FOODSPONGE FULLPANTS Overeats again - REVIEW Equinox Dec12, 2014 10-day Carib

[greydog]

EQUINOX, DEC-10 TO DEC-22 2014, FLL-ST.THOMAS-ST.KITTS-ST.MAARTEN-BARBADOS-DOMINICA.

 

This review attempts to follow the ”mini-skirt rule” for writing reports – long enough to cover what’s essential, short enough to remain interesting.

 

EMBARKATION

Arrived around noon and were onboard about 30 mins later. Everyone had to complete a current Health declaration as a screen to reduce Norovirus illness. A question also asked about travel to areas like western Africa. Several years ago another health alert was Avian flu, aka ‘Bird flu’. I remembered a report that an early symptom of bird flu in humans was the urge to go to the bathroom on car windshields.

 

SAFETY DRILL

Held in different public venues including silk Harvest with a televised safety briefing. Having grown up watching the Twilight Zone and Outer Limits, I tend to look around the group I’d be on the lifeboat with and hope no one closely resembled William Bendix and/or Tallulah Bankhead.

 

SHIP’S CONDITION

Tired, worn, saggy, sorely needing touchups – but enough about the passengers. On the positive side, at the pool area, I was impressed with the prevalence of men with six-pack abs – see pic below.

 

The ship seemed to be clean and well maintained overall with crew regularly visible performing cleaning duties.

 

Our pre-Christmas sailing was reported to have 121 kids onboard. I have nothing against noisy, sticky-fingered, germ-spreading kids but never forget that they are here to replace us.

 

It was the sailing before Christmas and festive seasonal displays were being setup in the atrium area during our sailing.

 

Holiday tunes like “Santa Claus coming to town” could be heard, with its admonition to children

“He's gonna find out Who's naughty or nice…..…..He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake!

 

I must not have embraced the Christmas spirit because this lyric brought to mind Mae West’s admonition that “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.”

and

"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better."

[greydog]

STATEROOM VERANDA, 2-C 6298.

This cabin was one of the 8 aft-most 2-C veranda cabins on Deck 6 (port and starboard) that feature over-sized balconies (approx.. 60 sq. ft.). SEE PIC below. The cabin interior layout was standard size with the bed nearer the bathroom. Since there are 8 x 2 such cabins, I will label them the “SEMI-sweet Sixteen” for consistency with Celebrity M-class ships’ “Sweet Sixteen” (8x2 forward Deck-6 oversize balconies.) To highlight that the S-class SEMI-sweet sixteen were located aft-most, I momentarily thought to label them the “Kardashian sixteen”.

 

X officially identifies these cabins as “obstructed view”. At first I thought this was a lower-grade of ‘handicap access’ cabin – I thought my 20-400 correctable eyesight would surely qualify me for ‘obstructed view’ status. However, once onboard, through my bifocals, I realized the balcony’s view was obstructed immediately downward to the water by the roof extension of the Tuscan Grill below. This requires one to be imaginative - looking to the sea in the distance, trusting that the water continues all the way to the hull.

 

This cabin area was quiet but a bit long walk from the nearest elevator. Wife reported noise from cabinet doors slamming below in Tuscan after 7am. Probably staff prep for Elite Breakfast.

 

SHIPS LAUNDRY SERVICE

We used it twice on this 10-day trip with satisfactory result except one returned bag had an extra pair of another man’s undershorts showing an odd logo “Too Big to Fail”. I gave them to the cabin attendant, suggesting that apparently the laundry had misplaced some banker’s underwear.

 

ONBOARD THEATRE ENTERTAINMENT

We saw two shows, a juggler and Doug Cameron violinist, both performing to half-full audiences. We missed a singer’s performance that we heard was very good. The juggler told the audience that he had been on another Celebrity ship recently which had about 700 kids onboard - this resulted in lowering that sailing’s overall passenger age down to 62.

 

In a serious vein, reports on this board indicate Celebrity’s new strategic marketing is to appeal to a younger passenger mix – after 14 years on Celebrity I agree that the cruise line would benefit from younger old people.

[DinaS]

That was good - thanks for the laugh!!!

[greydog]

FOOD – CUISINE

We ate most dinners in the Silhouette main dining room. We liked getting our usual “table for two” but it was 15 inches left and right to adjacent tables. We had friendly Australians and Canadians at those nearby tables.

 

I was pleasantly surprised overall with the MDR dinners – better than I had remembered in recent years, although I was tempering my expectations for the banquet style mass production setting. Downside – I felt conflicted between the many Cruise critic members disappointed with the food and the generally pleased signal from my own palate. In one night’s dream, some complaining C-critic members appeared Jacob-MarIey-like in chains and cobwebs. Another night munchkin-like taste buds declared that if I did not report their favorable opinion, I was subject to being taken hostage and tongue-tied.

 

As an olive branch to the complainers, the Bread Sticks were not full length. Although I didn’t try it, I’m sure the humus spread was just awful.

