Death in Family - would you get off ship?

[benchmarklearning]

I just read a sad story on the Princess boards about a guy who got a call just after boarding and his brother had died. Of course he had to get off - brother had teenage kids, etc. Very sad story. Princess was very helpful to the guy and hopefully he can rebook for next week.

 

I thought about this just before our recent Eurodam cruise since I have a very sick cousin. What would I do if the day before departure she passed on?

 

So, I ask - you have awaited this cruise for a long time and you need it bad! You get on board and you get a call that your cousin died. Do you:

 

A. Have them round up your luggage and get off the ship (in tears)

B. Call your cousin's spouse and express sympathy and tell them you will visit in a week

C. Not answer your phone within 48 hours of departure

 

Assume you are fairly close to the cousin, not one of this distant ones you hadn't seen in 42 years.

 

What would you do? :confused:

[penetangjudy]

Being a nurse and compassionate at that I would do what I think my cousin would want me to do:

 

I would call and talk to their spouse and tell them you will see them first thing on your return. Sad thing is though that as much as you will enjoy your cruise there will be that underlying sadness, but that will be there if you go or not.

 

Sometimes we have to make hard choices :)

 

** we were just on the same cruise together!!!!

[sail7seas]

Of course, how close you are to the people who are left behind is a factor. Also, how many others are there? Are you the only other family so desparately needed for comfort and support or are you a family of many who wll be available to help the grieving widow?

 

Such a personal choice; so many variables.

No easy answer IMO

 

[Krazy Kruizers]

There isn't an easy answer for this.

I can tell you that we did get the call when DH;s father died while we were on a Princess Cruise.

We were at sea -- the next day was Princess Cay -- and then we were to get off the following day in Ft Lauderdale.

Needless to say we did have to stay on the ship -- but once in Ft :auderdale -- instead of staying the night there like we usually do -- we made arrangments to fly right home that day.

[meterman2]

I agree that there isn't an easy answer.

 

"Fairly close" is a "relative" (pardon the pun) term to describe a relationship (friend or relative). A very close friend or cousin-we don't go.

 

Disappointing-yes, hard choice-yes. thats life-yes.

 

Let your conscious guide you (its usually right).

[CRUZBUDS]

so many variables...

 

This a little bit off subject.

 

Our next door neighbor was dying from cancer. It was not an unexpected death. Another of our neighbors had left for an Alaskan cruise. They were having a nice dinner in Vancover the night before boarding the ship. A third neighbor (a busybody) called them on their cell phone to let them know of his passing. They were long time neighbors but not real close friends.

 

I was livid with the busy body. What possible good was there to let them know? It didn't ruin their trip, but certainly put a damper on it when they thought of the widow and son.

 

Some people revel in being the bearers of bad news

[mamaofami]

This is such an individual question that there can't really be a right or wrong answer. It depends on your relationship to the person who died and to the surviving relatives. It's a decision each person has to make for themselves.

[bqkali]

I would fly back if (god forbid!) my parents or my sister were seriously ill or worse, but for extended family, I would simply send my condolences and make an effort to get there as soon as I was back in the USA.

[wrp96]

My family has had extensive discussions about this issue, and there really is no set answer. For me it would depend on the relative, the exact situation, and the ease of getting off the ship. If my mother died, they would call me and I would be home no matter what, same with my aunts or my brother. If I know that a family member (or close friend) is ill before I leave, I would talk to the relative to see what they would want - some would be upset if I considered ending a trip on their behalf, others would want me home as a support for other relatives. If you are close to your cousin, as it seems you are, talk it through with them or their spouse now so that if the worst does come, that is one less decision that needs to be made.

[lovebug33]

This happened to us years ago. We were in Hawaii, a trip my parents had saved up for for a year and a half. Abuela was really sick and could pass at any time, but we went any way. She died two days before we were going to go home. In our culture, we have huge parties when people died, so Dad decided we would stay, we enjoyed ourselves, and we prepared for the funeral when we got back. Dad knew Abuela would roll over in her grave if she knew the money we wasted by coming back home, so that helped him make the decision to stay, too.

[babyher]

If God forbid it was my mother or one of my kids , I would be home in a shot. Anyone else, I will do whatever I can for them the minute I get home.

[LordSpain]

Wow what a hard decision . . . it would probably depend on ones closeness to the deceased, their family culture/traditions personal feelings etc. I agree though – intensely personal and difficult.

 

That brings to mind other questions though. How would HAL’s insurance protection handle this? Does their responsibility for covering a cancellation end when you board? If this were to occur halfway through a lengthy cruise would cancellation insurance compensate for the remainder? Does one policy provide coverage where another does not? Anyone know off the top of their head? I’m going to have to dig up the “fine print” and give it a read . . .

[babyher]

so many variables...

 

This a little bit off subject.

