Winning isn’t Everything – Celebrity Mercury, 5/8 Mexico to Alaska

[bepsf]

Thanks to everyone who wished Scotty and I well as we left for Ensenada last weekend for some pre-Mercury R&R.

 

As some of you may recall, I won this cruise from Travelocity and Celebrity back in June of last year - you can search back for the "I Won?" threads for some background.

 

Had a great flight on Southwest Airlines – I was one of the last to board and I was still able to slide into an aisle seat! I enjoyed more legroom than United standard Economy for nearly $300 less! I may be flying SA more often…

 

Hotel Coral in Ensenada http://www.hotelcoral.com is on the main highway just before you pull into town. The resort is still relatively new and well maintained. Anyone who knows me will recall that I have a bit of a bathroom fetish, and this one scores fairly well: it was very spacious, with venetian stucco and limestone tile walls, and a super-deep soaking tub! The staff were gracious and friendly, the prices were very reasonable, the food was good – lots of open and enclosed pools and Jacuzzis, a spa and great scenery beautiful gardens and manicured grounds - it’s simply the best hotel in Ensenada (which is a simple feat, considering…)

 

Celebrity arranged for pre-boarding check-in at the Hotel Coral – which made it super-convenient for us, as there are no facilities at the pier. As we enjoyed a late breakfast in the dining room, we saw several folks in blue-blazers enter: these were the folks who were bussed down from SD that am to check us in. Very nice personable ladies – just seemed a shame that they had to pay for their own meals out of their pockets (they were on RCCL time, after all) Meanwhile, we learned (from a very loud man shouting into his cellphone at an adjacent table) that the computers were delayed in being brought down to the hotel (you’d think that this would have been taken care of – oh, the night before?) So although busses began arriving from SD airport, their cruise passengers were forced to sit inside and wait before being allowed to enter the hotel to check in. Lines in the check-in room (one of the ballrooms of the hotel) were extremely short, as they never let anyone off busses before the previous group was pretty much done. The ship didn’t pull into Ensenada harbor until well after 2pm (as scheduled) tho RCCL did not discourage pax from boarding busses and being forced to wait at the cruise pier for sometimes nearly 3 hours! Scotty and I sat in the lobby talking to folks and looking out the windows at the harbor to see when the ship would arrive – other pax took off running for the busses to the pier when they saw Mercury arrive in the harbor – they too would have to wait until after 4pm to begin boarding her.

 

Since we had luggage w/ us, Scotty and I took a taxi to the pier - $6+tip. After a short wait in line, we finally boarded where there were trays of 1/2 full champagne glasses

(An RCCL cost-cutting measure?) We were shown to our stateroom - #9234 is a Category 4 outside stateroom on Vista Deck near the stern (and the Kids Fun Factory) Tiny isn’t the word for it: less than 200 sf contain two hanging closets flanking a central closet w/ shelves and shallow drawers opposite a bathroom that couldn’t have been more than 3 1/2 feet by 6 1/2 feet – shower only. Lots of nice white tile – but it must have the highest threshold known to man – like mounting a steep staircase to enter the bathroom. Of course, the thresholds say “Watch Your Step” – that helps a lot when your hands are full of toiletries or the room is dark… No medicine cabinet, just a couple corner glass shelves and a super-shallow cabinet built-in beneath the sink. Tiny TV is in a corner above a recalcitrant electro-safe and a perma-locked minibar at the end of the wardrobes. Two concave sub-twin beds are side by side, and what would call we at home a chair-and-a-half contains a fold-out futon. A filthy glass window admits dim sunlight, but can be covered by floor to ceiling draperies. Floor to ceiling mirrors are on the wall opposite the beds to help convince you that you’re not sleeping in a walk-in closet. The first order of business was to tell the steward to put some mattress pads on the beds (why we should have to do this on a ‘premium’ line is a mystery to me) Socorro is a great room steward – always smiling and friendly. The room is clean and neat, if shabbier than a second-rate Mexican hotelroom…

 

