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Cruisers & Losers Breakaway Part 1

Fineaswine

By Fineaswine,
in Norwegian Cruise Line

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Hoosier1439

Hoosier1439

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Just got off of the Oct 16 Breakaway and have to say: my DW and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE! There were a few imperfect moments but we had the time of our lives and are now suffering post cruise depression. Happy that we got buy one get one free future cruise deposits!

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Fineaswine

Fineaswine

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Day 5 Nassau Part Deux: Before beginning my families harrowing tale of a self guided excursion to the island of Nassau, I must take a step back and speak first and briefly of the Breakaways port informative power point presentation put on by one of the members of the Excursions desk. This presentation took place before we arrived at Cape Canaveral. I failed to mention it then, as the information pertaining to our stop in Cape Canaveral was merely a corporate regurgitation of exciting commercials depicting the ecstatic faces of families visiting Disney attractions and Universal theme park rides. A level of euphoria which we, in our rushed state, would not likely achieve. Though dripping of shameless commercialism, these videos were at least present. The information on Nassau, seemed more like a veiled warning. We were told things by the attending Excursion rep such as "If you get into a cab, be very very specific about the exact price you are willing to pay" and "I have heard people saying that Nassau is a dangerous place, this is not so." but than soon following with. "Be sure to stay together." and "Try to be back to the ship before sun down." The rep went on to say that there was a local beach that was in walking distance of the ship. He pointed it out to us on a map, a beach called Junkanoo...JUNKanoo. Seriously!? I don't know what the definition is for the word Junkanoo in Nassauese, but in American English, it sounded like a poor attempt at humor! When I realized that he was indeed serious, I stood up and took one of the available maps and walked back to my scooter waiting outside the Breakaway theater entrance. From there, I went to the Atrium to select one of my several reserved luxury chairs in which to ruminate darkly on the changed itinerary. (For more information on how to secure your very own luxury seat for dark brooding, please see my earlier posts).

 

Nassau Market Place: We entered the debarking line and were soon in the tropical climes of Nassau, which too were under the pinning thumb of a cloudy sky. Between the Dockyard and the beach, was an unavoidable stretch of small booths and shacks. The Nassau Market had many bobbles and trinkets as well as many people willing to take group photos or braid hair for a price. Now, there is nothing wrong with entrepreneurial zeal, however, it got to be a bit much and a bit unsettling. Braid hair for a pittance, yes, but when a large man comes to the edge of a side walk which, by the way, none in Nassau seem handy accessible. It is a bit exploitative to charge that man 5 dollars to life him out of the street!! The young man who offered said his name was Jeffrey and when I waved him off and continued on, he said, with a sinister edge I must add "I'll be here" and he was, every step of the way. After I narrowly avoided an oncoming van for the second time, I relented and paid up. Jeffrey lifted the front end of my scooter onto the the side walk, but had trouble with the rear wheels. He called over another young man, but told me he too would need 5 dollars. Exasperated and wanting simply to get on with my six hours or sunset, whichever came first, excursion I doled out another yet another Lincoln. The other young man aided Jeffrey, but though they managed to lift the back wheels, the two of them couldn't quite get me over the curb. Another 5 dollars later, three locals managed to raise me out of traffic. I rolled onward as fast as the small motor could carry me. My family had moved ahead. I don't think they even noted my absence. The streets of Nassau were filed with trash bags and many hazards such as rushed open metal plates on the side walks, toppled street lights barely marked by caution tape, and treacherous puddles. I rolled on and soon caught up to the family. There, about 40 feet away I saw the sign for "Junkanoo Beach" I sighed relief in at last reaching a point of rest. The blue waters of the Caribbean would, I had hoped, prove to be a pleasant and rejuvenating oasis in a desert waste...but rather, it would prove to be no more than a tormenting illusion.

 

(To be continued)

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L1211 "Live from...." Rare

L1211

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Oh where oh where is fine as wine. It is now my nightly routine, I so look forward to his review. I will be sad to see day 8 :(

 

Right? I find myself hoping it turns out to be a B2B! Can't get enough! Honestly, I find myself laughing at myself in much of his writing... What a good reminder to just roll with it.

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Swells1

Swells1

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As a creative writing exercise this is fun to follow. As an actual review of the trip it is a failure.

