Convincing family members

[Mysteryreader]

I'm posting this on the Celebrity forum too.

 

We'd like to do a family cruise. Our ddil is trepidatious to say the least. She is convinced she'll be suffering from seasickness constantly, tossed around the rm by stormy seas, etc. And then the biggie: their two girls will (1) be left with irresponsible kids' club supervisors leading to a Bad End and (2) inevitably FALL OVERBOARD.

 

All I've done to persuade her that this is not a Mayflower or WWII type cruise has been in vain. Our ds has suggested that maybe we need to wait 20 yrs or so. Does anyone have ideas how to change her mind?

 

M/R

[paul929207]

It is difficult to deal with irrational fears. Most people do not get seasick. Very few people fall overboard and most of them are alcohol related.

[lilacbirman]

Perhaps she would feel better if she herself came to these boards and asked. That way she would have first hand info from other cruisers who have taken their children. :)

[Pam in CA]

Sounds like she's already made up her mind and almost nothing will convince her otherwise. Trying to convince her might have the opposite effect of having her dig in her heels even more. If I were me, I'd say that I understand her concerns and she doesn't have to go; we probably won't miss her while we're having so much fun but hope she doesn't mind if we tell her how great it was after we get home.

 

People make their own choices and it sounds like she's immovable. You shouldn't let her attitude ruin a fun vacation. Take your son and grandkids.

[Andee]

Perhaps she will be seasick--that could certainly ruin a cruise for her. Perhaps you could find another type of vacation that would make her more comfortable.

[Paradisefound619]

I agree...get her on these boards! She can ask questions or just read posts. I just got off the Golden and had the time of my life! I was a little seasick our last night, which was weird because I have never been seasick on any other cruise, but I dealt with it and was fine. Yes, she may have made up her mind but maybe if she is willing to check things out here and ask some of her questions it will put her mind at ease and she will be able to go. It's the BEST time ever!!!!!!

 

Life is too short not to take some chances :)

[BobT172]

The way you make it sound tells me that nothing you can say or do will put her at ease. She has her mind make up beforehand and that's it!! Too bad she has all those misconceptions.

 

It may be best to find an alternative vaction that the entire family would enjoy...

[GreySkies]

If I were you, I would suggest that she talk to a professional about these fears. There is nothing worse than letting fears prevent you from doing something that you would likely enjoy if they weren't there. I lived like this for years until I went to a professional. The one big problem is that if someone isn't ready to face their fears, it'll be hard to get the person to talk to a professional, even if it's in their best interest.

 

Btw, if she continues to exhibit lots of irrational fears, there's a chance that her daughters will pick up on this and start to have them, as well.

 

As an example: I used to not go to movies (esp. comedies) for fear that people would stare at me if I laughed at something. Within the last year, I was on an airplane watching something and chortled. The people around me DID look at me for a moment, then went back to doing what they had been. I made sure I was quieter, but my life didn't end right then, I just went back to enjoying the show.

 

I know that this isn't much help. Hang in there, and if she still doesn't want to go, consider taking the rest of the family and let her have a nice vacation at a spa without the kids around. Perhaps even a Club Med or something that you and the kids could visit on the cruise. ;-)

[rdsqrl]

Sounds like she's already made up her mind and almost nothing will convince her otherwise. Trying to convince her might have the opposite effect of having her dig in her heels even more. If I were me, I'd say that I understand her concerns and she doesn't have to go; we probably won't miss her while we're having so much fun but hope she doesn't mind if we tell her how great it was after we get home.

 

People make their own choices and it sounds like she's immovable. You shouldn't let her attitude ruin a fun vacation. Take your son and grandkids.

Agree with this. Leave her home and go. Someone who has stubbornly made up their mind in advance of actual facts generally won't be persuaded otherwise and, even if you could, would probably cast a pall on your vacation if she did come. Of course, she probably won't permit the kids to go without her, since most of her fears seem to center around them. Seems likely she's probably going to be a great big pill on a land vacation, too. If I were you, I'd just vacation by yourselves on the cruise you want to do and see them only at holidays at their house, which presumably she has child-safetied to the nth degree. Best of luck.

[grandmato4]

Your idea to do a family cruise is great but its obvious that DDIL has already decided its not a good idea and DS has said it would be better to wait 20 yrs so unfortuantely IMHO its time to give up on the idea at least for a few more years. Cruising is not for everyone and while its too bad your DDIL won't give it a try, that is her choice and to try to force her to do something that she doesn't wish to do would not likely lead to the kind of family vacation I think you have in mind.

