Like Romeo and Juliet

[SteadyBetty]

.... He got off the boat to see me on a day when he wasn't supposed to leave it, and he sacrificed hours of sleep to come find me at 2am again when he had to be back on the boat and to work by 7:30am.

 

Well then, get your wedding dress on and strike up the band! You've found THE ONE!

 

On a serious note: a crew member leaves the ship when he is not supposed to? Stays away for 5 1/2 hours and then get back on the ship? Oh come on!

[Langley Cruisers]

From what I've read doing research on a simple visa, if you're on a cruise that stops there, you get a 72 hour visa and the ship takes care of that. That is a reason I'd actually prefer to go on the cruise to go there, rather than deal with the process myself.

 

No, not correct. The ship does not take care of that. Here is the info you need:

 

http://petersburgcity.com/for-tourists/visa/cruises/

 

.

[Sandy Sails]

Ah, poor OP, give her a break. She's trying. You already know how I met my husband on a cruise - but he was a passenger so totally different.

 

However, the gal I was traveling with hooked up with a bartender on the ship. He managed to sneak into her room at night (I wasn't allowed back to the room until after 2 a.m.) so I know the crew does it. Of course she fell hard for him and he was just in it for the fun. I felt bad for her but she should have known better.

 

Good luck SeaButterfly, I hope it all works out for you. I would just recommend patience for now. It sounds like he needs to figure out his life first before he can include you in it.

[geoherb]

I'm glad the OP finally revealed his position as one of the entertainers. They're given more leeway at interacting with passengers. My best advice would be to keep things going long distance. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Six months is just a blip in time.

[CupcakeSusie]

Speaking as someone who knows nothing of our relationship or the guy in question.... He got off the boat to see me on a day when he wasn't supposed to leave it, and he sacrificed hours of sleep to come find me at 2am again when he had to be back on the boat and to work by 7:30am. He calls me when he can, and he was the one asking if he could see me again, back when I disembarked. He's the one repeating that he thinks the situation is romantic. But of course there can't be a real commitment. He's not even sure what he's doing when his contract ends. They leave him time for nothing, not even thinking. lol. The only thing preventing us from "dating", is his job (and the reason we met, ironically), which is important to him.

Anyway, something I've learned about most men is that many times, you have to plant an idea in their head. They're slower to connect the dots. Maybe I'm just more of a problem-solver. Even when it's something they do completely on their own to surprise you, like proposing marriage, they manage to get you lost in the desert because they didn't really think it through and scout the location in advance. They leave things to chance. So I'm not surprised. I would love it if they would be more inventive and resourceful, but... in my experience, you have to give them the idea first, and see what they do with it.

 

re the bit I bolded - it sounds to me like you're meeting the wrong men. Aim higher.

 

Or, like BlueRiband said - this could be a total stitch up.

[navybankerteacher]

re the bit I bolded - it sounds to me like you're meeting the wrong men. Aim higher.

 

Or, like BlueRiband said - this could be a total stitch up.

 

Your first line indicates that OP might be (to put it as charitably as possible) silly.

 

Your second line indicates that OP is being (for some curious reason) a touch mendacious.

 

As I do not think a third credible option exists, I do not think much further attention is warranted.

[Bonnie J.]

What is his position as a crew member? Is he an officer? Officers only pay the taxes if they want to have someone join them on a ship- spouse or girlfriend. One Maître'd's wife would spend a month on board with him!

Met lady on a cruise (a tablemate) who thought she was engaged to the assistant Mairtre'd and would book her cabin in area of a deck that was easier for him to sneak into, on a low deck. I found out later he was married and she was just a bed mate for him.

A high school classmate ended up marrying her steward when he got off the ship in Hong Kong! She ended up going back to Hong Kong. She waited for him after he went back into China. They ended up living in the Bronx, NY! Two kids later they were divorced- he became violent if she didn't jump when he said to.

She is not stupid- she graduated from Vassar then got her masters!

[navybankerteacher]

 

...

 

A high school classmate ended up marrying her steward when he got off the ship in Hong Kong! She ended up going back to Hong Kong. She waited for him after he went back into China. They ended up living in the Bronx, NY! Two kids later they were divorced- he became violent if she didn't jump when he said to.

She is not stupid- she graduated from Vassar then got her masters!

