around work and other planned activites with their friends. My niece who is 22 has a part-time job and always has plans with friends around the holidays when she is home from college. Additionally, I know my nieces are already telling us what they want for Christmas so your adult children may be depending on you for other gifts besides the cruise so if they know now, they can plan differently for the other items they want.

 

2) You could pay for all excursions as part of the family vacation and Christmas present

 

3) If they like to drink, have them pay for their own alcohol

 

4) HAve them purchase their own souvenirs.

 

Hope this helps.

[amybeth4]

I would wait until Christmas. People above are saying they may already have vacation plans, or will need to tell their jobs if they need time off. They're not going for another NINE months! At 23 or 26, I wasn't planning vacations 9 months in advance. And I've NEVER heard of a job where you have to give 9 months' notice for one week!

 

I think it's a VERY generous gift and would be fabulous to be told at Christmas. I would also treat them to one excursion that all of you could do together, and the rest they can pay for on their own. They can certainly save up for an excursion and alcohol between Dec. and June.

 

I'm looking forward to reading what you decide!

[FOLcruisers]

Hello!

 

We took our kids on a cruise last January, They are a bit younger, 22 & 23, and both still students, they also each bought a traveling companion. We paid all travel expenses and excursions for all four & covered the cost of food and travel in the ports, they were responsible for bar tabs, casino and purchases like coach bags, smokes, booze.

 

We had a fantastic time and i'm sure you will too. I recommend you talk things out in advance, it would be wonderful to surprise them but as others have mentioned there are many things they may need to plan too. Cruising is affordable but the extras add up quickly as i'm sure you know. I personally feel you should cover the costs of excursions or what ever you do on land, it's part of the trip.

 

Hope that was helpful, and have a blast!

 

Diana

[FOLcruisers]

Forgot to say,

 

Our group each had their own credit card attached to the sea pass, no problems. I think the amount depends on how much they plan on drinking etc. Sharing a cabin is a personal choice, depends on how close they are, mine would be fine i think but I know others who maybe wouldn't. I'd ask them.

[njoyndride]

I agree a Christmas surprise would be fun, and shiver, it's only a few months away :eek:. I've taken my adult children and I pay the cruise fare including tips, air, transportation in port and some excursions (if it's something they want to do they generally pay for themselves). All onboard purchases (shopping, drinks and gambling) is their responsibility and they put up individual credit cards, they could also put up cash if they don't have a credit card.

 

It's up to you knowing their financial situation and yours as to how much you will or will not be willing to participate in, but as a previous poster suggested just be clear up front so there are no surprises. The first thing when you board, show them how to access their account on the TV to monitor their spending, it can add up surprisingly fast...even for us more mature adults. While I generally know how much I am spending I check daily as well.

 

Lastly, I really enjoy cruising with my children (and grandchildren) making memories of a lifetime. We've done many multi-generational cruises including my in-laws 50th anniversary celebration. Everyone still talks about the great times we had. Enjoy!!

[asil621]

Let them pay for their own extras! I am 25, and if my parents were generous enough to pay for a cruise for me, I would happily pay for my own excursions, etc. Also- I would wait until Christmas to give them the surprise! 6 months is plenty of time to take time off of work and make any necessary arrangements.

[RetireeWannabee]

Wait until Christmas.

 

I would consider it a better vacation to take a cruise with my family than to a crowded beach with friends and masses of drunks. given the economy, not much chance kids that age would get a better vacation offer. I would be happy to share a cabin with my brother.

 

sounds like the best christmas gift I could get! Plus, so many fun ways to wrap that gift.

 

at that age I did not have to plan more than 6 months ahead for vacation but if they hold positions of responsibility, then, maybe. still, one week is not ridiculous time off request for most people.

 

pay cruise fare, the rest is up to them. give them a physical list of tips, pricing for excursions, drinks, etc., so they know how much to save up. I assume they are working. If not, pay their tips also so they can have a trip wtih no expenses.

[kuddles14]

Just to let everyone know that neither of them have a significant other. Sharing a room would not be a problem. Our daughter has a full time job and our son is graduating from college this coming December and will be taking a couple of courses to fulfill requirements that he will need to continue on to grad school over the next year. They both have birthdays in January also. Any other ideas. Keep them coming, I am really getting a lot of ideas and appreciate your help.

