Mom trying to plan a trip with resistant teens

So months ago, I put a deposit down on a cruise (Sunshine) out of PCL on 12/26. We are a family of 5 and oldest is in Jr. year college, middle child a Sr in HS and youngest a sophomore. We live in Atlanta a distance from any of our extended family. We have taken care of my father and now my mother in Florida. We go to Florida every year for Christmas and I usually plan a "recovery cruise" immediately following where it's just the 5 of us.

Sadly, we haven't spent a whole lot of holidays at home,rather in FLA with my parents. Don't get me wrong FLA is a great place to be over any holiday! So the kids are getting older and schedules don't really mesh except for holidays in December/January. Full disclosure -we have done cruises for the past 4 Christmas Holidays and have enjoyed them all. We have never done a 7 day - always 4 or 5 day because of our varying schedules.

SO this year I have a Sr in High school who thinks that his Senior year commitments should cancel out our long standing vacation plans. It's a 5 day -leaving after Christmas day and we are home before the ball drops on New Year's. He is pitching a huge fit that we don't go. His sisters 15 & 20 are fine with it. I am big on family time and family cohesiveness so I am torn. I've lost both my parents and I want to instill a strong sense of family & solidarity. Also want this 17+ year old kid to see it's not all about him. Things could be a whole lot worse than Key West and Half Moon Bay in December!

He would miss 3 days of a 1.5 hr practice, but he feels as a captain he should not go. This is the only time the 5 of us have together and I have to take what time I have left with them under my roof -to instill the important stuff. We have never ruled our lives by sports or school allegiances. Just family centered.

Has anyone else ever really felt blow back when planning a cruise for the family? I have until October to make the final payment and I am hoping for a compromise, but also don't want to put money down just to lose it. (won't)

I know boo hoo - please haters just move on. I'd just like to know what you think you would do when what my gut as a parent says for this one last time, I make the call. Or listen to this almost 18 year old and we do nothing.

Also did I mention his interest in colleges...Maritime and Hotel Restaurant/ Management !

Go figure!

And yes - I do suspect a girl is involved in his protests.

Thanks for reading this poor rant!

Looking forward to the Sunshine in December, but fear the sunshine will go down on me and no cruise for us this year.

First, I applaud his commitment to his team, that means you've done your job as a parent and raised him to take things seriously and not give in to instant gratification.

Second, I see your point in wanting it to not be all about him, but I don't think it should be all or nothing. If he's not able to go, book it for the rest of you and tell him to be safe while you're gone. He may change his tune and decide to go or you may start the next chapter of your life which includes not always being able to travel as a family.

BTW, I'm giving this advice as a former high school senior that wasn't able to go on vacation after Christmas with my family because I accepted an Asst. Manager position at the restaurant I worked at in High School. It sucked at the time but now 31 years later I have a degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management and now own that restaurant. I'm now happy I missed that trip to Michigan.

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

Hello sswv, what a situation. It sounds as though you are dealing with issues of individuation and autonomy with your teen. It is important that you stress the importance of family time. It's great that he feels a sense of responsibility for his practice, but he must also learn to put important things first. Otherwise, he may grow up to be a productive adult but one with poor work-life balance that can lead to issues as well. See if there is a way you can meet somewhere in the middle. Maybe offer him a comprise for something else he may want to do. Let him know there are data plans available on the ship so he can stay in touch with his friends or love interest if he must. We are not promised tomorrow and I personally feel it is important to spend as much quality time as you can with those you love. Just my 2 cents as an MFT.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

I would tell him he has the rest of his life to do things his way. With the age of your kids, full family vacations will get harder and harder (my kids are a similar age). So while I commend him on his loyalty to the team, that week with the family will mean more in the long run than his practices. And it's not even close. I would tell him that and hope he understands. But if he was my kid, he'd be on that ship regardless.

Sent from my iPad using Forums

What is the coach's attitude to missed practices? Some can be downright draconian with their attendance policies.

Where would he stay? Or would you leave him at home?

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

Let him go home and the rest of you have a nice cruise!

I saw this in my brother's family. They couldn't do anything because these tin-god coaches would always take holiday family times (like Thanksgiving) to have the kids practice or play their sports. The threat was the child would be cut from the team if they didn't go along. The heck with them. Take the cruise or do whatever you want. I'm amazed your son's sports stuff is taking over Christmas vacation! Wow.

thank you for your responses.

I feel all of you are correct.

As a high schooler of the 80s - I can't understand this all encompassing culture of middle school/high school sports zoning in on these kids and excluding an athlete from a life outside of their desired sport on holiday.

I thought I was posting an "oh god one of those" posts. I really appreciate all the feedback because I want to make sure I am not going all Joan Crawford on this.

So months ago, I put a deposit down on a cruise (Sunshine) out of PCL on 12/26. We are a family of 5 and oldest is in Jr. year college, middle child a Sr in HS and youngest a sophomore. We live in Atlanta a distance from any of our extended family. We have taken care of my father and now my mother in Florida. We go to Florida every year for Christmas and I usually plan a "recovery cruise" immediately following where it's just the 5 of us.

