Read This--You Won't Allow Your Kids to Roam Alone

[kitty9]

http://www.cruisecritic.com/news/news.cfm?ID=4953

 

This should be a wake up call for all parents here who think it's just fine to allow your kids to wander a cruise ship without knowing where your kids are at all times. This is terribly scarey and should really let parents know that cruise ships can have rapists and other criminals who prey on your kids.

[dsrdsrdsr]

Some parents feel that letting children have some freedom before they're 21 helps them grow into responsible adults. If you wish to keep your daughter absolutely safe from rape, don't let her leave the house.

 

It's very sad for the girl, but it shouldn't mean that all under-18s at all times need their hand holding.

[akcruz]

http://www.cruisecritic.com/news/news.cfm?ID=4953

 

This should be a wake up call for all parents here who think it's just fine to allow your kids to wander a cruise ship without knowing where your kids are at all times. This is terribly scarey and should really let parents know that cruise ships can have rapists and other criminals who prey on your kids.

 

No, the way I see it is that this is a good reason to have a discussion with your kids about how to be responsible. We have an open dialog with our kids so that they understand what is and is not acceptable, and what to do if they find themselves in such a situation.

 

My DD started college days after turning 18. If we kept her "under our wings" the whole time what would she have done when she was off on her own at college?

 

Yes, there is an age where they need to be watched, and that age depends on the child.

[junglejane]

I agree that this was a horrible situation and I hope the perpetrators are severely punished, especially the 31 year old but also the underage boys.

 

However, I don't think that this means that everyone should keep their teenagers within sight at all times. We have 3 cruises coming up in the next year, and our older DD will be 16. I let her go off to teen activities and to "roam" the ship with some new-found teen friends. We have talked many many times about potential dangers on board. She knows to stay in public places, never to go in anyone's room or invite anyone to hers, never accept a drink from someone else, never go in the bars (unless she's getting a soda at the pool bar). I also check up on her every few hours, and she can only stay out past midnight if there's an organized teen event going on at that time (which occasionally happens). We also tell her that if the teens she's hanging out with start to make trouble, she needs to walk away immediately.

 

She's already told us about teens raiding their parents mini-bars and inviting her back to their rooms to drink booze or do drugs. She knows to walk away and avoid those kids for the rest of the cruise. Part of growing up is learning to exercise good judgment, whether you're on land or sea.

 

When we go on Celebrity for Spring Break, my younger DD will be 12. This will be the first time she will be in the teen program instead of the kid program. She is not nearly as mature or independent as her sister, and in her case I will be keeping much closer tabs on her. Any "roaming" she is allowed to do will be very short term with companions that are first introduced to me, a disclosed list of locations and a return time.

[mjkacmom]

Read it, and will still let dd16 and ds14 roam, same as at home. I really hope I've taught them well enough over the years not to get in bad situations like that. Hopefully, as they're walking around town here, they're not getting into cars with strangers, either. I'm not going to keep them under lock and key at all times. They've been given more freedom, year after year, and I hope they've learned to trust their instincts, because they will need them for the rest of their lives.

 

The same situation could happen on school trips, home parties, and even in school.

[rebeccalouiseagain]

When I was a teen on the ship- I put myself in precarious positions and had little supervision. I do agree that I am lucky nothing bad really happened to me- but the potential was there.

 

Here on dry land (in 1981)- I went to a friend's house one day and he lured me into his bedroom. I went in there against my better judgement (listen to that little voice). Three other boys were in there and pounced on me. I looked at one of the boys and pleaded- why are you doing this to me? He saw the frightened look in my eyes and told the boys to back off. I went home shaking my head that I couldn't believe boys in my school- that knew me- would do something like that. I don't know if they thought it was funny or if they planned to rape me! I want to say that some 20 years later, my husband and I ran into one of the four boys (Frank) that had pounced on me (laid on top of me on the bed). After a couple of drinks, he said "I'm so sorry for being a ******* in school." I knew he remembered doing that and probably as an adult knew that was totally wrong but unfortunately, kids+ alcohol+ freedom can be a toxic mix.

 

So as far as young girls (teens) on ships go- don't think that boys won't do these sorts of things. They are emotionally immature but physically ready to mate. You can't micro manage but at least tell your girls to NEVER go into a boy's cabin or invite a boy into your cabin.

