Drinks at large tables

[curlywurly]

Hello,

 

Have booked a Transatlantic cruise with DH to celebrate my big 40 next year (soooooooo excited!) and am currently saving like mad for all the extras. Could anyone tell me what the protocol is for buying drinks when on a table for more than 2? Do people tend to just buy for themselves or buy for the table?

We'll be on quite a tight budget but don't want to offend any one by just buying our own. Thought about a table for 2 to solve the problem but really want to meet some new people and feel part of the cruise.

 

Thanks to everyone for all the hours of fun I've had reading these pages! They've made me even more excited about my cruise, if that's possible!!

[sail7seas]

In the days of more 'refined cruising', it was common for a table to alternate buying wine/cocktails. People would take turns and one night it would Mr. Jones, the next Mrs. Smith.

 

In these days, it seems it is each person for themselves.

Shame....it lead to a bit more graciousness at the table but that is how it is at the vast majority of tables where you have been randomly assigned vs. traveling with friends or family.

 

Go ahead and join the larger table. You won't feel obliged to buy drinks for others. It is far more the exception than the rule, these days.

 

 

[cb at sea]

You take care of your own drinks--there's no reason to "buy" a round for the rest. You can have wonderful dinnertime friendships, but no one buys, or expects to have drinks bought for them! Tablemates are so much fun!

[paul929207]

I thinik today alot of people share IF they have a free bottle of wine - gift from TA, won on board, etc. There is no need to share otherwise.

[eandj]

No need to share a bottle of wine or buy drinks with/for your tablemates. Your were assigned to a table, you didn't choose them as your traveling companions. They are just company to enjoy a meal with. Now if you become fast friends during your cruise.....you might choose to. But you don't need to feel it an obligation.

[luvscruising2007]

On our first cruise our TA had sent us a bottle of wine. As many of our table mates purchased wine on a regular basis we didn't feel the need to share. On our second cruise, we did share and it was just a spur of the moment thing. I think you will find it is not necessary; that no one expects it. The assistant waiter is the one who usually handles the wine, and is very discreet with the check. I did notice that the bar waitress did not seem to return to the table after the first night if you didn't order that night. That was on both cruises. I may be wrong but that seemed to be the pattern. Oh, we were on RCL ships. Enjoy your cruise.:D

[dna1990]

I have never seen strangers buy...I have seen tables order together and all the ladies get into after-dinner-shot buying frenzies, but the bills are always brought separately to us guys.

 

As already said, gone are the days when fine wine was a dinner course unto itself, and ruffled shirt 'gentlemen' would buy for the table trying to outdo one another.

 

If you get to know your tabemates outside the dining room for some reason, then yea go for it.

 

And yes, you usually have to have your assistant flag down 'bar service' on RCCL if you are not a regular from night #1. Esp for after-dinner drinks. Oh well. But order on the first night and if several at the table are buying...bar service will be your friend all week.

[sail7seas]

One (of many IMO :) ) features we love about HAL is their use of Wine Stewards. There are wine stewards assigned to every table in the diing room same as there is a dining steward.

 

They will bring all beverages from coke to fine wine and special liquers.

 

[Sweet Sadie Sue]

In the days of more 'refined cruising', it was common for a table to alternate buying wine/cocktails. People would take turns and one night it would Mr. Jones, the next Mrs. Smith.

 

In these days, it seems it is each person for themselves.

Shame....it lead to a bit more graciousness at the table but that is how it is at the vast majority of tables where you have been randomly assigned vs. traveling with friends or family.

 

Go ahead and join the larger table. You won't feel obliged to buy drinks for others. It is far more the exception than the rule, these days.

 

 

 

Weren't those the great cruising days!

 

We still order our wine and offer to all of our tablemates because it is what we are accustomed while dining with others, be it on a ship or land.

 

The last several cruises we have asked to be seated with either newlyweds or those celebrating milestone anniversaries, that way we never leave a cruise feeling let down but exhilerated!

 

We are more than happy to share a meal, drink or conversation with anyone but if we are paying the way for drinks we do like to choose who we include.

[Leejnd4]

In the days of more 'refined cruising', it was common for a table to alternate buying wine/cocktails. People would take turns and one night it would Mr. Jones, the next Mrs. Smith.

 

In these days, it seems it is each person for themselves.

Shame....it lead to a bit more graciousness at the table but that is how it is at the vast majority of tables where you have been randomly assigned vs. traveling with friends or family.

 

Go ahead and join the larger table. You won't feel obliged to buy drinks for others. It is far more the exception than the rule, these days.