 

I'll be back tomorrow to check the next episode. ;)

 

Right? It's like a train wreck. Try as I might, I just can't look away.

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Peachypooh Great Review Rare

Peachypooh

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I realize that the Bahamas was an itinerary change from Bermuda. Near as I can remember in the three times I have been to Bermuda I don't think people in scooters had problems navigating the port. When the itinerary was changed to Bahamas I think it would have been nice of NCL to inform people of the problems they might encounter with a scooter when they were doing the other travel warning. Not nice at all.

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ColeThornton Holiday Sharing Rare

ColeThornton

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I realize that the Bahamas was an itinerary change from Bermuda. Near as I can remember in the three times I have been to Bermuda I don't think people in scooters had problems navigating the port. When the itinerary was changed to Bahamas I think it would have been nice of NCL to inform people of the problems they might encounter with a scooter when they were doing the other travel warning. Not nice at all.

 

 

I'm pretty sure that people who have mobility issues can figure that out for themselves without NCL having to put it in writing.

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L1211 "Live from...." Rare

L1211

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I'm pretty sure that people who have mobility issues can figure that out for themselves without NCL having to put it in writing.

 

Yes, but difficult to do advance research when you don't know you are going to the Bahamas...

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Fineaswine

Fineaswine

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Day 5 Junkanoo Beach: Jankanoo beach, a place that surely would live up to its name. As we neared the edge of the cracked side walk, narrowly avoiding a toppled post, we were immediately set upon by several local "merchants." These individuals drew our attention by saying "Norwegian over here." For the briefest of moments I wondered if they were employed by the ship, but the Budweiser t-shirt and flip flop combo quickly dissolved that notion.

 

The first sales pitch was that beach chairs and two drinks would be provided for one fat Lincoln! I was fresh out of Lincolns from my last exchange and was unwilling to part with his larger brothers. We moved past doing the universal blow off wave as we did. No sooner than we moved by the first man, did a second appear and tell us that for five dollars, he could secure a prime section of beach! Again, I displayed the sign of disinterest and moved a bit further up the shoreline. I could see that there was a small bar accessible (well, not handi accessible of course) from the beach, not unexpected. What did surprise me was a shack with the word "Massage" Painted on its side. It brought to mind Lucy's "Psychiatric Help" booth in the Peanuts comic strips. No doubt the big man running it had equally dubious credentials. Though I did consider taking my chances, as surely it would be my best chance on shore for a happy ending.

 

Instead though, we rolled out the towels and settled in to make the best of things once more. I put on my spf and goggles, should the sun make a guest appearance, and laid back. The children first began to play in the sand as it was like powder which, as we had not until this point been to a beach outside of RI, boggled their childish minds. That is until they found a disturbing remnant of death. I heard the scream and leaped up, looking for its source. It would seem the children had dug up what looked like bones of some medium sized bird or small sized land beast. It was difficult to tell which, as the remains were desiccated and frail. After a few minutes of deep breathing and the removal of the body, the day went on. It wasn't long before we all decided to test the waters so to speak. He grabbed our snorkels and set off. I stepped in first, putting all my weight on my leading foot into the cloudy water. I let out an audible cry as I felt the jagged sharpness of the shore bed. Reaching down I sifted through the murk and pulled up a handful of tiny pieces. I'm not sure whether they were coral or strangely formed stones, nor do I care. Fortunately we brought our water shoes as well, we fitted them and then waded into the waves. The water was naturally warm as opposed to the questionable warmth of a pool. We floated and splashed forcefully as the striking of the water was somehow cathartic, and under five dollars. We remained at Junkanoo until the sun grew dangerously low on the horizon, at which point we got out and went to find our belongings which were still where we left them, bonus.

 

Drying off we were soon back on our way to the ship. I rolled along the side walk and was met with a previously unheard of and unimaginable product. A Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robins served Rum cake! My mind spun with the implications. If Nassau has a rum cake at its Dunkins, than who knows what other yet to be explored Dunkin items lay scattered about the globe. Dunkin sashimi in Japan perhaps? Dunkin pickled herring in Sweden? Oh the possibilities, however as the suggestion to make it on board before the darkness fell was at the forefront of my thoughts, I sadly had to pass up the rum cake...rum cake...like the rum cake at the Naval Dockyards in Bermuda...I grumbled and put my foot to the peddle, pushing the scooter to a near 4 mph and watched in my side mirror as Junkanoo beach slowly, slowly faded into memory. I soon reached the end of the side walk, so filled with the brief spike in anger provoked adrenaline I decided I would just keep going...