[kitty9]

You can have all the talks in the world, you can hope that your teen makes smart decisions, but we all know that in many situations, that's not the case. You can preach all you want about not drinking, going into strange cabins and all that, but in reality, for many, it falls on deaf ears. It's probably why so many teens are caught underage drinking. I'm sorry, but the brain maturity of a 15 year old just isn't there yet, regardless of how mature you think your child is. I taught teens for many years and the problems these kids got into was astounding. These two girls could very well be from very good families, but I'm sorry, a parent must have some kind of knowledge of where their kids are, especially when there's booze available and temptation is right there.

[chipmaster]

Tragic, but thre are lots of tragic abuse stories, Priests, Boyscout leaders, family members...

 

Education and supervision are one element, but allowing your children some growth is also critical. What are you going to do when your son or daughter goes to a party or camp in High school, goes to college. I think what you let your kids to on a cruise at any age fits into a larger development umbrella for a parent. Every child and situation is differnt but the news story in itself changes nothing with how I will approach managing my children on my next cruise, nor my next trip with them to the shopping mall either.

[Keith1010]

I think this is terrible but when our children we 15 we did allow them to be on their own at times on the cruise ship. Yes, we did have talks with them and we did check in regularly but we didn't keep them under our wing 100% of the time. And yes we were what I would call protective parents. At home we didn't let our daughter go out by herself until she first drove. We didn't just let her go to shopping malls with other friends again until she was at the age where she could drive.

 

But on a cruise ship at 15 she could be with other friends that she met. And we did likewise with our son.

 

Part of this is the maturity of your children.

 

I learned a long time ago that adults are not all the same the same is true for children.

 

There is risk all the time. Even at school look at what can happen or if they are at a friends house. Look what can happen even at school.

 

Unless you want to lock them up you have to have balance.

 

In fact, I would argue that children who are 100% sheltered have their own set of issues.

 

So balance is key. Know your children and know the environment.

 

And knowing what happened but knowing our children when they were at that age and knowing the environment I would still let them be on their own on a cruise ship with the restrictions we always had in place. In fact, that was one of the positive acts of cruising. Again, unless you want to lock them up and keep them chained to your house you cannot protect them 100% of the time.

 

Finally, millions of people cruise each and every year and yes there are a few problems that occur but I can't think of anything in life where there is not some form of risk. Again, use judgement and that is part of what parenting is all about.

 

Keith

[uppitycats]

So I've read this thread. I think the difference should be obvious ... letting your child (and a 15 year old is a child) roam unsupervised is quite different from letting your child roam unsupervised yet checking up on them every few hours (or having them check in with you, every few hours).

 

If they know a parent may be appearing on the scene from time to time, whether they're just "free-roaming" with a pack of other teens, or in the supervised teen program, or if they know that they're expected to report back to their parents every few hours, the "better behave myself" trigger kicks in more efficiently.

[junglejane]

I think this is terrible but when our children we 15 we did allow them to be on their own at times on the cruise ship. Yes, we did have talks with them and we did check in regularly but we didn't keep them under our wing 100% of the time. And yes we were what I would call protective parents. At home we didn't let our daughter go out by herself until she first drove. We didn't just let her go to shopping malls with other friends again until she was at the age where she could drive.

 

But on a cruise ship at 15 she could be with other friends that she met. And we did likewise with our son.

 

Part of this is the maturity of your children.

 

I learned a long time ago that adults are not all the same the same is true for children.

 

There is risk all the time. Even at school look at what can happen or if they are at a friends house. Look what can happen even at school.

 

Unless you want to lock them up you have to have balance.

 

In fact, I would argue that children who are 100% sheltered have their own set of issues.

 

So balance is key. Know your children and know the environment.

 

And knowing what happened but knowing our children when they were at that age and knowing the environment I would still let them be on their own on a cruise ship with the restrictions we always had in place. In fact, that was one of the positive acts of cruising. Again, unless you want to lock them up and keep them chained to your house you cannot protect them 100% of the time.

 

Finally, millions of people cruise each and every year and yes there are a few problems that occur but I can't think of anything in life where there is not some form of risk. Again, use judgement and that is part of what parenting is all about.

 

Keith

 

Keith you have summed up my feelings very well. I agree with everything you said. My 15 year old goes to a large public high school. It's in an affluent area and academically very well regarded. But hardly a day goes by when my DD doesn't have to walk away from someone or some situation that spells trouble, whether it's using drugs or alcohol, cutting class, cheating on tests, having sex, etc. By the time they're teenagers they spend more and more time away from your direct supervision, and hopefully the lessons they've been taught by parents, teachers and counselors over the years kick in and they make the right choices.

