The most shocking thing....??

[nrs377]

"I would have ran too if it smelled bad. Wait......what's a hammam"

 

ROFLMAO!!!!!

I wondered what a "hammam" was also, I thought maybe this is what the OP was calling the woman private parts. Then I thought.......why is she checking it out? and why is she close enough to smell it? Had to google it to see what it really was.

[Neotericisis]

I guess these need to be put on the "Essential" things to pack list.......LOL!!:eek:

 

Funny!

Edited March 3, 2011 by Neotericisis
need to delete

[Neotericisis]

I guess these need to be put on the "Essential" things to pack list.......LOL!!:eek:

 

 

 

LMAO! I don't need them anymore now that I am married :p

[douglinc@msn.com]

I think a hammam is some kind of bath house.

 

Doug

[Wisdom]

I think a hammam is some kind of bath house.

 

Doug

I think they're famous for the cheese they serve there. Yep...Hammam cheese

[MamaTene]

I think they're famous for the cheese they serve there. Yep...Hammam cheese

 

Well THAT is certainly one definition of hammam I hadnt thought of! OMG I cant stop laughing...great great great thread!

[sakapfet]

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

 

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

 

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with contempt, but did not utter a word. This went on for a days. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. You got me on this one ... where's the boat?"

 

----------------

Cruise Ship VS Nursing Home

 



About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner.

At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room.

I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.

I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said,

"I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".

She replied, "Yes, that's true."

I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause,

"It's cheaper than a nursing home".

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.

The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day.

I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.

That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service

(which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient.

An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare;

if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best!

Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?

Princess will have a ship ready to go.

So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side

at no charge.

----------------------------------------------------------

Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy - and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.

They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife.

St. Peter shook his head sadly.

"I can't let you in. You loved money too much.

You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy.

"Sorry, can't let you in, either." said St. Peter. "You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously...

"It's not looking good for us Dick."

 

 

[sakapfet]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

 

[MajorDeegan]

Back in 2007 on the Princess Ruby doing a Southern Caribbean Cruise. We would almost early every evening while walking down the hall we could hear this couple making out. I wanted to knock on the door but decided to let them have there fun.

[trk3]

On Triumph Feb 2011, dh and I were at a table in the buffet dinning room. A man walks in soaking wet in his swimsuit making water tracks every where. I could not believe he walked in like that with everyone eating!

 

In Cozumel there was a young guy in white shorts posing for pictures. He was posing like a female model. He was obviously gay. Then he was hooting and hollering. He was so funny and having a great time. I hooted and hollered back. lol The man sitting next to us said to his wife, "what a fruit cake".

[Fisherlady48]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

 

 

chuckle chuckle

[mar1972]

On my very first cruise with my mother I was on the Lido deck (2008 Conquest) and I was just taking it all in.

 

I glanced over at the pool which was empty except for a couple in the middle. People were laughing and just staring. I looked closer and realized that this older couple were very very drunk and had decided to do interpretive water dancing to the music playing.

 

This lasted for nearly 30 minutes and I was enraptured! This couple was very VERY serious about their craft. . . it's a sight I will never forget in my entire life. LOL:p

[Martini Mom]

I am so glad these things happen on a cruise. What great stories to be able to tell later. :D

Edited March 4, 2011 by Martini Mom

[True Texan]

I was giggling at the picture then scrolled down to go to the next post and saw the socks. Then I laughed out loud.

[Martini Mom]

I was giggling at the picture then scrolled down to go to the next post and saw the socks. Then I laughed out loud.

I think the socks are worse than the banana hammock! Black socks by the pool with any swimsuit is horrific. ;)

[Thoth]

You had a 50-50 chance of said nude person being a female. I hope you didn't try your luck gambling that day :D

no gambling that day...I knew that my luck had run out . It was kind of like going to the swimbad in Germany....OLD women and some young men playing vollyball...all naked. Yuck !

[InverStone]

The most shocking (memorable) thing I saw on my last cruise was......

 

 

 

...was...a cruise ship passenger complaining quietly (and very politely) to staff about a certain aspect of service.

 

Just kidding.

 

We were on the DREAM in December and were at show. We were seated on the balcony level. I went to buy a beer outside the balcony area where a crew member was manning the "beer cart". A cruise passenger was already there ahead of me - loudly berating and screaming at this poor guy because he didn't have any "sodas" that he could buy for his kids. I mean he was REALLY giving it to the staff member...yelling, cursing, spitting, all red in the face. The crew member (calmly I thought) explained that he was selling alcohol only and could not enter the balcony to sell due to safety regulations. This only made the passenger more irate, to the point that I thought he was going to physically assault the poor crew member. Seriously.

