Opinion on Children taking friends

[kuddles14]

We are hoping to be taking a "family cruise" next summer, with my in-laws. However, there is a big age gap between our children (27 and 24 at time of sailing) and their cousins (19 and 14 at time of sailing). If they should bring a friend should my husband and I pay for their friends? Pay a portion? or maybe add money to their sea passes?

We never said we would treat, they asked if they could bring someone. Both of the people they are thinking about are very nice and I know would not have a problem doing family things with us, their cousins, etc. I would assume they would do their own thing in the evenings, or even possibly different shore excursions. Just would like peoples opinions and experiences, since this is more than a year away and it would give me plenty of time to save.

[kicker]

Are you talking for the 27 & 24 or the 19 & 14? Big difference. I would think the older ones, if they have friends who'd want to go, the friends would pretty much pay their own way. The younger ones: extra problems (though fixable) about needing more supervision and parental consent letters.

 

When our kids were 15 & 16 we took one of their friends with us, and also 2 yrs later took a different friend. Both times they paid for their own cruises; we did treat them to some excursions and pre & post cruise meals.

[janetz]

If they want to go I would have them pay their own way.

This will give them enough the time to save for the cruise. Maybe you could pay for an excursion. :)

[crusinmama06]

Ask this question on the family board if you haven't already :D

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/forumdisplay.php?f=49

[kuddles14]

I am sorry I didn't make myself clear, I am talking about our children who will be 27 and 24 at the time of sailing.

[shortm]

I wouldn't be expecting you to be paying for your 27 & 24 year old, never mind their friends.

 

They are adults.

[Jolimont]

This is a difficult question for me because my parents were terribly generous taking my own friends along when I was a teen and that was most appreciated. BUT we mostly went camping in our old beatup wagon. Very little money was involved.

 

The money aspect is bothering me here.

 

As a general rule I think it's wrong for me to treat a child to something their own parents couldn't afford for them because I see it as adults trying to "buy" kids or friends for their kids. So if the other parents want to treat their kid to a fun cruise where you supervise that's one thing, otherwise no. My own daughter is young enough that she still loves going on vacation with just us, I know it won't last.

 

EDIT: these "kids" are 24 and 27?!!! Not kids any more. I see it even more as a "buying" type thing going on.

[printingchick]

Are you talking for the 27 & 24 or the 19 & 14? Big difference. I would think the older ones, if they have friends who'd want to go, the friends would pretty much pay their own way. The younger ones: extra problems (though fixable) about needing more supervision and parental consent letters.

 

When our kids were 15 & 16 we took one of their friends with us, and also 2 yrs later took a different friend. Both times they paid for their own cruises; we did treat them to some excursions and pre & post cruise meals.

 

I agree with this post and have done likewise with friends of my younger kids. They paid their own way, but I did end up paying for some on-board and excursion costs. With kids over the age of 21 (I have two in that age category now), I would absolutely insist that their friends pay their own way. My 22-year-old daughter is going along on a cruise I'm giving to my 17 year old son for his HS graduation next year. She knows I expect her to pay her own way. She lives on her own now; it's up to her to fund her own vacations.

[crusinmama06]

At 27 and 24 my kids better be paying for me -- let alone their friends. :eek:

 

It's only fair. I look at it like this. My kids have been on, at this point, 10 cruises at the ripe old age of 10 -- by the time they hit adulthood -- they better start returning the favor. ;)

 

And there is no way I intend to pay for their friends.

 

Why would you pay for your adult children's friends?

[SHD]

We're taking two additional friends along on a family cruise in May 2010. All will be 19 years all. We're paying for our 2 kids and their friends are paying their own way. Sure we know there will be added expenses we will end up picking up for them, but they came up with their cruise portion by the final payment deadline and had other friends waiting in line if they couldn't come up with the full amount. We also booked private tours for the group so the price for the tour was the same if we had 1 person or 10 people going.

[toxicfairy]

At 27 and 24 they are still someones children but they are by far not KIDS. I would say they pay their own way. I could see if you wanted to pick up the tab for an excursion or even a dinner at one of the pay for places like Chops. As far as the actual cruise I think as adults they should pay for themselves. Now if you happen to be some rich person and a cruise for 2 extra is a drop in the bucket then hey go ahead and treat all you want :D. But if you are the typical middle class Joe like us then an excursion or dinner is plenty.

Although I think the idea of throwing some extra bucks on their seapass is a very generous and nice idea!!

[LovesCruising]

Have to agree, bring friends of 27 & 24 year olds is fine, if they pay their own way. They are now adults. If you choose to pay for your own children, thats your business and no one elses. Enjoy your cruise.

[Booking It]

Just would like peoples opinions and experiences, since this is more than a year away and it would give me plenty of time to save.

We're talking about full blown adults here. There is no way you should pay their way, add money to their accounts, or pay for any excursions. ESPECIALLY since you stated that it's a year away and you'd need to save in order to do this. Yes, save some money... and spend it on you and your spouse!!!

 

If your children complain because they want you to pay for their friends, I would give them a serious reality check. Something along the lines of, "No cruise for you!".

 

Once I hit 18, I was cut off from everything. I am now nearly 30 and a working professional. The few times I've traveled with my mother since becoming an adult, I've paid my own way.

