Deep question - would like input.

[radioguy54]

In 2010, My DW and I along with our DS, DIL and grandkids decided to go on a cruise to Cozumel.

 

This would be our first...My dw had many health issues stemming from Diabetes.

This was in June, in August she died at the young age of 52....

 

No way we were expecting death at such an early age, but even today we are so glad that we took that cruise and made memories for a lifetime, that we still talk about today.

 

She was reluctant to even get on a ship, but we had the best vacation ever in our 32 years of marriage.

 

If you were asking me, and your DH wants to go, I say make the memories and enjoy each other like never before...

[Monarch523]

It is the week or two where we glue ourselves to each other's hips and get to know one another again. It is the week we talk about for months afterwards.

 

 

My dear sweetie...........you have answered your own question. So exactly what you said..... is exactly what you do. Look at the sun. The waves. Feel the breeze with him. Glue yourselves.

[groundhog59]

Was this Sayler Park?

 

I am 70 years old and will be celebrating our 50th anniversary this October. During our lives together our house was totally destroyed by a tornado (in fact we celebrated the 40th anniversary of it this weekend with a huge party with our former neighbors. Four years ago our sweet 3 year old grandson died suddenly. I could not do anything without starting to cry uncontrollable, if I was driving I would have to pull over and I would just sit there and cry for an untold amount of time. I was turning into a bitter person quickly. I went to my ob-gyn for a yearly checkup and she says how's life and I cried for two hours in her office. She talked and talked to me then gave me a prescription for ******, I told her I wasn't going to take it. But as time went on and I became worse, now not even enjoying my other three grandsons I decided to take it. Within three days I felt like a new person, I wanted to live again, I enjoyed doing things especially with the other grandsons, it was a new me. I took it for about 2 years and stopped until my husband had a heart attack and open heart surgery in Dec then I went back on it. My motto now is "**** happens", deal with it. I now can speak about my grandson, tear up sometimes but I can enjoy his short life. I tell people I have 3 grandsons and an angel. I picture him with a little white gown and wings, climbing trees and getting into all kinds of mischief in heaven. If my doctor had not given me a prescription for ****** I don't know where I would be or what mental state I would be in. A tornado destroying your home and everything in it, the death of a 3 year old grandson and a husband who has just had a heart attack, all in less than 50 years. Go on the cruise, enjoy yourself and make memories for yourself and your family, but first go talk to your doctor, there are things that can help, ****** has no side affects, you can stop it whenever and not have withdrawl. I'm so glad my doctor was persistent on my taking the prescription. Enjoy life, day by day.

[cmptrwiz]

Let me just say WOW you have received lots of good advice from a bunch of wonderful cruise critic people!

 

A few years ago my wife's father was recovering from colon cancer. We went a head as a surprise and booked a cruise for them and us. Just before the cruise he had a scan done and there were some growths in his lungs. We all decided to go on the cruise and we had a great time. The whole time I kept thinking this might be the last time we would spend with him having a great time. I made sure to get lots of pictures of my wife with her parents just in case. Well the trip got over and it has been about 3 years and he is still doing great! We all still talk about the wonderful memories we have of our cruise together and they want to book another one with us and their son and his wife when their son returns from overseas in a couple of years. I just hope their health holds out long enough for that to happen. If not we still have many fond memories of them.

 

My mom passed away just a month ago. She had Alzheimer's for the last 4 years, but died of pancreatic cancer. So her passing wasn't unexpected. I was her caregiver and guardian (even though I have 3 sisters) so I got to spend a lot of time with her at some personal financial expense. I don't regret loosing one penny of unpaid time off of work and I don't regret spending all that time with her. Sometimes it was frustrating for me and I'm sure it was more frustrating for her as well, but we got through it. I do wish that we had gone on some great trip or vacation together later in life, but we didn't.

 

Sometimes bad things do happen to good or great people and good things happen to bad people. Who knows why. I don't have any of the answers. I'll just let God work out all the details in the end.

 

Wiz

[NEWORLEANSCRUISER1]

My partner of 15 years had cancer twice, we would cruise every six months. He is now gone but I still have those great cruise memories. Please go and enjoy your time together and make some memories, I am so glad we did. I smile every time I think of those days!! Be strong and God Bless you and your family.