 

 

 

I would disagree that the practice of NOT buying drinks for the table in any way lessens the "graciousness" or "refinement" of the cruise.

 

Please remember that unless you are traveling with a group, the people at your table will be utter and complete strangers - at least at first. There is absolutely no rule of refinement or graciousness that I know of that in any way obligates strangers to buy wine or drinks for each other.

 

Later on in the cruise, you may or may not bond with these people and if you do, you may feel inspired to do some wine or drink sharing - but if it happens at all, it will probably just feel very organic and natural based on the friendship that develops.

 

While it might seem like the costs of buying rounds for the table would ultimately even itself out, this is not necessarily the case. Think of all the variables: some people drink more than others, some order premium liquors. Also note that not everyone drinks alcohol. If it was in any way expected for tablemates to purchase drinks for others, this would be patently unfair for the folks who don't drink, wouldn't it?

 

Factoring wine into the equation can make it all the more imbalanced. Wine can be wildly varying in price. If you were to buy an expensive bottle of wine, and then feel compelled to share, how would you feel if your tablemate then bought a cheap bottle and shared that? Not only that, when a bottle of wine is being poured "round the table", inevitably there will be some who drink theirs faster than others, resulting in their getting more poured for them than others. Not very equitable. And with the price-gouging of wine that goes on on cruise ships, this can get to be an expensive inequity.

 

Waiters on cruise ships generally don't share bottles of wine with the rest of the table, unless expressly asked to do so. And bar service people will simply ask you for your order, and then discreetly ask you to sign for it. It won't be a problem.

[satxdiver]

On the cruises we have been on, we always sit at a table for eight and enjoy the company. Everyone buys their own beverages whether it be a bottle of wine, cocktail, beer or can of soda. Everyone gets their preferred beverage and bill! A beverage person will come by the table and take your order for drinks that are extra.

[Krazy Kruizers]

Hello,

 

Have booked a Transatlantic cruise with DH to celebrate my big 40 next year (soooooooo excited!) and am currently saving like mad for all the extras. Could anyone tell me what the protocol is for buying drinks when on a table for more than 2? Do people tend to just buy for themselves or buy for the table?

We'll be on quite a tight budget but don't want to offend any one by just buying our own. Thought about a table for 2 to solve the problem but really want to meet some new people and feel part of the cruise.

 

Thanks to everyone for all the hours of fun I've had reading these pages! They've made me even more excited about my cruise, if that's possible!!

 

You are not obligated to buy drinks or share your wine with anyone else at your table.

Go and enjoy your cruise and drinks.

[sail7seas]

I would disagree that the practice of NOT buying drinks for the table in any way lessens the "graciousness" or "refinement" of the cruise.

 

Please remember that unless you are traveling with a group, the people at your table will be utter and complete strangers - at least at first. There is absolutely no rule of refinement or graciousness that I know of that in any way obligates strangers to buy wine or drinks for each other.

 

Later on in the cruise, you may or may not bond with these people and if you do, you may feel inspired to do some wine or drink sharing - but if it happens at all, it will probably just feel very organic and natural based on the friendship that develops.

 

While it might seem like the costs of buying rounds for the table would ultimately even itself out, this is not necessarily the case. Think of all the variables: some people drink more than others, some order premium liquors. Also note that not everyone drinks alcohol. If it was in any way expected for tablemates to purchase drinks for others, this would be patently unfair for the folks who don't drink, wouldn't it?

 

Factoring wine into the equation can make it all the more imbalanced. Wine can be wildly varying in price. If you were to buy an expensive bottle of wine, and then feel compelled to share, how would you feel if your tablemate then bought a cheap bottle and shared that? Not only that, when a bottle of wine is being poured "round the table", inevitably there will be some who drink theirs faster than others, resulting in their getting more poured for them than others. Not very equitable. And with the price-gouging of wine that goes on on cruise ships, this can get to be an expensive inequity.

 

Waiters on cruise ships generally don't share bottles of wine with the rest of the table, unless expressly asked to do so. And bar service people will simply ask you for your order, and then discreetly ask you to sign for it. It won't be a problem.

 

 

 

That is exactly why I personally feel these are days of 'less gracious' cruising. JMHO

 

When we first started cruising, people at assigned tables shared wine (if they were people who drink wine.) For those of us who wished to have wine at dinner, we took turns each night buying. We never encountered an issue where someone felt 'cheated' that one person spent slightly more or less than another person. There are wine lists with prices. Everyone at the table could look at the list to see the price of whatever wine we had the night before if that was an issue for them to be sure to spend about the same amount. If there was someone at the table who didn't drink or only wanted a glass here or there, no one made an issue if they asked for a glass one night but didn't purchase for the table. It was very nice, festive, and fun.

