Not sure what do,cancel or not kid has summer school..

[jpolm]

well we finally pulled the trigger and rebooked our trip a couple months ago to take dh, me and our 3 kids ( 2 are my stepkids. ) we were headed for a week 4th of July week. Snagged a good deal two cabins next to each other all set. Now we find out that step son age 16 will most likely need summer school in order to graduate next year. This is due to poor grades and not following through with tasks etc. he also had had some other difficulties and I think dad just thinks this would be a rude awakening if he doesn't go with us.

 

He can stay back with his mom while he attends summer school which is his entire month of July. On the up side he does get to go to china with school in June ..

 

Dh wants to move forward with plans. However this means getting one cabin for the 4 of us which is coming in only slightly cheaper . I also now have the option of jumping ships and moving to harmony for similar pricing g but still more than we wanted to pay for one room. Bummer too as I saw guaranty rooms available last week at good prices and we could have snagged one but no longer showing

 

I feel bad he loves to cruise but part of this is a natural consequence but part of me doesn't know or feel right to exclude a family member. And we can't go in August I'm not able to do that and both of us requested our time off. 😩

[klfrodo]

Why do you have to downgrade to 1 cabin? can't the 2 remaining kids stay in their own cabin?

 

I wouldn't cancel. This is a teaching opportunity for ALL the kids. Poor grades have consequences.

[jpolm]

My youngest is 9. So he was to room with us. My other is 14 and not so sure she'd be comfy all alone. The other option is to bring someone else.

[Florida_cruisers]

Go without him and let him suffer the consequences of not being responsible.

 

Four people in cabin is tight unless you have a family suit. I'd keep the cruise you have with both cabins.

[Skyesong]

Put the 14 year old and the 9 year old in one room. Have one room to yourselves.

[james'mommy]

I do not believe in rewarding bad behavior and if leaving him with mom is an option I would do it. If it were me he wouldn't be going to China. But my kid has all A's and his school doesn't offer summer school.

[buddyjones]

Sounds like some very sound advice from posters.

 

If it were me (and I have a 15 and 10 yr old) I'd keep the rooms as originally planned. It stinks and its natural to feel bad for the young man.

 

Depending on the family dynamics (trying to be sensitive here) you can share rooms in any arrangement that will keep the entire group happy.

 

But whatever you do, for all that is good and holy, schedule the kids in activities!!! Then Mom and Dad can have, er, uh, guaranteed time together (nod nod wink wink [emoji57])

 

Have fun!!!

 

 

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[lbjen]

We have our 6 and 13 year olds in a connecting cabin, its actually cheaper than squeezing into one cabin. Even if your 9 year old stays in your cabin (on the sofa I guess), you will get two bathrooms, more relaxing space and double the wine allowance.

[brillohead]

My youngest is 9. So he was to room with us. My other is 14 and not so sure she'd be comfy all alone. The other option is to bring someone else.

 

 

Says who????

[Cel_cruise]

We have connecting balcony cabins and I have my 6 and 10 year old in one room and DH and I in another. Unless it was a significant savings - I would keep 2 rooms - even if that means that some nights have creative sleeping solutions of boys vs girls or something. It's not like anything 'interesting' was going to happen with your 9 year old in the room with you!

 

We have cruised with 4 in a room. It IS doable - but if it's not a financial burden (or big difference - we are frugal!) and we had the rooms - I wouldn't do it again :)

 

 

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[tennislvr8]

As an educator, please continue as planned and leave him with mom. Also, the trip to China would be off the table but that's just me and not what you asked. Keep both rooms and let the kids share.

 

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[mtebor]

We had the same issue a few years back. I promised a cruise to my nephew as a graduation gift but he had to be passing everything by final payment. He wasn't passing at that time so we replaced him on the reservation with a friend of ours instead. Ends up he did pass and graduate ontime but didn't get the cruise. The disappointing part is I don't think he really cared.

[Bruin Steve]

I would definitely keep the two cabins...and leave the son at home...Call RCCL and see if you can take that third fare off the one cabin off of your tab (or, do you have trip insurance that might cover it?). Don't cancel at let the one kid's irresponsibility mess up the vacation for everyone else...

 

I am reminded about a cruise we took several years ago, when our daughters were teenagers...It was a rather expensive Baltic cruise... and we had also booked four nights pre-cruise in Copenhagen and 8 nights post cruise in the UK...We always book well in advance, so we guessed at the dates.

 

As it turned out, my older daughter was having some difficulty with High School Chemistry and decided to drop it...and, instead, take it in Summer School...We still thought we were okay. But, then, it turned out that the final exam (schedule on that wasn't out until late during the summer session) was the day that we had a morning flight out to Copenhagen...We went to see the Headmaster to ask if she could take the Final early. He told us that they had a scandal at the school the previous year when someone was allowed to take the final early in a class, then passed along the questions to others...He said they had set a firm policy: NO Early Finals, NO exceptions...Uh-oh...

