ideas of convincing my DH for FOS

[lrn2cruise]

Background: My 50th bday is may 1st. I want to take a cruise instead of a party. I have talked about this for several years. We are now at the point of research and booking.

 

My husband has narcissistic personality disorder. Anyone who understands NPD, life revolves around them. They are great people until their buttons are pushed. Money is one of my DH buttons which goes back to his childhood and my MIL fearing so much about money and needing control. He has that fear too.

 

We live in Texas and my DH wants to take a cruise out of Galveston. I am fine with that if Galveston had the cruise I wanted for the price I want.

I DO NOT want to go Carnival (wal-mart of the seas. No offence. I shop at Walmart but not for my 50th bday) The NCCL Voyager stops going out of Galveston, like in April, I believe.

 

We have a 5th grade son. All the fares for crusuises go up when school is out, including Galveston, even Spring Break!!!!

 

I want to go on the FOS for my 50th bday. I have checked and the May 15th sailing of the FOS inside is like, 650 per person. We could save a lot of money by going at this time. We would take DS out of school for a week. His state testing is alll over by that time.

We have one Southwest certificate for a round trip already. We might have another by May??????

 

My husband hit the roof this morning when I showed him the prices of the FOS inside in May and that it is going out of Florida and not Galveston.

I tried to explain that this really is least expensive unless we go Carnival at that time out of Galveston. I would regret it. It is not what I want. I would rather not go. My heart is set of RCCL FOS. i would love to go Oasis or Allure, but hey, lets not push this!

 

My question: To convince a narcissist about an idea(coping mechanism from living with him that I have learned) You have to sell the benefits to HIM, for HIM. It has to feel like he has control and how this cruise is about him, for him, benefit him. It really cannot be about me as sad as that sounds but this is my life and the crusie really is about me in reality, so I am fine with that.

 

So, those who have been on RCCL cruises, what are some creative ideas of selling this cruise to my DH. He loves the idea of the Flow rider and the climbing wall, dodge ball, etc but he thought all along that he was getting this with a Galveston cruise. He will have a blast. He is a fisherman, fly fisherman, hunter, not foo foo at all. Not hodie todie (like acting rich) Very simple

 

We are 2 professionals. I work part time to be at home for my son and the home. We are not rich but live under our means and a simple life. We have the cash flow to do this.

 

DH will be 48 in Nov. I am a bit older. My 50th is first. Now being a narcissist, when his 50th comes around, all the stops will be pulled out. I know this because of being married to him. he will most likely pick a hunt in Colorado or Montana. We will stay in a cabin, etc. My 50th will be passed and if i dare brought my 50th up, he would gaslight me, which is a fancey term for denying what the reality was.

 

Any thoughts on how to turn my wording around to sell this to DH

 

if you read this whole post, you are an angel!!! Thanks so much!!!

[sailawayjack]

Background: My 50th bday is may 1st. I want to take a cruise instead of a party. I have talked about this for several years. We are now at the point of research and booking.

 

My husband has narcissistic personality disorder. Anyone who understands NPD, life revolves around them. They are great people until their buttons are pushed. Money is one of my DH buttons which goes back to his childhood and my MIL fearing so much about money and needing control. He has that fear too.

 

We live in Texas and my DH wants to take a cruise out of Galveston. I am fine with that if Galveston had the cruise I wanted for the price I want.

I DO NOT want to go Carnival (wal-mart of the seas. No offence. I shop at Walmart but not for my 50th bday) The NCCL Voyager stops going out of Galveston, like in April, I believe.

 

We have a 5th grade son. All the fares for crusuises go up when school is out, including Galveston, even Spring Break!!!!

 

I want to go on the FOS for my 50th bday. I have checked and the May 15th sailing of the FOS inside is like, 650 per person. We could save a lot of money by going at this time. We would take DS out of school for a week. His state testing is alll over by that time.

We have one Southwest certificate for a round trip already. We might have another by May??????

 

My husband hit the roof this morning when I showed him the prices of the FOS inside in May and that it is going out of Florida and not Galveston.

