Table for two etiquette

[dadroy]

But this is really the rhetorical question framing the debate. Does sitting at a table for two signal to the rest of the dining room that you would like some privacy and that you aren't interested in idle chatter with strangers? And if it doesn't, should it? What you are suggesting is that there are two types of people who sit at tables for two: Those who welcome conversation from their neighbors and those who don't. And people need signs to tell everyone else which type they are. The OP is positing that the very act of sitting at the table for two is, in and of itself, the sign that they are not open to chatting because had they been so inclined, they would have joined a communal table in the first place. I think it is a fair debate without clear answers. You may be right. The OP may be right.

 

I know that when we choose to sit as a party of three, it is largely because we want some family time and aren't interested in telling strangers what excursion we took today, or if we found any bargains while shopping. I'm not going to shut down an inquiry from a nearby table with a rude "leave me the #$%^ alone". But they will be able to tell (I hope) from my short but polite answers that are not followed by "...and how about you? How was your day?" that we are not interested in a prolonged conversation. But sometimes people on cruise ships (and airplanes) don't get it. On an airplane, putting earbuds in one's ears is the universal signal for "I'm not open to seatmate chatter". Cruise ships don't seem to have any similar universal signal and the OP wants to know if there is one, should there be one, and is sitting at a table for two sufficient.

 

Could not agree more.

[bdjam]

So I don't know if I'm reading the original post differently or if we've gotten off track...but it seems the topic was if people want to talk they should share a table rather than sitting at a table for two and talking to their neighbors. I prefer not to be forced to sit with people who I don't know. Sitting next to people, however is a different thing...I can decide whether I want to engage them (or let them engage me) or not. I'm not forced to face them.

 

In the meantime, dining at a restaurant is a social event. Sort of like going to the movies. If you want to be totally alone stay home. There are no private booths in the dining room. If you don't want to be social and someone is invading your turf, I would imagine a polite mention of that would end any angst. I certainly wouldn't spend time trying to chat up someone who didn't want to talk to me.

[JimmyVWine]

In the meantime, dining at a restaurant is a social event. Sort of like going to the movies. If you want to be totally alone stay home.

 

I was with you the whole way through the first paragraph. However you lost me with the quoted passage above. I average around 100 to 125 meals a year in restaurants. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that I have witnessed people in formal restaurants chatting away with people at nearby tables the way this thread suggests is done on a cruise ship. It may very well be that the habits of people on cruise ships are different, but it isn't accurate to suggest that dining out at formal restaurants is a true social event. I can't imagine being in a land-based restaurant and leaning over to the table next to me and asking the diners there where they are from and what they did that day. Booth or no booth.

[cruisequeen4ever]

Etiquette would dictate that you converse with whoever is at your table, plain and simple. If you request a table for 2, you are clearly indicating that you wish to dine privately. In a land based restaurant, people would think you're a freak for initiating conversation with the people at the table next to you; it should be no different at sea. My husband and I are there to enjoy romantic date nights together, not have awkward conversation with strangers. Yes, cruisers are typically fun to talk to, but we enjoy couple time on vacation.

 

 

Sent using the Cruise Critic forums app

[Lovetocruiseprincess]

I was with you the whole way through the first paragraph. However you lost me with the quoted passage above. I average around 100 to 125 meals a year in restaurants. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that I have witnessed people in formal restaurants chatting away with people at nearby tables the way this thread suggests is done on a cruise ship. It may very well be that the habits of people on cruise ships are different, but it isn't accurate to suggest that dining out at formal restaurants is a true social event. I can't imagine being in a land-based restaurant and leaning over to the table next to me and asking the diners there where they are from and what they did that day. Booth or no booth.

 

Exactly. Who cares where they're from, how many kids they have or how there day was. If you want to talk get a large table & leave the small tables for two to those that want them. Hogging a table for 2 is worse than a chair hog.

[tlatrice]

But then why - as some are doing - universalize the point to some Massive Display of Bad Manners?

 

 

This was my issue. It's not necessarily RUDE, it's just not what you would do. Some people are just chatty. My ex-husband never met a stranger. Everyone was his friend. And he's a really likeable guy and extremely funny. Most people usually end up dying of laughter within 3 minutes of meeting him. But he's never 'rude'. Just talkative.

[JimmyVWine]

This was my issue. It's not necessarily RUDE, it's just not what you would do. Some people are just chatty. My ex-husband never met a stranger. Everyone was his friend. And he's a really likeable guy and extremely funny. Most people usually end up dying of laughter within 3 minutes of meeting him. But he's never 'rude'. Just talkative.