[RetireeWannabee]

Not knowing you or your kids, I would make one condition: there will be a formal family portrait. Back on land, make copies and frame it for each household to have. Maybe part of the Christmas unveiling is a picture frame that currently has a cruise ship in it?

 

I'm goofy enuf to draw a picture of each of us in the frame, to approximate the family silhouette! They would have to take the back cardboard off the frame to find the cruise tickets behind the really bad 'art'.

 

They open it and go, uh, ok, what the hell is this? man, the folks have really lost it if they think I'd display this in my apartment! you could make the worst possible collage using color copies of pictures that you can cut up and floating the family heads, maybe cutting out and mixing up bodies. And you would have to look REALLY PROUD of your artwork at first. "See, I made it myself! Isn't that nice, with all of us in it? I got the mosaic idea from HGTV!" let em stammer and be confused for a bit before you tell them to take the back off. wait for each to open theirs before letting on.

 

sorry, I come from a family where we prank each other at Christmas and making someone believe something in order to surprise them with the truth is fun for us. Scavenger hunts, boxes of sawdust and coins, empty boxes, boxes in boxes... so the "this is the worst gift ever!" that they think for 5-30 minutes becomes "THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER!"

[rjm1cc]

To many variables that are not known.

This type of trip should not be a surprise. Tell them now.

If you can aford it pay for the excurisions. Giving them the trip and the trip strapping them for cash does not sound like a good idea.

Let them pay anything they charge on board and for any shopping trips they take on land.

[steponboard]

If you're treating then treat all the way. I wouldn't want a present that ultimately cost me a few hundred dollars.

[sjb317]

We have taken our three adult sons (all out of the house and self-supporting:)) along with their significant others on three cruises. We paid for the cruise, they were responsible for air fare and money spent on the ship, excursions, etc., although we did "treat" them to dinner in Portofino's one evening. They all did their own thing during the day, we met for dinner every night. We had a great time on each cruise! On the cruise in 2008, our 2 year old grandson came with us, he loved being on the ship and hanging out with his uncles. I agree with the posters who said to discuss everything up front, I think I would tell them now so they have more than enough time to make arrangements, etc. but that is just my opinion, you know what is best for your situation.

It is so much fun to do a cruise with your adult children!!

Sherri:)

[cruiselvr04]

We had a great family vacation with our adults kids this way. Give them at least 3 months warning so they can plan their vacation off. We paid for plane, cruise, transportation (rented a van) and hotel and meal the night prior. We did DIY shore excursions and paid for those. They had to pay for anything else - bar tab, shopping etc. We paid for tips too. Our kids were all pretty poor at the time.

[PearlRabbit]

As to if you should tell them now or later: What are the time off request rules where they work? Where I work only two staff may have off at one time. Even if you ask 6, 9 or 12 months in advance if two people have already asked off, then that's too bad and you can't have off. If your kids are in a situation like that then I would tell them ASAP. It could be fun. Pull out some Christmas decorations and make cookies and wear a Christmas sweater and then tell them.

 

i think that paying for the basics of the cruise is enough. Tell them that they are responsible for their entertainment and sea pass charges. A cruise can be fun with out spending a lot of money, but if you want to go wild they can save their money and do that too.

 

It's really nice of you to do this. Doing things together as adults really builds memories. They are old enough to remember this and interact more as friends than parent/kid. My sister and I have been trying to get my parents to go on a trip with us, but they haven't agreed yet. I hope you have a fantastic time!

[Ashland]

We treated our 3 adult children & daughter in law to the Eastern Caribbean on the IOS in Jan 2009. We opted for the RFS. We told them right away but they all knew this was their Xmas present. The fun we had anticipating the cruise was GREAT ! They each had their own seapass cards of course connected to their debt or credit card. However on the last night of the cruise I had all charges put on my account. Imagine the shock look on their faces when they had a -0- balance. That really kept their charges down thinking they were paying for it themselves. We only did the zipline in Puerto Rico and our oldest son did get his scuba certification ( he thought he was paying for that also ) we treated. The times we have sailed with our kids cannot ever be replaced they will look back on these trips with great memories of a lifetime. Now when my husband and I sail alone we actually miss having them with us. So we are planning another family sail before the other two get married and before there are any grandchildren. Although I'm sure that will just give us the excuse to sail again.

[bajathree]

I am in need of expert advise on treating our two adult children to a cruise so I have come to the experts.

