Like Romeo and Juliet

[SeaButterfly]

Somewhat.

I recently went on my first (transatlantic) cruise and ended up falling for a crew member. It's mutual but obviously we couldn't spend much time "alone" together (we were never alone, best we could get was a conversation in the coffee bar). We had a little time on shore when I disembarked, and then this week I flew to a port where I knew they had an overnight, so we got a few hours actually alone. But this is an expensive way to date. I'm wondering if crew members can request any kind of special exemption and permission to visit family/friends/significant others if they board the cruise as a passenger. Or do I have to keep gambling that he will be allowed off the boat (this week he was allowed one day but not the next) and spend hundreds of dollars for a few hours together? I would appreciate any advice. If he had any free time at all, and good wifi, I would be content with sky ping and emailing but they run these guys into the ground and he's rarely connected to the Internet. The wifi on the cruise was REALLY bad, by the way.

So that's my question... Is it possible for him to get permission to enter my cabin if I take another cruise? Thanks

[cb at sea]

I wouldn't think so, unless or until you get married! You could get him fired!

[Clarea]

... So that's my question... Is it possible for him to get permission to enter my cabin if I take another cruise? Thanks

I'd be very careful, on RC that is grounds for immediate termination.

Edited July 6, 2016 by clarea

[navybankerteacher]

I suppose it is possible to become profoundly enamoured on the basis of a few minutes in a coffee bar ... anyway, most cruise lines have clear and strict rules against fraternization.

 

Since OP said she would "...appreciate any advice.", I would suggest find someone else.

[calliopecruiser]

That's a sure way to get him fired.

[SeaButterfly]

It wasn't just a few minutes in the coffee bar. It was a few hours every day while he was working, then a few hours at one of the "clubs" and the coffee bar, and now about 8 or so hours on our own.

 

I don't think the advice "find someone else" is a reasonable thing to ask of someone. How many of you are married? If you had just been told to "find someone else" when you met your spouse, where do you think you'd be today? I'm pretty familiar with dating by now and know how near impossible it is to find a like-minded person in the world. This isn't like shopping for a decent television or something. It's having a connection with someone that you don't have with 99.9% of the world's population, and realizing how rare and important it is.

 

People working on cruises MUST have relationships. I can't believe they would go months and years on end without interacting with their significant others, or be denied a fundamental experience in life. It's what every single person (almost) in the world values the most in their life. Finding a special person to share it with.

 

So fine. Screw it. I'll spend all my money flying back and forth to Sweden and Russia. People here don't really believe in love, I guess. It's just money.

[Langley Cruisers]

So fine. Screw it. I'll spend all my money flying back and forth to Sweden and Russia. People here don't really believe in love, I guess. It's just money.

 

Welcome.

 

So you didn't get the answer you had hoped for here. You asked a specific question, and members answered. You didn't like the answer (which was absolutely "No"), and now you're upset. Do you see that?

 

I understand infatuation and those first few meetings, getting to know each other is exciting. But I feel you need to realize that crew members meet people every single week. Did he indicate that he wanted an ongoing, permanent, monogamous relationship?

 

Before you dismiss me and anyone else here, I hope you'll ask yourself the hard questions. ;)

 

Take care.

.

[Wheatie59]

People working on cruises MUST have relationships. I can't believe they would go months and years on end without interacting with their significant others, or be denied a fundamental experience in life. It's what every single person (almost) in the world values the most in their life. Finding a special person to share it with.

 

Cruise worker contracts are not for "years on end". They're for some number of months, typically six to nine from what I've read. And yes they do leave their family and significant others for those months. That's hardly a situation limited to cruise ship crews. Lots of jobs require people to be away from their loved ones for long stretches.

 

According to the leader on the "Behind The Fun" tour on a carnival ship (the HR person on board), it is possible for married couples to have contracts on the same ship and they will be given a cabin together. Rare, but possible. Any fraternization between crew and passengers is strictly forbidden. Being caught in a passenger's cabin is almost certainly a recipe for getting put off the ship at the next port and having to find your way home at your own expense.