I had heard horror stories about the Maitre’d – so when I saw him and his entourage in the Palm Springs Café (Lido Café equivalent for HAL-ers) – I walked up, introduced myself and told him that I needed to make some table arrangements. Without a greeting or addressing me personally, he told one of his minions to take me downstairs to another room where his ass’t was efficiently making dinner-seating arrangements. (“Nice to meet you too”)

 

Incidentally, the Palm Springs Café is a miserable place to attempt to find friends during lunch/breakfast. The seating areas are divided into several mirrored window-bays rather than rows of tables - resulting in not everyone getting a view of the ocean and finding friends near impossible. The buffet lines are loooong, the drinks stations are crowded because of the lack of space between the buffet lines – then the Palm Springs Terrace is aft, under a magro-dome and holding a pasta/pizza bar and an indoor pool with some sort of volcano-water-feature that doesn’t work and is always roped-off.

 

The only Jacuzzis are located amidships in the pool area – which has no magrodome and is therefore only usable in temperate weather. The four outdoor jacuzzis are on strange pedestal-type stages – where the cold Pacific layer made it very uncomfortable to stay for long. When you’d push the button to make the tub Jacuzzi, Coooold airbubbles made the already luke-warm water colder. I guess this is to encourage folks to pay the $20/day to use the T-pool – which is located in the spa complex under a steel roof that looks like it may have had an interesting indirect lighting arrangement at one time, but it doesn’t work anymore and several other downlights were burnt-out and lenses broken… The changing areas are a bit small – lockers have no keys (but a large “we’re not responsible” sign makes everything better) - a single open shower means no privacy to rinse off post-massage/sauna/etc, but a B&W photograph of a nude woman’s behind makes it pretty. The whole spa/gym area is tattered and worn, w/ torn seats on the Nautilus machinery, broken/missing faucets in the steamroom, dingy cushions on the chaises – but a few rosepetals on the floors, large faux-floral arrangements a piece of “artwork” from the auction (one of those pseudo-chalkdrawings of nude lovers mating in a gilded frame – Perfect!)– and tons of jasmine aroma enliven the atmosphere, except in the T-pool where the water smells neither like seawater, nor clean – it smells musty and so do you when you get out.

 

As we sailed north, I realized that I’d never felt so claustrophobic or bored on any ship ever. For a sea day, there were no published activities that didn’t involve spending money, being told how to spend money, or arranging to drink yourself silly. It wasn’t till we arrived in SF that the daily schedule included ping-pong tournaments and various trivia/quizzes for a day in port. We did witness one droning acupuncture seminar in the Navigators Club – enlivened by real live whales breaching outside the windows (much to the apparent chagrin of the speaker – how dare she be interrupted by an audience distracted by nature?!?) There was no evening show after dinner on our day at sea, the smaller lounges were largely empty, the few ‘entertainers’ there would never have made it to the screen on American Idol (maybe not even Lithuanian Idol…)

 

Of the few places to gather or sit to read a book, the seats are uncomfortable – barstools have low backs making it impossible to sit back comfortably & chairs have upright backs that make you sit upright as if you were in granny’s parlor (the “wears-like-iron” Herculon upholstery also reminds you of that suite of furniture she bought in the late 40’s and never got rid of…) The Cova Café in the Atrium, has a stranger layout – barstools separated by either columns or so much space that it’s impossible to have an intimate conversation at the counter. A few massive sofas ring the atrium, swamping little oldsters with their excessive scale – another sits in the middle of the atrium looking like something that was fashionable in the early 90’s, but has found a third home after being dragged in off a sidewalk and the doghair vacuumed off it – nobody dares sit on/in it anymore either….

 

Ths ship has a very strange layout – with lots of dead areas between parallel walls adjacent to overcrowded passageways between unappealing public rooms and staircases to nowhere. The Navigators Club (Crow’s Nest/Observation Lounge) is a high ceiling-ed space – with an open disco floor in the middle, and raised/lowered floors around the edges. Disco plays day and night – even while folks try to engage in quiet conversation or read a book (unless there’s an acupuncture lecture of course) The bar is front and center and where smaller quieter rooms could be there are a kids playroom to port, and the Acupuncture clinic Starboard with a video-gameroom behind a pair of glass walls center-aft. There must be nearly 30 feet of open deck area ahead of the spa/lounge deckhouse, which is an amazing amount of wasted space, considering the rooms on these levels from bow to stern are so constricted and jumbled.