 

MY DH and I are currently booked on the Oasis for this coming June. We decided last week to book a room for our two children daughter (26) and son (23). We have booked them an inside cabin. We have not told them that we have done this. Here is what I need help with. We were going to wait until Christmas and tell them that we did this. Now we are wondering if we should tell them now so it will give them more time to save up money for spending. Do we have them pay for excursions or do we treat? How much money do you think they might need on their account while on the ship? Can they each have their own account attached to their sea pass even though they are in the same room?

 

Treating your kids to a cruise as a Christmas present IMO means you are paying the tab....buying them the cruise fare ONLY and then telling them they need to pay their own expenses is kind of like giving them a present that costs them $......IMO you should cover the entire cost if this is their Christmas present.

[mringenoldus]

We have also taken adult children as a Christmas gift - in fact we're taking one in three weeks as a welcome home from Iraq present.

 

When it was a Christmas gift, we paid the cruise and airfare. Then, so they had something to receive on Christmas day, we gave each a $100 RCCL gift certificate in thir stocking. Easiest Christmas shopping we ever did!

 

We have a really great time, but they have to put up with playing trivia with me each afternoon. That kid who was in Academic Decathalon came in really handy!

 

You might get a kick out of reading what my daughter recently wrote to a young lady who was planning to join us on the next cruise :) But I swear she's exaggerating!!

 

"First and foremost you have been appropriately warned about WILLINGLY participating in said family events. Since you choose to ignore all the warning signs I believe it is my duty to prepare you for what's ahead. If you join the cruise this will not be a leisurely relaxing vacation. Mom will be sure to provide you with an itemized check list of all the activities that the "family" (aka - YOU) will be attending while on board. You better bring all your useless knowledge of music and history to the trivia competitions since we DO have a reputation to uphold and we're at a serious disadvantage without T**** being there. Also -if Mom pretends to be "nice" and sends you off to go scuba diving she's trying to kill you. AND make you look stupid in the process. Just say no, cling to your life vest, and RUN little buddy - RUN! Also - if she mentions trying to get a "cheaper" cab - also known as ILLEGAL - she is trying to get you abducted so you can star in the next episode of Locked up Abroad. If you hear of any plans to go for a nice ride on jet ski's in something called "The Chase" just politely excuse yourself and lock yourself in your cabin until the end of the cruise. You will thank me for this later. Other than that good luck and bon voyage!!"

[MrsPete]

You know your family dynamics, so ultimately it's up to you; however, here's what would work in my family:

 

I'd tell the kids at Christmas. It'll be a great Christmas present. I'd wrap up something like a sand bucket with some sunscreen, etc. and put in a note telling them what their big present is. Since there's no way I could've afforded a cruise at that age, I'd have been thrilled.

 

Assuming they're out of school, six months is PLENTY of time to save up spending money. Realistically, if they can't do it from December 25 - June, they couldn't do it from September 19 - June either. Save the surprise.

 

I would let these conditions / thoughts be known from the get-go:

 

Since they're adults -- and I assume they live out on their own -- I wouldn't expect them to be with me every minute, though I would expect dinner together most nights and some other time during the week.

I would leave them on their own for excursions, though if you're financially able and everyone's interested, I'd consider doing ONE nice excursion together.

If they wanted to invite another friend -- entirely on the friend's dime -- to share the cabin AND IF the sibling didn't object, I'd be fine with that. But that would mean a friend, not a boyfriend or girlfriend; bringing a romantic partner on a family trip would be way outside my family's comfort zone.

I would pre-pay their gratuities and take care of their transportation so that they don't HAVE TO pay a single penny during this trip.

If they're just-out-of-school and are struggling financially, I would consider giving them $100 each in OBC so that they could have a couple drinks, etc. onboard.

And finally IF they couldn't get off work or if they already had other plans with friends for a vacation, I wouldn't be upset with them -- though I think that's rather unlikely with six months' notice.

[suni]

We have cruised with our adult children several times. This year we have invited them to join us on the Oasis for New Years. The prices are just stupid..... but what a NEW YEARS this will be ! We will be flying out Christmas Day and they each are bringing their signifigant other. Each couple will have their own cabin. We have already shared with them that this year we will not be doing Christmas Gifts, as this is our gift to everyone. Our arrangment is that we are paying for most everything, with the boyfriend and girlfriend do have to pay their own air.....we are using miles. We will pay for everything including tips, but they have to pay for gambling and shopping. In the past we also paid for alchhol when we were all together, but if they are out in a club or something on their own, those charges go their cabin on their own CC. My daughter is surprising her BF for Christmas this year with her gift to him being that we she put HER CC on their cabin for incidentals. Great idea I thought! Can't wait.