[groundhog59]

A prayer for you:

Dear God,

I choose to let go of all worries.

I choose to release all that exhausts me.

I stop trying to figure out what to do.

I choose to ask my mind to step aside

As I open to Your Loving Presence

And allow holiness to fill me.

I turn my mind and my life over to You.

I choose to let You lead me

Wherever You will

However You will.

I choose to rest in Your flow,

In gratitude and faith.

For I know, wherever You take me,

I am carried in Your arms

And deeply, deeply loved.

Amen.

[keywest1]

Try to stop thinking of your cruise in terms of memories made. There will be memories regardless of where you go or what you do. Try to look at it as a mental health break, where you are going to live in the moment and give your mind and body a much needed rest. You are human and there is a limit to everyone's strength. I encourage you to find a support group where you can quit worrying about being a pillar of strength and take the opportunity to rage and scream and get it all out. Mom's and wives can't do this in day to day life, but there are others who understand the road you are traveling, and they can help you get through it.

[Warm Breezes]

A prayer for you:

Dear God,

I choose to let go of all worries.

I choose to release all that exhausts me.

I stop trying to figure out what to do.

I choose to ask my mind to step aside

As I open to Your Loving Presence

And allow holiness to fill me.

I turn my mind and my life over to You.

I choose to let You lead me

Wherever You will

However You will.

I choose to rest in Your flow,

In gratitude and faith.

For I know, wherever You take me,

I am carried in Your arms

And deeply, deeply loved.

Amen.

 

Dear OP, please listen to this poster and this prayer. These are words that have brought me peace many times over the years. I left for lunch after reading your post and tried to form a response and prayed for the words to come to me. I came back and here was my response written for me. I am fighting the tears as I write this.

 

17 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. The week after her birth I developed a cough that continued to get worse. Three months later, in April of 1997, I was diagnosed with a Peripartum Cardiomyopathy. My heart was 2x it's normal size, I was in CHF and I was very close to dying. I was 30 years old with a loving husband, a 2 year old son, and 3 month old at home. Life can be unfair sometimes. But I had a wonderful mother who had taught me who to rely on when life is unfair. I put everything in God's hands and He has always brought me peace when life was trying to bring me down. Sometimes it is not easy giving up that control when we want to be angry at Him and the world. But please believe me when I say that the peace He can give you is worth the letting go.

 

We had a rough year with my heart. But by God's grace I survived to enjoy a life with family and watching them grow. I am never out of the woods. Cardiomyopathies run in my family. My Grandfather (died at 64), my Dad (died at 59), my Aunt (died at 54), and my Brother (diagnosed at 30 - he is 8 years younger than I am with 1 and 5 year old). I am always at risk and so are my children. But I follow my doctors orders and I give the worry up to God....and then I enjoy the life that I am living with my family.

 

There is something about sitting on a ship and staring at the ocean that gives me such a peaceful feeling....and I feel God's love surrounding me there as that is the feeling He gives me when I am in need of His loving warmth to heal me. I can't explain it. Go on your cruise and seek His Peace....I have no doubt He will provide it for you. My prayers for you and your family.

 

PS. My DH sent me an e-mail today from his work right before I read your post. One he has never sent me before in our 25 years of marriage. It said simply "I love you".

Edited April 8, 2014 by Warm Breezes

[LMaxwell]

Having a great vacation and memories is not just for you, it is also for your kids. Many years from now your kids will remember mom and dad taking them to the Baths or building sand castles and it will be a great memory for them.

 

I get what you are saying "Why celebrate?" Well, everyone views hardship differently and it is understandable that you are not in a celebratory mood, but I bet you are thankful to have this opportunity and your entire family will appreciate it much more than just a vacation; if not today, someday. Have a great cruise.

[Seavoyage]

Dear Carmel

 

"Please, if you could take a second and, I don't know, give some suggestions on how I can get back to that excitement I had before the path report came back. All of us are terminal. None of us live forever. I know there are people out there that are in MUCH worse places than I am. I'm in awe of their strength and courage. I want to be able to cherish the good times without this 'what if' hanging over my head."

 

Every breath is a gift.

