Convincing family members

[Mysteryreader]

I'm posting this on the Princess forum too.

 

We'd like to do a family cruise. Ddil is convinced she'll be suffering constantly from seasickness, tossed around the rm by rough seas etc. And then the biggies: their two girls will be entrusted to irresponsible counselors in the kids' club which will lead to a Bad End, and will inevitably FALL OVERBOARD. All remarks intended to convince her that this is not the same as a Mayflower or WWII cruise have been in vain.

 

Ds has suggested we may have to wait 20 yrs until the girls are old enough not to slip over/under/through the railing may be required. Does anyone have a suggestion on how to convince Ddil that a cruising today is not a suicide mission?

 

M/R

[eandj]

If she fears sea sickness, suggest she go to her dr for patches. (And of course book a room mid ship. )

 

Her fears re her children...well you can't do much about that. She DOES know the childeren do not HAVE to go to childrens program, doesn't she?

Or is she using that as another excuse for her basic fears. Can she swim? Maybe fear of water is causing these thoughts?

 

I would hope with enough family intervention, she would join in. Otherwise, if you all are set and excited to go, I'd suggest she stay behind. She might not be too fun to be with anyways if she is worrying constantly while on the cruise.:eek: I wouldn't cancel a family cruise because of one not wanting to go. Not fair for the rest of the family and their relationships. If she realizes that you are going with or without her, she might indeed change her mind.

[Cruisenouvelle]

I'd have to agree w/ eandj.... just tell her nicely that she and the kids can stay home while you have a wonderful cruise! I'll bet she'll come around...

how old are the children, by the way?

[TM]

We have done two family cruises, both on Carnival. The 1st one was to celebrate my parents 50th wedding anniversary, the 2nd my Mom's 75th birthday. We had 16 on the first trip and 17 on the second. Now we got lucky and my parents paid for all of us, but my Dad always said that those two trips were ther best ones he ever had. We ranged in age from 10 or 11 to 75. The kids all had a ball and still talk about those trips. You need to feel comfortable in doing it but I have to say we all had a great time and have a ton of memories from both of those trips. Hope that it happens for you. My now adult kids (29, and 34) want to know when WE are going to take them and their families on a cruise. I told them when I win the lottery!!

[DanManBob]

Tough situation, but bottom line is your daugther in law is an adult and has to make up her own mind.

 

If, after some polite encouragement (begging..lol), she is still not comfortable, then let it be. Take the vacation and leave daughter in law and her immediate family at home until such time as the daughter in law is ready.

[legaljen1969]

There is always one worrier in a family. LOL My grandmother used to the worrier. She didn't like to fly, didn't want to cruise. She loved to have fun but was basically a homebody. A trip to somewhere a state or two away was okay with her, but past that she started to get a little out of sorts. Finally, we started taking trips without her. We realized that she just didn't want to go. It wasn't fun for us and it wasn't fun for her if we made her go.

A cruise is a lot of money to spend on someone who doesn't want to go.

 

My family has done family cruising every other year for about 5 years. My niece had just turned a year old on our first cruise as a family. She was fine. My parents watched over her if my brother and SIL wanted to do something. We were on RCCL Mariner.

 

Two years later, we cruised with brother, SIL and niece (she was 3 y.o. on this cruise) We watched her one night so that brother and SIL could have a special dinner. Then they set up a sitter for her on two other nights so that our family could do other things in the evening when she was tired. It worked out fine.

 

This past April, we cruised again. She was... you guessed it- 5 years old. She LOVED the kids program and could not wait to finish up with family stuff and get back to her "friends." She is a little "joiner" though. She's one of those kids who has never met a stranger. My brother and SIL have raised her to be a very social child though so it's no big deal.

 

There are laws about the height of guard rails and such as that so kids can't easily fall overboard.

 

I think the non cruiser may just be apprehensive. Like everyone else said though, if she doesn't want to go- then just go without her. You can't stay homebound just because someone else doesn't want to take your chosen vacation.

[FinelyCruising]

Perhaps a short cruise may be a compromise for a trial for your family rather than a longer cruise, but that's a sacrifice for you if you wanted to enjoy a longer cruise. If your DS is thinking this may be the wrong time as well, I don't think you are going to be able to have everyone in agreement. Maybe a land vacation together and you hop on a cruise right after. :)

[cynbar]

It's one thing to have to encourage someone to give a cruise a try, but if she is dead set against it, I don't think it will end well if she is dragged along. We cruised once with a relative who insisted in advance he would not like it, and he certainly didn't, he complained and accentuated the negative from the start. It really detracted from our enjoyment of the vacation. I'd say the OP has 3 choices here: change to a land vacation, offer to bring ddil and her children but only if they can be open to it, or leaving them home . Only the OP can decide which is the best solution.