 

...... Society as a whole is 'less gracious', don't you think?

[hammybee]

In the days of more 'refined cruising', it was common for a table to alternate buying wine/cocktails. People would take turns and one night it would Mr. Jones, the next Mrs. Smith.

 

In these days, it seems it is each person for themselves.

Shame....it lead to a bit more graciousness at the table but that is how it is at the vast majority of tables where you have been randomly assigned vs. traveling with friends or family.

 

Go ahead and join the larger table. You won't feel obliged to buy drinks for others. It is far more the exception than the rule, these days.

 

I think in days gone by, most passengers came from the similar socioeconomic backgrounds and tended to employ "country club" manners when on a cruise ship.

 

The drop in prices for inside and outside cabins and the credit card have made cruising affordable for the masses who often have drasitcally different backgrounds.

 

So instead of enjoying the similarities, it's necessary to enjoy our differences.

[sail7seas]

Well said, Hammybee.

[cruisinbuddy]

Save $ and buy for yourself. In Jan. I'm cruising with DB & DS + spouses, so that's 6. We're all going to be buying our own wine etc.

[Leejnd4]

 

So instead of enjoying the similarities, it's necessary to enjoy our differences.

 

I fully agree. And I personally think that this doesn't make cruising (or society, for that matter) any less gracious or refined. The problem with seeing this diversity as less "gracious" is that it can come across as elitist - as if the only people one would enjoy socializing with would be those from the same economic background...or at least, those who can afford to keep up with the drink expenditures of the rest of the table.

 

Perhaps this example will help: Imagine you're at a table, and you have several couples from widely varying backgrounds. At one end, you have a couple who enjoy the finest wines, and buy wine every night from the premium-wine list. At the other end, you have a couple who saved for five years to take this dream vacation, and have budgeted just enough for a couple of bottles of inexpensive wine for the whole cruise. If the expectation at the table was that we should all share, then the couple on a budget would probably feel pretty uncomfortable that they are unable to match the wine shared by the other couple, wouldn't they? And the couple who enjoys fine wine might feel pretty uncomfortable turning down a glass of the inexpensive wine that they wouldn't enjoy drinking, wouldn't they? THAT, to me, sounds like a far LESS gracious and refined experience than if we all just purchase our own beverages. That way we eliminate any possibility for discomfort completely, and are able to just enjoy meeting and getting to know each other.

 

And there's always the possibility of ending up at a table with moochers, who take advantage of the situation of table-sharing, contributing as little as possible to get as much as possible. Gracious people will probably do their best to ignore it, but that doesn't mean they don't resent it. I've seen this happen, and it was just another opportunity for discomfort among table mates. Again, by everyone just being responsible for their own beverages, it eliminates any of this.

 

Charlotte Ford, author of "21st Century Etiquette", wrote: ''The whole point of good manners is to respect other people's comfort and privacy so that they may be at ease.'' When translated to this situation, that, to me, says that the best way to make everyone feel at ease at the cruise dinner table is to allow us each the privacy to make our own beverage choices, without fear of either taking advantage, or being taken advantage of. That, to me, is truly gracious and refined. :)

[vjblk]

And don't forget that you can have a bottle of wine served over a few nights. My sister and I are not big drinkers but do enjoy an occasional glass of wine with dinner. So we will usually order a bottle of wine and have it served over a few nights. However long it lasts as sometimes not both of us will have a glass. We've never felt obligated to share with our tablemates nor did we feel anyone expected us to share.

[agabbymama]

I will say on RCCL and NCL, everyone at the table just ordered and paid for their own drinks, be it coke, wine or cocktail.

 

Now on Celebrity Constellation there were 4 of us (myself, my friend, my sister-in-law, and her friend) we were seated at a table for 8 with another foursome. I really don't care for wine, and I was on medication, so couldn't drink anyway. But the 2 gentlemen from the other foursome bought a bottle of wine every night and insisted that it be shared at the table. What wasn't drank, was saved for the next night. My sister-in-law did buy a bottle one night and shared it with the table. We did not know these people, but they were very generous. Even bringing small gifts of chocolates, cookies, etc. to the table to share with everyone. I had a birthday while on-board so it was fun to reciprocate and share my birthday cake with everyone.

 

We exchanged names and addresses, and did exchange Christmas cards the first year following our cruise, but haven't stayed in touch since.