I tried to explain that this really is least expensive unless we go Carnival at that time out of Galveston. I would regret it. It is not what I want. I would rather not go. My heart is set of RCCL FOS. i would love to go Oasis or Allure, but hey, lets not push this!

 

My question: To convince a narcissist about an idea(coping mechanism from living with him that I have learned) You have to sell the benefits to HIM, for HIM. It has to feel like he has control and how this cruise is about him, for him, benefit him. It really cannot be about me as sad as that sounds but this is my life and the crusie really is about me in reality, so I am fine with that.

 

So, those who have been on RCCL cruises, what are some creative ideas of selling this cruise to my DH. He loves the idea of the Flow rider and the climbing wall, dodge ball, etc but he thought all along that he was getting this with a Galveston cruise. He will have a blast. He is a fisherman, fly fisherman, hunter, not foo foo at all. Not hodie todie (like acting rich) Very simple

 

We are 2 professionals. I work part time to be at home for my son and the home. We are not rich but live under our means and a simple life. We have the cash flow to do this.

 

DH will be 48 in Nov. I am a bit older. My 50th is first. Now being a narcissist, when his 50th comes around, all the stops will be pulled out. I know this because of being married to him. he will most likely pick a hunt in Colorado or Montana. We will stay in a cabin, etc. My 50th will be passed and if i dare brought my 50th up, he would gaslight me, which is a fancey term for denying what the reality was.

 

Any thoughts on how to turn my wording around to sell this to DH

 

if you read this whole post, you are an angel!!! Thanks so much!!!

 

:cool:How about - "Look you inconsiderate SOB, this is my birthday, not yours. For once we are going to do what I want and not you". It's booked, now live with it. LOL:cool:

[Tranquil Waters]

:cool:How about - "Look you inconsiderate SOB, this is my birthday, not yours. For once we are going to do what I want and not you". It's booked, now live with it. LOL:cool:

 

And I was soooooo not going to go there. :D Seriously - no advice, OP, but you do have my sympathies and I wish you the best of luck - sound like you need it. :)

[bouhunter]

You have my sympathy. I'd go to the review section and take notes from the many positive reviews of FOS.

 

I looked up "NPD" online. Only in todays world could the medical community come up with a "disorder" to try and excuse someone who is simply selfish, self-absorbed and doesn't care about other people.......

[yogimax]

I feel for you. BTW, Mrs. Yogimax's birthday is also May 1st! In any case, her father is another of the "It's all about me" personalities. Unfortunately, after all these years of living with him I have no easy answers. Your basic philosophy, however, is correct. He has to be convinced that it would be to his benefit. You can try logic ("It still would be cheaper than a party") or shame ("You don't really want people to know you took me on Carnival for my 50th!").

 

I just hope it all works out for you. You deserve a special treat!

[Robinhill]

Background: My 50th bday is may 1st. I want to take a cruise instead of a party. I have talked about this for several years. We are now at the point of research and booking.

 

My husband has narcissistic personality disorder. Anyone who understands NPD, life revolves around them. They are great people until their buttons are pushed. Money is one of my DH buttons which goes back to his childhood and my MIL fearing so much about money and needing control. He has that fear too.

 

We live in Texas and my DH wants to take a cruise out of Galveston. I am fine with that if Galveston had the cruise I wanted for the price I want.

I DO NOT want to go Carnival (wal-mart of the seas. No offence. I shop at Walmart but not for my 50th bday) The NCCL Voyager stops going out of Galveston, like in April, I believe.

 

We have a 5th grade son. All the fares for crusuises go up when school is out, including Galveston, even Spring Break!!!!

 

I want to go on the FOS for my 50th bday. I have checked and the May 15th sailing of the FOS inside is like, 650 per person. We could save a lot of money by going at this time. We would take DS out of school for a week. His state testing is alll over by that time.

We have one Southwest certificate for a round trip already. We might have another by May??????

 

My husband hit the roof this morning when I showed him the prices of the FOS inside in May and that it is going out of Florida and not Galveston.

I tried to explain that this really is least expensive unless we go Carnival at that time out of Galveston. I would regret it. It is not what I want. I would rather not go. My heart is set of RCCL FOS. i would love to go Oasis or Allure, but hey, lets not push this!