 

Someone does not have to be stupid to do stupid things - but it does help.

[babyher]

Speaking as someone who knows nothing of our relationship or the guy in question.... He got off the boat to see me on a day when he wasn't supposed to leave it, and he sacrificed hours of sleep to come find me at 2am again when he had to be back on the boat and to work by 7:30am. He calls me when he can, and he was the one asking if he could see me again, back when I disembarked. He's the one repeating that he thinks the situation is romantic. But of course there can't be a real commitment. He's not even sure what he's doing when his contract ends. They leave him time for nothing, not even thinking. lol. The only thing preventing us from "dating", is his job (and the reason we met, ironically), which is important to him.

 

Anyway, something I've learned about most men is that many times, you have to plant an idea in their head. They're slower to connect the dots. Maybe I'm just more of a problem-solver. Even when it's something they do completely on their own to surprise you, like proposing marriage, they manage to get you lost in the desert because they didn't really think it through and scout the location in advance. They leave things to chance. So I'm not surprised. I would love it if they would be more inventive and resourceful, but... in my experience, you have to give them the idea first, and see what they do with it.

 

 

 

 

 

I can't speak for all men , but in the years after my divorce , my idea of a long term commitment was letting them stay over and maybe giving them breakfast. An very happy and fun filled 11 years :)

 

You wanted to see how fast I could run? Bring up marriage, moving in, a key to my apartment, keeping a few things in a drawer in my place.

 

And then I saw the girl who would become my 2nd wife. The second I saw her I knew we would be together forever. Not another conquest, not another notch in my bed post .. I'll spare you the long story that follows but so far so good for 16 years .

 

Now granted we just lived 15 minutes from eachother , so no globetrotting or cruise line rules and regulations were hurdles, but we had a few .

 

 

But I didn't need her or anyone else to plant any seeds.

[GeezerCouple]

Ha... I want a steward. Fortunately, I don't think this is his career path, just a temporary job. But unfortunately, he's not a captain, he's an entertainer. I'm fairly certain he's not married... he's young (though I know people can get married young!) and I don't see any evidence of a wife on his Facebook page. His mother is very present though. lol.

 

Thanks for the info, too. I'm really surprised he didn't get in trouble while I was on the ship. His friends knew about us, one of his bosses walked right by while we were on the dance floor, other crew/entertainers saw us together in the street, and he actually waved at a security camera after giving me a peck on the cheek once. He seems to go back and forth between taking it seriously, and taking risks. I basically left it up to him, figuring he could judge the risk better than I could.

 

Anyway it's something to think about... it's a tough situation. Though in some forums I'm reading of people who started relationships like this and ended up married, so it's not impossible.

 

No, it's not "impossible".

But the number of times this type of "thing" does NOT lead to anything long term swamps those times it does.

 

You are "fairly certain" he's not married?

You should be VERY certain, and if you are relying upon how his public Facebook is set up??? Really?

 

Finally, you aren't doing either of you any favors encouraging him to risk getting fired (and especially no favors to *him*).

 

IF this is "real" to *him*, then he WOULD FIND TIME TO EMAIL YOU.

If he was infatuated, then a few minutes each day or 2 or 3 to send a quick message is something he'd more likely be dying to do, rather than giving excuses about why he "didn't have any time"...

 

Find out when he is next off (he *does* know what his contract says!) and then meet him there.

If he can't "arrange that", you have your answer.

 

If he CAN "arrange that", then... well maybe you have found the love of your life.

But you will never know by waiting and waiting and not hearing much from him... and getting a run around about his contract.

 

Many people who travel a lot have "someone in every port" (or at least in one or more ports).

They are lonely. Why not?

What's "wrong" is if they mislead someone into thinking they are "available" when they are not.

--> But that happens right at home, in one's same city sometimes.

 

The warning signs are all there, given his reticency.

[SeaButterfly]

This is not correct. In St. Petersburg you are only covered by the ship while you are on a ship tour. You cannot get off the ship and wander by yourself, not even in the immediate port area.

 

There are private companies that will sell you a tour and can cover you under their visa. Same restrictions apply (e.g., you are only allowed to go on their tour, not on your own).

 

These, or obtaining your own visa, are your only choices.

 

Hmm, OK, I'll have to look into it again, or ask one of the travel agents how it works for the specific trip. Most likely won't/can't go on it anyway but it'd be nice to know.

