What age did you let your kids go out on their own?

[2ferfun]

We are taking two DD on their first cruise this summer and DW and I disagree on how to handle the kiddos. I say 15 year old can go out on the ship by herself as long as she checks in with us regularly. I say 11 year old can only go out if she is with her sister. Wife says both need to be with us at all times!:eek:

 

Am I allowing too much freedom here or is she being overly protective?:confused:

 

Thoughts?

[rungod]

My son was 10 when we took our first cruise and he checked in with us regularly with no problem. Girls are different but I would think the 15 year old at least if she checks in regularly is old enough

[garnet115]

I tend to agree with you. I think 15 year olds can have a limited amount of freedom on board, and if your 15 year old is responsible, I see no reason why the 11 year old cannot join her.

 

I am grappling with how much freedom I will give my dd on our next cruise, during which she will be 12. If she had an older sibling to stay with, I would feel so much better about it, but it makes me nervous for it to be her alone.

[Laszlo]

Two years ago with cruised to Bermuda for the second time (end of June) I wanted to hang myself, teen agers everywhere out at all hours. Nothing like walking thru a gang of 14 and 15 year old girls in the stairwell hearing who they screwed the night before. Keep your kid in after 8:00pm:D

[mearsfansinboise]

I am big on "safety in numbers" - which my son says "mom, that's not a thing" - LOL Yes, it is a thing! And we probably would not let our 15-year old daughter about on the ship alone. Our kids are a little younger - 10 and 12 - and we let them go out alone - together, and I imagine it will be that way 'til they are at least 15. We may be a tad bit overprotective, but, that's just how we are.

[mjkacmom]

Our first cruise was DCL, and we let our 9 and 11 year old to go off here and there, for an hour or so at the time. Our next cruise was NCL, and our oldest was 14. The first night she went to the teen club, and after that, we saw her at meals. Ds was 12, had a friend on the ship, and they were off together most of the time. The 7 and 9 year olds spent time with us, or in the club.

 

Our last NCL cruise, our ds15 and dd17 spent time together, with a group of teens, most of the time. Dd12, dd10, and ds10 were allowed some freedom, maybe up to 2 hours at a time.

 

Here at home, I've allowed my 15 year olds to take a bus to NYC with friends, so I certainly would give them freedom on a cruise ship. However, I can't imagine your 15 year old would rather hang out with an 11 year old vs. other teens. Hopefully, your youngest will attend the club the first night, and find some friends to hang with.

[2ferfun]

I tend to agree with you. I think 15 year olds can have a limited amount of freedom on board, and if your 15 year old is responsible, I see no reason why the 11 year old cannot join her.

 

I am grappling with how much freedom I will give my dd on our next cruise, during which she will be 12. If she had an older sibling to stay with, I would feel so much better about it, but it makes me nervous for it to be her alone.

 

Its hard to figure all this out, isnt it? I agree, it will feel better if they are together rather than on their own.

 

 

 

Two years ago with cruised to Bermuda for the second time (end of June) I wanted to hang myself, teen agers everywhere out at all hours. Nothing like walking thru a gang of 14 and 15 year old girls in the stairwell hearing who they screwed the night before. Keep your kid in after 8:00pm:D

 

I am trying not to be offended by this, I know that you are not saying that this will be my kids but I can assure you, this is not something that I am worried about.

 

 

 

I am big on "safety in numbers" - which my son says "mom, that's not a thing" - LOL Yes, it is a thing! And we probably would not let our 15-year old daughter about on the ship alone. Our kids are a little younger - 10 and 12 - and we let them go out alone - together, and I imagine it will be that way 'til they are at least 15. We may be a tad bit overprotective, but, that's just how we are.

 

YES! It IS a thing! :)

 

 

Good advice from everyone, thanks for the input! Glad to know that there are others who feel as I do!:)

Edited March 19, 2015 by 2ferfun

[sixesandeights]

When I was a kid my parents let my brother and I go out without issue. On my first cruise I was 12 and my brother was 9 or 10. We were allowed to go hang out with the kids we met on board. My parents trusted us, and we were good kids. Our next cruise I was 14 and my brother was 12 and we had our own room and could do as we pleased. Again we had our parents trust.

 

Do you trust your kids? Are they respectful humans? That is the real question. As long as you raised good kids there should be no issues with them wandering about a closed ecosystem.