 

Your husband, your children and you are now part of a club no one wants to belong to - but you are all survivors. Cancer Sucks...and every year afterwards when they re-test, and re-test, and re-test, that sucks too...the waiting for the test results suck...certainly hearing it's back in some form sucks! Pardon the work sucks - but it really does - I totally get where you are coming from. None of us want to be in Club "C"! Quite frankly - yup - it SUCKS! You are allowed to be mad - it's a maddening - hurtful disease!

 

So - from one survivor to another - because you asked - here's my suggestion -

 

Just go on the cruise and enjoy, savor, and joyfully experience each and every beautiful breath each one of you take!

 

And...thank you for being a Nurse aka Earth Angel.:)

[Boozebabe]

This might be hard for you to hear. QUIT THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF. Your husband needs all the good energy he can get. Believe me he will sense your vibe and worry about you when he should be putting all his energy in fighting and being happy. You won't do your kids any good either with your attitude.

 

Many here will say I am harsh in my answer. Maybe I am, but you have to get you crap together and think of your husband. What if it were the last thing you could do together as a family?

[carmel]

Well, tomorrow is the appt with the Oncologist. I feel okay about it and DH is not worried in the slightest. We've done a lot of research and we are expecting that he will either have another slice taken off just to be sure the initial resection was deep enough or they will say let's just watch it. In the stage that it is in, by definition, it has not spread.

 

I got some wonderful advice here. So may wonderful quotes that I've printed out and really taken to heart. One of my favorite ones was about not being able to wage battle against a war that has not happened yet. LOL. I think that should be written on my tombstone. I've been in therapy for a long time to conquer that bad habit.

 

I've accepted a lot of things about myself - one of them is that I'm not a naturally carefree person. I used to beat myself up about it but I've found that by accepting and recognizing it, it is easier to change. In other words, I'm not wired to not immediately go to the worst case scenario. I have to stop and change my behavior and thoughts on a CONSCIOUS level. I'm envious of people who can relinquish the illusion of control over their life and truly experience being in the present. For me, it is something I have to rededicate myself to every day.

 

Also, I do want to defend myself and say I'm not walking around like a zombie. If you were able to observe, you would see that my husband works in a different part of the state 1/2 of the week so I'm a single mom to three from teen to toddler. I also work full time and my oldest is a competitive dancer who has 11 hours of lessons a week that require my chauffeur service. There is no 'snapping out of it'. I don't have the luxury of being in a state where I'm not 100%. You would see that I'm upfront and honest with DH about my anger that we are facing this again. We have even joked over the past week about sharing a cup (he teases me that he doesn't want his cancer cells invaded by any germs in my mouth). I was in a dark place this weekend - mostly shock and anger - but I was honest about it. He has often told me that his bout with Hodgkins was carefree because I bore the burden of the house, the kids, the cooking the cleaning and my cheerleading. Our marriage is a partnership. When he's down, I rally. When I'm down, he rallies. When we are both down we look at our girls and realize that if it all melted away at that second, we were still the luckiest people on Earth to have them.

 

Last night, I felt that two of my daughters didn't have enough shoes for the cruise. I won't embarrass myself by telling you just how many they had prior to the shopping trip. But we bought more. My middle one has > number of shoes than days of the cruise. Did she need another pair? Heck no. Did that matter when she threw her arms around me and thanked me profusely for buying her 'the most amazing, beautiful, cute sandals that were ever made'? Not a bit. The reality is, I'm getting my groove back and getting excited about the cruise again.

 

I also painted my youngest's nails with color changing nail polish (del Sol) for the trip. She was memorized when they turned from blue to purple in the sun. This morning, the sun had barely peeked over the horizon when I was awakened with her asking to go outside to 'watch our fingernails'. After my coffee, DH, my daughter and I went in the front yard to watch hers and my nails make the transformation. She was in Heaven.

 

So, I again have to thank all of you for your wonderful words. There were sad stories and inspiring stories and snippets of wisdom I will carry with me for a long time. My current mantra is 'I only have today. Don't waste it.' This past weekend felt like I had been hit in the stomach with a cannon ball and once again saw the love of my life diagnosed with that heinous word. But, I'm getting my footing back and DH is here with me today and the sun is out any my cruise is 1.5 weeks away and at this very moment, life is wonderful.