 

He then said to wait, he wanted to check something with the teacher. He came back and informed us that Heather, after all of the quizzes, assignments and mid-term, had the highest grade in the class...Not only the highest grade, but, by the teacher's point system, if she scored a ZERO on the Final, she would still have an A in the class. He said not to worry about the final...Heather didn't have to take it--just don't tell anyone else...Then he said, "Have a wonderful vacation!" We got to feel good, awarding her for a job well done... Note: That was about 16 years ago...Heather has since "aced" her way through a BA, an MA and a Doctorate at top universities (UC San Diego, Columbia, University of San Francisco) and is now an executive at a high tech company...Should we have guessed that when she first told us she wanted to drop out of high school chemistry?

 

Anyway, I guess the lesson is that you should appropriately withhold the trip for the poor school performance...and, maybe, promise the kid that if he does well, you will reward him with a trip next summer...

[DandDM]

well we finally pulled the trigger and rebooked our trip a couple months ago to take dh, me and our 3 kids ( 2 are my stepkids. ) we were headed for a week 4th of July week. Snagged a good deal two cabins next to each other all set. Now we find out that step son age 16 will most likely need summer school in order to graduate next year. This is due to poor grades and not following through with tasks etc. he also had had some other difficulties and I think dad just thinks this would be a rude awakening if he doesn't go with us.

 

He can stay back with his mom while he attends summer school which is his entire month of July. On the up side he does get to go to china with school in June ..

 

Dh wants to move forward with plans. However this means getting one cabin for the 4 of us which is coming in only slightly cheaper . I also now have the option of jumping ships and moving to harmony for similar pricing g but still more than we wanted to pay for one room. Bummer too as I saw guaranty rooms available last week at good prices and we could have snagged one but no longer showing

 

I feel bad he loves to cruise but part of this is a natural consequence but part of me doesn't know or feel right to exclude a family member. And we can't go in August I'm not able to do that and both of us requested our time off. 😩

 

 

As a parent that has had to change cruise plans because of kids in the past, I would recommend doing what ever you can to make the current reservation work. Once you start making changes, seem like a slippery slope and things can get complicated quickly! Only you can say if the two remaining kids will be OK on their own - perhaps you can invite a family member or friend to take the spot.

 

A quick, somewhat related story: our 19 year-old boy moved back in with us in December. We had a trip planned for February (just got back) and when he moved back in, we told him that if he got a job and was settled enough to take the time off, we would bring him with us on trip. Two weeks before we left, still no job, but wife decided that she wanted this to be a family trip and that he was coming along. As they say: "happy wife, happy life", so I changed up the reservations (it was not a cruise trip). Wasn't cheap or easy, but I guess that is part of being a parent.

[Ashland]

No reason for you to feel bad.

 

But be careful about cancelling the 3rd person you may lose that cabin....you might opt to do a "no show" instead. Checkout your options.

[brillohead]

Correction to my post above... I misread and thought it said the 9yo HAS to room with the parents. Now that I have my glasses on, I see that he WAS too room with the parents.

 

So I apologize for my snarkiness (although I still would have put all three kids in one room in the first place).

[jpolm]

Thanks everyone. I agree that is a slippery slope to even thinkof changing anything right now. Final payment isn't due for another 7 weeks so we can maybe add someone or just take him off. The pricing isn't that much more fir two cabins two bathrooms 4 paid gratuities vs. 2 free wine etc and already booked some dinner ressies. Now who to consider bringing.

[jpolm]

And a nice ocean view balcony!

[cb at sea]

This might be a good lesson for your "underachiever"....lessons are best when it hurts, but it's not life-destroying....

[Cel_cruise]

Thanks everyone. I agree that is a slippery slope to even thinkof changing anything right now. Final payment isn't due for another 7 weeks so we can maybe add someone or just take him off. The pricing isn't that much more fir two cabins two bathrooms 4 paid gratuities vs. 2 free wine etc and already booked some dinner ressies. Now who to consider bringing.

 

 

One thing for bringing 4 bottles of wine on board - I think you and your DH need to be booked in different rooms and then 'switch' onboard. Totally allowed to switch but just wanted you thinking about it.

 

Have fun and go! It's a great natural consequence!

 

 

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[2ferfun]

I am a parent of two teenagers and also a high school teacher. I would offer a slightly different opinion than the majority on this board. There is a lot of good that can come from tough love and consequences from ones own actions but leaving one member of the family behind while the entire family goes on vacation is harsh. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying everyone is a snowflake but this can be quite traumatic on some kids. I would offer that many high schools have online (often PLATO credit recovery) courses that can be used for this very thing. If a family came to me and a student needed to re-take a semester of my Biology course I would offer the option of an online course (that can be mostly done offline and then uploaded, you would need very little wifi time). This way he could go with you on the vacation but maybe he would have to stay behind in the cabin at certain times doing his schoolwork. This would still provide some consequences and the credit recovery without the extreme of being left behind by the family. If you are interested in this option speak with his guidance counselor to see if it is an option in your school/state. Good luck!