 

Our next door neighbor was dying from cancer. It was not an unexpected death. Another of our neighbors had left for an Alaskan cruise. They were having a nice dinner in Vancover the night before boarding the ship. A third neighbor (a busybody) called them on their cell phone to let them know of his passing. They were long time neighbors but not real close friends.

 

I was livid with the busy body. What possible good was there to let them know? It didn't ruin their trip, but certainly put a damper on it when they thought of the widow and son.

 

Some people revel in being the bearers of bad news

 

So True

 

My Aunt is a real crepe hanger. If she calls at some point in the conversation she will have news of someone who died. It doesn't even have to be a close relative or family friend. It could be the wife of the guy who owned the candy store her and my mom lived next to as kids 50 years ago!!! *LOL*

 

I am a dispatcher for our local fire department . When a firefighter in a neighboring town dies all the surrounding departments send several guys as an honor guard to the funeral. When this happens the details are faxed to the admin office and then brought to dispatch for us to read and put over the computer printout for anyone who is interested in attending.. This fella Mike is the guy in charge of setting up the funeral details and bringing us the message to read and post. Its the only time we ever see him *LOL*

 

When he comes to the door, paper in hand, I always say "Now who died Aunt Lucille " *LOL*

[*Gigi*]

Personally, I wouldn't expect anyone to drop everything and come unless it was immediate family. And I speak from experience. My parents were in the exact situation you describe when DH had his accident. They had just made it into their hotel when they received the call and had to get the next flight back home. Now my mother has finally learned to buy insurance. :D

 

Our relatives, even the very close ones, did not come until the next day. Ironically, when someone is killed or severly injured, the family usually prefers to have some privacy to grieve rather than being surrounded or called by every member of their extended family. So, IMHO, it is perfectly acceptable to call and express sympathy and see the family when you get back.

[DFD1]

Best friend's mother, also a great friend, was near death in January just as I was about to leave for Ireland. I went to them and talked it through, telling them I could cancel easily if they preferred that I stay.

 

I was very close to both and they urged me to go ahead. She died while I was in the air between Newark and Shannon.

 

My son and his wife stepped in and represented our friendship to the family.

 

Each situation is different. There are no easy answers.

[rjm1cc]

There is nothing you can do for the deceased so the question is can you render some assistance to the kin that no one else can. As a general answer I think it is best that no one tells the traveler and they complete the trip.

[Susie51]

This is a very difficult situation. On our Oct. 2008 cruise we had to discuss this same issue when an extremely close uncle with terminal cancer was near death. He had no children and we would be making the decisions regarding the funeral arrangements and the meal afterward. He was the one who gave us money for the trip when we booked in June 2008. As it turned out he passed away 17 days before our sail date.

 

Usually, our decision is no contact after we leave on the cruise unless it is immediate family.

 

This is a very personal decision and I hope we would not pass judgment on others no matter what they decide is the best for them in those circumstances.

[Taxguy77]

If I died while my kids were on a cruise, I would NOT want them to know until they returned. DW has lots of friends to comfort her for a few days.

I hope they hold a big party when they get back, put my coffin in the middle of the room.;)

[cb at sea]

It really depends---immediate family, of course! Distant relative or one that you don't have alot of contact with? I don't think I'd cancel my plans for that....

Whatever, it's a sad situation.

[kryos]

Assume you are fairly close to the cousin, not one of this distant ones you hadn't seen in 42 years.

 

What would you do? :confused:

It depends on several factors: (1) do I have insurance? If I don't, then I'm sorry, but the cousin and his family are gonna have to wait until I return home to deal with matters. Trust me, no one is indispensable. Even if there are teenaged kids involved as in the case of this guy on Princess, someone in the family can stay with them until I get there. Once I am home, then yes ... I would do whatever I could to help them ... but I'm sorry, call me selfish or whatever, but unless there is absolutely no other alternative, I am not getting off the ship and losing the bundle of money I paid for the cruise if I don't have insurance to cover it. We could be talking $10,000 here easily ... depending on the cruise and how many of us, how many cabins, etc.

 

(2) And this is related to number 1 -- What exactly can I do? Is there anything that only I can do and no one else can take care of? Did the cousin have no other closer family who could handle immediate matters? Are there no close friends who would be willing to step up to the plate until I return? Are there young children involved who are gonna wind up being sent to a foster home if I don't get home to claim them? What's the deal here? Of course, I would imagine if it's a situation where truly my cousin died with absolutely no other family and no good friends that would be willing to assume responsibility until I return, then I guess I'm stuck. If for no other reason but the children's sake, I guess it's bye bye cruise. But I wouldn't be happy about it, that's for sure.