 

I also agree that kids are different. Believe me, I will keep close tabs on my 12 year old. Both in terms of temperament and age, she is not in the same position as her sister.

 

I don't actually think anyone on this thread has said anything I disagree with, including the OP. The Carnival story is definitely a cautionary tale, and every time I read one of these stories I share it with my DD. And I think that the people who read and post on this forum tend to be type of parents who in fact are trying very hard to be responsible and to raise responsible kids and teens.

[chipq]

I agree with most here that still, you have to allow your teen room to grow but armed with clear understandings of the dangers in the world and some clearly defined consequences for poor behavior. Only you know your teen best and should know when to loosen the apron strings a little. Will they be 100% safe, no, that's not realistic.

 

When I read the posts about keeping in sight and never without parent and I look back to some years in college when I was a dormitory advisor. Most of my behavioral problems came from kids that were too sheltered and over protected in High School. Many could not maturely handle the new found freedom from parental oversight. These few overindulged in the booze or were overly promiscuous. Some became good students after counseling and others dropped out after the first year.

 

You have to let them grow while you are still there to guide them.

 

Hopefully this 31 yo dirtbag gets a long sentence when he goes to trial. He has no excuse. He was the adult in that cabin.

 

 

http://luv2cruise.blogspot.com

[Warm Breezes]

http://www.cruisecritic.com/news/news.cfm?ID=4953

 

This should be a wake up call for all parents here who think it's just fine to allow your kids to wander a cruise ship without knowing where your kids are at all times. This is terribly scarey and should really let parents know that cruise ships can have rapists and other criminals who prey on your kids.

 

As the mother of a 15 yo DD and 18 yo DS, I have to disagree with you. While this is scary, I can say that I don't see my children getting into this type of situation. First, our number one rule is we always know where each other is on a ship, adults and kids and if we change locations we let the others in our party know first. This makes it very easy for us to check up on our kids which we do on occassion. Second, we always emphasize that no one ever goes off with a stranger and absolutely never go into anyone elses room or lets anyone in theirs. Third, we also emphasize that they do not leave their drinks unattended and they do not accept drinks from anyone. Finally, most of the time they are together and on the rare occasion they are not it is for a quick trip to get a drink or food. I always book rooms near the stairs so they do not have to travel past a lot of rooms to get the public areas.

 

IMHO your kids maturity and trustworthiness have a lot to do with it to. I absolutely trust my kids to roam the ship without constant supervision. I have since they were 12 and 15. They earned that trust by following my rules. You have to let them earn their freedom slowly so that by the time they are ready to leave home they are prepared. Give them rules, check up on them to make sure they are following your rules, and let them try to start flapping their wings. A cruiseship is a great place for giving them chances to earn that freedom. We don't know the whole story behind the article....but I can say I absolutely trust my kids not to put themselves in either the girls or boys position and I can guarantee that I would not have let them get into that position either (and it wouldn't have been due to helicoptering).

[Onessa]

Just back from a Baltic cruise with our 16YO. She met and spent some time with some other teens on board. We knew where she was and who she was with, but were not with her 24/7.

 

I agree with many of the posters here - you' ve got to know your kid's level of maturity, set and enforce some guidelines so you can give your kids opportunity to grow.

[karinvt]

You can have all the talks in the world, you can hope that your teen makes smart decisions, but we all know that in many situations, that's not the case. You can preach all you want about not drinking, going into strange cabins and all that, but in reality, for many, it falls on deaf ears. It's probably why so many teens are caught underage drinking. I'm sorry, but the brain maturity of a 15 year old just isn't there yet, regardless of how mature you think your child is. I taught teens for many years and the problems these kids got into was astounding. These two girls could very well be from very good families, but I'm sorry, a parent must have some kind of knowledge of where their kids are, especially when there's booze available and temptation is right there.

 

 

I think that this is really dependent on the 15 year. I find it reallt ironic that people seemed to think it is ok for a 15 year old to babysit other cans but they cannot be trusted a ship.

[karinvt]

I have read this and still will let my 14 and 17 DS's walk around on the ship. Does that mean I will not know where they are..No..they are allowed at home to walk around and go places, I do not feel they need to escorted on the ship but yes they will tell us where they are and have meet up times. They will also know what is expected of them behavior wise.

This is a horrible incident and I actually showed this to my kids the other day and the first thing they said was the two of them were crazy to go into that room in the first place. People need to trust their kids a little more and educate them about the potential dangers that can occur. I am not gonna keep my teens under lock and key and raise unprepared adults.