 

 

 

Sadly, we haven't spent a whole lot of holidays at home,rather in FLA with my parents. Don't get me wrong FLA is a great place to be over any holiday! So the kids are getting older and schedules don't really mesh except for holidays in December/January. Full disclosure -we have done cruises for the past 4 Christmas Holidays and have enjoyed them all. We have never done a 7 day - always 4 or 5 day because of our varying schedules.

 

 

 

SO this year I have a Sr in High school who thinks that his Senior year commitments should cancel out our long standing vacation plans. It's a 5 day -leaving after Christmas day and we are home before the ball drops on New Year's. He is pitching a huge fit that we don't go. His sisters 15 & 20 are fine with it. I am big on family time and family cohesiveness so I am torn. I've lost both my parents and I want to instill a strong sense of family & solidarity. Also want this 17+ year old kid to see it's not all about him. Things could be a whole lot worse than Key West and Half Moon Bay in December!

 

 

 

He would miss 3 days of a 1.5 hr practice, but he feels as a captain he should not go. This is the only time the 5 of us have together and I have to take what time I have left with them under my roof -to instill the important stuff. We have never ruled our lives by sports or school allegiances. Just family centered.

 

 

 

Has anyone else ever really felt blow back when planning a cruise for the family? I have until October to make the final payment and I am hoping for a compromise, but also don't want to put money down just to lose it. (won't)

 

 

 

I know boo hoo - please haters just move on. I'd just like to know what you think you would do when what my gut as a parent says for this one last time, I make the call. Or listen to this almost 18 year old and we do nothing.

 

 

 

Also did I mention his interest in colleges...Maritime and Hotel Restaurant/ Management !

 

Go figure!

 

And yes - I do suspect a girl is involved in his protests.

 

Thanks for reading this poor rant!

 

Looking forward to the Sunshine in December, but fear the sunshine will go down on me and no cruise for us this year.

Hey no hater here. We are cruising on the valor in November and wanted to take dd21 and ds17. DD is a senior in college with obligations and DS plays football and the cruise is near playoffs. (Side note he claims they will be in the playoffs [emoji849] lol) They both said they were not sure if they could go because they had other things school related to do. Feelings crushed [emoji22] mainly mine lol but I understand our schedules are not meshing anymore. We have always enjoyed taking family vacations but now they are older timing just not working. We will go without them and hopefully we can make something happen next year. Best of luck let us know what happened.[emoji108]

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

You are torn between your commitment to the family, and your son's commitment to either sports or girlfriend. Maybe this is how he grows up and becomes a man - by choosing what is more important for HIM?

As a compromise, can you take his girlfriend along on the cruise?

Is he responsible enough to stay at home on his own?

Being a teenager is not easy.

I feel your pain...many years ago youngest DS had to attend his first year of summer marching band practice even though he had MONO in the blazing sun with a tuba:eek: Those coaches and band directors can be tough.

Also thought could the girlfriend come? How would you feel leaving him at home by himself?...it may be time that he stays home so he can attend his practices...and the rest of the family goes.

Let us know what the outcome is:)

He should be able to stay home. I remember those days, lots of work and dedication goes into competitive team sports. You owe it to your team mates to be there working right beside them, that is the essence of team sports especially for a captain. To expect him to brush that aside with no remorse simply is out of the question.

It would have been a huge issue with my parents at that age if I was in a similar situation.

Families are wonderful and family time is great...that being said I also feel that as parents we try and raise our children to be independent and to make decisions on their own after we have given them the tools to understand that all actions have consequences.

I also feel that young adults should have a voice in family decisions and at some point shouldn't have to always fall in line when the "I'm the parent, I know best" sentiment plays into a decision.

As others have said, if you are adamant about choosing to go on vacation when your son's plans and desires don't meld well, just leave him at home with responsible adult supervision. One missed vacation won't interrupt the family dynamics if the foundation is strong. In fact it may be used as a good learning tool for future reference.

High school, especially Senior year, can be all encompassing for some. Don't rain on his parade because you may think differently. Don't "test" your authority and make this issue about "you".

I feel your pain.

But as you say, you knew this day was coming, you just thought you had one more.

I would say " son, this is important to me and this is all I want for Christmas, one last family vacation".

If he still doesn't want to go......... book for the rest of the family......( ps - if you keep the same room, you will be able to add him back on later)

Families are wonderful and family time is great...that being said I also feel that as parents we try and raise our children to be independent and to make decisions on their own after we have given them the tools to understand that all actions have consequences.

 

I also feel that young adults should have a voice in family decisions and at some point shouldn't have to always fall in line when the "I'm the parent, I know best" sentiment plays into a decision.

 

As others have said, if you are adamant about choosing to go on vacation when your son's plans and desires don't meld well, just leave him at home with responsible adult supervision. One missed vacation won't interrupt the family dynamics if the foundation is strong. In fact it may be used as a good learning tool for future reference.

 

High school, especially Senior year, can be all encompassing for some. Don't rain on his parade because you may think differently. Don't "test" your authority and make this issue about "you".

