Do you enjoy "making conversation" with assigned tablemates on cruises?

[librarygal]

The comment below is a perfect reason why it is so hard to make conversation with assigned table mates on cruises. My wife always tells me to watch what I say and what I ask and I get so nervous trying to be politically correct with most interesting topics off limits that I tend to just go mute or keep to extremely boring small talk or chit chat. Small talk is fine if we are just with the people for one evening but every night it really gets old. To me the most interesting conversation is a mixture of observations, opinions and candid discussion. I would hate to sit at a table of people where I could not talk to people about their careers, or politics. How boring!

 

Conversation yes, interrogation, no. Sharing and learning about common interests or new things yes but sometimes people seem to go through a questionnaire before they get into a conversation. I am ok with "how many cruises" and "were are you from" but I don't like the "what do you do for a living" when it feels as "what is your social status" or " how much do you make" and I really hate the, since you are a woman question : "do you have children".

 

I have met fascinating people and believe table mates can be one of the nice special things about cruising.

[paul929207]

The comment below is a perfect reason why it is so hard to make conversation with assigned table mates on cruises. My wife always tells me to watch what I say and what I ask and I get so nervous trying to be politically correct with most interesting topics off limits that I tend to just go mute or keep to extremely boring small talk or chit chat. Small talk is fine if we are just with the people for one evening but every night it really gets old. To me the most interesting conversation is a mixture of observations, opinions and candid discussion. I would hate to sit at a table of people where I could not talk to people about their careers, or politics. How boring!

Sorry, but I don't see any problem asking about someone's career. If they don't want to talk about it, they can give a vague answer and we move on.

[momtoabowhead]

Sorry, but I don't see any problem asking about someone's career. If they don't want to talk about it, they can give a vague answer and we move on.

 

It seems a logical question. Most people spend 40+ hours per week working. It's part of who you are....

 

I don't see how it would be an off limits question.

[cruisemom42]

Conversation yes, interrogation, no. Sharing and learning about common interests or new things yes but sometimes people seem to go through a questionnaire before they get into a conversation. I am ok with "how many cruises" and "were are you from" but I don't like the "what do you do for a living" when it feels as "what is your social status" or " how much do you make" and I really hate the, since you are a woman question : "do you have children".

 

 

I think a lot of people fail to take into account personal and especially regional differences in conversation styles. What might seem like an interrogation to a dyed-in-the-wool Southerner probably would be considered mild conversation in the Northeast.

 

I enjoy conversations that grow organically and I'm not a big fan of those who try to "direct" or "steer" the conversation with a lot of well-practiced questions. However, I can live with it. The only thing that really bothers me are folks that make rude or bigoted remarks about others...

 

Once on a cruise, my then-husband and I were paired with a nice British couple who were about the same age and who had also just bought their first house. We were nonplussed on the first night when the husband suddenly blurted out, "Well, we'll tell you what we paid for our house if you'll tell us what you paid for yours..." then proceeded to name the figure they paid without waiting for us to concur. We really didn't feel comfortable sharing such information with folks we didn't know at all and it clearly showed on our faces. The wife gently chastised her husband, he apologized, and we moved on. By the end of the cruise we were great friends and we kept in touch for a long time. The husband apologized again on the last night and said it just wouldn't have occurred to him that there was anything awkward about asking such a question.

 

I think in most cases you just have to give people a chance.

[Doug R.]

Sorry, but I don't see any problem asking about someone's career. If they don't want to talk about it, they can give a vague answer and we move on.

 

When asked the career question I smile and say (if the questioner is from the USA) "I give away your tax dollars." That either:

 

1. Stops that line of questioning dead.

 

2. Elicits laughter all around or;

 

3. Elicits a disapproving or disbelieving look or comment.

 

It is the truth however. :D

[johneeo]

When asked the career question I smile and say (if the questioner is from the USA) "I give away your tax dollars." That either:

 

Without batting an eye, I would have asked how much you were going to give to me.