[SeaButterfly]

I think this is what our cousins on the other side of the pond call a "wind up".

 

In post #6 the OP shadowed him in the places where he works then said they had 8 hours together. That would be her in crew areas or him in passenger areas? It's surprising he's not already fired.

 

In post #14 she said he barely has time to sleep. Then in post #41 she said he went off the ship - when he wasn't supposed to - just to see her ashore. Another thing that would get him fired. In post #46 she says that he is an entertainer. Entertainers don't work when passengers are sleeping and what entertainer starts work in the early morning?

 

If his job is important to him he's running a great risk of losing it. When that happens they both will have plenty of time together. And it sounds like she don't have a regular job if she has the time to sail to wherever he will be next.

 

The OP has come back answers to put any contrary replies on the defensive. We are being played like a violin. Her whole story is made up and she has zero posting history before starting this thread.

 

I have no other posts because my first cruise was one month ago. :-/ Why would I ever post if I never went on a cruise? And why do I have to defend myself here? Seriously...

 

Passengers seem to be awake all night. At least my roommate was. I would have gladly given up the 11:30 entertainment if their poor performers could get a few extra hours of sleep (which I actually mentioned in my review of the ship when they asked for my opinion...). And entertainers also have to rehearse, so when do you think they do that?

 

The 8 hours together was on shore.

 

People are so cynical here.

[SeaButterfly]

Ah, poor OP, give her a break. She's trying. You already know how I met my husband on a cruise - but he was a passenger so totally different.

 

However, the gal I was traveling with hooked up with a bartender on the ship. He managed to sneak into her room at night (I wasn't allowed back to the room until after 2 a.m.) so I know the crew does it. Of course she fell hard for him and he was just in it for the fun. I felt bad for her but she should have known better.

 

Good luck SeaButterfly, I hope it all works out for you. I would just recommend patience for now. It sounds like he needs to figure out his life first before he can include you in it.

 

 

Aw, thanks, Sandy. :-) You're right about the patience. It's definitely been a test of my patience. lol. And I know he's got a lot to figure out. When I found out how old he was (thanks, Facebook), that was a big concern for me, the whole "figuring out life" thing... Not that I've got it all figured out, myself. :-D

[SeaButterfly]

re the bit I bolded - it sounds to me like you're meeting the wrong men. Aim higher.

 

Or, like BlueRiband said - this could be a total stitch up.

 

Could be. Where do the right men hang out? :-)

[SeaButterfly]

What is his position as a crew member? Is he an officer? Officers only pay the taxes if they want to have someone join them on a ship- spouse or girlfriend. One Maître'd's wife would spend a month on board with him!

Met lady on a cruise (a tablemate) who thought she was engaged to the assistant Mairtre'd and would book her cabin in area of a deck that was easier for him to sneak into, on a low deck. I found out later he was married and she was just a bed mate for him.

A high school classmate ended up marrying her steward when he got off the ship in Hong Kong! She ended up going back to Hong Kong. She waited for him after he went back into China. They ended up living in the Bronx, NY! Two kids later they were divorced- he became violent if she didn't jump when he said to.

She is not stupid- she graduated from Vassar then got her masters!

 

Well... there are horrible men everywhere, not just on ships. :-/

[SeaButterfly]

I can't speak for all men , but in the years after my divorce , my idea of a long term commitment was letting them stay over and maybe giving them breakfast. An very happy and fun filled 11 years :)

 

You wanted to see how fast I could run? Bring up marriage, moving in, a key to my apartment, keeping a few things in a drawer in my place.

 

And then I saw the girl who would become my 2nd wife. The second I saw her I knew we would be together forever. Not another conquest, not another notch in my bed post .. I'll spare you the long story that follows but so far so good for 16 years .

 

Now granted we just lived 15 minutes from eachother , so no globetrotting or cruise line rules and regulations were hurdles, but we had a few .

 

 

But I didn't need her or anyone else to plant any seeds.

 

 

Aww. There was one guy on our boat who apparently had chased this girl for 10 years, even though most of that time she had a boyfriend... they finally got married and looked pretty happy together.

 

But I've had more than one man think that I was "the one" for him, and I'm not with any of them now. I don't really believe in "love at first sight," I think it's more like "getting lucky" that it ended up working out after a good first impression. Personally I really enjoy it when it's unexpected... like you had no intentions of becoming romantic with a person but once you get to know them, it happens.

