Our Teen's experience with Ruby Princess Security

[Silent Penguin]

How often do you read a thread in which the OP starts a thread with, "We’re thinking of taking our family on a Princess Cruise. What will Princess do if my teenager is harassed by another passenger?" There are a lot of things people want to discuss (cost, food, entertainment, service, etc.) before booking with a cruise line for the first time, but security is rarely a topic of conversation. I’m going to bring it up now because I have a story to share. Spoiler Alert: It has a happy ending.

 

On the fourth evening of our Hawaii cruise, while we were getting ready for dinner, our teenage daughter reported to my husband and me that a young man (too old for the teen club but not yet 21) was making her friends and her very uncomfortable. Of course, we wanted the whole story. We felt it was something the ship’s Security Officer should be made aware of, and she agreed. After dinner that night, we escorted her to Guest Services where she asked to be contacted by a Security Officer to report the situation. We were told we would shortly receive a call from the Security Officer, and we did. By 8:00 pm, the Security Officer was in our stateroom interviewing my daughter. Of course, we were present.

 

According to my daughter, on the first at-sea day, the young man and a couple of his friends approached my daughter and her friends while they were hanging out together on the Lido deck. None of the girls were interested in getting more friendly with these guys but she didn’t say how the encounter ended. So, I don’t know how clear the girls were about their disinterest in these fellows. According to my daughter, the girls did nothing to encourage further interaction.

 

Never the less, the one guy -she called him “creepy guy”- started hanging around the teen club (tried to come in once but the staff questioned him about his age), trailing the girls to the gym and to the pool deck. While he never touched my daughter or propositioned her specifically, he did cross the line with the girls she was hanging around with; offering them drinks, asking their room number, inviting them to come to his room; touching at least one of them around the waist. It was creeping the girls out and while they discussed it amongst themselves, for their own reasons they didn’t want to report it to their parents or the cruise staff. My daughter, on the other hand, had no reservations about speaking up.

 

The way the Officer conducted the meeting with my daughter left my husband and me deeply appreciative of her skill, professionalism, and tact. We knew it was a tricky situation. After all, my daughter hadn’t been personally harassed or accosted. Her friends who were being harassed, weren’t willing to talk about it. There was the fact that this guy tried to gain entry to the teen club, but the teen staff handled that. All that was left was that my daughter was very concerned about her friends’ safety but was more of a witness than a victim. At the conclusion of the interview, the Officer thanked my daughter for being brave. She explained that the reason the guy didn’t target her was because he knew she wasn’t a “victim” but that some girls are, and men like him know who not to mess with and who will put up with it. She then confirmed her notes, had us all sign the report and asked us what we (Mom and Dad) would like to see happen. We offered that we would like her to speak to the boy to let him know that he was making the girls uncomfortable and to leave them alone, and she agreed. She asked our daughter if she could/would identify him if necessary, but it probably wasn’t going to be necessary since my daughter’s description of him (looks, age and nationality) and the fellows he was hanging around with narrowed the possibilities down considerably. As it turned out, that was correct.

 

She must have found her man quickly because a couple days later (since the day after our meeting with her was a port day until 11pm), she met with us again to follow up on her meeting with the boy. In the presence of his parents, she confronted him with the report made against him, including the fact that he was heard offering drinks and making other inappropriate moves. From what she told us, at first, he was defensive and a little belligerent, but his father held up the “shut your mouth” hand, and he was quieted. When she was done with her account of the meeting with the boy and his parents, we all agreed that having an authority figure such as herself was the most effective way to communicate with the boy and we thanked her. Then we had a very pleasant conversation about Hawaii before she left.

 

We are profoundly pleased with the Security Officer on the Ruby Princess. We nominated her for Consummate Host of the Month. If you sail on the Ruby Princess, and you see that the Security Officer won, please let me know. We are also pleased that Princess takes the security of their passengers seriously. The cynics will say they only do it to avoid a law suit, and maybe they are right, but if in doing so they protect our children as well as themselves, I’m okay with that.

 

One more thing. In the days after the Officer spoke to the young man, he never went near the girls again. In fact, on at least one occasion, my daughter witnessed the guy walking in her direction, see her, turn around and walk away quickly. Also, the girls who wouldn’t speak up told my daughter they were so relieved to have him gone. When asked why they wouldn’t talk to the Security Officer, one girl said she didn’t want her mother to know about it. Another said it was no big deal, all guys do that ----- . Another admitted she has sex with someone in the Club and thought it was hypocritical to complain about some guy hitting on her if she isn’t a virgin anyway.

[easyboy]

I admire your daughter's courageous stand for her friends, and impressed by how you raised her.

Thanks for highlighting the role of security officers on board.

[Lucky TGO]

Good for you and your daughter you did the right thing by turning him in to the security officer. He was lucky Princess didn't make him get off the ship.

Tony

[dforeigner]

As a parent of two daughters, incidents like this one always cross my mind. Based on what you wrote, your daughter did awesome. Thank you for sharing your story and glad everything worked out.

[VibeGuy]

I'm a pretty frequent passenger on Ruby (September, November, December, May so far this year), and I actually have an inkling of to whom you might be referring. I am glad she was able to resolve this to the satisfaction of you and your daughter, and I'm sure the recognition will be well-received.

 

In the broader sense, please tell your daughter that other cruisers are glad she spoke up. These jerks are the sort that become insufferable spring breakers or worse. Making it clear to them early on that cruise ships are part of civilized society and subject to more than the Pirate's Code makes cruising better for all of us.

[fishywood]

Your daughter sounds phenomenal. And of course a credit to her parents.