 

She still will never let me pay for dinners out, though. :)

[Rellyrooly]

At 24 I was married and at 27 I had my first child. My parents were not paying for my vacations anymore at those ages. I was on my own. I think it is extremely nice of you to pay for your "kids" and if you have the means to do so, go for it. However, in no way should you pay for your kid's friends, in fact, I would wonder about the friends if they were willing to take you up on it (especially the older one). I would never have accepted that offer from any of my friend's parents at that age. Maybe to treat them to an excursion or some meals is the way to go. That, IMO, would be totally acceptable and still very nice of you.

 

I'd love for you to adopt me! ;):D

[RadioRay]

I would think your role would be to maybe coordinate everything, get them the same discount you got, suggest events, cabins and excursions. But not sponsor them.

 

If they were minors traveling with you and sharing the same cabin as your younger kids, that might be a different thing.

[Rellyrooly]

I just thought of something though...

 

By "friends" do mean significant others? That COULD change things. Maybe...

[kuddles14]

Thank you for your advice. No I am the average middle class Joe. I am not rich and by any means. I just wanted to see what most people do. I would agree that their friends should pay their own way. We were thinking of treating our "kids" for lack of better terminology to the cruise for their xmas presents, birthday presents (both birthday's are around the holidays). I know neither they nor their friends would expect us to pay for them. Just curious as to what others would do.

We would probably pick up some drinks, an excursion or something of that nature. Just because they are good "kids" and it would make "us" happy to do it.

Thank you very much, maybe some day they will treat us!!!!!:D

[Rellyrooly]

Sounds like a great decision! Enjoy your cruise!

[crusinmama06]

Just because they are good "kids" and it would make "us" happy to do it.

 

Thank you very much, maybe some day they will treat us!!!!!:D

 

Well then that's your choice and if you ever want to adopt more "kids" the line forms behind ME. :D:D:D

 

Have a wonderful cruise! I wish you all the best! You sound like wonderful parents.

[drarill]

Thank you for your advice. No I am the average middle class Joe. I am not rich and by any means. I just wanted to see what most people do. I would agree that their friends should pay their own way. We were thinking of treating our "kids" for lack of better terminology to the cruise for their xmas presents, birthday presents (both birthday's are around the holidays). I know neither they nor their friends would expect us to pay for them. Just curious as to what others would do.

 

We would probably pick up some drinks, an excursion or something of that nature. Just because they are good "kids" and it would make "us" happy to do it.

 

Thank you very much, maybe some day they will treat us!!!!!:D

We finished our careers on our thirties and my parents were really generous with us. If your "kids" are good and it makes you happy to invite their friends, do whatever you want. And if their "friends" end up being your "in laws" someday, much better.

[pcur]

I am sorry I didn't make myself clear, I am talking about our children who will be 27 and 24 at the time of sailing.

 

We paid for our 2 sons, ages 28 and 33, and our youngest son's fiancee, age 27, last December on the Indy. Oldest son was a single supplement. We told them a year in advance it was their "everything" gift for 2009. When we got over $500 per cabin price drops we also let them keep the obc for the cruise.

 

We did this because it was the only way we could get solid time with everyone in one place together for multiple days, since we live in So CA, oldest in No CA, and youngest/fiancee in MI. Grandma came,too, and paid her way.

 

I asked my oldest if he wanted to invite a friend along to share his cabin, since all his current friends are men we have all known since he was 6 years old. He said they couldn't afford it. Had one of his friends come with us he would have paid his own way. If we hadn't given them all the obc, I think we might have used it to help pay for a friend, but we all agreed together that we wanted the obc and oldest son could stay in the cabin by himself.

 

It was the BEST vacation!!!!!!!!!

[kuddles14]

We finished our careers on our thirties and my parents were really generous with us. If your "kids" are good and it makes you happy to invite their friends, do whatever you want. And if their "friends" end up being your "in laws" someday, much better.

 

No their "friends" are just that. Neither of them are in a committed relationship, so therefore, it they are bringing friends of the same sex. Bo My son (24) has graduate school in his future and told me he doesn't have time for a serious relationship with that on his plate. My daughter just enjoys the single life right now.

[Havingfun2010]

Not knowing the family history, I am assuming based on the age, both should be out of college, working full time jobs, and living on their own. So you "invite" them on the cruise, and if they want to bring a friend, then let them pay!

[reallyitsmema]

Well then that's your choice and if you ever want to adopt more "kids" the line forms behind ME. :D:D:D

 

Have a wonderful cruise! I wish you all the best! You sound like wonderful parents.

If that doesn't work for you, I can see if my brother's inlaws will adopt you. They take their 40 something year old kids, spouses and grandkids on a cruise every summer. They pay cruise fare, tips and transportation to port. My brother only has to pay for their excursions.:eek:

[crusinmama06]

If that doesn't work for you, I can see if my brother's inlaws will adopt you. They take their 40 something year old kids, spouses and grandkids on a cruise every summer. They pay cruise fare, tips and transportation to port. My brother only has to pay for their excursions.:eek:

 

Oh yeahhhhh sign me up!!!!!! :D I can be long lost illegitimate daughter Michele :D:D:D

 

No I wouldn't give my parents up for all the cruises in the world. ;)