"Senior sitting "onboard

[kamac56]

First off I hope you have a great cruise. You didn't state which port this is at, with that I would either find an excursion he could do with me or stay on board with him and find things to enjoy on board. They have activities that go on while in port for those that don't want to get off. I have found that when I question whether or not its doable generally 99% of the time it is not. :(

[sail7seas]

OP- I'm joining so many others in sending the best to you and your DH. Our family is also very touched by a family member with dementia.....

 

There was a poster several years back who posted about a situation similar to yours on CC and later received a call from HAL advising her that there was a risk they could be de-barked in a foreign port if the situation was felt to be unsafe. HAL had figured out the cruise and individuals involved and wanted to let them know in advance.

 

Thanks for posting this. I was thinking I remembered reading such a thread but didn't want to say anything in case I was mistaken..... butt I do recall it.

[dcsam]

I have to disagree with a couple responses here. My mother had dementia, but she loved to travel. What does it matter if the person doesn't remember the past? It's called 'living in the moment', and that's what she did. She couldn't remember too much, but that didn't bother either one of us. Before the onset of dementia, she use to worry about this and that - the past, the future... As hard as dementia is on everyone concerned, I have to say it was wonderful finally seeing her enjoy the experiences as they occurred. And they're great memories for me now.

Have you considered finding a caregiver at the port you'd like to take the excursion? A nurse or caregiver that would spend time with him in port? What port are you considering? Maybe contact a caregiving agency in that town.

You'll know when it's time to stop traveling. So, if he's still safe to travel, go for it.

[wander]

My heart goes out to you and all others facing such difficult times! One of the things I did in my career was to develop and/or present patient education classes for a major medical center, some of which were developed for spouses and families of individuals with dementia. A loved one with dementia is so difficult for the family, particularly a spouse. However, as we age more and more of us will be facing this condition, be it our spouse or ourself with the dementia.

 

OP - if you or any else reading this thread who is in this situation AND can afford to pay for a cabin for an caretaker, I saw one such situation which went so very well for all involved. An elderly man with a wife in a wheelchair and with dementia brought one of the caretakers his wife knew from home. I got to talk with the caretaker on occasion and she was having the time of her life! and getting paid for it, as she said. Anyhow, every day the husband gave the caretaker "time off", so that she could experience aspects of the ship and ship activities. Some days it was in the afternoon, sometimes the evenings. It was about a 30 day cruise with a number of sea days. Around the ship sometimes the caretaker with be alone with his wife, sometimes only he would be with her and sometimes they were all at a table by the mid Lido pool, especially lunchtime, - lots to watch and many to talk with.

 

For dinner, the wife either ate in their cabin or at the Lido with he or the caretaker. The other one had a seat at a set table in the MDR. One joy was seeing the caretaker on a Formal night all fancied-up. She said she had never been so dressed-up and felt to "special" as she did that night. She proudly said she had found the gown at the Goodwill and that the man had paid for it, as he did for everything on the cruise. She just glowed.

 

Since the man and his wife had cruised extensively he really had no interest in going on tours so he always let the caretaker pick which shore ex she wanted while he stayed with his wife onboard.

 

It seemed like a glorious win-win-win situation. The wife was always with someone she was familiar with, the husband had much time each day to do as he wished, and the caretaker had an experience she never could afford on her own. Wow! Unfortunately not all of us could afford such plans - they were fortunate!!!

Edited January 25, 2015 by wander

[bshow]

I don't have any advice to give you, but I wish you the very best and hope you both have an enjoyable cruise.

[RMLincoln]

My greatest concern is what might happen to the husband if something befalls the caregiving wife. Having a loving and familiar third party sounds essential to keep this couple robust enough to deal with the unexpected. With only two people and one of them going on shore I think is taking too much of a risk. When we travelled with our teenage and pre-teen grandchildren we would never have left them alone on board or ashore because they wouldn't have been able to cope with the unexpected.

 

On a 48 night cruise around South America I came down with a nasty flu and was in bed for 5 days. I rode it out and bounced back but my husband lovingly cared for me through it, as of course I would do for him too. Luckily he didn't catch it from me. But stuff happens.

 

And oh what a horrible thought of being debarked somewhere along the way. There's a lot to be considered here, much more than a shore excursion.

 

My heart goes out to this couple, especially the caring wife who is trying to make a special and enjoyable time for them both. I tried something like this once: I recall going to a beach house with my mother, husband, brother and his family while my mother had dementia - a few hours' drive from her home. She had a wonderful first day, she loved visiting the beach and being with the family. But at night she got horribly anxious, frightened, accusatory and paranoid, tried to "run away". We had made a mistake and my husband and I had to take her back home the next day, the change was too upsetting for her.

 

I think this thread has had a lot of loving thought put into it. CCers are an amazing resource of wisdom and compassion. m--

[Hlitner]

The OP asks a terrific question and we can hope that somebody from HAL sees this thread. Given the passenger mix on most of our HAL cruises some kind of "Senior Sitting" program makes a lot more sense then a Childrens Program. This just sounds like an idea that would be a perfect fit for HAL.

