Friend wants to join...not sure I want her to.

[cruisin' 4 fun]

Doing my 2nd solo in Dec. a friend want to come with and I think I'd rather her not. What should I say? We're friends but not really close just not sure how she travels and I'm not sure I want to deal with someone sharing a room.

There is another friend and her boyfriend who just happen to book also but they will do their own thing and me mine. We may meet up occasionally but won't be joined at the hip.

[tiggeril]

"Hey, <friend>, this is my chance to have a few days to myself! We'll definitely get together when I'm back and I'll tell you all about it!"

 

 

Then try to talk her into going on a solo cruise of her own. :D

[Viv0828]

Suggest she come and maybe the two of you could get rooms close by. I wouldn't share a room with anybody I didn't know really well.

[Valen9]

Doing my 2nd solo in Dec. a friend want to come with and I think I'd rather her not. What should I say? We're friends but not really close just not sure how she travels and I'm not sure I want to deal with someone sharing a room.

 

Tell her that you booked the cruise solo because you enjoy having the cabin to yourself. You have plans with your other friend and her boyfriend that are already set. You may be able to include a 4th for that, but your friend will have to get her own cabin.

 

Then stop talking and wait. If this person is afraid of sailing solo and wants to join you so that she knows someone else on the ship, she'll understand. If she gets angry or tries to make you feel guilty, you can safely assume it's because she just doesn't want to pay a single supplement and is trying to use you to make her cruise cheaper.

 

When you get older, it gets much easier to blow off time-wasting morons trying to use you for their own benefit. This is a test to see if this person is in that category.

 

You REALLY want to make this test. Understand that if you allow this person to guilt you into sharing a cabin, then they'll also take advantage of you after they have done so. Things like "oh, I have a bad back and need to spread out, would you please sleep on the fold out couch and let me have the double bed?" "I brought all these nice dresses, can't I have most of the hangars?" Trust me, you'll regret it if you give in. Trust your instincts.

[Bobbi48128]

I prefer to cruise alone for the most part, but there are times when it's fun to have company. I would give her the info about the ship and the date and tell her to just go on line a book a cabin she likes. And I would just tell her straight out, that you're hoping to get some r&r so she will probably be on her own quite a bit...

I had a lot of fun when my friend went with me on half of a B2B cruise, but I was glad when she left[emoji16]

 

 

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[COMBOY]

Doing my 2nd solo in Dec. a friend want to come with and I think I'd rather her not. What should I say? We're friends but not really close just not sure how she travels and I'm not sure I want to deal with someone sharing a room.

There is another friend and her boyfriend who just happen to book also but they will do their own thing and me mine. We may meet up occasionally but won't be joined at the hip.

 

Just tell her that "I need some me time and prefer to go it alone this time." That's it. You need not say anything further. It's your money, your vacation and your time. Don't invite someone to come along if you don't want them to. You will just be miserable. I know we don't want to offend someone, but that's just life. Most reasonable people will understand and some won't and that's too bad. In the future I would just avoid telling people in advance of your travel plans if you feel they might want to come along. In the future as far as the cabin share just say that "I value my privacy and prefer not to share." "I'll give you my travel agents info and you can arrange your own cabin." "We can then meet up for drinks and dinner in the evening."

[travelberlin]

Tell her the details of the cruise so that she can book her own cabin and if she needs help with some questions you can probably help her with that. But make it very clear, you are an independant traveler and you prefer doing things on your own. If you wish you could share somethings with her for example lunch or dinner or meet for afternoon tea.

[cynt]

OMG!! I know exactly how you feel. Once you go solo it's sooo hard to take in a roommate. I'm going to give my two friends who probably want to go on my Spring cruise with me the info and they're on their own to book it. If they want to be roommates they can but I'm having no parts of it. LOL!! Now that all my friends KNOW I WILL CRUISE SOLO they all have an interest to cruise! I don't even give them the double occupancy rate any more. Once I tell them a balcony is $2000 and that's the only way I cruise I usually lose them. LOL! They don't need to know I book last minute and usually pay around $1000-1500 for a balcony. At the time they asked it is $2000. LOL!!:D

 

Definitely be up front with your friend. Set the ground rules so there won't be any misunderstandings - she needs to book her own room, make her own plans and don't look for you to hang out with her, you're on board for some much needed R&R. And next time if you don't want anyone to cruise with you keep the information to yourself. SILENCE IS GOLDEN! I take a pic once on board and text it to my friends and say see ya in a week. I usually get a dozen text why didn't you tell me you were cruising again. I say it was last minute. LOL!!

 

I hope it works out well for you!

[JoePatNYCT]

Since you are clearly are opposed to sharing with her, the only question is whether you want her on the same cruise but different cabin.