[ldubs]

If you DIL is prone to motion sickness, then that is a valid concern. Concern about children's safety is a good thing. As others have previously suggested, perhaps she can use CC to find more. There is alot of information about controlling motion sickness and about the "kid's club" venues. There is quite a bit of feedback about youngsters having a great time.

[TracieABD]

My husband never wanted to go on a cruise. Never---

 

---Until I went on a cruise with my mother. He took one look at all of the pictures and listened to all of the stories. Now he won't leave a ship without FCCs!

At least half of our vacations are cruises! He just loves them...

[junglejane]

You don't say how old the grandchildren are. I'm assuming they're old enough for the kids' program. First suggestion is that you ask your DIL to look at the sample Kids Patters posted here: http://s204.photobucket.com/albums/bb196/cruisinmama06/Princess%20Patters/ She will see the list of awesomely fun activities.

 

Second suggestion is that you show her some pictures of the balconies, to reassure her of how high they are. I remember before we took our first cruise with the kids, I was paranoid about that, too. Now I look back and laugh. http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showpost.php?p=14098583&postcount=30

[DrivesLikeMario]

OP - Your post is hilarious! :D It's very hard to convince anyone to go on a cruise. I learned this a long time ago. Best thing to do is to have her view as many videos as possible online.

 

Send her to Youtube to view videos of your cruise ship or your itinerary on other cruise lines. Have her watch any videos Princess has online too. She has to see it for herself that her kids will be okay and that she won't come to any harm.

 

If it makes you feel any better, on our first cruise, our DS who was 7 yrs. at the time said at least one thousand times, "Is this like Titanic?" while we were onboard. "Is this dining room like Titanic's?" "Are these railings like Titanic's?" "Are these life jackets like Titanic's?" and on and on and on! (To date, he's been on 18 cruises so far and survived.)

[Colo Cruiser]

I agree it will be very difficult to sway someone with these fears. :(

[kendon]

Perhaps she will be seasick--that could certainly ruin a cruise for her. Perhaps you could find another type of vacation that would make her more comfortable.

 

Yes. It doesn't take much movement for some to suffer from sea sickness. The weather could be great and the seas calm, but huge gentle swell will do it and certainly ruin her week.

[Whimsy]

I am trying to put a group of family and friends together together for a cruise in 2012. I have come to the conclusion that those who are THAT worried won't have a good time and am not pursuing them to sail anymore. Far be it for me to show them a good time! ;) These are the same people that won't try a thing outside their comfort zone. I decided it wasn't worth it to pursue them to come as then I would feel like I have to make sure the whole time they are happy. I do not have that much energy left in me. :rolleyes:

[Cruisin' Chick]

If I were you, I would suggest that she talk to a professional about these fears. There is nothing worse than letting fears prevent you from doing something that you would likely enjoy if they weren't there. I lived like this for years until I went to a professional. The one big problem is that if someone isn't ready to face their fears, it'll be hard to get the person to talk to a professional, even if it's in their best interest.

 

Btw, if she continues to exhibit lots of irrational fears, there's a chance that her daughters will pick up on this and start to have them, as well.

 

As an example: I used to not go to movies (esp. comedies) for fear that people would stare at me if I laughed at something. Within the last year, I was on an airplane watching something and chortled. The people around me DID look at me for a moment, then went back to doing what they had been. I made sure I was quieter, but my life didn't end right then, I just went back to enjoying the show.

 

I know that this isn't much help. Hang in there, and if she still doesn't want to go, consider taking the rest of the family and let her have a nice vacation at a spa without the kids around. Perhaps even a Club Med or something that you and the kids could visit on the cruise. ;-)

 

I have a major fear of flying. Went on my first flight when 20, and that was only because I wanted to attend a football game in the Bay Area (attended UCLA) that a group was going to go to. They were all flying, and I figured that was easier than trying to find someone driving up there.

 

Still have that fear, but I'm not going to not go on a vacation just because of that. When our girl was 3, we flew to Miami for a cruise. Before we left home, my hubby turned to me and tersely told me that I better not show any fear around the girl. Turned out she loved her first flight, and was even shouting "go faster," upon takeoff.

 

I didn't consider myself cruising material (I had a chance to go on a free cruise when working for a company that had Princess as a client, and some berths were available on one cruise so they were offered for anyone who can leave, and didn't mind paying for their flight home -- it was an one-way out of LA). Didn't bother to check into it. It wasn't until I met a guy who became addicted the year before, that I went on my first real cruise. And since then, just about every vacation, except for our honeymoon, involved a cruise.

 

Agree with this. Leave her home and go. Someone who has stubbornly made up their mind in advance of actual facts generally won't be persuaded otherwise and, even if you could, would probably cast a pall on your vacation if she did come. Of course, she probably won't permit the kids to go without her, since most of her fears seem to center around them. Seems likely she's probably going to be a great big pill on a land vacation, too. If I were you, I'd just vacation by yourselves on the cruise you want to do and see them only at holidays at their house, which presumably she has child-safetied to the nth degree. Best of luck.