 

Boat Drill was held Tuesday at 10am – first we were to gather in one of four lounges for a long talk and a brief demo of how to put on a lifevest (which you have already figured out – these are simpler than HAL’s vests) Then we are all told where are boats are, but these might not actually be the boats we are directed to in case Mercury becomes a flaming inferno because someone used an iron, coffee warmer, candle, etc in their stateroom. (they did discuss this and the other guidelines about not leaving flammable items on balconies during this drill – so they were up-to date in their info) Then we are forced to tromp up to Promenade deck and stand at attention under a lifeboat, which may or may not be the one we could be directed to in case of an emergency. Our CruiseCritic meeting, which was scheduled for 10-10.45 am was therefore postponed till Thurs am because of the Boat Drill.

 

I was simply amazed and dazzled at how beautiful the dining room looked at on Formal Night – Call me a snob, but Tuxedo’s and Evening Gowns Rule! Shame that the food is as bad as HAL’s was 3 years ago – someone really needs to slap Michel Roux around a bit and rip the Rotisseurs Blah-Blah, Etc placards off the walls. In two dinners, don’t think I saw a person at our table of 8 finish a single course. Yes, the Filet mignon was superbly done (tho you had no idea from the menu that is was in fact a Filet Mignon - it had some absurd name that nobody understood) but the onion soup was dishwater w/ onions, there was something called Soup Carolina (Who is Carolina and what is she doing in my soup? Oh, it’s just cream of chicken and corn….) The sorbet tasted of sweetened jasmine soap from the spa, and there were no vinagrette salad dressing options for the one salad of the evening – you could choose from Thousand Island, Blue Cheese, or something watery and bland… Cheesecake was also bland (did they use any flavorings at all?) except for the two fresh berries on top (“Can I just have a bowl of those?” “No Sir…”) Cherries Jubilee was delicious vanilla ice cream w/ cherry sauce from a can (“Can I just have a bowl of the ice cream?” "In the Palm Springs Café, Sir”) Then of course, there was the Crème Brule Test: It was at least not a watery flan like HAL – but the sugar crust that makes it Crème Brule was clearly done years ago because the sugar had melted into a slimy mess on top – and the custard itself was oversweetened. (“You don’t like it, Sir?” “This isn’t Crème Brulee” “Oh, but I made it myself!” “Hmph…”)

 

Good thing I had Sushi earlier that evening. I had always heard/read about how wonderful it is that Celebrity has an onboard Sushi Bar! So of course, being a self-proclaimed Sushi-connoisseur, I had to try some: It’s nothing more than what you can purchase from Ralph’s at the take-out counter. They don’t actually cook the rice and cut the fish on board – X have Japanese-looking guys don pseudo-ethnic head wraps and take trays of stuff that was made in LA a few weeks ago from the freezers, and place the dried-out freezer-burnt tidbits on decorative trays on the buffet. I feel bad for these guys – if they really are Japanese, who did they p***-off at home to be exiled to a life of crimes against innocent fish and rice?

 

There were a couple things that I enjoyed – the Barrista at the Cova Café is a winner – went down the counter and took everyone’s order and then made superb cups of coffee/mocha, etc and delivered them to the right persons - perfect. He gets kudos - tho RCCL doesn’t, as you can’t get anything but plain coffee in the dining room after dinner. Cappuccino after dinner? “Oh, you have to go to the Cova Café, Sir…”

 

The Mercury Show lounge is a fairly well-designed room – nice shallow sloped main floor and nary a column in sight. The ceiling is oppressively low though – feels like one is peeking out from under a balcony, although there isn’t one. It was there that the Captain had his Champagne reception after dinner at @11 pm. It was sparsely attended (another great way to save $$$ on champagne and chocolates) and dull.