 

Many selected the salmon entrée and I heard good reports on it. I can’t enjoy salmon. It’s distressing to further thin their ranks after Nat Geo’s display of their strenuous life-draining efforts to swim upstream – unless grilled in a nice butter garlic sauce.

 

One MDR entree featured braised beef cheeks, another entrée featured pork cheeks. This led to the most overworked pun among the roasting chefs – “Need to turn the other cheek.” Tablemates that tried the beef cheek entrée said it was pretty good.

 

In Café Bacio I tried the Chocolate Beet Muffin. It looked chocolaty but my misgivings were justified – the beets were dominant. Warm raisin scones were excellent.

 

The Lido buffet was very good - every lunch I tried either the Indian or Indonesian selections, including different curries, chicken tikka, etc. LavAzza Italian coffee from the self-serve hot beverage station was a noteworthy improvement.

Edited January 12, 2015 by greydog

[greydog]

CLASSIC/PREMIUM BEVERAGE PACKAGE

Maila the sommelier was friendly and helpful. In the MDR my wife usually had the Jon Luc Colombo Rose (dry-French) under the Classic Package. At other venues she found a couple white wines by the glass that she liked. I count myself fortunate that she’s not too choosy – she picked me as husband after all. Is it just a coincidence that my wife’s favorite song is “I shaved my legs for this?” by Deanna Carter?

 

 

I dedicated my unlimited Classic beverage package to scientific experiment - determining how different tequilas tasted in a margarita. The classic beverage list onboard included Jose Cuervo but it’s a mixto (cheaper blend) instead of 100% agave. Cazadores tequila, a mid-grade but 100% agave product, was included on the Classic beverage roster.

 

However I checked 6 different bars and they did not have the Cazadores brand on hand. I made a tactful complaint about the absence of this better brand that Celebrity listed in the Classic package. In the interest of science, I shifted my research to comparing whiskey brands in whiskey sours. A couple days later the beverage manager called me apologizing for interfering with my research, reporting that Cazadores tequila had been restocked throughout the ship’s bars.

 

On day 5 (of 10) I upgraded to the Premium package – my research resumed comparing top shelf Patron Silver and Reposado tequilas against Don Julio’s. Interestingly, the Slush pool bar offers a couple yogurt smoothie choices using Don Julio Tequila ($10, same for non-alcoholic style) – I liked the strawberry-coconut.

 

I attended the $15 Tequila Tasting with about a dozen others (researchers too?). Senior bartender Jose hosted this presentation lasting 30 minutes long. This session is essentially a marketing promo featuring only Patron brand tequilas. Attendees sampled half-shots and margaritas combining Patron Silver and Reposado with Cointreau and Patron Anejo with Grand Marnier. A slurred scientific debate ensued.

[greydog]

SPECIALTY RESTAURANTS

We only did the lunches at Silk Harvest and Murano - the evening prices have become excessive.

We enjoyed the less formal Silk Harvest meal more than Murano – both lunch venues were less than half full. The Lawn Club Grill is our standout favorite but it is not on Equinox presently.

 

FITNESS CENTER

I used the treadmills and fitness track almost every day. Consequently I gained only 4 pounds over the ten days – no small feat given the tequila research. On my very first cruise 15 years earlier I gained 1 pound for each day. Celebrity probably did us all a favor in discontinuing the midnight buffet.

 

The fitness facilities were busy early each day. The usual mix of classes were offered, Pilates, Zumba, Twerking for Seniors, etc.

 

SPA SERVICES

Did not use any services. The Spa concept is based on the proposition “Time may be a healer, but it is no beautician.”

 

CORNING GLASS SHOW

They ran 5-6 glass-blowing presentations lasting 1-2 hours during the 10-day trip. Each of the three artists created a different object. These demonstrations were held near the Lawn Club on the upper deck and were well attended (45-60). A couple demonstration pieces were auctioned to benefit a charity.

 

GASTROBAR

This new ‘craft beer’ venue replaced the Cellar Masters wine bar. Only 4-5 draft beer choices were offered while about 30 selections were available by bottle, usually $9 and up. It was packed when football games were televised, but less than half capacity otherwise.

Edited January 12, 2015 by greydog

[greydog]

PORTS, EXCURSIONS

With over a dozen past Caribbean trips, we only left the ship in two ports. In St Thomas we wandered into town and ended up using borrowed trash bags as field-expedient cover from a rain deluge lasting over two hours.

 

Dominica has several inactive volcanos, a population of 75,000 and a reported 365 rivers among its steep mountains (similar to St. Lucia). The ship docked in a small town that was lightly developed commercially. Parts of Pirates of the Caribbean were filmed there. Dominica’s local Kubuli lager beer had a little more body than the American mega-vat brews.