[circuitrider]

Once on a cruise, my then-husband and I were paired with a nice British couple who were about the same age and who had also just bought their first house. We were nonplussed on the first night when the husband suddenly blurted out, "Well, we'll tell you what we paid for our house if you'll tell us what you paid for yours..." then proceeded to name the figure they paid without waiting for us to concur. We really didn't feel comfortable sharing such information with folks we didn't know at all and it clearly showed on our faces. The wife gently chastised her husband, he apologized, and we moved on. By the end of the cruise we were great friends and we kept in touch for a long time. The husband apologized again on the last night and said it just wouldn't have occurred to him that there was anything awkward about asking such a question.

 

I would have just told him, but I can be mean like that :)

[paul929207]

I would have just told him, but I can be mean like that :)

Me too. At least where I live, all real estae transactions can be viewed over the web.

[Hlitner]

There are different "mores" when it comes to different cultures and this applies to normal socialization. For example, we Americans will often talk about our work and profession and have no problem in asking tablemates "what do you do?" Many Europeans would never talk about their work with strangers...or at least not until they got to know the folks. Some folks even find it rude to discuss work or personal finances. After an awful lot of cruising (more then 2 1/2 years) and sharing many many tables we have learned to stick to "safe topics" until we really get to know folks. Some safe topics are sports, favorite movies, travel (a great topic), etc.

 

Hank

[Doug R.]

Without batting an eye, I would have asked how much you were going to give to me.

 

You and everyone else :rolleyes::D. I keep all the money I give away in a shoe box under my desk at 16th and Arch in Center City.;)

[tigercat]

I hate to ask, but what is wrong with asking a couple if they have kids? I don't care if they have decided to not have kids. If they have had trouble having kids a quick answer will let me know. I love my kids and grandkids and love to talk about them to others that have kids. If you don't than I won't as there are other things to talk about.

tigercat

[calliopecruiser]

I hate to ask, but what is wrong with asking a couple if they have kids?

 

In my opinion nothing, if that's a conversation you're interested in (I'm not, so I'd probably never ask about kids). Some people are sensitive about certain questions......but that's their problem, not yours. Ask what you like, but go with the flow if they don't answer it or change the subject.

[cello56]

I hate to ask, but what is wrong with asking a couple if they have kids? I don't care if they have decided to not have kids. If they have had trouble having kids a quick answer will let me know. I love my kids and grandkids and love to talk about them to others that have kids. If you don't than I won't as there are other things to talk about.

tigercat

 

As someone who had to deal with years of infertility treatments, let me tell you that just 'letting you know' about their deeply personal and likely extremely painful situation is not an easy task. For many infertile couples, a vacation like a cruise is a brief chance to get away from all the treatments and disappointments they deal with on a monthly basis.

[Smokeyham]

These are always difficult areas, and almost any question could be very painful to a given person. For instance, if someone was just laid off from a job they loved, after 30 years of faithful service, then asking "what do you do for a living" could be a very difficult question for them.

 

However, these are the sorts of questions which are commonly asked, so if we have topics which we don't want to talk about, then it is good for us to think in advance of some answers which signal to others, in a polite way, that we'd rather not discusss the topic. In this example, the person might say "I'm looking at different options right now, but tell me what you do?"

 

Sadly, there are those who don't get the hint, and will keep pushing. In those instances a response such as "I'd rather not talk about that" might be called for.

[ithaca gal]

We've been on ten cruises and have been pretty lucky in the dining companions department. Our cruise in January was the best in that way ..... we were seated at a table for ten -- there was DH and me, a couple with their adult son, a divorced, retired woman from England (sailing alone) and a divorced man who was celebrating his birthday (sailing alone). This was the first part of a back to back cruise -- eleven days for our part. Everyone at our table was just doing the first leg, except for Donna (from England) who was sailing for the entire 21 days.