 

Afterward was the much-hyped entertainment. If you thought HAL’s quality of entertainment was sad, welcome to the Gong Show. Singers who can’t hold notes, dancers who can’t keep time (but do manage to maintain creepy & unchanging Joker-esque grins – must have Botox-ed just prior to the show). When a soloist came out to do her ill-advised rendition of a Celine Dion ballad, there soon entered a pair of dancers in white on the other side of the stage doing some poorly-contrived ‘Dance of Love’ – Well, Love needs to lay off her desserts, because the poor guy nearly dropped her twice within a single verse, and was barely able to support her Ruben-esque tonnage as he was forced to flail her around the stage…

 

X is renowned for their collection of artworks aboard – yet I wonder why? B&W photographs of children's smiling faces are hung as a freize at the top of one staircase, while another has what appears to be a massive mirrored moth suspended upside-down below a mirrored ceiling. Lots of photography – like a bullet ripping through an apple, or a troupe of tired and sweaty dancers, and another group of artistic/kinky-types dressed as fuzzy animals. A couple of trees that have been cored like apples are lying in the atrium lobby next to the pastry buffet – and revolving at the base of the atrium is the sinister Ming's planetary weapon of destruction straight off the set of Flash Gordon – ready to blast anyone who dares question the taste of the “artwork”. Our deck is festooned w/ hand drawings the caliber of a Fisherman’s Wharf caricaturist, including an acrylic case of cutouts of said genre arranged as a hand-drawn carousel. As in the spa, a few artsy floral arrangements with lots of willow branches and underwater fruit – flowers are either fake and wilting or real and wilting. Nothing remotely nautical here – mustn’t remind the passengers that they are actually on a ship at sea…

 

Obviously by now, dear reader, you must realize that I am no longer on Mercury...

 

I disembarked from my 11-day cruise before noon of the second morning in our first port-call of San Francisco, and I was never more happy to leave a ship and return home. I realized that I'd actually prefer to go to work than stay aboard for a week. After two sleepless nights on a bed that was less comfortable than the one I endured for USAF Basic Training, endlessly tripping over furniture in my stateroom (and luggage that wouldn’t fit under the beds), being threatened the night prior w/ Customs Clearance starting at 5.30 am, (but the nagging announcements didn’t start till 6.30 am – and instead of calling us by deck, they just called EVERYONE) I enjoyed one more nauseating breakfast in the overcrowded Café (after doing two laps to find a free table), and one more alternatingly scalding/frigid shower (must be a mechanism to save RCCL on fuel to power the desalinators) before making my way down to the front desk to check out – where I was informed that 1) they didn’t have my credit card on file (Um, yeah - you do - look in the computers you left in Mexico) and that 2) I’d have to go through Customs at SFO. (Excuse me, Diedre – I don’t think so…)

 

…and never did anyone in the staff or crew ever bother to ask why I was leaving early.

[Tricia724]

Wow, Brian....I was captivated by your travelogue....laughed out loud a couple of times....but thought you would find something to hang onto and would ultimately enjoy yourself. I followed your trials and tribulations associated with winning the trip, and was happy when you finally received what you were promised. I'm so sorry that it worked out this way. After all you went through, you deserved a great trip. Apparently being a "winner" isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

[Sunshine91]

Brian.....This was the most amusing read. I had tears of laughter pouring out of my eyes & had to stop to breathe several times. I read the whole thing to John. Throughout the entire essay I could hear your voice. You have such a gift for writing. :)

And then I got to the end. We're both so sorry for you that in reality you had such a miserable time. What about Scotty? Is he still aboard or did he disembark in SF with you?

[as41shots]

Don't hold back... tell us what you really thought. :D

[avalon1025]

What a day of ships here in SF today, the poor Mercury was docked next to the newer Zuiderdam and looked a bit worse for wear in comparison to the newer HAL ship.

 

Had lunch with a dear friend who happened to be your piano player onboard and said the ship was in need of a refurbishment and that is was almost embarassing....

 

It looked pretty sailing out of SF harbor....

[dakrewser]

Sounds like you're a convert, Brian!

 

 

But was it worth what you paid for it??

[mim100]

wow, Brian, what a frustrating, disappointing experience for you.....are you going to write to the cruiseline or just let it go? thanks for the detailed review....that's one ship I'll definitely stay away from....I hope you hung out in San Fran for a while and enjoyed yourselves...

