My Fiance refuses to unpack his suitcase on the cruise! Anyone with same problem?

[Toto2Kansas]

Let me see if I understand this completely. He doesn't like to put his clothes away because the storage area may be 'unclean', and that also goes for hanging up his clothes?

 

But he doesn't mind letting you trip over the suitcase throughout the cruise.

 

You don't even want my advice on this one.............trust me. :eek::eek:

[sail7seas]

His clothes must be so wrinkled and messy all the time. :(

How can they stay unwrinkled with all that handling in and out and in and out of the suitcase.

 

Does that bother you /him?

[Cruisin' Chick]

My guy is the same way and he's NOT a slob at all. In fact, just the opposite. I'm the more easy-going one. He's a neat freak. Even he'd admit to being a little OCD about it. And he says the same thing your guy says. The drawers are not sanitary. Who knows what other people have put in there? He doesn't want his clothes touching someone else's germs.

 

I'm just the opposite. Not to say I'm a lover of other people's germs, but I can't stand to live out of a suit case. If I'm staying more than one or two nights, I unpack - completely! I don't like to be digging for things in a suit case. I like to set things up similarly to how I have them arranged at home so getting ready in the morning isn't a challenge. I also don't want my clothes getting wrinkled, but mostly it's just the "at home" nature of being unpacked that I insist on. I unpack as soon as our suit cases deliver to the cabin.

 

My advice is to just live and let live. While he may think my need to "settle in" as soon as I can is silly and I may think his living out of a suit case is crazy, but to each his/her own, right?

 

My hubby is also the neat one in our marriage and he keeps much of his clothing in the suitcase. We stored the luggage under the beds our last cruise (if you are OCD, you won't want to look under them:rolleyes:) and he'll slide his bag out and get whatever he's changing into. I don't remember if he even used any of the drawers. But he didn't stop us from using them (and if he had a problem with the sanitary issue, he wouldn't have let me put our girl's stuff in the drawers, believe me).

 

He does hang up his shirts, trousers, jackets in the closet, so I'm guessing it's just underwear, etc. still in the suitcase. I even did the same thing with my unmentionables, nylons, etc. But we never left the luggage out.

 

We do keep a duffle bag in the closet for dirty clothes and he even helped take it to the laundry room onboard when we were going to do the wash. So I have never to complain about.

[Gail & Marty sailing away]

It is not the worst thing

[erinmarie424]

So you'll get all the closet and drawer space to yourself? Sweet! :)

[Dr. Jack Daniels]

Women marry men hoping they will change, but they don't.

Men marry women hoping they won't change, but they do.

 

Many women make the mistake of thinking that their husband is a "home improvement" project.

[RLBlack]

As a married person for almost 40 years- the most telling statement is "fiance'"- if you are not married, I would not worry my little head. I made it clear all those years ago- that all those "wifely" duties, went with the ring, the promise and all that- So, he is a big boy- he can pick up after himself, and dig around a full suitcase as he wishes. And.... throw them dirty clothes in with the clean- as he wishes.

 

When the bag is in the way- slide it out of your way, and go on with your life. rlb

[pg.]

I travel alot, mostly Europe,,and I never completely unpack either,, no matter how long I am staying in a place.I do of course hang some of my clothes that need hanging,, but no way do I put my undies etc in drawers,, yuckers.

So as "weird" as you think he is,, there are many who think your way is wierd or wrong,, so whos right?

 

NO ONE ! and EVERYONE!

 

Total non issue, except,, suitcase must be kept where you don't trip over it.

 

Wait till you have kids,, you will really learn the meaning of " pick your battles".

 

Married 21 years,, and have finally accepted you can't expect someone to live exactly to your expectations.. LOL

[simplelife]

This guy is a slob and nothing will change him. Think long and hard before you marry him or you'll be cleaning up after him for the rest of your life.

What is slobbish about not unpacking the suitcase? When I am on a short trip, I sometimes don't unpack. Everything is right where I can find it. I put a laundry bag in closet or a drawer for dirty things. Very neat and tidy!

[Blue0824]

I travel alot, mostly Europe,,and I never completely unpack either,, no matter how long I am staying in a place.I do of course hang some of my clothes that need hanging,, but no way do I put my undies etc in drawers,, yuckers.

So as "weird" as you think he is,, there are many who think your way is wierd or wrong,, so whos right?

 

NO ONE ! and EVERYONE!

 

Total non issue, except,, suitcase must be kept where you don't trip over it.

 

Ditto. I hang up a few things, but don't totally unpack. I was surprised to read so many responses on how absolutely awful it is. I don't put dirty clothes next to the clean...there's a separate zippered half of the luggage I put everything dirty. I'm not sure how not entirely unpacking makes someone a slob! Actually I stay very organized while traveling because it is all compact!

 

I'm engaged too, gotta just pick and choose your battles and come to terms with some different habits!

[euro cruiser]

I once worked with a woman who was a germaphobe (spelling?). Her solution for hotel rooms, which would work for cruise ships as well, was to carry a package of tissue paper with her and line the drawers before putting her things in. That way when she was ready to leave, she simply folded the sides of the tissue paper around anything still in the drawer and moved it to her suitcase. Very neat and easy, and her stuff never actually touched the furniture.