[LHT28]

this sort of romance happens often on the ships

 

 

I would ask him what is rules are for getting time off or spending time with you when off duty

They have this spelled out quite clearly in their contracts

[SeaButterfly]

Then why would I have read elsewhere online that they can?

 

"Sometimes crew members when they have friends and family aboard the ship as passengers may obtain authorization to be present in passenger areas, but it is limited to the dates to which their friends and family are on board the ship."

http://crew-center.com/six-rules-crew-members-need-follow

 

I'm trying to get more details about this so that he can ask the appropriate person if he wants. We haven't discussed it yet, but I only hear from him once a week or so, and I want to be proactive. He might not be aware of this possibility.

 

We asked ourselves what we should do, but we don't have a solution. We both know that me following the ship around is impractical and unaffordable. And he hasn't yet decided on what he's doing (or where) when his contract ends (which would leave him on another continent). We haven't pledged ourselves to one another in this uncertain situation, but we do want to see each other again.

 

It's a huge gamble to use up all my savings just trying to get to know someone, which is why I'm seeking all possible alternatives so that in case we decide that it won't work out, I won't be broke. I've never flown anywhere for anyone before, I always have left that to the men. ;-) But this is an extraordinary situation where I have to be the one to travel. I'm in my 30's, meeting all sorts of dull men with whom I have nothing in common, so when I find someone I can actually talk to... I'm not going to just throw it away.

[Langley Cruisers]

Well, this is line-specific. Whether you are talking about Carnival or Norwegian or Royal - whomever - you need to explore this with him and his employer. Actually, he needs to explore this. It's his job and his future on the line with this employer.

[LHT28]

Then why would I have read elsewhere online that they can?

 

"Sometimes crew members when they have friends and family aboard the ship as passengers may obtain authorization to be present in passenger areas, but it is limited to the dates to which their friends and family are on board the ship."

http://crew-center.com/six-rules-crew-members-need-follow

 

well you have the answer get him to ask his supervisor about having you onboard as a guest

I believe they can get a discounted rate for friends & family

 

You may want to continue the email relationship until the end of his contract then he can decide if he wants to meet up & spend time with you

I suspect that will not happen

 

You asked on a public message forum for advice so you will get all sorts of answers

 

 

Following him around the Country for a few hrs in port is not the way IMO

Edited July 6, 2016 by LHT28

[SeaButterfly]

Well, this is line-specific. Whether you are talking about Carnival or Norwegian or Royal - whomever - you need to explore this with him and his employer. Actually, he needs to explore this. It's his job and his future on the line with this employer.

 

Next time we speak, I want to bring it up to him, but I want to have as much information as I can. I've been googling a lot today (I'm sitting at the airport...) and am also wondering if a crew member can invite someone on as their guest, maybe even buy their ticket, and have permission to see them... I'll suggest everything I can to him. I know in the end he's the one who has to talk to someone and get permission, but I think we need to know what to ask for.

 

It would be nice, really... I started really wanting to see St. Petersburg, and it seems so much easier to do it from a cruise ship (no $200 visa process, no hotels, no potential trouble at the airport...)... and the fjords of Norway. His photos are gorgeous.

[SeaButterfly]

well you have the answer get him to ask his supervisor about having you onboard as a guest

I believe they can get a discounted rate for friends & family

 

You may want to continue the email relationship until the end of his contract then he can decide if he wants to meet up & spend time with you

I suspect that will not happen

 

You asked on a public message forum for advice so you will get all sorts of answers

 

 

Following him around the Country for a few hrs in port is not the way IMO

 

 

Ohh discounted would be nice. I will note that. See, I'm learning things here. :-) Getting more specific. I can see if he's allowed to invite me on as a guest (and maybe discounted).

 

We don't even email. We whatsapp, with a few texts each week and a call maybe every 2 weeks. I would love some email, but he hardly has time for sleep.