 

At this point I jokingly offered in a good-natured way to throw the passenger over the balcony railing. I was just trying to defuse the situation. The passenger glared at me and stalked off. The crew member (a man from Jamaica) was almost in tears. I ended up chatting with him for 5 or 10 min, reassuring him that he did what he could. I high fived him before I left (high fives are still cool guys) and tipped him 10 bucks cash. I hope he felt better. Sadly, his biggest concern was that the irate IDIOT had a bad experience that would affect his cruise. I wish I had staff that worked for me who were this dedicated.

 

Anyways...don't mean to be a "downer" but this shocked and saddened me. I will never treat a service person in this manner.

 

Inver

Edited March 4, 2011 by InverStone

[laumicmah]

Fantastic thread...I still haven't read it all either.

 

I have a couple gross stories to add-

 

First cruise, 9/2007...Disney Magic...7 day- My family and I were walking down our cabin hallway and there was a mother and daughter walking in front of us. The little girl (maybe 5 or 6) was crying and lagging a bit...mom was rushing her (probably had to make their seating in the MDR:eek:)...little girl threw up...in the hallway...mom dragged girl on...didn't clean it up...we had to step over it...she never turned to say sorry and she even passed a few staff and didn't tell them...I had to tell the staff.

 

Third cruise, 8/2010...CCL Fascination...5 day- At Half Moon Cay...there was some trash floating around in the water...including a chicken wing and a fork...someone must have gone in the water with a plate of food and lost it at sea or they purposely threw it in. Also at HMC...when in line for the tender...at the end of they day...I ran to use the ladies room right there...worker was cleaning it...she had all the TP out of all but 1 stall and all the seats up except for in that 1 stall...she must have finished all but that 1 stall and wanted us to only use it...but she had also emptied ALL the sanitary bins onto the floor and swept it ALL into a nasty pile right in front of that 1 stall...I had to step over the disgusting mess to use the potty.:eek: Let me just say...wrap it up please!!!!!

Edited March 4, 2011 by laumicmah

[crusinpsychRN]

On one cruise there was a couple who just got married on the ship and were taking photos with the ship's photographer. This was just after we left port. This young guy who was pretty drunk went right up to the bride and told her to come with him, he was "more man than the guy you just married." He was touching the bride all over while the husband stared agape at the drunken idiot. She finally told him to get lost.

[cruisedawgg]

On one cruise there was a couple who just got married on the ship and were taking photos with the ship's photographer. This was just after we left port. This young guy who was pretty drunk went right up to the bride and told her to come with him, he was "more man than the guy you just married." He was touching the bride all over while the husband stared agape at the drunken idiot. She finally told him to get lost.

 

wow! that would've been my shortest cruise ever had I been the groom. Y'all know what I mean.

[pbmsmile]

Last year i stopped by a beach on the french side of St Martain and there were a couple of naked old people tanning on the beach with all their family jewels flopping around and my DIL ran up between them and got her picture taken....they were NOT happy!! Why is it that you only see old people naked on these beaches....:rolleyes:

[GlendaleCruiser]

Last year i stopped by a beach on the french side of St Martain and there were a couple of naked old people tanning on the beach with all their family jewels flopping around and my DIL ran up between them and got her picture taken....they were NOT happy!! Why is it that you only see old people naked on these beaches....:rolleyes:

 

 

Now that's funny and I don't care who you are!:eek::D:p

[richstowe]

Not sure. Huge people don't think its funny when you take pictures with them at the buffet.

ok - maybe a little funny

[kr8z]

Not sure. Huge people don't think its funny when you take pictures with them at the buffet.

ok - maybe a little funny

 

Ha! I actually did laugh out loud. My husband looked over at me like I was a crazy person :p

[PunkinsDad]

Carnival Legend, April 2009, docked in Cozumel getting ready to leave port. I'm standing on my balcony watching a big ferry load and unload trucks and industrial equipment (Yes, I am a ship nerd, I love that sort of thing). I hear a loud group on their balcony about 2 decks below me. Being the curious sort, I lean over the rail to see what all the fuss is about. There below me is a 40-ish bleached blonde, topless (with obvious surgical enhanced.......assets) whooping and hollering and showing of for the tenders coming back to the dock from various excursions. Probably not drunk, but judging from the smell of the smoke coming up from that balcony she and her party were not smoking regular cigarettes. :)

 

With catlike reflexes, I immediately went next door to fetch.......my FIL. Didn't want him to miss the show!!!

 

By the time it was over, DW and MIL were both watching.

 

 

Very funny stuff. We laughed every time we saw her for the rest of the cruise. FIL still talks about it.