 

Of course, she also traveled with her own silk sheets so her skin wouldn't touch the hotel sheets ...

[mousey]

Oh Heather! If you unpack for him, you have started on the downward spiral of waiting on your man! He's an adult - let him do things for himself.

 

No matter what you think now, you won't change him. Accept him as he is. 38 years of marriage have taught me that.

 

They are his clothes and it is his suitcase. If he wants to keep his clothes in the suitcase, leave him alone to do just that.

 

Just make sure he knows that you expect him to leave the suitcase somewhere you won't trip over it!

 

I totally agree. It's really not a big deal in the scheme of things. Both the DH and DS (14) do that on our trips. It doesn't bother me in the least as long as the suitcase it not in my way, and it never is.;)

[satxdiver]

I traveled by air every week when I was working (retired now thank you). I would not totally unpack when I checked into the hotel simply for the reason of being expedient. I did hang up anything that would get wrinkled if left in the suitcase. This provided for an easy repacking when I was leaving to return home. This is in a hotel room by myself with lots of room and a place to put my open suitcase that was out of the way (a room with two beds works nice for this).

 

On ships where space is at a premium, open suitcases take up too much room. I unpack my clothes and either hang them in the closet or put them in the drawers. Stumbling over a suitcase for a week, it simply not fun.

 

Having been also in the married state for the last 30+ years, I agree that you need to pick you battles early on and ignore as much as possible. It makes for a lot happier life. Don't expect your partner to change much as it simply will not happen.

 

IMO this country has gone totally overboard on the germ issue. Thanks to constant advertising by the cleaning products industry, they have us convinced that unless you are in a germ free environment, you will die. The solution is to buy their new super germ killing product! One needs to practice cleanliness but really. I would not think any germ fearing individual would even consider a cruise let alone eat in the buffet. With very close proximity to 3000+ pax from all over the world, coughing, sneezing, poor cleanliness habits and carrying germs from the four corners of the world, I would think that lining the drawers is a bit overboard.

 

After traveling to different cities every week, meeting clients from that area, staying in hotels of all stripes, eating in a different restaurant every night, riding for hours in the silver tube with 140+ strangers and recycled air, the last time I was sick was several decades ago. According to the latest medical thought, being exposed to different germs, bacteria, viruses, etc., strengthens our immunity.

 

However I digress. To the OP, make your partner keep their suitcase out of your way and not in the middle of the small floor and ignore the problem. After stumbling over it for a period of time, they may see the light. Don't make it an issue that they will come to resent and prove you wrong.

[beachchick]

I have to concur with those who've written "Tell him to keep the suitcase out of the way so you don't trip over it; let him deal with his own clothes." You're not his housekeeper or maid, so don't unpack for him unless you want to do it--and don't do it because he won't move the suitcase so you don't trip over it. Let him know that it's a tripping hazard and that keeping it out of your way is non-negotiable. If he wants to schlep it back and forth from wherever he stores it that's no big deal, but he'll have to realize that he needs to put it back immediately after he uses it. (BTW, where does he store it? If it's under the bed, then he's woefully mistaken about how "clean" he's keeping his things!)

 

beachchick

[JAMS1]

After 27 years together, I do not mind packing and unpacking our suitcases, because my husband takes such good care of me, this is just a small thing I can do for him. He is the one who hefts the suitcases around and makes sure I do not lift anything too heavy & I am the one who cares if his shirts and slacks are wrinkled.

 

So, if he appreciates your unpacking for him and reciprocates in a wonderful way, then unpacking for him is a small thing to do to for the both of you. Marriage is a partnership, of working together to make each other happy.

:rolleyes:

[Gathina]

Happy, usually I agree with you 99% of the time but this time I'm on the other side of the fence..hopefully the guy would move it out of safety concern for her.., if not, then she really can't do anything about it.

 

I look at it this way..if this is annoying to her, there are probably 100's of things she does that annoy him. It basically means you have to pick your own battles. To me, this is a trivial issue. If she nags him about this then there may be a whole lot more she'll nag him about. I'm stretching this tot the extreme.

 

I don't think he'd appreciate being told to take care of his stuff..most men don't like to be managed or mothered.

 

My Aunt does this as well. Usually it doesn't bother me as she stays in her own cabin and I stay out of it. But when we

Edit to add, that I don't agree with those who say to ignore it because it's not your problem. It is a problem, it's a PIA for you and I think you should tell him to get over the cooties he thinks are there and take care of his stuff, because he is a grown up and part of that is being considerate of others.

[euro cruiser]

I would not think any germ fearing individual would even consider a cruise let alone eat in the buffet. With very close proximity to 3000+ pax from all over the world, coughing, sneezing, poor cleanliness habits and carrying germs from the four corners of the world, I would think that lining the drawers is a bit overboard.

You are right, of course, but you are assuming that fear is always logical and/or rational, which it is not. People's fears can seem hypocritical ... until you realize that the root of the fear isn't what seems obvious. If illogical solutions help them feel more comfortable in the world, so be it.

