MSC Divina Review......Lets make this about me!

So......ever been late.....late to work....late to dinner.....late to just about anywhere? Well that's the kind of guy I am.....late to everything, so it should come as no surprise that I went on this cruise the beginning of June and I'm just not writing my review.

Let me start by telling you a little about myself....I'm 5' 9", 200 pounds (is that little enough for ya?)

We arrive at the port full of hope.....excitement.....sunscreen.....and fear (I had read some of the other reviews) and walk inside and begin our embarkation process. Now if you are anything like me you fully expect bad things.... and we walk inside I go through the list in my head of all the things I need to board this beast of a boat. Walking in they seemed to be a bit....whats the word I'm looking for here? Un-ready-ish-to-tell-me-where-to-go. Is that a word, doesn't matter I hyphenated it so to totally counts. So I walk around passing lovely looking people waiting for one of them to tell us where to go. Normally people have no problems telling me where to go....as a matter of fact, some guy on the freeway told me where to go when I accidentally cut him off. But after someone finally told me where to go, we were through the process in no time and within about 20 minutes where on the "Beast" mooing like the cattle we were about to become.

The first impression when we entered this ship was HOLY **** LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS THING! Now I know what some of you are thinking.....Mr. Fan why do you use such language.....the kids.....the kids.......think about the kids. Well if by chance there are any kids reading this review on this summer evening, feel free to take a bat to the computer and tell them to get their butts outside and play. But anyways this boat is a beast....a great big....clean....long....beast. And holy cow is this place clean.....I've never been inclined to want to have a bunch of foreigners live in my house but if my house looked as clean as this place I would really consider it.

So....once I wrote a pretty great review (it's on here somewhere) and my computer had an issue towards the end and I lost it all. Since then I like to write my reviews in shortish blocks, so I don't get screwed.....and I find it really increases the amount of compliments I receive. And just like a 22 year old girl wearing that tight new dress because "It's Really Comfortable" who doesn't like compliments? So I shall return to type some more very soon.......or maybe later....remember my first paragraph?

Really enjoying your review! Super funny! Subscribing.

Cant wait for your review! LOVE your sense of humor!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!

Hurry up. Slow poke! Need-to-read-more-of-your-review. [emoji12]

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So....where were we? Oh yea....The Ship. After we get on the boat we do what anyone would want to do....whats that you ask....find the nearest bathroom (my kids really had to go and we weren't about to miss our number being called to board the ship). So after we use the restrooms and....this one's for the guys in this group....there are no urinals anywhere to be had on this ship. Apparently people in other countries don't like to pee standing next to each other while they talk about the hot chick drunken chick they just seen fall down the stairs (totally happened)......And you may say what's the big deal? Well I'm from America and when you do things differently than we do......well I get a little bit scared.

We decide since it had almost had 3 hours since the last time we ate we better hurry to the buffet before they run out of food. Now after reading the reviews I was prepared for this complete debacle that MSC calls a buffet. And I'm going to tell ya.....those people must suck to be around in their daily lives. I mean common....sure it's different.....sure it's something I wasn't use to, but just like I use to tell my girlfriend in high school....common just try it....it's not that bad.

This is a public service announcement brought to you be Mr. Fan......I wish someone had really emphasized this fact before I ate at the buffet and I'm going to help you all out....BIGTIME. The first day at the buffet you are going to want to load your plate with every type of food imaginable.....pizza.....burgers.....tacos.....hotdogs....sandwiches and more pizza. But please take this advice on how to tackle this beast of a buffet. Each day focus on one area of food to be your buffet main course. Because if you load up with all the different food types, you will realize by the third day they really don't change. And you will get bored with the food by day three. But had I really realized this I would have spent day one focusing on pizza and side dishes. Day two burgers and fries......day three Mexican day.....day four I could have pizza again and not be bored with it.

After eating and exploring the ship a bit we decided to be rebels and go check out our room before the allowed time.....yea I'm gangsta and so is my Boo. So we go to our room....tiptoeing like Elmer Fudd sneaking up on Buggs Bunny, waiting for someone to yell at us and tell us we're not allowed to be in there yet (for those under 30, sorry you won't get this reference and I don't have the energy to relate it to you). But sure enough our room was ready and then I saw him....our cabin steward. I'm not gonna lie....he hardly spoke to us a day on our cruise....I never even learned his name (quite a difference from RCCL where they introduce themselves, hug, take selfies, exchange home phone numbers, and ask if they can name their first born after you). Not that this was a big deal, the dude was always busy running around working.

Next we decided to go swimming at the main pool. I'm not a big fan of how this is laid out, mainly because of those huge boulders they have surrounding the pool for aesthetics. Sure they look great, but you know my wife and I are those parents who like to follow our children around throwing rose pedals at their feet as they walk, and we like to keep an eye on them while they are in the pool. But those big*** boulders made it impossible to sit in a lounge chair and watch our children. So we loaded up our rose pedals and had to spend a bit more time in the pool that we would like.

Mr. Fan.....will there be any pictures in this review.....NO. It's a cruise ship.....google MSC Divina and look at those pictures.....Remember this all about me!

Wonderful, can't wait for more!

Love your style.

I'm hooked and lovin' this review!!

omg thus is the funniest review I have ever read! I am to board the fantasia in about 8 hours so this is a wonderfzl passtime. thank you so much for your review!

I'm luvin' it :D

You MUST be a writer. No one writes like this. Soooo clever in your style and loving every second of it. WAKE UP WAKE UP. We want more!!:):):)

I'm in for the long haul so keep going!