 

Lo and behold, the two singles FELL IN LOVE during the first leg of the voyage! At the end of ten days, the gentleman called his workplace and said he would need another 11 days of vacation and he moved into her cabin for the second leg of the cruise!

 

We have kept in touch and are actually invited to their wedding in August! How neat it was to be part of it all and watch this love story take place!:)

[calliopecruiser]

However, these are the sorts of questions which are commonly asked, so if we have topics which we don't want to talk about, then it is good for us to think in advance of some answers which signal to others, in a polite way, that we'd rather not discusss the topic. In this example, the person might say "I'm looking at different options right now, but tell me what you do?"

 

Great comment.......I don't think anyone should blame someone for asking a common and usually innocuous question, but instead know how to deflect, change the subject, and move on. That's the art and skill of conversation. If the topic of jobs or children (for instance) is painful for you, don't blame the person asking about it (after all, being employed and having children is pretty common), simply change the subject and talk about something else.

[srlafleur]

DH and I (well, truth be told, mostly "I") prefer not to share a table. However, if we do share a table, I will happily answer, in probably greater depth than you wanted, any personal questions asked. Kids, yup, grandkids, yup (and, boy, can I tell you stories about them!), my miscarriages? Sure. What I do for a living? Absolutely - it seems to fascinate nearly everyone but me. My mother with dementia and troubles with insurance, assisted living, etc? No problem. Tragic deaths of relatives? Bring it on. Seriously. I find it therapeutic to talk about that stuff, and how better to find common ground as human beings?

Religion and politics? Um...maybe? If we touch on it and seem to be polar opposites, I will avoid either subject (depending upon how the topic is broached) because my blood pressure will rise, for sure.

Topics like travel, music, movies, books, favorite color, hobbies. Duh, of course.

How much I paid for my house? It's public knowledge, on the record books at city hall. I don't care, it's all bought and paid for, anyway. We can discuss the housing market in our respective areas, why we choose to live where we live instead of a "better" neighborhood, whatever you like.

 

Unless someone seems to be fishing for the kind of information that would lead to identity theft, I don't see a problem with any topic. If you're uncomfortable about discussing something, just say so or turn the question around on the questioner and let the conversation organically evolve to the next subject.

[johneeo]

DH and I (well, truth be told, mostly "I") prefer not to share a table. However, if we do share a table, I will happily answer, in probably greater depth than you wanted, any personal questions asked. Kids, yup, grandkids, yup (and, boy, can I tell you stories about them!), my miscarriages? Sure. What I do for a living? Absolutely - it seems to fascinate nearly everyone but me. My mother with dementia and troubles with insurance, assisted living, etc? No problem. Tragic deaths of relatives? Bring it on. Seriously. I find it therapeutic to talk about that stuff, and how better to find common ground as human beings?

Religion and politics? Um...maybe? If we touch on it and seem to be polar opposites, I will avoid either subject (depending upon how the topic is broached) because my blood pressure will rise, for sure.

Topics like travel, music, movies, books, favorite color, hobbies. Duh, of course.

How much I paid for my house? It's public knowledge, on the record books at city hall. I don't care, it's all bought and paid for, anyway. We can discuss the housing market in our respective areas, why we choose to live where we live instead of a "better" neighborhood, whatever you like.

 

Unless someone seems to be fishing for the kind of information that would lead to identity theft, I don't see a problem with any topic. If you're uncomfortable about discussing something, just say so or turn the question around on the questioner and let the conversation organically evolve to the next subject.

 

Hmmmm ..... refreshing to see someone that feels the way I do about this.

 

I don't know, some folks just like making a big deal about nothing.

 

And if you happen to have a topic that you wish to avoid, when asked about it, be ready with some fiction.

 

Religion is one of my things, so I just tell folks I am a Pastafarian ... I belong to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster .... seriously, it is a real church, look it up. And if they ask for details, boy, can I give details.

[Arzeena]

We have been very lucky with table mates. we do keep in touch with some and have had fun times! We prefer to dine on larger tables...more the merrier!