 

I'd like to see him at least a little more before they head back across the ocean, but we'll see... I don't mind spending some of my winter in South America though. lol

[Langley Cruisers]

... I started really wanting to see St. Petersburg, and it seems so much easier to do it from a cruise ship (no $200 visa process, no hotels, no potential trouble at the airport...)...

 

If you plan to get off the ship in St. Petersburg, you will need a visa. Usually people book either private tours or ship tours and the visa process is included in that. But you should know that you can't just get off the ship and look around without a visa. You might want to look into that.

[PrettyGirl01]

For me love is about being with the person every day, going to bed next to them and waking up next to them, not just seeing them intermittently. Maybe it's just me, but that is my opinion. Yes I am married.

[CapeCodCruiser]

FYI - My DH and I met in a bar, I moved in with him 7 days later. We celebrate 32 years this December. Sometimes it just clicks. So ignore the nay sayers.

 

Hopefully he is also looking into what is allowed with his cruise line. They should be able to guide him best to keep his position secure.

 

Bear in mind - the flexing & giving need to come from both sides - if you find yourself putting forth all of the effort - step back & re-evaluate.

 

I hope you both can find some reasonable options - good luck!

[Keith1010]

He would have to answer the question if he would be allowed to visit your room.

 

My guess is no but I don't work for a cruise line.

 

Keith

[brunello22]

He (the crew member) absolutely needs to find out what is and is not permitted. He should seek this information from his supervisor or HR Manager.

 

The policy may vary between cruise lines and I can only speak of personal experience on one cruise line in particular (from a number of years ago). A staff member, 3-stripes and above, was permitted to "sign-on" a non-crew member (friend/family/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, etc.) into his/her own crew cabin, at a deeply discounted rate, usually the rate that the crew member would pay if he/she were to sail as a guest. This was contingent upon the approval of the HR Manager. I am not sure what the policy is for crew members, below 3 stripes.

 

The staff/crew member would need to get permission from his/her supervisor or HR Manager to be permitted in guest areas, with his/her guest. If off-duty, the staff/crew member may be permitted to not wear his/her uniform, but he/she may still be required to wear his/her name tag when in guest areas.

 

As far as the staff crew member visiting a guest's room ... no.

Edited July 6, 2016 by brunello22

[Shmoo here]

Then why would I have read elsewhere online that they can?

 

"Sometimes crew members when they have friends and family aboard the ship as passengers may obtain authorization to be present in passenger areas, but it is limited to the dates to which their friends and family are on board the ship."

http://crew-center.com/six-rules-crew-members-need-follow

 

...

 

I'm fairly certain that only means that a crew member can be present with their family/friends onboard for things like having a meal (lunch/dinner), or just some conversation time or some similar occupation. Not dating (and whatever activities that may lead to).

 

"passenger areas" does not refer to a passenger's stateroom, only the public areas.

[Beachdude]

Sounds like some very expensive dates in your future.

 

Burt

[Scrapnana]

Eventually his contract will be up and he will have a few months off. You could make plans to meet during that time and spend an uninterrupted period of quality time together. In the meantime you could make do with e-mail and get to know him better that way.

[Shmoo here]

Eventually his contract will be up and he will have a few months off. You could make plans to meet during that time and spend an uninterrupted period of quality time together. In the meantime you could make do with e-mail and get to know him better that way.

 

Sounds like the best plan.

[PrettyGirl01]

There is a book out about a man who became a waiter on Carnival just to be with his girlfriend. But then you are both working so much there is little time to socialise....

[rose6]

It would seem from the information you have shared with us, that you are far more interested in pursuing this relationship than the young man is currently. He knows how to contact you, and if he is seriously interested he will find the time and make the effort. Be kind to yourself and your savings account. You might not be happy in six months time if you find that your affection has not been returned and you have spent your savings. I hope that one day, you will find a compatible partner, preferably one who likes to cruise with you.