Essentially, Mom should not imply her reason for taking them is more important than their decision not to go. They are not young children rebelling, just choosing what's important to them.

I saw this in my brother's family. They couldn't do anything because these tin-god coaches would always take holiday family times (like Thanksgiving) to have the kids practice or play their sports. The threat was the child would be cut from the team if they didn't go along. The heck with them. Take the cruise or do whatever you want. I'm amazed your son's sports stuff is taking over Christmas vacation! Wow.

This year my neice and nephew in law are spending Thanksgiving away from home and family because their kids have the opportunity to play in a football tournament thousands of miles from home. The kids are uber-excited and their parents fully understand how much it means to them. Sure the rest of the family will miss them but we understand that some things are just more important than a holiday which occurs every year.

As far as practices during school recess...many parents applaud this because it keeps their children "off the streets" and committed...a great lesson for future reference in their lives.

Life is a series of choices, of compromise, of commitments. Sometimes we, as parents, just need to understand that not all timing is good timing and that the family unit is not sacrosanct when it comes to all of the other life choices available to ALL family members.

I feel your pain. I have five sons and the only one who wants to cruise at this point is the youngest, who just turned 18. It just doesn't appeal to the rest of them at all. You don't say what the sport is...? If it's hockey, you know you have to leave him behind, that's just how that sport is.

My sons all rowed. That meant scheduling summer cruises had to take regattas into consideration. Fall crew would start before school started, so the cheaper cruises at the end of August (when southern schools had started) or over Labor Day were a no-go.

I would say that you know what the answer is here. Best case scenario if you force him to go is he complains all fall and then sulks half the cruise. I know it's hard to look back and see things being the same way for us when we were younger, but it's a sign of how much pressure these kids are under. My 18 year old is just starting senior year and he's already rowing and stressing the next round of SAT's. His summer reading list is mind blowing.

I say respect his decision and leave him at home and go have fun. You'll still have him for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and all the rest of the time leading up to the day of the cruise. Respect his priorities and stressors and go have a great time.

I love my kids but for the most part about 99% of the time we don't force them to go places with us. But about once a year I pull rank. Sorry but we are driving 9 hours to grandmas. ;) I know once they are all grown it will be more difficult to get everyone together...

Tough situation for sure. I see both directions as a reasonable choice but would come down on the side of letting the son stay home. Three practices over the holidays is a pretty big deal for a kid who is no doubt a leader of his team. You sound like a good parent who like many of us struggles with the kids going off on their own lives.

Looking back, my wife and I decided that all the struggles, turmoil and "attitudes" that can come with a senior year of HS were just God's way of helping parents to let go. By the end of senior years we couldn't wait for them to be off to college, until that day actually came.

Good luck with it all.

Tell your boy you can book him into the behind the scenes tour and other activities that might provide a hook to get him more interested in going? If he plans to major in hotel management, this may pique his interest.

Either that or ask his girlfriend's family if they would cruise with you?

Your son is the captain of his team and is the team's leader and role model. You have raised a very mature and wise son who is aware that sometimes commitments he has made trumps family vacations. My son was the third string goalie on his high school hockey team. Christmas holidays were tournament time. Even though he rode the bench, he was there for every game. When he signed up for the team he signed a contract about attendance and behavior.

We are on a family vacation right now. One DD is an event coordinator and had two weddings she was organizing this weekend, so she missed a big family reunion and wedding. We are all disappointed she could not make it, but she had no choice unless she quit her job.

Why not compromise and plan a trip at another time? I am a traditionalist and hate to change the way things are always done, but as our children grow up and you add in law kids, things change. Maybe do a graduation trip and start new holiday traditions.

..........

 

 

 

If he still doesn't want to go......... book for the rest of the family......( ps - if you keep the same room, you will be able to add him back on later)

If it's a high season cruise and they cancel him, Carnival will move them to a lower occupancy cabin.

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

We went through this with my sons as well. Both in sports, the youngest now pitching in college. If we cruised, he chose to stay at home if he was training or in season and we respected that. His goal was to pitch in college and that was his priority vs a family cruise and we respected that.

On a good note, my boys are now 21 and 26 and we invited them both on a Thanksgiving cruise with my sister and her family and they are both going. My kids are both really excited to be cruising as a family again and so are we. Don't think your family vacations are over, even as they get older, they can surprise you and want to join you again.

We went through this with my sons as well. Both in sports, the youngest now pitching in college. If we cruised, he chose to stay at home if he was training or in season and we respected that. His goal was to pitch in college and that was his priority vs a family cruise and we respected that.

Yup....if you raise your child to honor his word and fulfill his commitments why would you be surprised that he is against going on a trip that would cause him to not fulfill his obligations?

You are the adult. This is Christmas vacation. I would NOT leave a 17 yr old alone for 5 days (or more if he doesn't go to FL). Even the best kid would be tempted to have a party or a sleepover with his girlfriend. As far as sports practice, unless this will have an effect on a college scholarship, family time trumps sports, every time. He is still a child. Next year, when he is 18 and in college he can decide what he wants to do. But for this year, he needs to suck it up and go on the cruise (oh, the horror!)