Fun reading. Can't wait for more[emoji924][emoji924][emoji457][emoji457]

Looking forward to more!

It was at some point in here that we made our way up to the children's program (ditch em) for sign ups (preparation to ditch em) and an opportunity to look around (to see where we were going to be ditching them). Now we have been on Carnival and Royal Caribbean and my kids love the kids program. My daughter (who is perfect in every way so this had to be MSC's Fault) went to the program for a little bit, but had no interest in really going back, oh boy. My wife was certain we needed to find the nearest therapist to get to the bottom of this utter disaster! Turns out that my daughter who is not a big fan of things that are chaotic really struggled with the program because there were so many kids in they didn't really seem prepared for the numbers. She looked over at the 5 year old coloring....and thought.....what the heck.....I want to color. Instead there was a Foosball table and a video game system that could only 4 people could play, that was expected....but the one guy who worked for MSC played during every game, therefore only 3 could play, that was unexpected. BTW I'm all about making yourself feel good at the expense of your children, but others feeling good at the expense of my child.....How Dare You! Anyways, she did not go back for a few days, and that was better because some of the kids stopped going and it was less chaotic, and she had a better time.

Here are a list of things I can always assume...

1. If you take a plane ride to Orlando....expect babies and kids on the plane

2. If I come home drunk with beads around my neck, I'm going to get a talk to

3. The Cleveland Browns will lose most of the games they play

4. When I board a ship that advertises "kids sail free"....there will be kids...lots and lots of kids....some of them may even suck....but not mine.....remember perfect in every way.

But I will be darned if I didn't overhear the following things

1. There are too many kids on this ship

2. These kids are overtaking the pool

3. That crying baby is ruining my vacation

And to those people I say.

1. Ummmm....you should have paid better attention when you booked...and did I see yoy with 5 kids earlier?

2. Well kids like to swim too.....or just hold a couple of them under the water....problem solved

3. Drink more....always cures all of my problems....or delays them. And isn't that what really counts?

I am not a huge fan in general of putting on clothes when I eat.....so the idea of getting dressed up to eat when on vacation blows my mine. I'm a lets just eat at the buffet kinda guy.....you know convince, eat when you want, as much as you want. But my wife has that magical power over me.....wink...wink....wink. And guess where we ate the first night? Give up? The Main Dining Room....and it was fine. BTW there is a hot debate on some of these reviews......water. Our dining staff always gave us plenty of water and kept the glasses fullish. And we ate at the MDR 4 nights (so wife 4 me 3....Damn) and the food was always good....not great....not overly hot....but good. Just like my ex-girlfriend in high school (how many times will he use this joke.....you wait and see).

This night my wife and family went to the show.....I did not. There was a bar that actually allowed me to smoke my cigars.....BLEW MY MIND. I walk in and they knew me (bartender pronounced Are-U was great)...gave me an ashtray and said smoke up. When I left this cruise my face looked like Kramer's on Seinfeld when he opened the smokers club....a used baseball mitt.

Now I bet I know what your thinking....Mr. Fan how was the late night party atmosphere....and I can tell you I have absolutely no idea because you know those people who say they are young at heart.....you never hear em say I'm young in body, because once you reach a certain age (apparently 39) you could care less how young your heart is and more about how tired your body is.

love the writing style... funny... loved the Divina also...

Love your review!!! Better late then never!!

BTW I'm all about making yourself feel good at the expense of your children, but others feeling good at the expense of my child.....How Dare You!

To be clear....I think all parents should make themselves feel good about....well themselves at the expense of their own children. I just don't think others should get to feel good about themselves at the expense of other people's children. Do I let my 5 year old beat me in board games....heck no! All about me.....just sayin

Enjoying your review! You are funny! Thank goodness. If you were dull and droll, this would be far less enjoyable! You may just be my new guilty reading pleasure...hoping my wife does not find out about you...I really don't like sharing!

But, we loved our July Divina cruise and can't wait for our upcoming May Divina cruise! We ARE hoping that the timing will reduce the number of children on board. I thought about holding a few under the water, but refrained as any of them could be the next Lionel Messi or Mia Hamm...the loss of that potential talent would be far too great to bear!

Cheers! Bring on the next installment! Of course, in your own time, because this IS all about you!

Where are you?? oopppss i guess your late again.lol

I absolutely love this so far...

Keep 'em coming! Seriously... get a move on!! ;)

Enjoying the review, looking forward to more.:)

Come on Clarkfan1, where are you. Loving this, but can't wait any longer :):)

Thanks for sharing.

What a great day....went out with the family and was just cozying up to add my next installment (when it's this many it feels like installments) of my review. Now as I told you at the beginning....who doesn't love compliments? Well I sure do and I like to read through everything you guys.....and ladies say....because you have been awfully nice to me. But as I'm reading through I notice something....

I swear I set my keys on the counter

But now their gone.....am I going crazy....er?

Well what I noticed was someone decided to take down my last (not to toot my own horn....but toot...toot....toot) and funniest post.

This post had it all....funny words....funny stories...advice......tongue and cheek out the wazoo...and today...gone....gone....literally like a fart in the wind....gone.

So someone must not have liked it....you may say Mr. Fan what did you say....who did you offend...the President....Justin Bieber....Russia? I can honestly say.....no swear words were used in the creation of that post and if the words that were used bothered anyone then I just feel sorry for them because people must really talk about them behind their backs like this.....

OMG....did you notice ___________? She/He really has a stick up his/her butt.

So sorry I won't be writing anymore for a while......because I don't feel I should have to retype because someone has no sense of humor.

Thanks