Cruisers & Losers Breakaway Part 1

[babs135]

Loving this thread. It's a great way to start the day. :D

[thistimeplease]

I love it, OP leaves his seat for 20 minutes and is shocked that someone sat there. So far haven't seen where NCL has done anything to upset this OP. OP chose to cruise during hurricane season, chose to book 1 room for 5 people and a scooter. Complained about dining room, buffet and atrium. Can't wait to read more.

[luv2cruise523]

I've sailed Carnival, Princess, Royal, and most recently Celebrity. I've considered Norwegian, but have heard mostly bad things about them.

 

Sorry your cruise got off to such a poor start.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

 

I would like to encourage you to try it for yourself. I have sailed on most of the mainstream lines and was unsure after reading so many negative reviews. We booked them anyway and found MOST of the negativity unfounded.

 

You have to remember, personalities have a lot of influence on our experiences.

[Sizzlechest]

I wonder how many people in this thread think Jonathan Swift's, "A Modest Proposal" is a cookbook? That wooshing sound over your heads? That's the joke flying past.

[jints07]

I wonder how many people in this thread think Jonathan Swift's, "A Modest Proposal" is a cookbook? That wooshing sound over your heads? That's the joke flying past.

 

Haha, exactly. I'm almost more amused by some of the reactions than the actual trip report.

[Gregor4500]

After sharing my secret for Atrium chair acquisition, it pains to take this review along a darker path...

 

My wife and I decided to splurge and take the children to see the "Cirque Dreams Jungle Fantasy" dinner show. We had high hopes upon entry, all seemed on the level. The decor was dark and mysterious, much like a gentleman's club which I like to frequent in Providence. As they brought out the appetizers I felt a childlike excitement that I could readily see reflected upon the faces of the other patrons. However, it soon became apparent that eating and watching would prove a momentous challenge, how naive i was, for this would be the least of my trials that evening.

 

The appetizer was forgettable, but adequate to arouse the appetite for the entree of shrimp and overcooked fillet. The seats were oriented sideways requiring the viewer to strain their neck to see the performers.

The cirque performers were quite talented, all save one...the unicorn.

It began as soon as the lights lowered, masked performers rushed out from the darkness through the tightly packed tables. They were dressed as the Jungle creatures we all know and love. A giraffe, a lion and the like. One however wore a large horned horses head and galloped about ludicrously. The unicorn. He continued about and then suddenly stopped his prance to turn sharply and face me. Though he did not speak, his body language told me that he had chosen his victim for this evening, and so the game began.

Through out the performance he would move about, darting in and out of the shadows like some horrid mystical nightmare, only to appear horn first in my peripheral field, taunting before slipping back into the darkness with a menacing neighing cry. I felt humiliated as the unicorn continued to target me much to the amusement of the crowd including my family. At last the performance ended and I made my way to the door, but not before seeing the horned performer waving to me while his cronies laughed. That night my dreams were troubled.

 

You're a funny guy . . .

[pathubia]

OMG, this is good!!

[newmexicoNita]

Why would you want to have a beer with a grumpy old sourpuss that hates the Washy, Washy, Happy, Happy, Filipino Lady?

hit the nail on the head!

[biker@sea]

This trick is rather obvious to the savvy observer. If you chose to purchase the drink package (and considering the inebriated state of many of my fellow cruisers, many of you did), do the following three step method I refer to quite cleverly as Atrium Seat Security, I'll leave you to work out an appropriate acronym.

 

1) purchase an important looking drink (one that is either frozen, garnished with celery or fanciest of all, a baby gherkin)

2) Place the drink in a prominent location either beside the seat on a table or right before the left or right forward leg.

3) place an item such as a stateroom pillow or daily upon the seat proper.

 

Some times I would use this method to secure several seats at one time so as to have prime choices while viewing the evening film, deal or no deal or the stirring performances of Dan Dan.

 

Have you not tried the fake rubber vomit on the seat of your choice thing?? :rolleyes:

 

 

.

[optimusprime82]

Was on the same cruise, still working on my review but I had a few thoughts based on the OP's review so far.