[Aussie Gal]

Brian,

 

It must have been woeful on the Mercury for you to disembark two days later. What a disappointment not to have the 11 day cruise especially after all you had gone through getting the prize.

 

I have always wanted to try Celebrity. After reading your funny post I think I will give that thought away for now and concentrate on trying Crystal instead.

 

Jennie

[grannynurse]

Brian,

It just goes to show that "Free (sic) is just another word for nothing left to lose"

I would have loved to be a mouse in the woodwork listening to your play by play comments.

 

I just can't imagine.....

Everything you own must be offended,

Welcome back home to HAL!

Love,

Grannynurse

[caviargal]

I was on Mercury in October and my experience was very similar to Brian's.

 

It was my fourth X cruise and the absolute worst. Mercury needs a major overhaul. IMO, it is for all the reasons detailed that she is priced as she is.

[FlorenceItaly]

Brian, you were my last hope, and now I have none..............

 

 

Marie

[travellady]

I sailed Celebrity once, the Mercury, and possibly the reason I don't consider sailing Celebrity when I plan cruises. The bed was so bad, in fact it was concave, that I needed an Excedrin PM to sleep. Why on earth have they not updated their bedding? And, our service was so attentive in the dining room, my in-laws wanted to eat at the casual restaurant the next night. Our waiter didn't stop talking to us and we really wanted to just enjoy our dinner and chat amongst ourselves.

 

We much prefer HAL for the smaller, more-refined, cruising experience.

[Sayyadina]

…and never did anyone in the staff or crew ever bother to ask why I was leaving early.

 

That really gets me. wow.

 

This must have been a major culture shock for you. While it was funny to read, the whole time I was comparing it to my one and only experience on a HAL ship and my mind was reeling. :D

 

I'm curious to see if you're going to add it to your sig, and how you will word it....:eek:

[arzz]

So much for the old adage "any day at sea is better than...."

 

Incredible review -- good read but I am really sorry that you lost the cruise that you worked so hard to win.

[shipcafe]

Just "wow". I always hear such good about Celebrity. I had to laugh out loud in regard to your comments on the onboard art, though, as I've seen it for myself - ha!

[jhannah]

Great read, Brian! Thanks for sharing your experience. We saw the Mercury in San Diego recently, and just from the outside she looked to be a very tired vessel.

 

What a shame that this cruise (that you had to jump through hoops to claim) was such a disappointing experience.

[Bramcruiser]

I saw the Mercury tied up beside our ship, the Oosterdam, last September in Victoria, B.C. Both ships were doing coastal runs with ours heading south down to San Diego. It looked fine on the outside but I preferred the look of our HAL ship even if it is one of those Vista class ships. Anyway, all I ever heard from several passengers was that HAL wasn't as good as Celebrity especially when it came time to discuss food.

 

Then I joined Cruise Critic and have heard both good and bad about that line but have heard nothing but bad about the Mercury. Now this report. Makes me appreciate even more the fact I choose the Oosterdam last fall.

 

Me thinks its time that RCCL/Celebrity spent some money on upgrading or retire the Mercury. It always seems to have some well priced coastal trips and now we know why.

[johnlcruise]

I was on the Mercury a year ago.

Although not up to HAL standers, I found it to be a nice ship.(I like the small old ships)

Our bed was very nice and the service was outstanding. And the food was not too bad eather.

I do at least 2 cruise's a year and I have never had a bad one.

I guess it goes to show you, "That A Cruise Is WHAT YOU Make It To Be"

[kryos]

I sailed Celebrity once, the Mercury, and possibly the reason I don't consider sailing Celebrity when I plan cruises. The bed was so bad, in fact it was concave, that I needed an Excedrin PM to sleep.