 

If you want her, help her to book a cabin as a solo. If you don't want her, you can tell her you enjoy cruising alone or as another person said, quote her an expensive cabin rate. [emoji1]

[jwm51]

HOW DARE YOU! What kind of friend are you anyways?:mad::eek:

 

Seriously, don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy your vacation. A true friend will be waiting for you to come back and tell her all about it.:D:p;)

[OCruisers]

We have a solo cruise pal (met on the ship & have been on several of the same cruises she was also taking ... and keep in touch by emails) who had an awful experience with a "friend" from home who booked on the cruise with her.

They had separate cabins BUT this woman expected my friend to do everything with her and would follow her around.

In the future she plans to not tell anyone at home of her cruise plans until it's too late to book. :D

LuLu

[IslandGrl411]

Please tell her "no". Solo cruising is your get away time. Tell her you need that time to yourself. If she is a good friend then she should understand. If she gets mad or offended then you know you made the right decision by telling her no!!!!

[cruisin' 4 fun]

Thanks everyone. I'm going to drop it for now and not bring it up. If she brings it up again then I will tell her I want to do this alone. I just know I'll have a much more relaxing time. Really the only one who I do travel with without any issues is my husband and he is doing a solo trip to Vegas. So this year we are on our own. Thanks Again!!

[LandlockedCruiser01]

This thread hits home for me. Someone I used to be friends with almost came on a cruise with me. It's normally good to have a friend join you, but I started seeing red flags before I even picked a ship. Since she knew nothing about cruises and admitted it, she left the planning to me. OK, fair enough. However, when I presented ideas to her, she rejected everything I suggested: "I shouldn't have to pay the port charges!", "The weather will be too cold!", "It takes too long to fly there!", and so on, and so on, and so on. At the same time, she refused to make any decisions herself, because she "knew nothing about going on a cruise".

 

To add insult to the injury, she pretty much insisted on being joined at the hip, or at least that's what it sounded like. She expressed concerns about being by herself, even on the ship, despite my countless attempts to explain that it's perfectly safe. Disagreement after disagreement pretty much ended the friendship. In the end, I ended up going solo and had a blast.

[sail7seas]

Suggest she come and maybe the two of you could get rooms close by. I wouldn't share a room with anybody I didn't know really well.

 

I agree. I would not share a cabin with any of my much loved girlfriends. Now that I'm widow, I'll have my cabin to myself.

 

[tjcletsgo]

I don't tell people I'm sailing solo, I say I'm sailing with a life long friend who lives in a neighboring county (used to be true until her health took a turn for the worse). Ladies ask me if I'll cruise with them and I just say "oh my gosh, my friend would kill me if I sailed with someone else" and that's that!:D

[vacation luvver]

This reminds me of a thread I started years ago, when a friend and I planned to go on an Alaska cruise in 2010, and when we mentioned it at our gym, another woman immediately asked, "Oooh, can I go, too?"

 

I had just met her (my friend knew her somewhat), and I didn't know what to say, so I looked at the floor and muttered, "Okay." After all, the cruise was open to everyone who had a passport and who could afford it, and I couldn't think of a valid reason to tell her that she shouldn't go on the cruise. If I had tried to say no, my friend would have told her that of course she could go.

 

It had been pre-arranged that after we went to the gym, my friend and I would have lunch with this woman and another friend, whom I had never met. As soon as the other woman showed up, the woman from the gym asked her if she wanted to go on the cruise, and the woman said yes.

 

I complained about this here, and people told me that the whole thing was completely my fault, since if I hadn't opened up my big mouth about going on the cruise, the woman at the gym wouldn't have known about it. But even if I hadn't said anything about it, my friend might have talked about it.

 

OP, you mentioned that another friend and her boyfriend are going on the same cruise. Does the friend who wants to share a room with you know them? Because if she does, she might have found out about the cruise from them, even if you never breathed a word about it.

 

It's very easy to say that it's people's fault for talking about their vacation plans ahead of time, but sometimes if other people are going, you can't prevent them from talking about it.

 

If I ever go on another solo cruise, if I should find that my careless chatter about it has led someone to ask, "Oooh, can I go, too?" I will pretend that I didn't actually book the cruise yet (whether or not I actually booked it). And then I will search online for a cruise leaving at about the same time and then tell the person that now I can't decide between the two cruises. Every time the other person would try to pin me down, I would say that I still haven't decided which cruise to book. But this strategy wouldn't work if you're going on a cruise with another person, or in your case, in which a friend and her boyfriend booked the cruise on their own but are aware of your plans.

[TessM]

I prefer to cruise alone for the most part, but there are times when it's fun to have company. I would give her the info about the ship and the date and tell her to just go on line a book a cabin she likes. And I would just tell her straight out, that you're hoping to get some r&r so she will probably be on her own quite a bit...