 

Reality is that I have NEVER regretted the money I have ever spent on a family vacation.....I have OFTEN regretted money spent on optehr random thongs though! ;)

[SliderNc]

Since being out of high school, I have not vacationed with my parents. Ironically, I vacationed with my girlfriend's parents this March without her (ski vacation to VT). I wasn't allowed to pay for anything which I felt bad about because I'm not one to not pay my own way. So I fought at dinner and at lunch at the lodge to pay for meals, drinks, etc.

 

Last summer, my parents paid for my sister and her husband to go on a cruise (Explorer out of NJ to the Caribbean). My DS and BIL were responsible for the onboard spending, but they are both employed (teacher/detective) so it wasn't a big deal.

 

To be honest, paying for the cruise is more than I could ever ask for. My parents are offering to do the same for us (my G/F and I) this upcoming summer (2010).

 

I guess what I'm trying to say that you should base it on what you think and feel. I know that if my parents were going to pay for our balcony cabin for a summer cruise at summer prices, that I would be grateful for just that and would probably pickup their bar tab for the cruise. Granted, we're all big drinkers of wine and before/after dinner drinks, but that's just me. Either way, it's just about what you feel. Maybe secure some gift cards for them for OBC and tell them that the rest is up to them.

 

Enjoy the family cruise. I think it's great that you can do that for your adult kids just as my parents will.

[weareadams]

DH and I have done this a few times with variations. Kids/spouses & grandkids, kids/spouses & no grandkids. I always felt that if I were giving this gift to them, I needed to make it a complete gift. We paid air, cruise and tips. At that point, everything is paid for that NEEDS to be paid for. If they want excursions, booze, souveniers, etc. they pay for those. The only requirement for us paying this much is that we ate together as a family every night for dinner. During the day, they could do whatever they wanted. Hang with us or do their own thing. All the kids/spouses & grandkids were very appreicative of the gift they received.

[luckyprincess]

Not knowing you or your kids, I would make one condition: there will be a formal family portrait. Back on land, make copies and frame it for each household to have. Maybe part of the Christmas unveiling is a picture frame that currently has a cruise ship in it?

 

I'm goofy enuf to draw a picture of each of us in the frame, to approximate the family silhouette! They would have to take the back cardboard off the frame to find the cruise tickets behind the really bad 'art'.

 

They open it and go, uh, ok, what the hell is this? man, the folks have really lost it if they think I'd display this in my apartment! you could make the worst possible collage using color copies of pictures that you can cut up and floating the family heads, maybe cutting out and mixing up bodies. And you would have to look REALLY PROUD of your artwork at first. "See, I made it myself! Isn't that nice, with all of us in it? I got the mosaic idea from HGTV!" let em stammer and be confused for a bit before you tell them to take the back off. wait for each to open theirs before letting on.

 

sorry, I come from a family where we prank each other at Christmas and making someone believe something in order to surprise them with the truth is fun for us. Scavenger hunts, boxes of sawdust and coins, empty boxes, boxes in boxes... so the "this is the worst gift ever!" that they think for 5-30 minutes becomes "THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER!"

 

You should come over for Christmas at my house!! Sounds like our families are very similiar. One of my sisters lives in South Dakota and we never see them. My parents don't have much money and don't really vacation or fly or anything, so they go a long time in between seeing their 18 and 12 year old Grandkids. My mom is fighting cancer and my dad now has diabetes, so the rest of us kids got together and bought two plane tickets for them to go to their Grandsons high school graduation in South Dakota! It's their first grandchild graduating so very exciting.

On Christmas morning, we had them open a present we gave them together. It was a dollar store frame with a poorly matted picture of their grandson and a sticker of a graduation cap we found stuck on his head. It looked like a toddler had made it. They both had a confused look on their faces, then pulled themselves together and said 'oh, it's lovely - how nice, thanks guys!'. Us kids laughed so hard at their very polite reaction. then we told them what was really happening and they cried.. It was a wonderful trip for them (and my sister in S.D. and her children, whom we kept in the dark!)

I think the OP should suprise them on Christmas. I would have loved to do that trip with my family. What a kind and generous mom!!:D