 

Agree. There is a tendency here to equate "talkative" with "friendly". They are not synonymous. People at a table for two who ignore the neighboring table that sits only four inches away are not rude, unfriendly, or "not nice". They are private. One can be friendly and private at the same time. And one can be rude and chatty at the same time.

[Potstech]

Exactly. Who cares where they're from, how many kids they have or how there day was. If you want to talk get a large table & leave the small tables for two to those that want them. Hogging a table for 2 is worse than a chair hog.

 

So requesting a table for 2 and actually talking to someone less than a foot away from you is "HOGGING A TABLE". Now that shows either a very bad and rude regional difference or someone who thinks they are more important than anyone else. I "HOG A TABLE" for various reasons on a cruise and could care less that it does not conform to someone else's reason for sitting at a table for two. If you do not want to talk to someone either give them them the evil eye or be very courteous and tell them to mind their own business. That would keep them from "Hogging that table" for long I am sure.

[lx200gps]

So requesting a table for 2 and actually talking to someone less than a foot away from you is "HOGGING A TABLE". Now that shows either a very bad and rude regional difference or someone who thinks they are more important than anyone else. I "HOG A TABLE" for various reasons on a cruise and could care less that it does not conform to someone else's reason for sitting at a table for two. If you do not want to talk to someone either give them them the evil eye or be very courteous and tell them to mind their own business. That would keep them from "Hogging that table" for long I am sure.

 

How very sad that you are completely unaware and uncaring of the fact that you are being intrusive in disturbng other people who may very well NOT want you disturbing them. Are you also aware that you ARE, to many, being downright rude in forcing those same people who don't want to be disturbed by you, to give you the evil eye or politely telling you to pi%$ off? They wouldn't have to if you got the message and left them alone in the first place.

[RetiredNTraveling]

Meant "it's LESS rude, etc." Brainfart.

 

? Does a "Brainfart" expel wax out your ear? :confused:

 

People rarely laugh at me. They do, however, sometimes snicker "in my direction".

 

My DW tells me, "You're never too old to learn something stupid." :p So if I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. :eek:

 

As for etiquette, I was always told not to eat peas with my knife! Why? :confused:

Edited November 14, 2014 by RetiredNTraveling

[Rick-cruiser]

Thanks for emphasizing the point. As I said, there are definitely regional and cultural differences at play here. And it really isn't a matter of rudeness as it is just differences. For example, there are areas in this country where the check - out clerks at supermarkets will chat you up like they've known you forever and other areas where such familiarity sticks out like a sore thumb. It isn't a matter of rudeness. It's just a regional difference.

 

That's one thing on Long Island we don't have to worry about.. The check-out clerks at supermarkets here don't look at you, don't talk to you, don't even acknowledge you.. They MAY tell you, after ringing everything up, what the total amount is.... but usually not... they just wait for you to hand them money.. Then, to top it off, there is no thank you...have a nice day...goodbye.. Nothing.. It makes a person understand why there's so much misery and pent-up animosity here.

 

I'll take a chatty check-out clerk any day....

.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Rick-cruiser

[tlatrice]

How very sad that you are completely unaware and uncaring of the fact that you are being intrusive in disturbng other people who may very well NOT want you disturbing them. Are you also aware that you ARE, to many, being downright rude in forcing those same people who don't want to be disturbed by you, to give you the evil eye or politely telling you to pi%$ off? They wouldn't have to if you got the message and left them alone in the first place.

 

Or they may not mind at all. And how do you know?

 

I think that some people are basing it on their personal preference. But in general, you never know when you'll meet with someone you just click with. You strike up a conversation and it turns out you get along well. But oh- we can't talk because I'm at a table for 2 and I have to keep my eyes on my own plate??? :eek:

 

Yes, if the people make it clear that they DON'T want to be bothered, then to continue to chat would be rude. But I don't think people are talking about that situation. That certainly isn't the original question.

 

I noticed on my last Emerald Princess cruise a number of people requesting a table for two, no sharing, getting their table for two, and then proceeding to talk to the couple sitting next to them for the entire meal.

 

If people wish to talk to others, should they ask for a sharing table so that a table for two is more available for those who really want a private meal?

 

You may NOT wish to talk to just ANY random others when you make the reservation, but you meet someone at the next table and a conversation starts. And it just goes from there. But if you follow the suggested 'etiquette', you shouldn't even be talking to them because you're at a table for two. :confused:

 

(Not to mention that the OP isn't talking about something that happened to them. It's about something they saw going on in the dining room. Why we're policing what's going on at other tables is beyond me, but...:rolleyes:)

 

Bottom line, I don't think there is a 'rule' that if you're at a table for 2 you shouldn't talk to people at other tables. I don't see where there is any special 'etiquette' for this.