 

Thank you again and I hope you all know how much your words have meant to me.

[grumpyjr88]

Carmel gets her groove on!

 

It's heartwarming to hear that you are getting excited about your cruise again. It sounds like you have an amazing family at home.

 

PS - I NEED that nail polish!!!!

[iSpark]

Not sure I can attempt an answer for you, but I can understand where you are coming from.

 

My last cruise was April 2012, and in March 2013, I underwent cancer surgery, not knowing what the future would hold.

Anywho, long story short, this April 26th 2014, is my "kicking cancers ass" cruise!

 

Now that I think about it, every cruise for me, from here on out will be a "kicking cancers ass" cruise!

 

Hold up your middle finger and eff cancer!

Time to enjoy life and worry less.

[carmel]

Carmel gets her groove on!

 

It's heartwarming to hear that you are getting excited about your cruise again. It sounds like you have an amazing family at home.

 

PS - I NEED that nail polish!!!!

 

Do a search on delsol. They have color changing shirts, flip flops, hair pretties,......and nail polish. They run about 9.00 but we always choose a color for a cruise. This cruise we are going with 'Superhero' that goes from a light, pearly blue to a deep, pinky purple. They have clear that goes to reed, green that goes to blue, yellow that goes to orange.....I love it. Great for toes too when wearing flip flops. My current blue nails do look a bit hypoxic but, oh well. Plus, Del Sol often has stores in port. I can't remember which port I saw them in but we also make a stop.

[carmel]

Not sure I can attempt an answer for you, but I can understand where you are coming from.

 

My last cruise was April 2012, and in March 2013, I underwent cancer surgery, not knowing what the future would hold.

Anywho, long story short, this April 26th 2014, is my "kicking cancers ass" cruise!

 

Now that I think about it, every cruise for me, from here on out will be a "kicking cancers ass" cruise!

 

Hold up your middle finger and eff cancer!

Time to enjoy life and worry less.

 

I love the phrase 'Kicking cancer's ass'. I also refuse to write it with a capital 'c' - even at the beginning of a sentence. It will never deserve that level of importance in my life.

[Warm Breezes]

Well, tomorrow is the appt with the Oncologist. I feel okay about it and DH is not worried in the slightest. We've done a lot of research and we are expecting that he will either have another slice taken off just to be sure the initial resection was deep enough or they will say let's just watch it. In the stage that it is in, by definition, it has not spread.

 

I got some wonderful advice here. So may wonderful quotes that I've printed out and really taken to heart. One of my favorite ones was about not being able to wage battle against a war that has not happened yet. LOL. I think that should be written on my tombstone. I've been in therapy for a long time to conquer that bad habit.

 

I've accepted a lot of things about myself - one of them is that I'm not a naturally carefree person. I used to beat myself up about it but I've found that by accepting and recognizing it, it is easier to change. In other words, I'm not wired to not immediately go to the worst case scenario. I have to stop and change my behavior and thoughts on a CONSCIOUS level. I'm envious of people who can relinquish the illusion of control over their life and truly experience being in the present. For me, it is something I have to rededicate myself to every day.

 

Also, I do want to defend myself and say I'm not walking around like a zombie. If you were able to observe, you would see that my husband works in a different part of the state 1/2 of the week so I'm a single mom to three from teen to toddler. I also work full time and my oldest is a competitive dancer who has 11 hours of lessons a week that require my chauffeur service. There is no 'snapping out of it'. I don't have the luxury of being in a state where I'm not 100%. You would see that I'm upfront and honest with DH about my anger that we are facing this again. We have even joked over the past week about sharing a cup (he teases me that he doesn't want his cancer cells invaded by any germs in my mouth). I was in a dark place this weekend - mostly shock and anger - but I was honest about it. He has often told me that his bout with Hodgkins was carefree because I bore the burden of the house, the kids, the cooking the cleaning and my cheerleading. Our marriage is a partnership. When he's down, I rally. When I'm down, he rallies. When we are both down we look at our girls and realize that if it all melted away at that second, we were still the luckiest people on Earth to have them.