 

My question: To convince a narcissist about an idea(coping mechanism from living with him that I have learned) You have to sell the benefits to HIM, for HIM. It has to feel like he has control and how this cruise is about him, for him, benefit him. It really cannot be about me as sad as that sounds but this is my life and the crusie really is about me in reality, so I am fine with that.

 

So, those who have been on RCCL cruises, what are some creative ideas of selling this cruise to my DH. He loves the idea of the Flow rider and the climbing wall, dodge ball, etc but he thought all along that he was getting this with a Galveston cruise. He will have a blast. He is a fisherman, fly fisherman, hunter, not foo foo at all. Not hodie todie (like acting rich) Very simple

 

We are 2 professionals. I work part time to be at home for my son and the home. We are not rich but live under our means and a simple life. We have the cash flow to do this.

 

DH will be 48 in Nov. I am a bit older. My 50th is first. Now being a narcissist, when his 50th comes around, all the stops will be pulled out. I know this because of being married to him. he will most likely pick a hunt in Colorado or Montana. We will stay in a cabin, etc. My 50th will be passed and if i dare brought my 50th up, he would gaslight me, which is a fancey term for denying what the reality was.

 

Any thoughts on how to turn my wording around to sell this to DH

 

if you read this whole post, you are an angel!!! Thanks so much!!!

 

ok well sailaway jack- that is a little insensitive and not very helpful to her considering this is a bonafide mental illness which is most likely very difficult for him to control.

 

i would simply point out the fantastic features that he will love -making sure that you tell him if you are going to the expense of a cruise it may as well be the one with the most fun things for him to do, i.e. mini golf, rock climbing, golf simulator, ice skating rinks, fabulous shows, the promenade with neat shops, pubs, Johnny Rockets, etc. etc. let him know that you have heard that he will be so disappointed on the Carnival with the lack of features etc. Remind him about saving money with the third person in the cabin and that you have one round trip airline ticket free. If you have not been on a cruise before just play up that this could be a family vacation of a lifetime and that you all will have so many nice memories of your family together on it. also tell him if you book it now with just the deposit- that money is completely refundable up until the final payment is made. Tell him that they frequently have price drops up until and even after final payment -based on what state you are from and also if one person in the cabin is 55 or over. I have gotten 9 day cruises on Royal Carribean for $600/person based on the residency rate while Carnival for 7 days was more. The rate that is showing now will definitely go down at some point as they try to fill up the ship. Especially if you go while school is still in session. Good luck- i hope it works.

[morganboys]

go out on you tube and do a search for freedom of the seas. there are tons of videos people have posted. watch a few of these and you can see what the ship looks like and what some of it has to offer. also if you can convince he he will be hooked.

[sailawayjack]

ok well sailaway jack- that is a little insensitive and not very helpful to her considering this is a bonafide mental illness which is most likely very difficult for him to control.

 

i would simply point out the fantastic features that he will love -making sure that you tell him if you are going to the expense of a cruise it may as well be the one with the most fun things for him to do, i.e. mini golf, rock climbing, golf simulator, ice skating rinks, fabulous shows, the promenade with neat shops, pubs, Johnny Rockets, etc. etc. let him know that you have heard that he will be so disappointed on the Carnival with the lack of features etc. Remind him about saving money with the third person in the cabin and that you have one round trip airline ticket free. If you have not been on a cruise before just play up that this could be a family vacation of a lifetime and that you all will have so many nice memories of your family together on it. also tell him if you book it now with just the deposit- that money is completely refundable up until the final payment is made. Tell him that they frequently have price drops up until and even after final payment -based on what state you are from and also if one person in the cabin is 55 or over. I have gotten 9 day cruises on Royal Carribean for $600/person based on the residency rate while Carnival for 7 days was more. The rate that is showing now will definitely go down at some point as they try to fill up the ship. Especially if you go while school is still in session. Good luck- i hope it works.