 

I'm a major helicopter mom as they're called, but it was a no-brainer that our kid was going to go on cruises. We only waited until she was 23 months old, just because my hubby was hesitant to go overnight (and have her crying and disturbing others). Turned out, she didn't cry at all on the ship or in the hotel for a post-cruise trip. Of course, she actually went on a cruise at negative five months of age so maybe that's why she doesn't suffer from motion sickness at all.

 

My mother would never go on a cruise as she gets worse motion sickness than me. My sister, who loves cruises, managed to convince her to go on one about ten years ago. She got a patch prescription from her doctor, and that worked fine. Plus, she enjoyed the entertainment and sharing a table with strangers for delicious food.

 

You don't say how old the grandchildren are. I'm assuming they're old enough for the kids' program. First suggestion is that you ask your DIL to look at the sample Kids Patters posted here: http://s204.photobucket.com/albums/bb196/cruisinmama06/Princess%20Patters/ She will see the list of awesomely fun activities.

 

Second suggestion is that you show her some pictures of the balconies, to reassure her of how high they are. I remember before we took our first cruise with the kids, I was paranoid about that, too. Now I look back and laugh. http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showpost.php?p=14098583&postcount=30

 

I was just thinking you can be very sneaky and show the kids photos of what fun other kids their age have onboard (check out the family board here on CC and you'll find some links to ship kids' club newsletters and maybe even to photos). They can bug their mother about going on a cruise.

 

Or if you know someone who has taken their family on a cruise, have them talk to her. Maybe if someone talks to her in person (she might discount what people here are writing), they can dispel any fears she has.

 

She is being selfish, but maybe she can be convinced that she should let the rest of her family try it out. Just make sure the son doesn't book a balcony. Seeing photos of her happy kids and husband on the ship might make the difference.

[Finally Going!]

I'm posting this on the Celebrity forum too.

 

We'd like to do a family cruise. Our ddil is trepidatious to say the least. She is convinced she'll be suffering from seasickness constantly, tossed around the rm by stormy seas, etc. And then the biggie: their two girls will (1) be left with irresponsible kids' club supervisors leading to a Bad End and (2) inevitably FALL OVERBOARD.

 

All I've done to persuade her that this is not a Mayflower or WWII type cruise has been in vain. Our ds has suggested that maybe we need to wait 20 yrs or so. Does anyone have ideas how to change her mind?

 

M/R

 

I'm not sure how far you are from a port...but Princess has a Bon Voyage Program that they offer. It is $39 per person, you can get on the ship, have a wonderful lunch, some wine, get your picture taken, tour the ship, etc. You get to spend about 4 hours on the ship while it is in port. It is not necessary for you to know someone going on the cruise in order for you to participate. This may be a way for her to get on a ship and get a feel of it and all it has to offer. Bonus--the 39 bucks can be used as a future cruise credit.

[Weluv2cruise2007]

I suffer from wicked motion sickness (can't even read a map in the car) but I've been fine while cruising. On occassion I've had to take a gravol, but for the most part I've been fine (and more awake!) without. The technology involved in the stabilization systems is so advance you hardly feel a thing. Perhaps you could do some research on that and have her take a look??

 

As for the kids, we have cruised numerous times with my brother and his wife and daughter. She's 15 now, but when she was younger (age 6 or so onward) she spent ALL her time in the kids zone....couldn't tear her away! One thing my brother did which I thought was a great idea was to buy walkie talkies (motorolas) with a decent range so that in the evening my niece could "call" them whenever she wanted to keep in touch. They also became invaluable when she was old enough to be in the room by herself while we went to a show (a few years later). It was a nice peace of mind tool.

[mowb07]

One of my in laws is the same - has these irrational fears and outdated ideas about cruising. But then again, this person is pretty headstrong in general and wants every thing their way. I feel bad for their spouse because they compromise a lot already and they really want to go on a cruise. Having dealt with this person, id have to agree with Pam in CA (I usually do, lol) and say there is just no convincing your DDIL but the rest of your family should enjoy themselves nonetheless and share the pics/experience upon your return. Perhaps she will joiin you on the next one.

 

If that is simply not an option (ex. Leaving them behind while the rest of you vacation would cause unnecessary rifts) then I also second the suggestion of a previous poster who said she should join you onboard as a visitor - even if you don't live near a port, perhaps you can arrange a cruise out of florida and after joining you on board and experiencing the ship firsthand, her family can go to Disney or enjoy their own land based vacation and meet up with you post cruise so at least they aren't completely left out.