 

Hank

[donaldsc]

The OP asks a terrific question and we can hope that somebody from HAL sees this thread. Given the passenger mix on most of our HAL cruises some kind of "Senior Sitting" program makes a lot more sense then a Childrens Program. This just sounds like an idea that would be a perfect fit for HAL.

 

Hank

 

Kids are kids and they generally behave as kids. Seniors with dementia are a totally different issue. I imagine that this could be a really serious problem.

 

I have not experienced it yet (luckily) so I am criticizing from ignorance but perhaps some people who travel with a partner with dementia are just trying to convince themselves that the person with dementia is enjoying themselves while in truth neither is.

 

DON

[lgsla]

Thank you all for your feedback. I appreciate your help and have decided not to take the excursion.

 

A few points of interest. My husband and I have cruised to Alaska before and it is by his request that we are doing it again. Despite his dementia he does still remember much of the trips he takes and does not (yet?) seem to be troubled by different surroundings.

 

The excursion I had intended to take was a short one , just a matter of a few hours. At no point did I intend to imply that it was any crew member's job to supervise him. :)

[peaches from georgia]

The OP asks a terrific question and we can hope that somebody from HAL sees this thread. Given the passenger mix on most of our HAL cruises some kind of "Senior Sitting" program makes a lot more sense then a Childrens Program. This just sounds like an idea that would be a perfect fit for HAL.

 

Hank

The demographics of HAL makes your idea of "Senior Sitters" sound good, but I doubt HAL would take on such a responsibility. Seniors with dementia or Alzheimers, even the beginning stages, are very different than kids and a lot more training and knowledge of their condition is necessary. Their mood can change on a dime, particularly when anxious or with strangers, and they can be very difficult to handle and calm down. Some with early dementia might be fine with a sitter, but I don't know if HAL would want to make that decision and then have to deny a sitter to some.

[regnig]

lgsal, thanks for checking back in with us. I'm sure your decision was made from the heart along with your head. Your DH is a lucky person who has a wife who is putting his needs above her wants.

I'm hoping you both have a wonderful cruise.

Edited January 25, 2015 by larsen

[wayzer]

I have read all the replies that people have brought forward.

 

What would happen if the wife is caregiver onboard and she has medical issue during the cruise and can't care for the husband?

I was on a trans Atlantic cruise when the husband was the caregiver and he had a serious heart issue. He was in the ship's ICU for 3 nights before reaching France. At the first port the husband was medically disembarked to the local hospital. The wife with demetia was disembarked also. She could not manage herself so the port agent arranged for her to a seniors home that could manage her. But the big problem was that this couple could not speak French and at the seniors home nobody spoke English.

[Viv0828]

And in case of a problem, it is far easier to deal with a 40 lb child than a 200 lb adult.

 

 

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[TiogaCruiser]

lgsal, thanks for checking back in with us. I'm sure your decision was made from the heart along with your head. Your DH is a lucky person who has a wife who is putting his needs above her wants.

I'm hoping you both have a wonderful cruise.

 

Ditto on this. Wishing you both a great cruise with lots of wonderful moments that you enjoy together.

[sammiedawg]

Thank you all for your feedback. I appreciate your help and have decided not to take the excursion.

 

A few points of interest. My husband and I have cruised to Alaska before and it is by his request that we are doing it again. Despite his dementia he does still remember much of the trips he takes and does not (yet?) seem to be troubled by different surroundings.

 

The excursion I had intended to take was a short one , just a matter of a few hours. At no point did I intend to imply that it was any crew member's job to supervise him. :)

 

Wishing you the very best and saluting you as a caregiver!

[CowPrincess]

[quote name='lgsla']Thank you all for your feedback. I appreciate your help and have decided not to take the excursion.

A few points of interest. My husband and I have cruised to Alaska before and it is by his request that we are doing it again. Despite his dementia he does still remember much of the trips he takes and does not (yet?) seem to be troubled by different surroundings.

The excursion I had intended to take was a short one , just a matter of a few hours. At no point did I intend to imply that it was any crew member's job to supervise him. :)[/quote]

I hope you have a wonderful cruise and enjoy "the moment". Is there another shore excursion the two of you could do together? Have you checked on the Alaska board for suggestions?

Regardless, have a wonderful time together in Alaska :)

[Vict0riann]

I hope both of you have a wonderful cruise.

[casamariposa]

I was on a transatlantic voyage on the Maasdam, and an elderly woman was aboard with her husband who had dementia. She looked absolutely exhausted and would let her husband roam the ship during the day, and sometimes close to dinner time. He would be in areas he should not have been and interfered in activities. He would go into the dining room, clothes in disarray, when the doors opened and insist upon sitting at a table that wasn't his! I know how exhausting caring for someone with dementia is. I've done it. But it wasn't right to expect to staff and fellow passengers to keep track of the husband while she enjoyed some "respite" in her cabin. They were off the ship in Lisbon! A "senior caregiver" may seem like a good idea, but dementia patients can sometimes become agitated and day becomes night and night becomes day which can be difficult for fellow passengers, especially those in adjoining cabins. If the spouse or partner can afford a "senior caregiver," I think the additional outlay could be better spent in placing the patient in "respite care" in a good facility with professional staff who has "seen it all."