Table for two etiquette

[JimmyVWine]

Do you have a sign posted saying that you Do. Not. Want. to talk to others? Otherwise, why would you call their behavior 'rude'?

 

But this is really the rhetorical question framing the debate. Does sitting at a table for two signal to the rest of the dining room that you would like some privacy and that you aren't interested in idle chatter with strangers? And if it doesn't, should it? What you are suggesting is that there are two types of people who sit at tables for two: Those who welcome conversation from their neighbors and those who don't. And people need signs to tell everyone else which type they are. The OP is positing that the very act of sitting at the table for two is, in and of itself, the sign that they are not open to chatting because had they been so inclined, they would have joined a communal table in the first place. I think it is a fair debate without clear answers. You may be right. The OP may be right.

 

I know that when we choose to sit as a party of three, it is largely because we want some family time and aren't interested in telling strangers what excursion we took today, or if we found any bargains while shopping. I'm not going to shut down an inquiry from a nearby table with a rude "leave me the #$%^ alone". But they will be able to tell (I hope) from my short but polite answers that are not followed by "...and how about you? How was your day?" that we are not interested in a prolonged conversation. But sometimes people on cruise ships (and airplanes) don't get it. On an airplane, putting earbuds in one's ears is the universal signal for "I'm not open to seatmate chatter". Cruise ships don't seem to have any similar universal signal and the OP wants to know if there is one, should there be one, and is sitting at a table for two sufficient.

Edited November 12, 2014 by JimmyVWine

[LoveThisCruisingThing]

I always get a table for two, by myself. I don't pay any attention to the people at the tables on either side of me. I simply sit there enjoying my meal and reading on my iPad between courses.

 

Hi Treven.

 

Wish this Sacramento weather would turn to Fall. I want some chill in the air!

 

I really admire you. I have no problem sitting by myself in a restaurant when I am at home. I can sit by myself at the ship's buffet with no problem but at the dining room I have not become comfortable doing that.

[Mary Ellen]

Do you have a sign posted saying that you Do. Not. Want. to talk to others? Otherwise, why would you call their behavior 'rude'?

I would hardly consider expecting a conversation with strangers sitting at a different table to be polite. :rolleyes: I don't know about others here but it certainly isn't done wherever we dine out.

[Cruisin Oldies]

I'm sure others are like us, we don't mind talking to folks but we don't do the different courses. We only eat the entree, not even dessert. If we are sitting at a table with others waiting for them to go through the various courses, we end up eating too much of those bread offerings. We rarely take up table space for more than 30 minutes. We visit with folks at other times.

 

Cruisin Oldies

[Treven]

JimmyVWine, perhaps putting in ear buds at a table for two would tell folks that you don't want conversation, just like on an airplane?:rolleyes:

[Treven]

Hi Treven.

 

Wish this Sacramento weather would turn to Fall. I want some chill in the air!

 

I really admire you. I have no problem sitting by myself in a restaurant when I am at home. I can sit by myself at the ship's buffet with no problem but at the dining room I have not become comfortable doing that.

Yes, I'm ready for some fall weather and some rain!

I've dined alone, mostly, for the past 40+ years that I've lived here. So I guess I've gotten used to it. To me it doesn't take any more effort to have dinner alone than it does for breakfast or lunch. You might try it the next opportunity.

[CZEE]

One night one of then won the Bingo and shouted everyone a couple of bottles and were generous enough to offer to include us [we aren't drinkers so declined] the next night [last at sea] we ate at the Steakhouse but before diner I went down and arranged another round of wine for the table as they had really made the cruise an even more enjoyable experience. Next day they came looking for me to tell me off.

 

 

Why ever did they tell you off? You did a very nice thing. Or am I missing something?

[GUT2407]

Why ever did they tell you off? You did a very nice thing. Or am I missing something?

 

 

First they were Aussies and so am I.

 

It was once almost a "hangable" offence in Aus to but someone a drink and not hang around for them to buy you one back, so it was all in good nature, their telling me off was, by way of thanks. It was even worse to let someone buy you a drink and not buy them one back, now that doesn't mean one for one, so you could buy two rounds and me only one, and provided that wasn't me regular behaviour, no worries.

 

Probably makes no sense to the rest of the world and I'm sad to say that there are many here [ie in Australia] who today wouldn't understand.