[GeezerCouple]

Ha... I want a steward. Fortunately, I don't think this is his career path, just a temporary job. But unfortunately, he's not a captain, he's an entertainer. I'm fairly certain he's not married... he's young (though I know people can get married young!) and I don't see any evidence of a wife on his Facebook page. His mother is very present though. lol.

 

Thanks for the info, too. I'm really surprised he didn't get in trouble while I was on the ship. His friends knew about us, one of his bosses walked right by while we were on the dance floor, other crew/entertainers saw us together in the street, and he actually waved at a security camera after giving me a peck on the cheek once. He seems to go back and forth between taking it seriously, and taking risks. I basically left it up to him, figuring he could judge the risk better than I could.

 

Anyway it's something to think about... it's a tough situation. Though in some forums I'm reading of people who started relationships like this and ended up married, so it's not impossible.

 

Aww. There was one guy on our boat who apparently had chased this girl for 10 years, even though most of that time she had a boyfriend... they finally got married and looked pretty happy together.

 

But I've had more than one man think that I was "the one" for him, and I'm not with any of them now. I don't really believe in "love at first sight," I think it's more like "getting lucky" that it ended up working out after a good first impression. Personally I really enjoy it when it's unexpected... like you had no intentions of becoming romantic with a person but once you get to know them, it happens.

 

This sort of contradicts what you are saying and planning to do

 

You aren't in a situation where you have "no intentions of becoming romantic"... "but once you get to know them it happens"...

 

You are trying to force this by making excuses why the other person "can't" find a couple of minutes every few days to send a meaningful email (and what about an occasional phone call for 3-5 minutes when in port?).

 

You DEFINITELY "have intentions' of this "becoming romantic", when you aren't even certain he isn't married.

 

The real problem here is that you don't have a real opportunity to "get to know" him.

 

And then you are projecting all of your hopes and dreams on someone you hardly know, and someone who is being more than at bit hard to get.

[SeaButterfly]

No, it's not "impossible".

But the number of times this type of "thing" does NOT lead to anything long term swamps those times it does.

 

You are "fairly certain" he's not married?

You should be VERY certain, and if you are relying upon how his public Facebook is set up??? Really?

 

Finally, you aren't doing either of you any favors encouraging him to risk getting fired (and especially no favors to *him*).

 

IF this is "real" to *him*, then he WOULD FIND TIME TO EMAIL YOU.

If he was infatuated, then a few minutes each day or 2 or 3 to send a quick message is something he'd more likely be dying to do, rather than giving excuses about why he "didn't have any time"...

 

Find out when he is next off (he *does* know what his contract says!) and then meet him there.

If he can't "arrange that", you have your answer.

 

If he CAN "arrange that", then... well maybe you have found the love of your life.

But you will never know by waiting and waiting and not hearing much from him... and getting a run around about his contract.

 

Many people who travel a lot have "someone in every port" (or at least in one or more ports).

They are lonely. Why not?

What's "wrong" is if they mislead someone into thinking they are "available" when they are not.

--> But that happens right at home, in one's same city sometimes.

 

The warning signs are all there, given his reticency.

 

Well, without visiting his actual home or seeing legal documents, I don't know how one can be 100% sure. I'm viewing his private FB profile (I mean, if you mean public as in the one that everyone can see, and private as the one that friends can see) which says single and has no photos of any kind of wedding or wife.

 

I don't know about other ships, but I know the wifi on this ship seemed to crap out around 9am. I'd be jumping up and down with excitement if I managed to log in at all after that. Pretty sure the crew has the same wifi we did. When I asked him about the lack of contact he said even when they dock he also has to sometimes work on shore leading excursions. When he's on shore and finds wifi is when I hear from him. Many of the small towns they're docking at didn't have wifi, either. I think his mind is really on his work right now, and I'm happy when I do hear from him, but I also understand that his life is dramatically different from mine. He calls when he can, and I just have to trust him on that. I've been in a relationship before where my guy was so far off the edge of the earth that I just had to wait until he had a moment here and there to make use of the satellite phone, or I'd get an email from someone else saying "you won't hear from him for the next 10 days."... so I know there are jobs where communication with the outside world can be difficult. So I give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

[SeaButterfly]

This sort of contradicts what you are saying and planning to do

 

You aren't in a situation where you have "no intentions of becoming romantic"... "but once you get to know them it happens"...