Now that being said my 10 yr old WILL NOT go anywhere on the ship without DH, my teens, or myself. He will go to Camp Carnival but knows if he leaves, it is done with the rest of the trip. There are ages when we need to watch them like a hawk but there is also a time when we need to let the have their independence too.

[the_monkey]

Fear mongering never helps. Neither does pretending the problem doesn't exist. The "benefit" of having a registered sex offender living 5 houses down from us for several years was that we had many, many discussions like this in our house - and that's not even counting the talks the kids had amongst themselves with their friends on the street. Be mindful of where you are and who you are with, always stay in public areas, and check in on time.

 

I do wish there was an easier/less expensive way to use cell phones and/or texting on board. When DD and her cousin were separated from the rest of the group at Disney, all she had to do was use her phone to call her aunt and they were able to reunite quickly and without incident.

[Mack2]

It's hard NOT to be a "helicopter" parent, hovering over your kid's every need and watching out for them... but at some point you do have to allow them some independence.

 

Articles like these are good discussion points for us to talk to our kids, so we CAN get a good idea of how mature (or immature) they are. To give us parents an opportunity to find out if we can trust that our kids can handle themselves.

 

My eldest son is legally blind... He's 13 and he's learning to be independent. I think he makes great decisions, and he's been away. Still, we trust that the places he goes, he has supervision... but one day, he can be independent without us being his "helicopters".

 

 

The article is scary, though... Two teen girls, and they still made a terrible mistake. One is assaulted and the other is locked in the bathroom. It's a nightmare situation. In the back of my mind, I keep thinking it could have been avoided if the parents were close by.... hovering.

Fifteen is a tough age, my wife and I aren't there yet with the kids.

[karinvt]

Fear mongering never helps. Neither does pretending the problem doesn't exist. The "benefit" of having a registered sex offender living 5 houses down from us for several years was that we had many, many discussions like this in our house - and that's not even counting the talks the kids had amongst themselves with their friends on the street. Be mindful of where you are and who you are with, always stay in public areas, and check in on time.

 

I do wish there was an easier/less expensive way to use cell phones and/or texting on board. When DD and her cousin were separated from the rest of the group at Disney, all she had to do was use her phone to call her aunt and they were able to reunite quickly and without incident.

 

 

I completely agree about an easier way to stay in contact. We have planned on using the cabin phones and post its. We also have a four year old so we will be able to use the ship phone issued to contact each other. I read on these boards where another parents said there kids could call from any ship phone just by using a four digit extension. From what I read it is just like a cabin phone so I am really hoping this works out!

[cruis247g]

What a terrible thing. I feel so badly for the young woman/girl.

 

As Karinvt said, I wish there was an easier way to stay in contact. We have teens and at home, they are always just a text or phone call away. On a ship, we discuss the rules (no going into rooms, no alcohol, etc), establish check-in times and curfews, ask questions, etc, but we aren't with them every second and it would be great to be able to pick up a phone and make contact.

[BuffyIndy113]

i agree that we have to be vigilant,its rather scary

 

as a teen my parents would read me a large list of rules before sailing and once on board.

i was never ever allowed into anyones cabin, and i usually hung around the teens my age, especially the teens who would attend the social clubs with me ,in fact most of the time we were all at the clubs doping all the activities and would come and go after excursions and break away for a change of scenery, but gebnerally i enjoyed the activities thoroughly .throughout the cruise i got to know the teens and you kindof had a hunch or a feeling of who to stay away from and who to say no to with regards to going to a cabin party.

 

against parents advice i did end up at friends cabins, as a large group of guys and girls , luckily nothing ever happened, we were having fun, with music and cookies...

 

i loved the freedom i was given in the cruises i would still have a curphew (extended) and had walkie talkkies and a cell phone to check in on them from time to time. not to mention they would wander once in a while to peep in lol, they were placing a huge trust in me and i liked that ..made me feel grown up and made m,e enjoy my cruise.

 

i went to UK to study at university (miles and miles away from home) and the rules applied there- dont deliberatley put yourself in danger, keep to the safe spots and safe times - dont wander around at 2 am and all that ...

 

although i do understand sometimes these things happen no nmatter how careful you or your parents may be ~!

 

its quite scary that sexual predators can be amongst us in a cruise, and id be pretty terrified too, once my son is a teen i will have to lay down the law just like my parents did with me ..hopefully it sticks too !!