[sail7seas]

I fully agree. And I personally think that this doesn't make cruising (or society, for that matter) any less gracious or refined. The problem with seeing this diversity as less "gracious" is that it can come across as elitist - as if the only people one would enjoy socializing with would be those from the same economic background...or at least, those who can afford to keep up with the drink expenditures of the rest of the table.

 

Perhaps this example will help: Imagine you're at a table, and you have several couples from widely varying backgrounds. At one end, you have a couple who enjoy the finest wines, and buy wine every night from the premium-wine list. At the other end, you have a couple who saved for five years to take this dream vacation, and have budgeted just enough for a couple of bottles of inexpensive wine for the whole cruise. If the expectation at the table was that we should all share, then the couple on a budget would probably feel pretty uncomfortable that they are unable to match the wine shared by the other couple, wouldn't they? And the couple who enjoys fine wine might feel pretty uncomfortable turning down a glass of the inexpensive wine that they wouldn't enjoy drinking, wouldn't they? THAT, to me, sounds like a far LESS gracious and refined experience than if we all just purchase our own beverages. That way we eliminate any possibility for discomfort completely, and are able to just enjoy meeting and getting to know each other.

 

And there's always the possibility of ending up at a table with moochers, who take advantage of the situation of table-sharing, contributing as little as possible to get as much as possible. Gracious people will probably do their best to ignore it, but that doesn't mean they don't resent it. I've seen this happen, and it was just another opportunity for discomfort among table mates. Again, by everyone just being responsible for their own beverages, it eliminates any of this.

 

Charlotte Ford, author of "21st Century Etiquette", wrote: ''The whole point of good manners is to respect other people's comfort and privacy so that they may be at ease.'' When translated to this situation, that, to me, says that the best way to make everyone feel at ease at the cruise dinner table is to allow us each the privacy to make our own beverage choices, without fear of either taking advantage, or being taken advantage of. That, to me, is truly gracious and refined. :)

 

 

Excellent post.

 

But it's always good to be careful about making assumptions about nameless/faceless people. We can only judge from the written word here and don't always come to the correct conclusion.

 

Elitist is an assumption to make the theory work.

Speaking only for myself and DH, we just about never order those 'costly' bottles of wine. Our palattes are not that sophisticated and more moderately priced wines are fine for us. :)

[Leejnd4]

Excellent post.

 

But it's always good to be careful about making assumptions about nameless/faceless people. We can only judge from the written word here and don't always come to the correct conclusion.

 

Elitist is an assumption to make the theory work.

[/b]

 

Understood - and I agree. :)

[sullaRaffaello]

I would disagree that the practice of NOT buying drinks for the table in any way lessens the "graciousness" or "refinement" of the cruise.

 

Please remember that unless you are traveling with a group, the people at your table will be utter and complete strangers - at least at first. There is absolutely no rule of refinement or graciousness that I know of that in any way obligates strangers to buy wine or drinks for each other.

 

Later on in the cruise, you may or may not bond with these people and if you do, you may feel inspired to do some wine or drink sharing - but if it happens at all, it will probably just feel very organic and natural based on the friendship that develops.

 

While it might seem like the costs of buying rounds for the table would ultimately even itself out, this is not necessarily the case. Think of all the variables: some people drink more than others, some order premium liquors. Also note that not everyone drinks alcohol. If it was in any way expected for tablemates to purchase drinks for others, this would be patently unfair for the folks who don't drink, wouldn't it?

 

Factoring wine into the equation can make it all the more imbalanced. Wine can be wildly varying in price. If you were to buy an expensive bottle of wine, and then feel compelled to share, how would you feel if your tablemate then bought a cheap bottle and shared that? Not only that, when a bottle of wine is being poured "round the table", inevitably there will be some who drink theirs faster than others, resulting in their getting more poured for them than others. Not very equitable. And with the price-gouging of wine that goes on on cruise ships, this can get to be an expensive inequity.

 

Waiters on cruise ships generally don't share bottles of wine with the rest of the table, unless expressly asked to do so. And bar service people will simply ask you for your order, and then discreetly ask you to sign for it. It won't be a problem.

 

 

Well said, Lee Ann. I was on the Queen Victoria maiden transatlantic voyage in tandem with the QE2. I was a single with 3 couples. Everyone took care of their own beverage needs. The last night, for some reason, I was drinking rather slowly, and still had more than half a bottle of wine left after the dessert. Because of the rapport I had developed with one of the couples, who was left at the table with me, I asked them to help me finish it, which they did. That was just a natural result of having spent a week with people. However, I felt no obligation to do it.