 

Certainly up to the '60's there were fairly complicated etiquettes around drinking in Australia, even drinking in a bar by yourself was seen as a sign of strangeness.

[Yehootu]

Forget about getting a 2-top expecting an intimate night with your mate. It's impossible for people on both sides not to hear your conversation and vice-versa. More often than not you end up talking to them just because you can't have a private conversation.

Like another poster mentioned about getting a table for 4 on HAL, we also found it like that on NCL - much like you would at a land based restaurant.

The advantage of a 2-top on Princess is you don't feel that you have to talk to neighbours, just be aware that you may have to limit your conversation to things you don't mind them hearing anyway.

Not true! My wife just had table 124 in the Michelangelo Dining room on the Grand. Totally Private and excellent service. Right behind the service center on an elevated platform. Excellent. Ask for it, I will again!

Tim

[wizard-of-roz]

No if you get a table for two you should not talk to anyone else in the whole room, and if you ask for a table for six you shouldn't talk to anyone else other than the other 5 at your table.

 

And if you are in the lounge and sitting in a chair for one you better make sure you only talk to yourself.

 

This is so funny.......I actually spit my grape onto my desk....How can one eat grapes and read blogs as funny as this.....I ask you? :confused:

[JimmyVWine]

JimmyVWine, perhaps putting in ear buds at a table for two would tell folks that you don't want conversation, just like on an airplane?:rolleyes:

Only works if dining alone. Two people together both with ear buds would be weird. ..but funny!

 

I find both sides of this debate fascinating while I sit squarely in the middle. The "it is rude not to engage" crowd seems to treat MDRs completely different from a typical restaurant. Is it the proximity of the tables that does that? But when I dine in New York City with a neighboring table in my lap, I don't feel an urge to ask the people next to me how their day was and frankly it would be rude of me to do so. And the "it is rude to engage" crowd seems to think that one should be able to expect privacy on a ship with 3000 other people. Great study in human behavior and regional/cultural differences.

Edited November 13, 2014 by JimmyVWine

[Thrak]

Sorry, for some reason people often laugh with me, or should that be at me?

 

People rarely laugh at me. They do, however, sometimes snicker "in my direction".

[Waimea'sMom]

I have to say I am actually a very shy introvert. This is despite having had a career as a litigator in court. I am fine with speeches and speaking in public, but much more introverted in a personal setting.

 

I prefer a table for two only because I do not want to engage in uncomfortable small talk with strangers. I will never be rude to you - and I do believe whichever table is seated first should say hello to the people that arrive later, but if I wanted a communal discussion I would ask for a shared table.

 

Not all of us are rude or snobbish, some of us are just not extroverted "people" people. I would recommend some folks here read this article on introverts so the next time one of us politely greets you and then goes back to our own conversation you won't assume we are rude.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/07/physical-behavior-of-introverts_n_6069438.html

Edited November 13, 2014 by Waimea'sMom

[GUT2407]

People rarely laugh at me. They do, however, sometimes snicker "in my direction".

 

 

Definitely laugh out load at me, usually pointing in my direction when they do.

[Thrak]

Sorry, for some reason people often laugh with me, or should that be at me?

 

I am a teacher and I talk to myself when doing paperwork. Sometimes I just need to have an adult conversation after a day of talking with kids.

 

I work with state employees and sometimes I feel the same way...

[GUT2407]

I have to say I am actually a very shy introvert. This is despite having had a career as a litigator in court. I am fine with speeches and speaking in public' date=' but much more introverted in a personal setting.[/b']

 

I prefer a table for two only because I do not want to engage in uncomfortable small talk with strangers. I will never be rude to you - and I do believe whichever table is seated first should say hello to the people that arrive later, but if I wanted a communal discussion I would ask for a shared table.

 

Not all of us are rude or snobbish, some of us are just not extroverted "people" people. I would recommend some folks here read this article on introverts so the next time one of us politely greets you and then goes back to our own conversation you won't assume we are rude.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/07/physical-behavior-of-introverts_n_6069438.html

 

So so true, I am in exactly the same boat, I am a barrister and talk with strangers all day every day when I am in total control, but am by personality, very shy and reserved I detest meeting new people in a social setting.

[shepp]

But when I dine in New York City with a neighboring table in my lap, I don't feel an urge to ask the people next to me how their day was and frankly it would be rude of me to do so.