 

We took the “Rib Boat Whale Watching” excursion ($110 pp, 2.5 hrs.) The ‘rib boat’ was a Zodiac commercial inflatable with two large outboards and no overhead cover or sanitary facilities. There were about 15 pax sitting astride a long padded bench on a high speed ride to 6-8 miles from shore.

 

We saw numerous dolphins leaping through the water tracking their flying fish prey. Finally we saw three sperm whales languishing on the surface doing their ‘floating logs’ impression – no exciting breaching like in the TV commercials. Celebrity also offers a whale excursion on a larger boat with more creature comforts but you lose the bouncy touch-the-water spray-in-your-face experience.

 

RANDOM MUSINGS

Words never heard spoken on Oasis of the Seas, the largest cruise ship in the world:

“You’re going to need a bigger boat.” (Chief Brody to Quint, “Jaws”)

 

DEBARKATION

While walking off the ship, passengers’ previously confiscated goods were on a table for repossession. Contraband included extension cords, travel iron, heating pad and hair dryer.

 

CONCLUSION

A pleasant relaxing getaway with food exceeding expectations and good value received from the 123GO beverage booking promotion. Our next bookings are for MSC Divina Yacht Club (all-inclusive, ship-within-ship) and transatlantic on Oceania’s 1250-passenger Marina.

[cruiser77]

Loved your review! Thanks for the laugh!!:D

[Crazy Cruzer]

Many selected the salmon entrée and I heard good reports on it. I can’t enjoy salmon. It’s distressing to further thin their ranks after Nat Geo’s display of their strenuous life-draining efforts to swim upstream – unless grilled in a nice butter garlic sauce.

 

It's true!! I tried an experiment after reading this and after being grilled in a nice butter garlic sauce my salmon no longer swam upstream!

 

Thanks for cluing me in on this.

[keithm]

EQUINOX, DEC-10 TO DEC-22 2014, FLL-ST.THOMAS-ST.KITTS-ST.MAARTEN-BARBADOS-DOMINICA.

 

This review attempts to follow the ”mini-skirt rule” for writing reports – long enough to cover what’s essential, short enough to remain interesting.

 

EMBARKATION

Arrived around noon and were onboard about 30 mins later. Everyone had to complete a current Health declaration as a screen to reduce Norovirus illness. A question also asked about travel to areas like western Africa. Several years ago another health alert was Avian flu, aka ‘Bird flu’. I remembered a report that an early symptom of bird flu in humans was the urge to go to the bathroom on car windshields.

 

SAFETY DRILL

Held in different public venues including silk Harvest with a televised safety briefing. Having grown up watching the Twilight Zone and Outer Limits, I tend to look around the group I’d be on the lifeboat with and hope no one closely resembled William Bendix and/or Tallulah Bankhead.

 

SHIP’S CONDITION

Tired, worn, saggy, sorely needing touchups – but enough about the passengers. On the positive side, at the pool area, I was impressed with the prevalence of men with six-pack abs – see pic below.

 

The ship seemed to be clean and well maintained overall with crew regularly visible performing cleaning duties.

 

Our pre-Christmas sailing was reported to have 121 kids onboard. I have nothing against noisy, sticky-fingered, germ-spreading kids but never forget that they are here to replace us.

 

It was the sailing before Christmas and festive seasonal displays were being setup in the atrium area during our sailing.

 

Holiday tunes like “Santa Claus coming to town” could be heard, with its admonition to children

“He's gonna find out Who's naughty or nice…..…..He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake!

 

I must not have embraced the Christmas spirit because this lyric brought to mind Mae West’s admonition that “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.”

and

"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better."

And thank you "Mae West", for that fantastic review! We do love you when you're bad!

[Aloha 1]

ROTFLMAO!! Well done report.

[BridgeBabe]

bravo! on your review..We loved it!

Eclipse on Mar 15th! Here we come.

[LzyCruiser_NWA]

Great report, I'm really enjoying your writing style.

[CaribbeanBound]

Bravo Greydog: you accomplished your miniskirt review with flying colors and lots of laughs. Thank you.

[LMaxwell]

[emoji106] [emoji106]

[Still Dreaming]

Thank you for a wonderful lighthearted review!

[Alebd]

Highly entertaining thread! Thanks.

[Mrswood83]

Loved the title and reviews! We appreciate your research:) keep on drinking...I mean researching!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

[PathfinderEss]

Thanks for your review.

[Pompein]

Great review. I am inspired to do my own research on Tequila on my next cruise. Your review was a breath of fresh air. Bravo!

[TeaBag]

A very entertaining review. I laughed till the tears ran down my cheeks. Thank you.

[c-legs]

Thank you for a well written review and its highly humourous tone.

I presume professional writing is or ought to be in your resume

Cheers

[nekzaadvakil]

That review was absolutely hilarious! Really well written.

[plucasana]

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brilliant! thanks a lot!!!!!!!

Edited January 13, 2015 by plucasana

[scottygirl]

Very enjoyable read!!:D