 

:cool:Well, I'm not always the most sensitive guy, but it was tongue in cheek as evidenced by LOL. BUT, she did say that in two years they would probably be sitting in a cabin somewhere while he goes all out and hunting for his 50th. Sometimes, treating fire with fire works. It cannot always be one sided.:cool:

[Scoobydobe7]

I would justify this as YOUR birthday wish - This is what you want.

 

There are lots of ways of saving money - your southwest certificate is one way and I am not sure but isn't a third person (your son) usually half the money -

 

Pick your excusions wisely -- Labadee is RC own private beach - To my knowledge the only thing you pay for there is alcohol.

 

Put it all on a spreadsheet and give it to him --let him think he has the final decision and if he does not book the trip for all three of you - I would book it for you and your son.

[yogimax]

Sometimes, treating fire with fire works. It cannot always be one sided.:cool:

 

In situations like this, sadly, it is one sided.

[lrn2cruise]

You guys are great! Even the comments about my DH being selfish SOB! I know all too well, trust me! Living with a narcissist is interesting and I totally forgot to manipulate my converstation this am to benefit him. Narcissist can be very benign until you hit a button and then the poopoo hits the fan. I was off guard on my techinques.

 

I think he might have a fear for flying too. So that is another thing to deal with:eek:

 

I have the RCCL dvd and I will show him the ships

 

He sees the Oasis/Allure commercial while we work out at the gym in the morning and he is all pumped up about the shows, etc. I guess he thought it was Galveston:( I have told him, we are not going on those ships. They cost more at this point in time.

 

His Dad is NPD and his mom was the silent partner who coddled him and his sister way too much. In a narcissist mind, I am here for his benefit, not the other way around. So I have to turn this menatlly around for him.

[lrn2cruise]

Oh yea, I will contact my sons teacher about the dates he will be missing and then after that, I am booking! He can book for his 50th!

[catlady27]

Heck, email me and my DH can tell him (we have video too from our Freedom cruise and Flowrider adventures) how it will be the cruise of a lifetime and is NOT to be missed :) Our first cruise and vacation since our marriage in 1997 was in the Freedom in 2007 and we are HOOKED on cruising and on that ship :p

 

franksspouse at gmail dot com ;)

[matj2000]

I would recommend you get an attorney...

[sailawayjack]

Oh yea, I will contact my sons teacher about the dates he will be missing and then after that, I am booking! He can book for his 50th!

 

:cool:Sounds great. Try this - Well DH, we are booked. Are you coming with us? Sure going to miss you, but we will be having fun doing this ___ and ___, and ____.

 

P. S. Love the bar at the Menger Hotel in SA. :cool:

[39august]

There is no flow-rider on Voyager out of Galveston. So he wouldn't have got that anyway. If I were you, I'd book this for my son and myself! Let your husband stay home and go hunting/fishing.

[marci22]

Honestly, leave him home. It will save money and he will like that.

[PirateGal]

I really, really hope you get what you want for your 50th birthday because it really is a milestone event and you deserve it!

 

You are a very brave, selfless person, and you really made me feel lucky to have a husband that says, "Just book it and I'll be there".

[Greghouseo]

I'm going to take the opposite tack.

I know you are on the RCI site, but there appears to need an element of compromise here.

 

I think you are over denigrating the quality of the Carnival product, and, unless I mis-read this is effectively his (and your) first cruise, if not ever, then for a long long time.

 

Well bearing in mind this is a genuine issue, surely better to have a happy travelling companion (even though it is on his terms) than a miserable one.

 

I will absolutely wager that you will love the Carnival cruise and wonder why you ever thought it was that important.

 

I am a big RCI cheerleader, but don't let the other one's put you off what should be a great time for you.

[Jimnbigd]

Well, you could tell your husband that half the people around the pool will be topless. Just don't tell him they are all men! :D

 

Seriously, another option might be to wait and book the Mariner of the Seas from Galveston for Thanksgiving or Christmas in 2011, or Spring Break 2012. Yeah, prices are much higher then, but you'll avoid the airfare. And, yeah, it is not the same month as your birthday, but it might be a reasonable compromise, plus your son would not have to miss school. The Mariner OTS is replacing the Voyage OTS in Galveston in November, 2011. Same ship basically as Voyager. No flowrider.