 

1. I never realized the women or men near the entrances to the buffet area were there to give you hand sanitizer. They were never once pushy with me, they would occasionally smile at me but I don't recall them ever saying anything other than "Hello." Sometimes I would use the self-serve sanitizer station, sometimes I wouldn't. I'm not crazy about touching things that have touched by thousands of cruisers including "jam hand" children so I do wash my hands often just out of habit for disliking the hygiene habits of most of society.

 

2. The buffet is not my preferred method of dining. Some of the food is good, the people watching is both horrifying and amusing, but it's the glutenous attitude of it that bothers me. Far too many people just pile the food on their plate never asking themselves if they'll eat everything, or close to everything on their plate. Nor do they seem aware that they can go back up for seconds, thirds or fourths. I'm a heavier guy, I'm sure people see me at the buffet and they assume I'm going to "Homer Simpson" that entire area but I try to minimize the food I may end up throwing away. Sometimes you'll be adventurous and try something you end up not wanting to finish but I see way too many full plates of food just being left for the servers to clean up.

 

At the buffet I'd also like to see more parents watching their children. Not only do they cut in front of you with little regard to what's going on around them but far too many of them feel the need to "finger" the food, especially the desserts, and then just walk away. I stopped taking food that was within reaching distance of the kids and started taking food from the back of the station.

 

3. I wasn't expecting to like the Cirque show but it was one of bigger surprises of the cruise. I thought the food was descent, not fantastic, but it is a dinner show so my expectations were lowered somewhat. I didn't find the seating arrangement diminished my enjoyment of the show. The thing I struggled with the most was my juvenile sense of humor mixed with form fitting outfits and a lot of face to crotch interaction.

 

The Cirque show was also where an old man decided to back up his scooter without looking behind. He proceeded to hit me with enough speed that his scooter was stuck on top of my foot. He wasn't even aware he had hit me, he looked around when his family started freaking out and asked, "Did I hit something?" I didn't make a scene, accidents happen but a lot of people on those scooters shouldn't be driving at all, scooter or car. I proceeded to lift him and the scooter off my foot, luckily no damage was done to my shoe but there was a little blood in my sock and some skin missing. Sort of sad when the shoe handles a scooter accident better than human skin.

 

4. I'm not a smoker, nor I am I a heavy drinker and we didn't run into nearly as many problems as the OP did. Did I notice a faint smell of tobacco occasionally? Yes. Did it bother me? Not really. Same thing with the drinking. One day on the ship I had six cocktails, a large amount for me but I never saw anyone falling down drunk or being anymore disruptive than being a little bit louder they what was necessary.

[NH Cruisers]

Fineaswine is obviously a good writer. This stuff is like satire or a parody.

 

1. He is sharing a small room with his wife and 3 kids, he is so large he needs a scooter to get around. Possible? of course, just it seems someone would try to talk him into a handicap room. No clearance issues in them.

 

2. Making fun of the "Washy, Washy" girls we have all come to see as the norm.

 

3. A "smug" senior in his big plush seat? Most of the folks in scooters just stay in them.

 

4. The "unicorn" episode is just to funny. like something out of a "King of Queen" or "Seinfeld" episode.

 

5. And oh yeah... Most folks complain that the service in the restaurants like "Savour" are to slow and not hurried with too much food.

 

I am just enjoying the story. I too will be visiting the Johnson of the U.S. on the Oct. 30th Breakaway sailing. I am excited and hey, if my cruise gets diverted to Bermuda... I guess I will live with it and deal with visiting ONLY one port, and on the PRISON side of Bermuda to boot!

 

Jon

[MICHLEV1974]

hilarious! following this one :) cannot wait for the next segment of the review.

[takeadip]

After sharing my secret for Atrium chair acquisition, it pains to take this review along a darker path...

 

My wife and I decided to splurge and take the children to see the "Cirque Dreams Jungle Fantasy" dinner show. We had high hopes upon entry, all seemed on the level. The decor was dark and mysterious, much like a gentleman's club which I like to frequent in Providence. As they brought out the appetizers I felt a childlike excitement that I could readily see reflected upon the faces of the other patrons. However, it soon became apparent that eating and watching would prove a momentous challenge, how naive i was, for this would be the least of my trials that evening.

 

The appetizer was forgettable, but adequate to arouse the appetite for the entree of shrimp and overcooked fillet. The seats were oriented sideways requiring the viewer to strain their neck to see the performers.

The cirque performers were quite talented, all save one...the unicorn.