[Can'tstopcruising]

While I think it is very generous of you to offer to take your family on a cruise, if your DIL is not for the idea, it may be better to drop it. The most important thing here is your relationship with your DIL. Is a cruise worth jeopardizing it?

 

There are so many other ways you can enjoy time with your family. Ways in which Everyone would be happy.

 

Good luck with your decision!

[biker1972]

My sister who has gone to places like New Zealand and Somoa, does not want to cruise out of sight of land. She has done a river cruise and recently a 3 night inside passage cruise and now maybe I can get her to do an ocean cruise. No matter what irrational fear someone has, it will be impossible to convince them that it is an irrational fear. They won't have any fun and will make sure that you don't have any fun. Give up the battle, it is not worth causing disharmony.

[smtcan]

While I think it is very generous of you to offer to take your family on a cruise' date=' if your DIL is not for the idea, it may be better to drop it. The most important thing here is your relationship with your DIL. Is a cruise worth jeopardizing it?

 

There are so many other ways you can enjoy time with your family. Ways in which Everyone would be happy.

 

Good luck with your decision![/quote']

 

As a mother in law to two wonderful women I totally agree with this response. The role of a MIL is not always easy and attempting to impose your ideas (however well meant) does not improve the relationship. Try a different vacation first and maybe she will appreciate the advantage of traveling with the extended family and be more open to a cruise when the children are older.

[A1A]

While I appreciate and respect you for wanting to share this wonderful experience with your family, I would caution you against it. Your good intentions just may backfire and you may drive a huge wedge within your family. Someone that is dead set against something may not be able to enjoy the trip once aboard, no matter how wonderful the trip is, so my opinion as well, would be to drop it.

Ken

[Denny01]

I think the reponses pretty much cover the specfics the OP is asking, so I'll expound on family vacations/cruises...

 

We've taken our parents and daughters. The parents did OK and seemed to enjoy it while the kids loved it.

 

The kids loved it so much that we now go on a number of thanksgiving cruises with their family. I find these type of cruises great because, since I always seem to end up as the 'coordinator', you don't have to worry about finding a restaurant everyone would enjoy, setting schedules, and itineraries. On a cruise you all go off and do as you want and join up at various times. So much easier than land cruises many times. Love them!

 

One parent didn't quite understand the concept that we'd all be going off enjoying and then meeting up, and wanted to be 'involved' with what everyone else was doing and wanted everyone together at all times, and that got a bit touchy, ending with hurt feelings. Won't cruise anymore with the family group. Their decision and it doesn't stop the rest of us.

 

Went on a short Thanksgiving cruise last year with the grown kids, and doing it again this year...they love it and so do I. So much easier and fun for all (well, most all).

 

So agree with advise..set up a cruise and those that want to and can make it, will. Life.

 

Denny

[texkan]

You have suggested the cruise. Those that are excited about going... Go. Those that don't want to go should not, they will ruin the vacation for those that really want to go.

 

Sister and brother in law did a cruise with us. He complained a lot. I will NEVER cruise with them again.

[eandj]

The OP didn't say how many in this family trip. I will adjust my answer, post #2, by saying if this trip is for just your son, his wife and two daughters, then yes I'd just change the venue. Wouldn't be much of a family trip if dil and the kids weren't there. However if this is for a sizeable group, I wouldn't let her fears control your family's time together. There will be even more hard feelings towards her if she wrecks the whole family's time together.

 

If you DO adjust to her wishes, I would make sure that everyone else in the family has the final word on the next trip. :rolleyes: I wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings...as she obviously doesn't care about the rest of the family's wishes.

 

Nowhere did the OP say she is paying for everyone as suggested here by a poster.

[Mysteryreader]

Yes, we would be paying for everyone. Family members: one dd and sil, two girls (4 & 6), one ds and dil, two girls (8 & 4), one single ds. It'd be PopPop's b'day, and all granddaughters *lv* PopPop. (Me too. <g>) I can look for another group vacation, but our cruise experience has been that it appeals to more diverse interests than anything else. Does anyone have another vacation idea that would be similar?

 

M/R

[FinelyCruising]

You told them separate cabins, right???;)

 

How Blessed for each of them to have the opportunity to enjoy a very unique time such as this celebration. These are the ones that enduring and multigenerational memories are made from.