 

So it's ruder to pretend they aren't there than to nod Hello and see if they nod back? OK, maybe it's a San Francisco thing or maybe I'm just an old hippie, but I have no problem if someone at a very-close-by table says Hi, or even - horrors! - if they ask, "What's that you're eating? It looks good." It's only if I quickly turn back to Hubby but they don't take the clue (something I don't think has ever happened to me) that I might think they're rude. But hey, there are trendy restaurants that are so damn noisy that it's easier to talk to the person next table over than your partner across from you.

 

So does that principle transfer to traveling in the shipboard elevators, or when someone joins you in a hot tub? Better to guard your respective personal spaces in stony silence? And when I was flying to Beijing and ended up having a fascinating conversation with the guy beside me (a golfer who was headed to the Chinese tournament), did we violate some New York principle of politesse?

 

One nice thing about talking to folks at neighboring tables as opposed to random strangers at a big table: you can always gauge whether you're interested, then politely tune out if things get tedious and they go on at inordinate length about their grandchildren, their cats, their ailments, or their grandchildren's cats' ailments.

Edited November 13, 2014 by shepp

[crochetcruise]

D'Oh! Have you been watching me? :eek:

 

I work in IT and I end up talking to myself while I'm working. I tell people that I have to talk to myself because I need someone to tell me what to do... :D

 

Actually, you are Verbally Brainstorming! Less polite people call it talking to yourself but in my experience a lot of problems are solved by thinking aloud!

 

Crochetcruise :cool:

[joespin]

"And if we want to eat quickly (not all the courses, but most of the time we do skip a course or two) to get to a show, we'll just let our tablemates and wait staff know in advance. And even at times, there'll be a couple who says they want to do the same. If others don't like that, tough. Most people are understanding, though. And we're fine if someone else wants to do that. A considerate person who's ordering duplicates of courses would let the waitstaff know not to hold anyone else's food up."

 

Exactly, I'm surprized no one else mentioned this.

[shepp]

So it's ruder to pretend they aren't there than to nod Hello and see if they nod back?

 

Meant "it's LESS rude, etc." Brainfart.

[JimmyVWine]

So it's ruder to pretend they aren't there than to nod Hello and see if they nod back? OK, maybe it's a San Francisco thing or maybe I'm just an old hippie, but I have no problem if someone at a very-close-by table says Hi, or even - horrors! - if they ask, "What's that you're eating? It looks good." It's only if I quickly turn back to Hubby but they don't take the clue (something I don't think has ever happened to me) that I might think they're rude. But hey, there are trendy restaurants that are so damn noisy that it's easier to talk to the person next table over than your partner across from you.

 

Thanks for emphasizing the point. As I said, there are definitely regional and cultural differences at play here. And it really isn't a matter of rudeness as it is just differences. For example, there are areas in this country where the check - out clerks at supermarkets will chat you up like they've known you forever and other areas where such familiarity sticks out like a sore thumb. It isn't a matter of rudeness. It's just a regional difference.

[shepp]

Thanks for emphasizing the point. As I said, there are definitely regional and cultural differences at play here.

 

But then why - as some are doing - universalize the point to some Massive Display of Bad Manners? And hey, if a grocery checkout clerk is friendly to me, I guess I can somehow live with that.

 

Like I said, ex-hippie.

[JimmyVWine]

But then why - as some are doing - universalize the point to some Massive Display of Bad Manners?

 

Can't answer that one. The need for hyperbole on an Internet chat board? Or...In addition to regional and cultural differences, some people really are just rude!

[LoveThisCruisingThing]

Yes, I'm ready for some fall weather and some rain!

I've dined alone, mostly, for the past 40+ years that I've lived here. So I guess I've gotten used to it. To me it doesn't take any more effort to have dinner alone than it does for breakfast or lunch. You might try it the next opportunity.

 

I don't know I can do dinner alone at home or away from home but the cruise I have difficulty. Just a weird thing I guess. Eventually I will try it. Breakfast and lunch are no problems on the ship, just dinner.

[DJ Cruisers]

We have always preferred a table for 2 but now it is more of a necessity. I have TMJ and just can't carry on a conversation. It can get quite uncomfortable talking, laughing, and eating. If we have close neighbors we'll smile and say hello and then avoid any other interaction. It usually works. I guess I just thought most people that ask for a table for 2 aren't looking to converse to any extent with others.