 

My feeling has always been that people like to think that they are indispensible and only they could handle things, when in fact there are plenty of others who would be more than happy to help out if you just asked them. I had a friend actually cancel a vacation that she had already fully paid for and was told under no uncertain terms that she wouldn't be able to get a refund on ... all because a coworker happened to drop dead two days before her vacation was to start, and this girl claimed that only she could do the woman's job. I just shook my head. The boss didn't even ask her to cancel her vacation. She just did it on her own and lost the money. What an idiot. The sad thing was that a few months later the company laid her off anyway ... because they took the work of that office and merged it into another office. She ended up SOL on her vacation funds, and now SOL with a job. And the real sad thing? When she sat in that boss' office crying ... and told him "look what I did for the company when you needed me" ... the boss told her that she did that on her own. No one asked her to. In other words, "don't throw your selflessness in my face ... I didn't ask you for any favors."

 

I say there is nothing I can do if someone ups and dies except say a prayer for them. I can do that just as well on the ship as I can at home. Now, if someone is very sick and requests my presence at his bedside, then maybe that's a different story. If my 95 year old father took ill right before I was to leave on a cruise, of course I would cancel. If my brother called me on the ship and said "dad's real sick, you need to come home," then of course ... I'd be off that ship and on a plane at the next possible port. That is precisely the reason I buy insurance ... because I know he's older and anything can happen. But if he dies while I'm already on the boat ... a sudden sort of thing ... then I'm staying on the boat, because there's nothing my getting off at that point is gonna do for him. Even if I miss the actual funeral, believe me ... he's not gonna care. He's gonna remember what we did together when he was alive ... because that's the truly important thing. Once a person dies, whether I'm there now or at the end of the cruise, it's really not gonna matter a hill of beans to him anyway, and I'd just stay onboard and finish out my cruise.

 

Sorry if I sound heartless here. I honestly don't mean to be.

 

Blue skies ...

 

--rita

[mudscraper]

The wife and I were to be on the Statendam this very minute but cancelled because of her brothers terminal cancer diagnosis. He passed away two hours ago. I`m thankful we stayed home.

 

 

Rich

[savannahgirl1]

This question reminds me of a story my mom told me. When she was just a kid her, her parents and her sisters along with her uncle and his family took a vacation to Daytona Beach. While they were gone her uncles mother died. The family called the Daytona beach police department to try and locate them. The police cruised for a week and never found them. By the time they got back home, his mother was buried. This was the 50's so burials had to be quicker especially in the hot south. Mom said what was strange is the cops couldn't locate them even though they were traveling in identical 57 chevys. I would have thought that would have stood out. But it must have been terrible to come off vacation and find your mother has passed and is buried. :( As for the OP's question, with me it would all depend on who has died. I have cousins I haven't spoken to in 30 years, so I wouldn't feel as though it was necessary. But for a close member, mother father, in-laws, no hesitation. I would be looking to booking a flight home.

[kryos]

Our relatives, even the very close ones, did not come until the next day. Ironically, when someone is killed or severly injured, the family usually prefers to have some privacy to grieve rather than being surrounded or called by every member of their extended family. So, IMHO, it is perfectly acceptable to call and express sympathy and see the family when you get back.

Of course, I don't know the situation with your DH ... whether he had sustained life-threatening injuries or not ... but when I had my near-fatal skydiving accident down in Florida, my parents were ready to make the trek to Florida and I wouldn't allow them to. They don't fly and were in their mid-80s. I wasn't about to have them drive to and from Philadelphia. By that point, I was no longer in any life-threatening danger ... I had broken both femurs and was fully stablized via surgery to repair the damage. I told my parents that I was in a first class medical/trauma center, being looked after 24/7 ... there was nothing they could do for me that wasn't being done there. When I got home, it would be then that I would need their help, as I was gonna be non-weight bearing (in a wheelchair) for several months.

 

It took some talking, but I convinced them to stay home and keep in touch by telephone with the hospital.

 

And it was a good thing they did too ... because a couple of weeks later, when I was ready to return home, I was flown home by medical transport (Lear Jet) and they would not have been permitted onboard anyway ... and dad wouldn't have set foot on an airplane even if he was allowed. So had they come, they would have had another major drive to get back home.

 

As it was, they were waiting for me at the rehab center in Philly that the medical crew brought me to and were there to visit me every day from that point on. I also went back to their house for six months during my recuperation.

 

So they were a big help as it was. They didn't need to make that arduous journey by car at their age to be there for me.

 

Blue skies ...

 

--rita

[kryos]

The wife and I were to be on the Statendam this very minute but cancelled because of her brothers terminal cancer diagnosis. He passed away two hours ago. I`m thankful we stayed home.

My sympathies to both you and your wife, Rich. Sounds like you made a good decision because you both probably got to spend some time with him before he died. I'm sure that was a comfort to all concerned.

 

Blue skies ...

 

--rita

[fatcat04]

The wife and I were to be on the Statendam this very minute but cancelled because of her brothers terminal cancer diagnosis. He passed away two hours ago. I`m thankful we stayed home.

 

 

Rich

 

I am so sorry Rich. Comfort to you and yours and may his memory be eternal to those who loved him.