 

You are trying to force this by making excuses why the other person "can't" find a couple of minutes every few days to send a meaningful email (and what about an occasional phone call for 3-5 minutes when in port?).

 

You DEFINITELY "have intentions' of this "becoming romantic", when you aren't even certain he isn't married.

 

The real problem here is that you don't have a real opportunity to "get to know" him.

 

And then you are projecting all of your hopes and dreams on someone you hardly know, and someone who is being more than at bit hard to get.

 

 

No, I mean when I met him, I wasn't thinking "oh, he's cute, I'm interested in him." It wasn't until we hung out a couple of times till that started happening.

 

Phone calls rely on wifi, so you have to find the wifi. It also depends on whether or not he's working while in port. I have no idea what his work schedule is.

 

I'm fairly certain he's not married. I can't say certain simply because there isn't a lot in life we can be 100% certain about, but I would be extremely surprised to find out he was married. Extremely. I don't want to share everything he's ever said because I want to protect his privacy, but I'm just saying it's highly unlikely.

 

We've had 2 20 minute phone calls. I'd love more, and he said he was going to try to call more often, but I'm guessing there are reasons he can't. Assuming the worst never does any good.

[BlueRiband]

I have no other posts because my first cruise was one month ago. :-/ Why would I ever post if I never went on a cruise? And why do I have to defend myself here? Seriously...

 

Passengers seem to be awake all night. At least my roommate was. I would have gladly given up the 11:30 entertainment if their poor performers could get a few extra hours of sleep (which I actually mentioned in my review of the ship when they asked for my opinion...). And entertainers also have to rehearse, so when do you think they do that?

 

The 8 hours together was on shore.

 

People are so cynical here.

 

Ah yes, a detailed response to each and every questioner that is made to make them seem clueless.

 

And your first posting topic is a soap opera that doesn't even quality as "ask a cruise question". It's surprising the moderators have let this thread stand but it does have entertainment value. It's been fun.

[PrettyGirl01]

I really hope you find what you are looking for. I think you have gotten all the advice you need from this thread. You really do need to be careful though. Put yourself first. Do not rely on social media for anything. Wherever it happens, I hope you do meet your soulmate and have many happy cruises together. :)

[SeaButterfly]

Ah yes, a detailed response to each and every questioner that is made to make them seem clueless.

 

And your first posting topic is a soap opera that doesn't even quality as "ask a cruise question". It's surprising the moderators have let this thread stand but it does have entertainment value. It's been fun.

 

Glad to be entertaining. I figured someone in a cruise forum would know more about policies regarding friends and family of crew on board, thought maybe someone here might have been in the situation at some point. Couldn't think of another forum that would be more suited to the question...

[BlueRiband]

Glad to be entertaining. I figured someone in a cruise forum would know more about policies regarding friends and family of crew on board, thought maybe someone here might have been in the situation at some point. Couldn't think of another forum that would be more suited to the question...

 

I still think you made it all up dear, but I do wish you well and happiness in your life as you choose to pursue it.

[SeaButterfly]

I really hope you find what you are looking for. I think you have gotten all the advice you need from this thread. You really do need to be careful though. Put yourself first. Do not rely on social media for anything. Wherever it happens, I hope you do meet your soulmate and have many happy cruises together. :)

 

Yes, probably got all I'm going to get, here. The options seem limited (as much as I enjoyed the cruise, there is nothing about the way they treat their employees that I am happy with) but we'll see what happens. I have a lot to keep me busy in the next few months anyway.

 

Is there any kind of list or directory of ships that treat their employees well? Everything I've heard from people working on this particular ship, and everything I've stumbled across online basically makes it sound like they're treated like slaves, or robots. Denied time to eat sometimes, made to work almost nonstop, and this whole relationship thing.... I don't even know how much they're paid. But I don't really want to support this kind of treatment.

[SeaButterfly]

I still think you made it all up dear, but I do wish you well and happiness in your life as you choose to pursue it.

 

What do you want, photos of us in front of the boat together? I've got that, but I'm not going to share it for obvious reasons... anyway doesn't matter.... thanks.