 

6&8

[LrgPizza]

We let our son go on his own at age 11. BUT, he was not allowed to wander freely. He had to get permission (via iConcierge msg) if he wanted to leave wherever he was to go elsewhere. (An example text, "Mom, can I leave the kids club and go to the ropes course with some friends?") Quite often I'd catch up with him in between, or make him stop and see me first. If we didn't reply, he had to stay put. Also, he was never permitted to be in the pools or in any room hallways/floors without us. Our big rule is that we must know where he is at all times, and he gets to know where we are at all times. He's a very responsible kid, who happens to be 5'7, which doesn't hurt.

Edited March 19, 2015 by LrgPizza

[Barb Nahoumi]

This is such a hard question to answer. Kids of the same age can be at different levels of maturity. It's up to parents to determine how much freedom a kid can handle. Remember,a ship is a big place, with thousands of people aboard.

[eargal]

Our rule is that our kids have to stay together. 13 year old boy and 11 year old girl. It helps that the boy is over 6 feet tall and is also a "nervous Nellie" who's biggest fear is disappointing us. ;)

 

We let the 11 year old girl do very little by herself. Basically she can check herself out of Kids Crew and walk through the buffet (picking up an ice cream) and come straight to the cabin.

[jackson bernard]

I don't know that letting kids wander amongst 4000 strangers is a great idea. Especially in the middle of the ocean.

[fmrlkr]

Went on a cruise with 2 other couples, one grandmother and 4 girls, 20,14,11 and 8. We had a dry erase board on the girls cabin door to keep track of where everyone was. Other than specific times, dinner, port days, etc. the girls went where they wanted. We found that they checked in with us more often than not when they changed activities. In fact they made sure they knew where WE were going to be most of the time and would randomly check on us to let us know what they had been up to. Of course this was not their first time to be responsible for themselves. They have been given age appropriate opportunities to be on their own and have been taught how to behave in public. We were amazed at how much the girls matured on the cruise, each looking up to and emulating the one just older than them. It didn't hurt that the 20 year old had a mother hen personality.

 

I hear the horror stories of wild out of control kids but in my more than 25 cruises I have not run into that, instead I have found generally good kids who have an excess of excitement because they are on vacation.

 

A cruise is a great time to give them the opportunity to prove to you their self reliance.

 

On the other hand, if your kids have a history of getting into trouble, have never been allowed to do anything on their own or are bad decision makers than yes, you should keep a tighter leash on them.

 

In our group of friends, we have a saying "You are not raising children, you are raising adults."

[dmart82]

I have two boys 6 years apart, when my youngest was 11 I preferred he be with his brother or us, but his older brother didn't always and to do what the younger one want to do. So I would let my 11 year go a what ever activity he wanted as long as he checked back in as soon as it was over. One time the activity ran over and I freaked out that I had not heard from him but did calm down once he was in sight again. Never had any problems but as a parent you worry. My sister -in-law and brother use to let my nephew go alone at the age of 8, and that drove me crazy but not being his parent I couldn't do any thing about it. I was on a ship one time when a group of boys where bulling one kid and I went to the front desk and notified them. Security went right away and took care of it and called there parents to come get the kids and discuss their actions. I feel it also depends on the child and how mature they are.

[triptolemus]

I don't know that letting kids wander amongst 4000 strangers is a great idea. Especially in the middle of the ocean.

 

Well, I do let my kids go down on their own to guest services to remove their DSC.... :cool:

[ColinIllinois]

It's a tough call. A delicate balancing act between protecting your kids and allowing them some freedom to create their own vacation memories. You and hubby need to come to a compromise and I'm sure you will realizing that crime happens on a cruise ship just like it does on land.

 

I would consult the parenting guide that you were given when they were born. lol (If only that existed).

[dna529]

We let our son go on his own at age 11. BUT, he was not allowed to wander freely. He had to get permission (via iConcierge msg) if he wanted to leave wherever he was to go elsewhere. (An example text, "Mom, can I leave the kids club and go to the ropes course with some friends?") Quite often I'd catch up with him in between, or make him stop and see me first. If we didn't reply, he had to stay put. Also, he was never permitted to be in the pools or in any room hallways/floors without us. Our big rule is that we must know where he is at all times, and he gets to know where we are at all times. He's a very responsible kid, who happens to be 5'7, which doesn't hurt.