[Treven]

agree. There is a tendency here to equate "talkative" with "friendly". They are not synonymous. People at a table for two who ignore the neighboring table that sits only four inches away are not rude, unfriendly, or "not nice". They are private. One can be friendly and private at the same time. And one can be rude and chatty at the same time

 

YES, exactly! :D

Edited November 14, 2014 by Treven

[shredie]

 

 

You may NOT wish to talk to just ANY random others when you make the reservation, but you meet someone at the next table and a conversation starts. And it just goes from there. But if you follow the suggested 'etiquette', you shouldn't even be talking to them because you're at a table for two. :confused:

 

(Not to mention that the OP isn't talking about something that happened to them. It's about something they saw going on in the dining room. Why we're policing what's going on at other tables is beyond me, but...:rolleyes:)

 

Bottom line, I don't think there is a 'rule' that if you're at a table for 2 you shouldn't talk to people at other tables. I don't see where there is any special 'etiquette' for this.

 

This makes sense. The etiquette will be dictated by the circumstances. If I sit next to a table with a couple who clearly wish to be private, I respect that. If I'm sitting there and a chatty person arrives, I can either respond with conversation or indicate politely that I wish to be private with my partner. It's silly to suggest we need a "rule" about which persons may or may not sit at a table for two. Besides, given the note of hostility suggested in the OP's post, I think it would take someone remarkably obtuse to try to engage him/her in conversation.

[elliair]

We chat with the people at the table next to us all the time. If they start the conversation, we talk. It isn't like we're going to meet up with them at the bar and have a drink. What I don't enjoy is being seated at a table with people who can't speak English - that's really awkward.

[babyher]

How very sad that you are completely unaware and uncaring of the fact that you are being intrusive in disturbng other people who may very well NOT want you disturbing them. Are you also aware that you ARE, to many, being downright rude in forcing those same people who don't want to be disturbed by you, to give you the evil eye or politely telling you to pi%$ off? They wouldn't have to if you got the message and left them alone in the first place.

 

 

You know you are right

 

 

Years ago when the sweet little old lady at the table next to me struck up a conversation (My meal had just arrived and she was still ordering, It looked so good, she wanted to know what it was so she could order it herself.)

 

I should have given her the evil eye and ignored her.

 

Of course then I would have missed out on having the nicest conversation with Helen Hayes .

[shepp]

In a land based restaurant, people would think you're a freak for initiating conversation with the people at the table next to you; it should be no different at sea. My husband and I are there to enjoy romantic date nights together, not have awkward conversation with strangers.

 

Well, my husband and I like our romance, too, but being seated cheek-by-jowl with two adjoining couples in the MDR hardly qualifies, in my mind, as Quality Couples Time. I don't know....perhaps our relationship isn't as all-consuming as yours. (And yes, I'm fine with being assigned more isolated two-tops in the MDR, but even then, I don't consider that remotely as romantic as, say, watching the wake from the promenade deck after dinner.)

 

As to being considered a "freak"...well, I guess not all of us share the standards of your Elevated Social Set. But here in the freakish, over-priced bohemia of San Francisco, if someone at a really close adjoining table at least says Hello, I consider them friendly, not freakish, and the situation less "awkward" than our mutually acting as if we're co-existing in close proximity.

 

And as long as I'm not being actively intrusive or rude, I frankly don't give a damn whether strangers think I'm a freak, particularly in the homogenized context of middle-class cruising.

 

Hell, I like freaks. They tend to be less boring.

Edited November 14, 2014 by shepp

[bdjam]

I was with you the whole way through the first paragraph. However you lost me with the quoted passage above. I average around 100 to 125 meals a year in restaurants. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that I have witnessed people in formal restaurants chatting away with people at nearby tables the way this thread suggests is done on a cruise ship. It may very well be that the habits of people on cruise ships are different, but it isn't accurate to suggest that dining out at formal restaurants is a true social event. I can't imagine being in a land-based restaurant and leaning over to the table next to me and asking the diners there where they are from and what they did that day. Booth or no booth.

And I guess I can't imagine that either...but a polite hello, a little greeting, especially when the tables are so close together. You almost have to excuse yourself just to sit. I don't know what the original poster actually saw - maybe the tables for two were people who spent the day together on an excursion and just happened to be seated next to each other. I don't advocate chatting every table in the room up. But if you are sitting in the same room with people, you should expect that there may be some kind of interaction...and whether that interaction continues is up to the parties at the table. If you don't want to engage in conversation you can politely excuse yourself.