It began as soon as the lights lowered, masked performers rushed out from the darkness through the tightly packed tables. They were dressed as the Jungle creatures we all know and love. A giraffe, a lion and the like. One however wore a large horned horses head and galloped about ludicrously. The unicorn. He continued about and then suddenly stopped his prance to turn sharply and face me. Though he did not speak, his body language told me that he had chosen his victim for this evening, and so the game began.

Through out the performance he would move about, darting in and out of the shadows like some horrid mystical nightmare, only to appear horn first in my peripheral field, taunting before slipping back into the darkness with a menacing neighing cry. I felt humiliated as the unicorn continued to target me much to the amusement of the crowd including my family. At last the performance ended and I made my way to the door, but not before seeing the horned performer waving to me while his cronies laughed. That night my dreams were troubled.

 

2 words. Comic Gold. i dont even know you and yet i already want to sit with you and have a bit of a chat whilst we lament about the days of yesteryear and how the world sometimes feels stacked against you. You sir are a word assassin and i hope you write more. You have a dry subtle way about your view of the world that i found myself going back and rereading past passages finding the occasional nugget that makes me reflect inward as i transport myself firmly into your Dr Scholls.

 

well done sir. well done.

 

Best,

Mark

[mabones]

What?? The Pink Building we can see from 95? haha Enjoying your review!

[Até]

There's a good chance OP was on the cruise. Did all this happen, probably not. It's just a negative review in satirical form. I'm not sure yet if he is the cruiser or the loser, but it is funny at times.

[rocklinmom]

Keep it up Fineaswine! This is freakin' hilarious.

[$hip$hape]

But seriously, as anyone who has seen the Atrium on Breakaway knows, they need to have a better seating plan,

there are precious few seats and they choose to hold all the popular activities there when they should be held in the theater where there are ENOUGH SEATS!!

 

 

 

WE saw a senior couple who got to an Atrium show very early, and snagged front row seats... then nodded and slept though the entertainment.:p

[optimusprime82]

WE saw a senior couple who got to an Atrium show very early, and snagged front row seats... then nodded and slept though the entertainment.:p

 

I saw an older couple in scooters sleeping during one of the Atrium shows as well.

[Fineaswine]

Day 3 Breakfast: Upon awakening the third day, I made a promise to myself that despite the earlier set backs I would endeavor to enjoy the rest of my trip. It was a fool decision on my part to begin this fresh attempt within the very heart of chaos...the Garden Cafe.

After spending several minutes waiting for an elevator, we made our way to deck 15. The air was still crisp with a northern bite and the sun had not yet seen it fit to reveal its golden glow. It was about 9:18 am as I arrived at the Garden Cafe, rolling to the rear of an unruly mob. There were many parents with a look of day three discontent etched upon their faces. Their children ran about wildly, nearly toppling others who sought to balance two or sometimes three plates, stacked high with complementary offerings. These young savages reached in a fructose induced frenzy for pastries, cereals and to my utter revulsion bacon with bare grubby hands. In addition it was neigh impossible to find a table for 5 even so late in the breakfast hour.

We ate what we could find as no matter how quickly the Norwegian team worked to replenish the stations, nothing it would seem could match the ravenous appetites of the passengers. I was none too disappointed though, for I quickly lost my appetite at the site of one child systematically slapping a syrupy hand over the eggs Benedict, the apple cinnamon buns and the beautifully decorated salmon mousse. How many stations were contaminated I cannot say, I simply rolled to our table jaded by what i had just witnessed, vowing to take a late morning meal at O'Sheehans where the menu'd items would be far from the reach of sticky hands.

 