 

I will not say here how much it cost to have Jeffrey and his associates right my scooter, suffice it to say I did not have enough left that day to leave Nassau with braids.

 

(to be continued)

Edited by Fineaswine
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peach section

peach section

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Dear Op,

 

you have made my whole week with your lovely thread. Brilliant!

 

I don't know how many times I have laughed aloud with tears in my eyes, since I have settled in with your review.

 

Bless you for your humor! I hope to meet you one day. Enjoy future adventures ... and I hope to see more reviews from you.

 

p.s. I was with family on a cruise that diverted in August - since Hurricane Earl called "dibs" on Belize and Roatan, so - hello, Nassau! Yes, Junkanoo Beach for us, too! Loving your narration!

Edited by peach section
added p.s.
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blackwing Great Review Rare

blackwing

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This is what's wrong with America....too many people have zero sense of humor any longer....sigh....I am sure he/she will respond rudely, but that doesn't change the truth...
And where does it say in America that everyone has to share the same opinion? I don't see any reason why thistimeplease cannot post his/her opinion of this review without getting lambasted by others.

 

And I'm with ColininIllinois... this "review" is entertaining, but not as an actual review. I have no doubt that much of what was written was embellished or completely fictional. People are eating it up, but it doesn't mean that it actually happened.

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Sizzlechest

Sizzlechest

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could see that there was a small bar accessible (well, not handi accessible of course) from the beach, not unexpected. What did surprise me was a shack with the word "Massage" Painted on its side. It brought to mind Lucy's "Psychiatric Help" booth in the Peanuts comic strips. No doubt the big man running it had equally dubious credentials. Though I did consider taking my chances, as surely it would be my best chance on shore for a happy ending.

 

Shoot! Now I regret NOT going to Junkanoo Beach.

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Fineaswine

Fineaswine

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Day 6 Bizarre Bazaar: On day six we attended Burn the Floor, but before I give my thoughts on the performance, I would like to make mention of something I found quite unsettling. It happened toward the hour of 3 pm on the 6th day. I decided that I would again visit O'Sheenans for a quick mid after noon meal. However before this I thought why not take a gander at the items in the tax and duty free shops. I heard that there were Fossil, Rolex and an assortment of other fine wrist ware for the discerning gentleman.

 

I thought I would browse a bit, though I was quite satisfied with my Cassio water proof 2 alarm time piece, I found it was good to remind it now and again that I had other options. As I approached I was bedazzled by the number of patrons. So full were the halls, that I may have ran a foot or two over in my hasty pursuit of savings...

 

The customer service reps were hard at work selling 75% off $10,000 watches. The savings were fantastic if one were a 10k watch aficionado. To the common uncouth however, even this deep discount was still a bit steep . It was as if the creators of Rolex laughed riotously from their Olympian heights at the common man's inability to gain entry into their elite clockwork brotherhood, even with a 75% discounted olive branch. I rolled on. I tried to push my way through the crowd shouting "move!" and "get out of the way" as tactfully as I could, but the ambiance of chatters and shouts drowned out my own. I received several elbows, some I dare say were intentional! The sheer inconsideration of some people! Finally on the other side I saw the elevators. I stopped and pressed the down button, and waited and waited...

Edited by Fineaswine
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blackwing Great Review Rare

blackwing

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OK. So you say you ran over a foot or two with your scooter. You say you yelled at people to "move" and "get out of the way". Then you complain about getting elbowed and how people are inconsiderate.

 

I get that this whole "review" is tongue-in-cheek, and again, I still believe that most of this is embellished. I sympathize with anyone who is on a cruise in a scooter. It cannot be easy. But if you really are running over foots and yelling at people to move... I'm not sure what to make of that. It's not really fair to expect kindness and consideration when you don't provide it in return. I'm picturing the guy in a scooter on a crowded city sidewalk who is zipping along and blowing a bike horn because he wants people to move so he can go 20 miles per hour. :(

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JulieAF

JulieAF

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I am really enjoying this satirical version of a cruise review.

 

Can't wait to read more, lol

Me, too! I honestly can't understand the criticism of these synopses! Hilarious and well-written!

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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