[RetireeWannabee]

After 27 years together, I do not mind packing and unpacking our suitcases, because my husband takes such good care of me, this is just a small thing I can do for him. He is the one who hefts the suitcases around and makes sure I do not lift anything too heavy & I am the one who cares if his shirts and slacks are wrinkled.

 

So, if he appreciates your unpacking for him and reciprocates in a wonderful way, then unpacking for him is a small thing to do to for the both of you. Marriage is a partnership, of working together to make each other happy.

:rolleyes:

 

Nicely said. You obviously have a division of duties that works for the two of you.

[RetireeWannabee]

... If illogical solutions help them feel more comfortable in the world, so be it.

 

That right there is a Life Lesson.

[Mercedes500SLGirl]

After 27 years together, I do not mind packing and unpacking our suitcases, because my husband takes such good care of me, this is just a small thing I can do for him. He is the one who hefts the suitcases around and makes sure I do not lift anything too heavy & I am the one who cares if his shirts and slacks are wrinkled.

 

So, if he appreciates your unpacking for him and reciprocates in a wonderful way, then unpacking for him is a small thing to do to for the both of you. Marriage is a partnership, of working together to make each other happy.

:rolleyes:

 

Jan, I agree 100%! These are my thoughts exactly!!!

[happy cruzer]

Yes. He leaves his clothes in his suitcase for the duration of the trip. I usually wind up dragging his clothes out and hanging them up, because I'm so tired of tripping on the suitcase whenever he pulls it out.

 

Is this normal? He tells me that he doesn't like to take the clothes out and put them in the drawers because they're "unclean." Um...I carry a can of Lysol with me always. :rolleyes:

 

Not many details here. ages, how much traveling together, how long you've know each other, etc.

 

My take, is it normal? Hey, that doesn't really matter as much as - is it really far out abnormal? and no it's not that strange.

 

It appears that alot of rationalization may be occuring. You object because you trip over the suitcase, he justifies that the drawers are not clean. So if you really want to compromise there are probably many easy solutions, but you have to want to compromise.....

 

I would let him have as much freedom as possible. Maybe ask him to pick one spot to keep his suitcase and then surely I could avoid tripping over it. But then again I would want to allow him his space and freedom. If you want to change him...... good luck, a few of us have a couple of marriages under our belt to learn that's a hard nut to crack.

[CapeCodCruiser]

After 25 years of marriage DH & I have learned its better to find a solution than to just ignore a situation or behavior that one of us dislikes. We first acknowledge both parties "issue" than find a compromise. For me if DH didn't unpack while on vaca it really would diminish my ability to relax - being somewhat neurotic I wouldn't be able to feel settled in on a cruise with him still packed! For me being able to stay in one place and still see different places is one of the parts of a cruise - I really enjoy getting unpacked in my new "home". So we would find a way to address his issue - ie. - use packing folders (we use them they are great) that way his clothes stay in the folder and the folder goes in the drawer.

 

For us - I do all the packing & unpacking - I am much more detailed oriented than DH and he doesn't like to - there are numerous things DH does for me that I find tedious or unpleasant. After 25 years we have pretty much worked them out.

 

For us it has meant avoiding a LOT of petty arguments and wasted time being annoyed at one another.

 

As Jan pointed out marriage is a partnership and the focus should be on helping each other rather than dealing with being annoyed with each other.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[BonnieVA]

Actually, I prefer to not put stuff in the drawers as well. I hang up a few things that are dressier but leave everything else in the suitcases. I don't know why I do it ... I just do. And so does my dh & therefore the kids.

[annsplans]

I travel alone but had a conflict with myself over the pack/unpack issue until the solution came about:

 

I had the wrong kind of suitcase! After I purchased my new folding/rolling suit hanger case, putting away my clothes was so easy - just unzip, grab the hangers with the clothes already on them and in the closet, hanging up, they go! Takes 2 minutes max, because of the weight only (too heavy to pick up all in one "hanging"). The suitcase hanger thingie won't hold all my hangers so I just stack them all facing the same way and pack sox/rolled swimsuits around the tops of the hangers. That keeps them in place during the plane/auto/train trip.

 

And don't forget the discount store hanging shoe holder for the bathroom; I hang mine on the towel rack next to the door. With the limited bathroom counterspace that's a must for me. That and clothespins,two of which I used to pin up the last row of shoe compartments as the holder was just one row too long for that towel rack. (I don't want it touching the floor as I get the floor wet when showering!)

 

I have a mesh bag for my dirty clothes which immediately gets hung up on the hook behind the bathroom door, so it'll be right there soon as I need it.

 

As for any remaining items, leave in suitcase or drawer them within plastic bags or packer bags so they don't touch the drawer interior, if that's a personal issue. Or again, there's the discount store divided-compartment hanger (the other kind) which would be brand new and never touched by anything yet, to hang up in the closet for those things. That's an easy way to find what one needs in a hurry, as well.

 

I've gotten pretty quick about putting all this stuff up so I can head upstairs for the fun!

[JD75]

Sounds like cruise critic needs a man hater forum. This thread would be a perfect ice breaker.