I had a lot of fun when my friend went with me on half of a B2B cruise, but I was glad when she left[emoji16]

 

 

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I think this is good advice. You can tell her this and not feel guilty. She might look at the solo price and decide it's not for her.

 

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[CARNIVALCRUISE3]

I much rather go with family. I have gone with my best friend, and she thought that I had to do everything that she wanted to. At one point she told me that we went together, and had to do the same things. (but it was everything that she wanted) I had to tell her that I paid for my own cruise, and could do what I chose. With family, we go to breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, and then do our own things on the ship. At ports, we stick together and agree on an excursion. Family members understand you, and don't get upset.

Edited February 14, 2015 by CARNIVALCRUISE3

[zoncom]

Among the problems one can encounter cruising with a not really close cabin mate; She is a slob in a small space, hogging storage,. constant TV on, staying out till 3AM and waking you or sleeping till noon. Men in cabin? She may wear jeans and you wear J.Crew.She did no pre cruise shore prep and expects you as tour leader. You dine early, she late. Excessive drinking? That said, I have had 3 female cabin mates, all excellent. But all mature over 30, well traveled and on Princess and Celebrity.

[Lois R]

This thread hits home for me. Someone I used to be friends with almost came on a cruise with me. It's normally good to have a friend join you, but I started seeing red flags before I even picked a ship. Since she knew nothing about cruises and admitted it, she left the planning to me. OK, fair enough. However, when I presented ideas to her, she rejected everything I suggested: "I shouldn't have to pay the port charges!", "The weather will be too cold!", "It takes too long to fly there!", and so on, and so on, and so on. At the same time, she refused to make any decisions herself, because she "knew nothing about going on a cruise".

 

To add insult to the injury, she pretty much insisted on being joined at the hip, or at least that's what it sounded like. She expressed concerns about being by herself, even on the ship, despite my countless attempts to explain that it's perfectly safe. Disagreement after disagreement pretty much ended the friendship. In the end, I ended up going solo and had a blast.

 

OMG....she sounds like a nightmare.....or I should say the situation

sounds like a nightmare:eek:......so glad I go on my own!:D

[Luvmesomeme]

Anyone can book on any ship that they want to so give her the info and let her know that you want to go solo. She probably won't book by herself.

 

I go on a weekend cruise with my best girlfriend every year for my birthday. This year I realize that our dynamics as well as our life situations have changed. Next year I want to travel solo as this year I felt like I did not enjoy myself as much as I would have like to. She is now a widow and I have spent more time with her because of this and need a little space. I feel like I have become the substitute husband and she wants me to go everywhere with her. I booked a studio and have not said anything at all. I am always the planner so it will be a while before she even thinks about it. I am not sure how I will break it to her when the time comes but I booked and am very excited about going solo.

[bighairtexan]

The fact that the OP doesn't know her that well makes it sound as if they're not close friends. In that case I'd just be up front and honest.

 

It's harder for me when it's a good friend. Though I value my time w/ my close friends, I also value my "me time." There is one friend that I know is "low maintenance." We both spend a lot of time doing our own things and it works out fine. HOWEVER she snores like a chain saw and sometimes I want to put a pillow over her face. I can live with that... most of the time.

 

But as for someone you don't know that well: BEWARE!!! I had a "friend" like that. A widow (widowed MANY years previously from a man who was a womanizer and left her w/ HUGE debt from jewelry purchases that weren't for HER, and lots of other things). OK so I thought.... jerk of a husband. A widow for 5 years. That shouldn't be an issue. WRONG!! OH GOSH.

 

EVERY dang night she'd cry about how she missed her soul mate :eek: How could she live without him? Wailing and crying to me. I was WHAT THE HELL??!!

 

AND she drank like a fish. Like a wahoo who is supposed to drink it's weight each day. Spit faced drunk, howling at the moon starting around noon. Once she could barely walk. I was at the pool and a stranger "delivered" her to me. LIKE, DUDE! I AM NOT HER MOTHER!!

 

Another time, she was crawling on her hands and knees on the bar screaming at the bartender "Guillermo.. Kiss me Guillermo." I was mortified AND furious. (OK in hindsight the "Guillermo" thing is kind of funny). Security told me that "MAYBE I wanted to take my friend back to the room!!!!" Again... not her mother; and I was drinking diet coke... so not like we were getting sloppy together.

 

SO RUN away... do not walk away, unless you know that person VERY well. VERY VERY WELL! Or you too could have your own Guillermo story.

[Lois R]

Well, I just booked a 5 night cruise today for March 7th on Constellation:)

Nobody is going with me......nobody ever does;):D

[cruisin' 4 fun]

Our daughters play basketball together and have for a few years. We went to a movie once together but that it. I haven't brought it up and neither has she. If it comes down to it I'll say something otherwise I'll just let things be. I will be going solo:)

Edited February 18, 2015 by cruisin' 4 fun