I sailed Celebrity only one time ... the Zenith ... for a five-day cruise. My cabin was much as Brian described, including a bed that felt like sleeping on a rock. But, in my case, I got the cruise dirt cheap ... was traveling as a guest of a TA group who were taking courses onboard and the rate I got was sinful. So, I didn't question the lack of stateroom ammenities. Figured I was getting exactly what I paid for. Not only was the bed hard as a rock, but there was another bed recessed into the ceiling, and everytime I would lean over to put on my shoes, I would have to be very careful coming up, or I would conk my head but good on that upper berth. There was no refrigerator, rather just a thin ice bucket that wouldn't even keep the ice solid for very long. The steward would fill it during his nightly rounds, but by midnight it was all just water.

 

The cabin was absolutely tiny ... and the bathroom was unbelieveably small.

 

But, I guess I was lucky in other respects. I found the ship wonderful ... intimate ... and the food delicious (maybe even a slight edge over HAL). I found the dining room to be absolutely beautiful, the waiters very friendly and accommodating, and a good selection of food. I honestly had no complaints whatsoever on that score.

 

As for the entertainment, I honestly can't comment because I didn't go to one production show. As part of the deal for my super cheap fare, I had to sit in on the TA classes offered as well, and on sea days those classes could go six hours. At night, I much preferred to sit in a lounge after dinner or maybe up on deck.

 

In Brian's case, though, I think it stinks that they give him a cruise as a prize, and then provided such substandard accommodations. That's really not fair. I wouldn't expect him to get a luxurious suite, but the least they could have done was given him a decent stateroom.

 

Remind me to be very wary of "win a free cruise" promotions ... because it would seem that the best things in life are not always free ... at least not as far as cruises go.

 

Sorry Brian had such a bad experience. It shouldn't have been like that. If I were him, I'd be firing off a very, very nasty letter ... not just to Celebrity, but primarily to Travelocity, the sponsors of this contest.

 

Blue skies ...

 

--rita

[K&RCurt]

Hi Brian:

 

I am so sorry this cruise was so disappointing. i know how hard you had to work to get you "prize" and to have it be such a negative experience is sad.

 

You are taking quite a beating over on the "X" board. I guess it's the same on each board, when someone has a bad experience the loyalists have to come and put down the OP.

 

Your post has us re-thinking our Feb '07 Century cruise. Even though the ship will be fairly fresh out of the refit it's now undergoing, it sounds like other aspects anre at work also.

[ASue]

I was also on the Mercury a year ago. I agree with the beds not being to comfy but we got a egg crate put on ours the next day. Yes the cabins were smaller than we are used to but we don't spend that much time in there so it didn't bother me. I loved the ship. The food was outstanding and the service was alot better than we had on the 3 HAL cruises we had taken. We had read about the ship being in bad shape. We didn't feel that way at all. But then again the ship is small and older than any of the HAL ships we had taken.

 

Sorry you didn't have a good time. I think a cruise is what you make it. We also tried Princess and it was a very nice cruise but no as good as Celebrity.

 

The one nice thing for us is the ships leave out of San Francisco which is close to home so saves us alot on airfares, hotels and transfers.

 

I would sail her again in a minute.

[longtimecruiser]

Brian,

Thanks for the very honest review. I can't imaqgine leaving a cruise after just two days. I agree with you about Celebrity ships being shabby. I was on the Galaxy, in a suite and the furniture was torn, carpeting badly stained, overall appearance of a second rate run down motel. This was several years ago. Galaxy is the sister ship to the Merecury. Celebrity just doesn't have the well maintained ships that Hal has and they are lacking with the extra touches that Hal has become so well known for with their passengers. Adele:p

[Pudgesmom]

Brian,

 

What a review!!!!! I was almost holding my breath waiting for your free cruise experience to improve. You have a gift for writing, and for this HAL cruiser the compare/contrast was done exceptionally well.

 

Will/have you posted this on the Celebrity board? It would be interesting to hear from some over there that prefer Celebrity to HAL.

 

I'm sorry you didn't have a better time.

 

Beth

[LHC]

To schedule the time off, get it together, pack and plan, then only do 2 days....it must have been horrific. I am so sorry Brian. Happier Sailing back on HAL

Linda

[Nancyquilts]

Altho' Prinsendam is our all-time favorite ship, we've been on Mercury twice in the last few years, and enjoyed it both times. We accept it for what it is, not what it isn't (because even HAL ships aren't all Prinsendam!). Nancy