 

Last night, I felt that two of my daughters didn't have enough shoes for the cruise. I won't embarrass myself by telling you just how many they had prior to the shopping trip. But we bought more. My middle one has > number of shoes than days of the cruise. Did she need another pair? Heck no. Did that matter when she threw her arms around me and thanked me profusely for buying her 'the most amazing, beautiful, cute sandals that were ever made'? Not a bit. The reality is, I'm getting my groove back and getting excited about the cruise again.

 

I also painted my youngest's nails with color changing nail polish (del Sol) for the trip. She was memorized when they turned from blue to purple in the sun. This morning, the sun had barely peeked over the horizon when I was awakened with her asking to go outside to 'watch our fingernails'. After my coffee, DH, my daughter and I went in the front yard to watch hers and my nails make the transformation. She was in Heaven.

 

So, I again have to thank all of you for your wonderful words. There were sad stories and inspiring stories and snippets of wisdom I will carry with me for a long time. My current mantra is 'I only have today. Don't waste it.' This past weekend felt like I had been hit in the stomach with a cannon ball and once again saw the love of my life diagnosed with that heinous word. But, I'm getting my footing back and DH is here with me today and the sun is out any my cruise is 1.5 weeks away and at this very moment, life is wonderful.

 

Thank you again and I hope you all know how much your words have meant to me.

 

Carmel...from one competitive dance mom to another, how in the world can you cruise in prime dance competition season :eek::D. DD(17)'s teachers would kill me. I have to say being a dance mom becomes much easier when they can drive themselves to class;). I am glad you are feeling much better about your situation and your cruise. We all have our down days. That is a part of life and nothing to feel guilty about. Have fun and enjoy your cruise.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Warm Breezes

[carmel]

Carmel...from one competitive dance mom to another, how in the world can you cruise in prime dance competition season :eek::D. DD(17)'s teachers would kill me. I have to say being a dance mom becomes much easier when they can drive themselves to class;). I am glad you are feeling much better about your situation and your cruise. We all have our down days. That is a part of life and nothing to feel guilty about. Have fun and enjoy your cruise.

 

The company she dances for observes spring break and the teacher will not schedule a competition during that time. We are very thankful for that! Choreography/competition is from Oct - April and no weekends can be missed during that time. We have a recital this year that is is May/June. They have about 4 weeks off then it starts up again. She adores it and we make the out of town competitions mini vacations for us all so it is a family thing. However, she only had 2 more years of it and when she graduates from the team, we will not know what to do with the extra time nor the extra money!

[Warm Breezes]

The company she dances for observes spring break and the teacher will not schedule a competition during that time. We are very thankful for that! Choreography/competition is from Oct - April and no weekends can be missed during that time. We have a recital this year that is is May/June. They have about 4 weeks off then it starts up again. She adores it and we make the out of town competitions mini vacations for us all so it is a family thing. However, she only had 2 more years of it and when she graduates from the team, we will not know what to do with the extra time nor the extra money!

 

I know where you are coming from. DD is a Junior this year so next year will be her final one at the studio. She is looking at going to the University in our town and joining their dance team which is filled with people from her studio. Her choreography/competition is from Sept to May with Recitals and Nationals in June. They do get Spring Break off but our Spring Break is this week. I can never take the 1st 2 weeks of the month of due to my work so it is always out as a vacation week for us. In the summer there are boot camps, try-outs, and mandatory ballet technique. It can be hard to squeeze vacations in. All of our regionals are local this year but Nationals will be in Toledo again for the 5th year in a row for us. We usually throw in a Tigers game and/or Cedar Point. Like you we make it a family vacation:). Enjoy your Spring Break and cruise.

[mking8288]

Believe in your faith & that of your hubbie's, enjoy the cruise and the time together with fewer of life's distractions - being in the helping profession, I spend years working in ambulatory health care and walk those long corridors and backstairs, and you know that death & dying are realities of our being, it's just a matter of when & who's ahead and behind - we will all make the transition when it's our time to go onward, whatever is behind that bright tunnel.

 

Cherish each day and the time together especially during the cruise - you surely recall your professional training and periodic in-service about coping with anger, denial and coming to terms with acceptance, etc. with losses ... Smile & be happy, we all only lived once so go and have fun together, and don't let anyone and anything else take them away or deny you of your treasure. God Bless !