 

I am almost without words to the extent of your planning for this event and their lack of cooperation. Please don't shoot me I'm on your side!!!

 

Kids.:cool:

[Lois R]

Yes, we would be paying for everyone. Family members: one dd and sil, two girls (4 & 6), one ds and dil, two girls (8 & 4), one single ds. It'd be PopPop's b'day, and all granddaughters *lv* PopPop. (Me too. <g>) I can look for another group vacation, but our cruise experience has been that it appeals to more diverse interests than anything else. Does anyone have another vacation idea that would be similar?

 

M/R

 

Nope, not another vacation idea but just want to say you are

wonderful parents:)

[Lsimon]

We planned two great big family cruises. Both fizzled out when some of the family started complaining. One was cancelled totally, the other ended up just being us and our kids when everyone else backed out. It very well might be the last family vacation we'll have taken with all the kids - at least for many years and it was just a wonderful experience. We'll all remember that cruise forever with fond memories even though the other relatives all backed out.

 

I suggest that whoever wants to go does and whoever isn't interested doesn't.

 

If one relative has already made up their mind that they won't like the cruise then they won't. That sort of attitude is a self fulfilling prophecy. If pressed to go, they're likely to come back and write a review on Cruise Critic talking about the awful ship, the rough seas, the terrible food, the spots in the carpeting and how many burned out light bulbs they were able to find - all at the same time that you and other posters are raving about their wonderful cruise.

[DanManBob]

Yes, we would be paying for everyone. Family members: one dd and sil, two girls (4 & 6), one ds and dil, two girls (8 & 4), one single ds. It'd be PopPop's b'day, and all granddaughters *lv* PopPop. (Me too. <g>) I can look for another group vacation, but our cruise experience has been that it appeals to more diverse interests than anything else. Does anyone have another vacation idea that would be similar?

 

M/R

 

Just my opinion, of course, but if the rest of the family WANTS to do the cruise, then I would do it without the dil and her family. Otherwise, the rest of the folks might feel slighted after getting excited about a cruise. Sometimes, even with best efforts, we cannot please everyone in the group, be it family or another group. Again, just my two cents.

[Lsimon]

Oh - I remembered one more cliche: You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time.

 

Sounds pretty appropriate to trying to arrainge a group vacation for a large family. I continue to think you should just take those that want to go and leave the whiners behind. If they won't accept your generous offer happily and with the kind spirit in which it was offered then...

[Moeve]

Tell her it is OK for her to stay home since you are taking me instead :LOL:

[caribbeansun]

You should probably go without your DIL but rather than trash her or label her as a whiner or some other derogatory term it's entirely possible that she has a very legitimate phobia (which she can't control) related to being on the water and the excuses she's provided are an attempt at rationalizing that fear and/or saving face. I have encountered a similar fear with my SIL and it seemed irrational to me but was very real to her.

 

Either way, pushing her to go won't be a happy result likely for most of you but definitely not for DIL or DS.

 

 

Yes, we would be paying for everyone. Family members: one dd and sil, two girls (4 & 6), one ds and dil, two girls (8 & 4), one single ds. It'd be PopPop's b'day, and all granddaughters *lv* PopPop. (Me too. <g>) I can look for another group vacation, but our cruise experience has been that it appeals to more diverse interests than anything else. Does anyone have another vacation idea that would be similar?

 

M/R

[Can'tstopcruising]

I am not of the same mindset as some of the other posters. This is not a big extended family group. This is YOUR little family and the purpose of the trip is to celebrate TOGETHER. Leaving them behind would surely result in a family rift, which is NOT what you want to achieve.

 

Would it be possible to discuss with all your children what they would like to do? Someone should be able to come up with an idea that would suit everyone.

 

Good luck! It will turn out to be wonderful, whatever you do TOGETHER.

[dzcruisers]

My husband cruised before he met me. I refused to cruise for the first 23 years of our marriage. Many silly thoughts as I look back, claustrophobia, boredom, safety, these all loomed large. Finally in 1999, my husband said for his 50th birthday he would really like for me to go on a cruise with him. He said if I didn't like it he would not ask me again.

I told him I knew I was not going to like it but for a special birthday present for him I would go and try not to complain about being there. Wow did I sound like a witch!

Well 16, 17 cruises later here I am addicted to cruising. He used to get cruises as an incentive in sales and we gave them away. How lucky were those people!?!