 

Quite honestly there are a lot of people at those tables for two who don't even talk to each other...kinda sad.

How very sad that you are completely unaware and uncaring of the fact that you are being intrusive in disturbng other people who may very well NOT want you disturbing them. Are you also aware that you ARE, to many, being downright rude in forcing those same people who don't want to be disturbed by you, to give you the evil eye or politely telling you to pi%$ off? They wouldn't have to if you got the message and left them alone in the first place.

So then we should assume that everyone is not wanting to be disturbed because if we disturb them then we are rude. Then according to this rule of etiquette, no one would be talking to anyone. We are moving more and more to a place where we don't interact with each other. Is that because we are too consumed in ourselves to even care?

As to being considered a "freak"...well, I guess not all of us share the standards of your Elevated Social Set. But here in the freakish, over-priced bohemia of San Francisco, if someone at a really close adjoining table at least says Hello, I consider them friendly, not freakish, and the situation less "awkward" than our mutually acting as if we're co-existing in close proximity.

Perhaps because we are lucky enough to live in the best place in the world, our sensibilities are different. I noticed it on my last cruise down the east coast. People's manner were much more inward facing (i.e. it's all about me) than what I find in San Francisco where there is more of a social and communal environment.

Years ago when the sweet little old lady at the table next to me struck up a conversation (My meal had just arrived and she was still ordering, It looked so good, she wanted to know what it was so she could order it herself.)

 

I should have given her the evil eye and ignored her.

 

Of course then I would have missed out on having the nicest conversation with Helen Hayes .

Jackpot! :)

Edited November 14, 2014 by bdjam

[shepp]

Hello, I consider them friendly, not freakish, and the situation less "awkward" than our mutually acting as if we're co-existing in close proximity.

 

"...as if we're not co-existing, etc..." The very opposite of what I said.

 

Shoot, I really should proof-read my posts better...

Edited November 14, 2014 by shepp

[toberman]

bdjam... this is off-topic - but how do you get multi quotes?? The most I can get is 2. :confused:

[shepp]

Perhaps because we are lucky enough to live in the best place in the world, our sensibilities are different.

 

Best place in the world? Hey, I wouldn't say that.

 

But you did, and who am I to argue? ;)

Edited November 14, 2014 by shepp

[Potstech]

How very sad that you are completely unaware and uncaring of the fact that you are being intrusive in disturbng other people who may very well NOT want you disturbing them. Are you also aware that you ARE, to many, being downright rude in forcing those same people who don't want to be disturbed by you, to give you the evil eye or politely telling you to pi%$ off? They wouldn't have to if you got the message and left them alone in the first place.

 

So I am rude because I talk to people? If they do not want to be talked to all they have to do is say something. That has actually happened to me a total of once and I respected their request. So again being friendly is being rude to someone. Now that is very very sad and I think that is the true message . Very sad to be so involved in yourself that way Sad Sad Sad.

[makai 7]

OK, so this happened to us when we were on a 10 day HAL cruise, but it was kind of creepy.

 

My DH and I were seated at a table for 2 on the last night of the cruise, and yes the tables were very close together... but we were trying to have a quiet dinner and NOT get into a conversation with anyone else around us.

 

The Husband at the table next to us starts talking to us. This is not a problem, we can be sociable ...

BUT...

 

What he says freaked us out at the time, and we still joke about it today.

 

He said...

I have been watching YOU (me, the wife) eating with chopsticks every day and I am very impressed with how you use them.

 

OK, so if he watched me once, it wouldn't be a big deal - but suddenly it felt like I had been stalked for the last 10 days at lunch in the buffet area, with some guy staring at me every day while I was eating? ICK!:eek:

[toberman]

He said...

I have been watching YOU (me, the wife) eating with chopsticks every day and I am very impressed with how you use them.

 

OK, so if he watched me once, it wouldn't be a big deal - but suddenly it felt like I had been stalked for the last 10 days at lunch in the buffet area, with some guy staring at me every day while I was eating? ICK!:eek:

 

Really doubt he was watching you so much as how adept you were at using the chopsticks.... probably wishing he could do the same (and probably trying to learn from watching you).... How to do it. :)

Sorry.. did not mean to imply that you would not be good to look at... I just think he was mesmerised by your abilities.

Edited November 14, 2014 by toberman

[MarElz]

You know you are right

 

Of course then I would have missed out on having the nicest conversation with Helen Hayes .

 

:):):)