[MrsPete]

I'm also a high school teacher, and I believe strongly in natural consequences. You didn't do what you should've done in school ... now your fun vacation is in danger.

 

However, we still have several months til the end of the school year. I'd talk to him NOW and explain his options: He can knock himself out, improve the grades, and go on the vacation ... or he can continue down his current path and wave goodbye as the rest of you leave for your trip. Talk with him about what's holding him back and provide appropriate support: Is he not getting his assignments done? Get him a calendar and have him write out his assignments. Is his phone distracting him? Schedule a couple hours a day of no-screen time for homework. Also, be specific about what you mean by "bringing the grades up" -- do you expect him just to pass, or do you expect nothing less than a B? Make a chart to keep up with his progress.

 

Then let the chips fall where they may. He's capable of making good grades, right? No disabilities? Talk to him about how to improve, then let him do his thing. Hopefully he will rise to the occasion, but if he doesn't, he has to pay the price.

 

Off-topic: I'd also ditch the trip to China unless his grades were all As and Bs, and IF he ends up going to summer school, I'd make him pay for it himself.

[2ferfun]

I'm also a high school teacher, and I believe strongly in natural consequences. You didn't do what you should've done in school ... now your fun vacation is in danger.

 

However, we still have several months til the end of the school year. I'd talk to him NOW and explain his options: He can knock himself out, improve the grades, and go on the vacation ... or he can continue down his current path and wave goodbye as the rest of you leave for your trip. Talk with him about what's holding him back and provide appropriate support: Is he not getting his assignments done? Get him a calendar and have him write out his assignments. Is his phone distracting him? Schedule a couple hours a day of no-screen time for homework. Also, be specific about what you mean by "bringing the grades up" -- do you expect him just to pass, or do you expect nothing less than a B? Make a chart to keep up with his progress.

 

Then let the chips fall where they may. He's capable of making good grades, right? No disabilities? Talk to him about how to improve, then let him do his thing. Hopefully he will rise to the occasion, but if he doesn't, he has to pay the price.

 

Off-topic: I'd also ditch the trip to China unless his grades were all As and Bs, and IF he ends up going to summer school, I'd make him pay for it himself.

 

If this is still an option I would agree with this as the better choice over what I said before. I was thinking this was a first semester problem and already a done deal.

[sliderturk99]

I'm also a high school teacher, and I believe strongly in natural consequences. You didn't do what you should've done in school ... now your fun vacation is in danger.

 

However, we still have several months til the end of the school year. I'd talk to him NOW and explain his options: He can knock himself out, improve the grades, and go on the vacation ... or he can continue down his current path and wave goodbye as the rest of you leave for your trip. Talk with him about what's holding him back and provide appropriate support: Is he not getting his assignments done? Get him a calendar and have him write out his assignments. Is his phone distracting him? Schedule a couple hours a day of no-screen time for homework. Also, be specific about what you mean by "bringing the grades up" -- do you expect him just to pass, or do you expect nothing less than a B? Make a chart to keep up with his progress.

 

Then let the chips fall where they may. He's capable of making good grades, right? No disabilities? Talk to him about how to improve, then let him do his thing. Hopefully he will rise to the occasion, but if he doesn't, he has to pay the price.

 

Off-topic: I'd also ditch the trip to China unless his grades were all As and Bs, and IF he ends up going to summer school, I'd make him pay for it himself.

 

 

#this

[jpolm]

I'm also a high school teacher, and I believe strongly in natural consequences. You didn't do what you should've done in school ... now your fun vacation is in danger.

 

However, we still have several months til the end of the school year. I'd talk to him NOW and explain his options: He can knock himself out, improve the grades, and go on the vacation ... or he can continue down his current path and wave goodbye as the rest of you leave for your trip. Talk with him about what's holding him back and provide appropriate support: Is he not getting his assignments done? Get him a calendar and have him write out his assignments. Is his phone distracting him? Schedule a couple hours a day of no-screen time for homework. Also, be specific about what you mean by "bringing the grades up" -- do you expect him just to pass, or do you expect nothing less than a B? Make a chart to keep up with his progress.

 

Then let the chips fall where they may. He's capable of making good grades, right? No disabilities? Talk to him about how to improve, then let him do his thing. Hopefully he will rise to the occasion, but if he doesn't, he has to pay the price.

 

Off-topic: I'd also ditch the trip to China unless his grades were all As and Bs, and IF he ends up going to summer school, I'd make him pay for it himself.

 

 

It's already a done deal. He HAS to go to summer school the entire month of July. 2 in class to take and two online the entire month of July. He had a months to turn it around with a month ago given trust to do what he needed and he once again decided to not do anything. Now that the law was laid down we are actually seeing some movement. we had the trip already planned he doesn't know about it and I do feel bad excluding him but he's been given plenty of chances. So dh feels tough lesson at this point. If not thats why he has to be in summer school..

Edited February 28, 2017 by jpolm