 

We do this with our 11 year old also. As long as he checks in, I'm fine. His 8 year old sister can roam with him, but not alone. They know they can't swim without us.

 

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[finch12]

Our kids were 10 and 12 when we first cruised. Both are boys and I consider very good ones. They were told to stay together at all times. Have fun, be polite and in the room by 5 pm to get ready for dinner. We usually cruised RCL where there is lots for them to do. We checked up on them once in a while and they were just playing sports on the ship all day long. If I have two kids staying together all day with no trust issues...... have fun! As far as the evening went, they always came with us to the shows, we hung out together a bit and all went to bed at ~10:30 because we started our day at 7.

 

Best decision for a family vacation ever. Everyone got what they wanted, no one had to ask for money and food was always available and there was no place they could go but be on the ship. Well 10 years later we all still vacation together on the ship... We all love it!

 

In 6 weeks we are trying the NCL Getaway..... I am sure you will still find these boys on the water slide, basketball court and playing golf all day long

[dna529]

Well, I do let my kids go down on their own to guest services to remove their DSC.... :cool:

 

Good one!!

 

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[meglet]

Hi OP

 

I've taught teen girls for 30 years and while I'm uncomfortable too with the language of that one post, you never really know what might happen on a cruise. For some reason there's a feeling of safety and being protected that happens on a ship that isn't really justified by facts. While your daughter might be a wonderful, mature young woman, there are others who won't be and who will challenge her behavior. Going into the city or town by train all alone for the day doesn't provide teens with the same access to situations they may be challenged by - access to alcohol (some parents let their teens drink,) access to empty cabins (some parents book one adult and one teen in a cabin and then change the arrangements on board.)

 

If you search this site for "child contract" or "kid contract" I remember seeing one last year some time that seemed very wise and spelled out responsibilities and penalties so teens were aware of consequences for breaking rules and the rationale of the rules ahead of time.

 

Just one other thought - I've noticed frequently that a teen may be one way at home, but when away from parents they are someone else entirely. Is there a particular teacher who knows your daughter well that you could bounce your question off? He or she may have a different or interesting perspective.

[eargal]

Well, I do let my kids go down on their own to guest services to remove their DSC.... :cool:

 

 

Where is the like button?

[2ferfun]

Hi OP

 

I've taught teen girls for 30 years and while I'm uncomfortable too with the language of that one post, you never really know what might happen on a cruise. For some reason there's a feeling of safety and being protected that happens on a ship that isn't really justified by facts. While your daughter might be a wonderful, mature young woman, there are others who won't be and who will challenge her behavior. Going into the city or town by train all alone for the day doesn't provide teens with the same access to situations they may be challenged by - access to alcohol (some parents let their teens drink,) access to empty cabins (some parents book one adult and one teen in a cabin and then change the arrangements on board.)

 

If you search this site for "child contract" or "kid contract" I remember seeing one last year some time that seemed very wise and spelled out responsibilities and penalties so teens were aware of consequences for breaking rules and the rationale of the rules ahead of time.

 

Just one other thought - I've noticed frequently that a teen may be one way at home, but when away from parents they are someone else entirely. Is there a particular teacher who knows your daughter well that you could bounce your question off? He or she may have a different or interesting perspective.

 

meglet-I too am a high school teacher and I think this is an excellent idea! It never fails to amaze me at how many parents have ideas about their children (both good and bad) that are completely different from the child I see in front of me every day. Some parents are just in denial but I think there are a lot of kids out there that behave very differently at home. This is an idea I will certainly put into action!

[Homosassa]

LOL - my daughter was 20, but she was with her 22 year old male cousin.

 

It's not that I am strict; she just enjoyed being with us on a ship and never asked to go off on her own.

[Freckle53]

We first sailed on the Carnival Pride, which is a smaller ship and let our 10 year old go by himself here and there--like to or from the kid's club or to or from my brother's family's room. He is a good kid and would know better than to misbehave with that sort of freedom, so we felt ok letting him have a little time on his own. We also left him in the room by himself for a little too. Carnival gave us a ship cell phone from the kid's club for our 2 year old, so we always had that on us. The rules were if he came back to the room from being with his cousins or the kid's club, and we weren't there, he had to call us to check in.

[trex-de]

DS was 13. Had check points. If he missed, he lost privilege. He did well.