Day 3 O'Sheehans: After the breakfast debacle my wife attended the "Joint Pain and Acupuncture" demonstration and I set off for O'Sheehans. I had not yet been, but had read many reviews on these very forums about the amazing quality of the chicken wings and of Nathans famous hot dogs. I was especially intrigued by Nathan's as I have eaten my fair share of sausages over the years and It would take quite an impressive wiener to grab my attention. I rolled up to the reception desk and despite the mob in the Garden Cafe there were still three or four people in line ahead of me!!! I started a timer on my casio as I had planned to gather as much information to review on these forums as possible upon my return. I waited patiently to be met by the hostess approximately 2 minutes and 46 agonizing seconds! By the time I was greeted, breakfast had changed into lunch. The hostess, smiled and asked me if I would be dining alone which, as I was alone, should have been quite evident. At long last I was shown to a table that couldn't have been more than three by three. My elbows stuck out beyond the borders and every so often I would catch a table of entourage teenagers snickering and mocking my situation. I ordered from the menu 1 cony island, 1 Chicago style and 1 brat hot dog. I also ordered 2 half dozen or one whole dozen orders each of the barbecue and tai chili wings. I also ordered the Sheppards pie, a house burger and the banger's and mash. I also ordered two orders of the brownie cheese cake as i anticipated joy in eating it, though short lived, it was most certainly there. The wings were flavorful, but messy. I noted the absence of lemon scented wet naps with my order. The burger was quite tasty and done to order, the Sheppard's pie wasn't bad, but nothing of note, and the short stubby sausages in the banger's and mash weren't big enough to fill me. However, Nathan's famous hot dogs indeed lived up to their name. Each of the three wieners were sufficiently long and of appreciable girth. Each was slathered with an assortment of sauces and toppings. My mouth watered as I looked upon the three wieners before me, I hungrily stuffed each in my mouth. All three were so satisfying that I can not choose a favorite, this my dear readers I will leave for each of you to decide for yourself. Full and beginning to forget the experience at the Garden Cafe, I went toward the Atrium where I would find a comfy chair to sleep in. I set my watch alarm to alert me at precisely 2:23 pm that I may have time to prepare to enjoy Deal or No Deal.

 

(to be continued)

Edited October 20, 2016 by Fineaswine

[cincicruisers]

Awesome, more please...

[KatEnz]

Hilarious.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

[suesings]

Awesome, more please...

 

DITTO!! I now have my husband (who has never been on Cruise Critics) eager to hear your next entry....

 

I literally was crying reading your first 3 days of entries to him. Now he is intrigued as well!!

 

Keep it coming..........

[jpcdds6]

If memory serves, in my experiences at O'Sheehan's, to order that much food it would take around 2 hours and fifteen minutes before everything arrived. And that's a conservative estimate.

Edited October 20, 2016 by jpcdds6

[coka]

Oh my oh my! I have tears of laughter rolling down my face! It has been too long since that has happened! I love your writing style and I so look forward to more of the review! Having sailed the Breakaway 3X and having been the free beverage package line cutting drunk passenger myself, it is soooo interesting to read about it through a sober family man's point of view! ROFLOL!

 

coka:D:D:D

[Fineaswine]

Day 3 Deal or No Deal: Deal or No Deal was difficult to follow in my carb induced stupor. I fell in and out of consciousness throughout, awoken from my dozing by the sound of angry outburst coming from the general direction of the Service desk. It seemed that several cruisers were seeking answers as to why we were not continuing on as planned. My interest was piqued so I pulled myself out of my current Atrium chair and scooted toward another that i so cleverly secured through my Atrium Seat Security technique (for more information on this, please refer to my above entries). One woman asked why she wasn't informed before boarding the ship that we would not port in Bermuda? The service rep working the desk smiled widely, I dare say it did not seem genuine. Soon others began to line up and the chatter grew to shouts edged with emphasizing expletives put in place for good measure. As I watched on a thought occurred; was it just a coincidence that Guest Services was placed so close to the Atrium? Was its location within arguably the loudest section of the ship a tactic for dissuading passengers from exercising their god given right to voice their grievances due to the annoyance of being drowned out by the ambiance....I wondered. As I continued to look on, one particularly agitated elderly man clothed ironically in a pair of Bermuda shorts, vowed to suggest to everyone he could that upon arriving home they should immediately call and demand compensation. The rep listened intently to the mans concerns and upon completion nodded and said "okay." I considered lodging my own complaint with corporate once debarked. I will not say whether or not I did, nor if doing so gained me an obscenely discounted tenancy within a glorious Haven Suite, as this review is not written to sway opinion in either directions on this subject! I then returned to my former seat which was secured just as I had left it, flanked by a frosty Pina Colada and occupied by a daily and cozy. Deal or No Deal was coming to a conclusion, but as the game was as common an occurrence on the ship as disappointment, I knew, just as with the later mentioned, that there would be many, many opportunities to see it again.

Edited October 21, 2016 by Fineaswine