[sunshine252]

So far, mostly. On 2 of my cruises, we've been seated at larger tables and had great tablemates. On another, we chose ATD and were seated at larger tables on a couple of nights... tablemates those nights weren't so good. I think that if we choose ATD in the future, we'll request tables alone. :D

[hazeleyez3]

I hate to ask, but what is wrong with asking a couple if they have kids? I don't care if they have decided to not have kids. If they have had trouble having kids a quick answer will let me know. I love my kids and grandkids and love to talk about them to others that have kids. If you don't than I won't as there are other things to talk about.

tigercat

 

I never minded the "do you have kids?" or even "Do you plan to have kids?" The answer to both is no.

 

The person who then followed with, "The reason for marriage is to have children. If you both knew you didn't want to have a family, you shouldn't have gotten married" -- that was uncalled for.

[ducklite]

Our first cruise: Seated with another family. OK, but nothing in common so conversation didn't flow easily.

 

Second cruise: Went with friends so that was easy

 

Third cruise: Sat alone, but did specialty dining the majority of the nights so it wouldn't have mattered anyhow.

 

Fourth and fifth cruise: Did a combination of sitting alone, sitting with one to three others, and sitting with larger groups. Most were fun, we had a few "dud" tablemates.

[michmike]

we travel w/ another couple who have been friends for 40 yrs. He and I go back 50 years. We also travel w/ 2 rubber chickens who are always dressed appropriately for the dining room. We will generally introduce them (Sal Monella and Kaye F. Sea) and then return them to the tote they travel in.

 

If that doesn't get folks scratching their head, when we get to the inevitable "what do you do for a living?" question, I tell them I'm on a short respite from my 35 years in prison (which is true, as an employee, not an inmate). Ed then tells them that they can accept that at face value if they want, but the sad truth is that it's a mental hospital (and point of fact, for many years we did house the State's mentally ill prisoners at our facility).

 

Then when they find out that DW is a mental health nurse.... they're not certain whether their leg is being pulled or not. While we have chased off a few that just weren't sure about us, those that stay always tell us in the end that they had a memorable (we choose to believe that is a code word for wonderful) week. *L*

 

Anyone want to take chance in the dining room on HAL's Nieuw Amsterdam, sailing 12/9? (we'll share our birthday cakes as Ed and I both turn 65 that week)

 

Growing older, but not up.... that's us!

[wassup4565]

I never minded the "do you have kids?" or even "Do you plan to have kids?" The answer to both is no.

 

The person who then followed with, "The reason for marriage is to have children. If you both knew you didn't want to have a family, you shouldn't have gotten married" -- that was uncalled for.

 

Absolutely. And very rude and judgmental to boot. Fortunately, there are very few people who don't know better than to behave like that.

 

Ann Landers had a great response for prying invasive, questions: "Why do you ask?"

[shorbr]

we travel w/ another couple who have been friends for 40 yrs. He and I go back 50 years. We also travel w/ 2 rubber chickens who are always dressed appropriately for the dining room. We will generally introduce them (Sal Monella and Kaye F. Sea) and then return them to the tote they travel in.

 

If that doesn't get folks scratching their head, when we get to the inevitable "what do you do for a living?" question, I tell them I'm on a short respite from my 35 years in prison (which is true, as an employee, not an inmate). Ed then tells them that they can accept that at face value if they want, but the sad truth is that it's a mental hospital (and point of fact, for many years we did house the State's mentally ill prisoners at our facility).

 

Then when they find out that DW is a mental health nurse.... they're not certain whether their leg is being pulled or not. While we have chased off a few that just weren't sure about us, those that stay always tell us in the end that they had a memorable (we choose to believe that is a code word for wonderful) week. *L*

 

Anyone want to take chance in the dining room on HAL's Nieuw Amsterdam, sailing 12/9? (we'll share our birthday cakes as Ed and I both turn 65 that week)

 

Growing older, but not up.... that's us!

 

Like...lol