 

Remember that whatever you pay for the cruise, you'll need to add the cost of tips, excursions, etc. I don't want you to get hit with more expenses than what you planned for. Often our total expenses is double what the cruise price is by the time we add on travel, tips, and shore excursions. And don't forget to include all taxes and port charges in your cruise fare.

 

Any way you could get a group together to go with you? It is always more fun to have lots of people you know on the cruise. And, I think for every "x" cabins you get one free cruise fare (not taxes or port charges -- just the fare). Not sure what "x" is now, but I think it's around 8 or 10.

[bigeagle12]

Another option might be to wait and book the Mariner of the Seas from Galveston for Thanksgiving or Christmas in 2011, or Spring Break 2012. Yeah, prices are much higher then, but you'll avoid the airfare. And, yeah, it is not the same month as your birthday, but it might be a reasonable compromise, plus your son would not have to miss school. The Mariner OTS is replacing the Voyage OTS in Galveston in November, 2011. Same ship basically as Voyager. No flowrider.

 

Remember that whatever you pay for the cruise, you'll need to add the cost of tips, excursions, etc. I don't want you to get hit with more expenses than what you planned for. Often our total expenses is double what the cruise price is by the time we add on travel, tips, and shore excursions. Don't forget to include all taxes and port charges in your cruise fare.

 

This is not a bad option .. you would LOVE the Mariner.

[It'sRC4ME]

Given your description of your husband, you may want to reconsider a cruise if he has never been on one.

 

Although the cruise is very customer oriented, he will not be able to do what he wants every second. How will he react if the bar closes for muster drill and he wants another drink? How will he react if he doesn't get the seat he prefers in the theater? How will he react if the sheets on the bed don't feel like they do at home?

 

Honestly, he sounds too volatile to really enjoy the experience, especially given his concerns about money. There are plenty of free things to do on the ship, but there are also dozens and dozens of come-ons to spend - will that set him off? For your sake, and that of your fellow passengers, please take this into consideration if he's never cruised before - he sounds fully capable of ruining the vacation...

[lrn2cruise]

No, he is not too volatile for the cruise. He is not that bad. We don't go to bars anyway. He actually can be a positive person and very fun to be around. This is just a side of him that reacts to money being spent. There is a genuine fear there that goes way back. He just doesn't realise that I have really found the least expensive cruise. He also fears even when there is enough. I also have enough travel credits on my Discover card (about 400.00 to use for excurtions)

 

I also got my RCCL CC that i plan to use for my everday use to get OBC, etc. So we are taken care of.

 

I would rather stay home than go on Carnival. But if we do, he will stay home on his 50th too.

 

The Mariner will be our 2nd cruise!!!!

 

Now we might try Carnival Magic when it comes to Galveston but we have awhile to wait.

[It'sRC4ME]

No, he is not too volatile for the cruise. He is not that bad. We don't go to bars anyway. He actually can be a positive person and very fun to be around. This is just a side of him that reacts to money being spent. There is a genuine fear there that goes way back. He just doesn't realise that I have really found the least expensive cruise. He also fears even when there is enough. I also have enough travel credits on my Discover card (about 400.00 to use for excurtions)

 

I also got my RCCL CC that i plan to use for my everday use to get OBC, etc. So we are taken care of.

 

I would rather stay home than go on Carnival. But if we do, he will stay home on his 50th too.

 

The Mariner will be our 2nd cruise!!!!

 

Now we might try Carnival Magic when it comes to Galveston but we have awhile to wait.

 

Glad to hear it. One more suggestion: I don't know how you run your family finances, but you said that you do work - could you pay for the cruise yourself? I say this because DH and I arrange things in such a way that after the household expenses are paid (mortgage, groceries, etc - all the boring stuff), we each have money that we can spend for whatever we want. To be honest, I get what I want on vacation because I am paying for it!! If you have your "own" money, perhaps using that for the cruise might make sense to him.

[Daycare Provider]

:D;)Come on board the FOS....we already started a very nice roll call........

Angela