[tandtmk04]

Carmel,

Let this be a week that you do not allow the "C" word invade and ruin for you and your family! Instead, make it a week that you can be oh so THANKFUL that you still have with your wonderful husband and able to celebrate the time with him and your family! Alot of families are not that lucky! :)

 

I lost my mother 2 1/2 years ago, not to Cancer but a surgery gone wrong and what I wouldn't give to be able to spend another week with her. My heart races with just the thought of it. I have learned through my Mom how fast life can change and you have to enjoy it while you can. There are times that I feel like you do....times that I'm filled with anger, hurt etc... then I have to remind myself that its not doing anything but hurting me more... cheating myself out of a happy life.

I pray that you and your husband are rocking on your front porch oneday, talking about the wonderful cruise that you all took and the blessed memories that you made with your family!

Best Wishes to you and your family!

Jennifer

[grandmacani]

Carmel, I have just read all of the words of encouragement sent your way. I posted earlier on but something just hit me. I said that we were all waiting for the next shoe to drop.

 

My hubby(68) me(66) had planned for almost 2 years for a 12 day med cruise with a 16 day transatlantic on the sunshine last oct/nov. In the back of my mind even though I'd been planning all that time in the back of my head was " what if something happens" worried all thru the planning.

 

One night, while on that cruise I said to him " you know I hoped and prayed we'd make this trip together " he said " you know I wondered myself." We just never know what tomorrow brings.

 

I hope your tomorrow brings another day to love. Take care

[carmel]

Well, we made it through the MD appt this morning. Even though I wanted to walk in and have the MD say, 'Get out of here. You are fine. I'm 100% confident everything is okay', I guess the overall is good news.

 

First, I've worked with the #1 heart/thoracic surgeons in the US (probably the world) for 20 years now. Not only have I never heard one of them give 100% predictions w/o results from every test but I knew it would be negligent to not dig deeper.

 

DH had a nose/throat scope in office - no signs of lesions. He had visual and 'touch' inspection of the mouth and neck nodes - no signs of bumps or additional lesions. He had a baseline head/neck CT done because he will be followed for a long time and the MD said it was his preference to have a starting place. That came back clear.

 

The only part that kinda shook me was to learn that the entire lesion was not removed 2 weeks ago. I was under the impression that the surgeon took it all off. Evidently, some margins were left. This MD stated he doesn't think they will reveal invasion past the basement membrane (thus, crossing the line from pre-cancer to true cancer) but he has to remove a bigger portion of his tongue. We get that a week after we are home.

 

The MD is going after this aggressively. He said it is not because of the risk at this point but the risk at future points. He wants to kill it in its tracks. DH said, 'Be my guest'.

 

I feel so sorry for DH having to have a big old chunk taken out of his tongue again. I'm sure most can agree that even getting those little swollen buds on your tongue is a pain in the butt. The last resection looked like someone took a mellon baller to him. He couldn't shut his teeth over the swelling. Poor guy. I guess I have to make him some tasty soft food. Maybe my special Kalua pulled pork that is cooked for 18 hours and falls apart? He does use it as an excuse for lots of Ben and Jerrys consumption.

 

Thanks for checking back in this thread if you are still here to read it!

Edited April 11, 2014 by carmel

[huntm]

Your feelings are completely normal! There is a cycle for grieving and you are in a different stage than your husband.

 

You sound like a wonderful, supportive wife and mother. Your family will be in my prayers. Please don't listen to the people who tell you to get over yourself.

 

I would look into some personal development books on grieving. It might be understanding why you feel the way you do will help you move forward.

 

Everyday is a gift and a blessing. :)

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[BettyGiggles]

Reading your story and dilemma had me cry, really cry.

 

I don't even know you but can empathize with your emotional stress, thoughts and worries.

 

All I could think in reading your worries is: He is here, he is STILL here with you and your family. Many don't make it. Your soul mate is here with you and you need to GO and ENJOY your life with your family on this wonderful cruise vacation.

 

You never know what can happen in a split second dear worried soul.

 

Let it go and make this a wonderful time for you all. Let go of your worries, feel the freedom of vacation and love every moment. <3