 

Another option might be a short one day "cruise to nowhere" if you can convince her.

 

Good luck! I hope you are able to enjoy the vacation you ultimately choose with those who choose to join! A family vacation with a largw group is an unforgettable experience for children and adults alike.

[Happy ks]

I am trying to put a group of family and friends together together for a cruise in 2012. I have come to the conclusion that those who are THAT worried won't have a good time and am not pursuing them to sail anymore. Far be it for me to show them a good time! ;) These are the same people that won't try a thing outside their comfort zone. I decided it wasn't worth it to pursue them to come as then I would feel like I have to make sure the whole time they are happy. I do not have that much energy left in me. :rolleyes:

 

 

I have done this several times. I just put the information out and allow who wants to go to decide for themselves. I really don't believe in trying to convince people to do anything they want to do, allow them to make their own choices.

 

We do have a family member who is convinced cruises aren't for her...the same person rarely vacations anywhere though. I can recall her only flying twice in her life, to the same place both times to visit relatives. We actually don't mind it so much, she's tedious enough for just a couple hours, I can't imagine spending a whole week with her :eek:

[mtaylor04]

I offered to pay for my MIL to go on an Alaska cruise with us - she said NO - I will be motion sick the whole time.

 

I think with her attitude she could mentally cause herself to be sick - so I have given up - you can't convince people to get over irrational fears - and if you do - they will find a way to ruin the trip - and then say "I told you so"

[5:00_Somewhere]

I had 2 suggestions of ways to possibly help your DDIL "get her feet wet", so to speak, before jumping all the way in, and this was the first:

 

I'm not sure how far you are from a port...but Princess has a Bon Voyage Program that they offer. It is $39 per person, you can get on the ship, have a wonderful lunch, some wine, get your picture taken, tour the ship, etc. You get to spend about 4 hours on the ship while it is in port. It is not necessary for you to know someone going on the cruise in order for you to participate. This may be a way for her to get on a ship and get a feel of it and all it has to offer. Bonus--the 39 bucks can be used as a future cruise credit.

 

I see that you, like we, frequent the Caribbean. Perhaps you could convince your Son's family to plan a Florida vacation for themselves (even a long weekend) that coincides with the departure of one of your Caribbean cruises, and they could join you for the Bon Voyage Program. It would be a great way for them to see what it's all about, check out the kids programs for themselves, and perhaps get a little excited about the idea.

 

As a second step, if the above were to be successful, but didn't 100% convince her, perhaps you could convince them to join you on one of Princess' short "Coastal" cruises as an experiment. There are some as short as 1, 2 or 3 days (as I'm sure you probably know.) This would be a bit more of a commitment, of course, as I believe the Coastals are all on the west coast at this point (I could be mistaken about that, though.)

 

It wouldn't be a quick fix, but taking baby steps might help.

 

I have a bit of an inkling what you're going through. We planned a family cruise for The Hubby's 40th in 2008 with my MIL and the 5 siblings' families (well, 4 siblings and a family friend's family). Only one family had ever cruised before. Some of the rest were trepedatious, but most were willing to give it a try. We gave everyone nearly 2 years to plan and wrap their heads around the idea. Unfortunately, we never could convince one family to go at all (even though we were paying). We never got a clear reason, but they just weren't comfortable with it. As others have said, some people will never get over their fears (which are usually based on lack of experience.) On the other hand, the rest of us (13 in all) had a wonderful time - including my DSIL who did, unfortunately, get sea sick. I doubt she'll go on another cruise, but even nauseaus, she was able to enjoy herself. That's a trooper.

 

Heck, people had been telling US for YEARS that we should try cruising, and I was hesitant for a good long time (I can't even tell you now why.) But, after about 6 hours aboard ship that first time, I was hooked.

 

As you can see by my "signature" below, we've made up for lost time since that first one. And we enjoy few things more than bringing our loved ones into the fold. ;)

 

Best of luck. I hope your DIL comes around.

 

And, always, happy cruising!

[Mysteryreader]

I'm not sure how far you are from a port...but Princess has a Bon Voyage Program that they offer. It is $39 per person, you can get on the ship, have a wonderful lunch, some wine, get your picture taken, tour the ship, etc. You get to spend about 4 hours on the ship while it is in port. It is not necessary for you to know someone going on the cruise in order for you to participate. This may be a way for her to get on a ship and get a feel of it and all it has to offer. Bonus--the 39 bucks can be used as a future cruise credit.

 

Wow! What a wonderful idea!!! We'll be in port in Newport, RI, for a day, and they're meeting us there b/c we can't get too much of our grandkids. How do I check into this BV program???

 

M/R