 

But if I were the parent in this scenario, one small answer would have been quite different:

 

[...]At the conclusion of the interview, the Officer thanked my daughter for being brave. She explained that the reason the guy didn’t target her was because he knew she wasn’t a “victim” but that some girls are, and men like him know who not to mess with and who will put up with it. She then confirmed her notes, had us all sign the report and asked us what we (Mom and Dad) would like to see happen. We offered that we would like her to speak to the boy to let him know that he was making the girls uncomfortable and to leave them alone, and she agreed.

 

My immediate and unflinching answer would have been that once the allegations were verified that this man-child be confined to his cabin until arrival in Hawaii, where he should be thrown off the ship post-haste.

 

But obviously I have no grounds to question how the Security Officer chose to deal with him. I am sure they reviewed the CCTV and if he was actually seen procuring alcohol and/or furnishing it to others also under 21 he absolutely would have been disembarked. So the officer correctly assessed him as nothing more than a giant BS artist whose punishment of having to actually complete the cruise under the watchful eye of security having been exposed as an emperor-with-no-clothes is deservedly humbling.

 

(And though I would like to thing the whole experience would have taught him a lesson, more likely it will only further stoke his misogynistic streak. The sad fact is one day he will hurt a teenage girl for real).

[Woobstr112G]

OP;

 

Good job along with Kudos to you and your daughter.....:):):)

 

Bob

[tml1230]

Its always rewarding to read about good, really smart kids….AND good, really smart parents…thanks for the post.

[Skai]

So this boy was flirting with the other girls and not your daughter, and the other girls didn't really think what he was doing was that "big of a deal"?

 

It's good to hear that ship security took your situation seriously and made sure to follow up with your complaint.

[ppeckham]

Kudos to your daughter for having the courage to speak up. You have raised her well!

 

A few years ago I took my daughter and a friend on a cruise following their high school graduation. Both were 18 at the time of sailing but still too young to be drinking. I purchased soda cards for both girls and gave them very strict instruction to get a fresh drink anytime they walked away from theirs. I didn't care whether they had just one sip before running off to the dance floor. I did not want to chance someone slipping a "mickey" into their glasses. During their trip, there was a group of drunk college guys (or had been in college and failed out). A couple of them were hitting on the girls but thankfully figured out quickly the girls were not interested. Plus there were "cougars" putting it out there so the guys moved onto the experienced women.

[Essiesmom]

I am curious as to how this guy who was 'too old for the teen club but not yet 21' was going to get the 'drinks' for the girls. By 'drink', did he mean something non-alcoholic? Or was he going to get it from his cabin? Or was he just trying to impress...EM

[babyher]

Good for your daughter that she knew how to handle the situation at such a young age.

 

Both my daughters are now in their mid to late 20s , so they are out on their own . One living and working in NYC and traveling all over the world with work.

 

They tell me there is always some guy with a pick up line , or checking them out hitting on them. Most are harmless, and a polite "not interested" or an excuse about a boyfriend or waiting for someone sends them on their way. Even they use the words "No Big Deal"

 

But there have been a few "Mr Creepy's" and they handle it pretty well. I am glad they have that in them. I am getting a little older. I cannot go on breaking legs that much longer *LOL*

[EatonDoolittle]

Good for her, and good for Mr. Creepy's Dad, for not letting him get away with it.

 

You hear too many stories about "No not possible, not my kid..." turning into a he said, she said.

[rocklinmom]

As a mom of teenage daughters who cruise frequently, I am so glad to hear how this was handled. Kudos to you and your daughter especially for speaking up. This could have easily escalated into a crime against one of those young ladies. I'm happy to hear how Princess security dealt with it. Thanks so much for sharing this!

[elliair]

A ship is a floating city and people do not change their behavior just because they're on a ship. In fact, it probably brings the worse out in people because security sometimes is lax. I think your daughter was hanging out with a couple of girls that she shouldn't have been hanging with. "No big deal" and the other already had sex with someone from the teen club. Not two girls I'd want my child to be with. Your daughter did the right thing, but it was the other two he was after and it didn't sound like they were that alarmed about him.

[rbt001]

Your daughter sounds phenomenal. And of course a credit to her parents.

 

But if I were the parent in this scenario, one small answer would have been quite different:

 

 

 

My immediate and unflinching answer would have been that once the allegations were verified that this man-child be confined to his cabin until arrival in Hawaii, where he should be thrown off the ship post-haste.

 

But obviously I have no grounds to question how the Security Officer chose to deal with him. I am sure they reviewed the CCTV and if he was actually seen procuring alcohol and/or furnishing it to others also under 21 he absolutely would have been disembarked. So the officer correctly assessed him as nothing more than a giant BS artist whose punishment of having to actually complete the cruise under the watchful eye of security having been exposed as an emperor-with-no-clothes is deservedly humbling.

 

(And though I would like to thing the whole experience would have taught him a lesson, more likely it will only further stoke his misogynistic streak. The sad fact is one day he will hurt a teenage girl for real).

 

By the OP's account, the offender's parent(s) were open, receptive and supportive of the Security Officer's discussion about their son's "reported" behavior. (How many times can stories be told about parents in this same situation becoming belligerent, defensive, and supportive of their child, stating their child can do anything they want... "Don't tell us how to raise..." etc.) Whatever private parenting and follow-up that occurred between parent and son was EFFECTIVE, as the OP stated the offender "walked the other way" and avoided the daughter.

 

It sounds like LESSON LEARNED. The boy made a mistake that hopefully he'll never make again. The daughter and her friends got to enjoy the balance of cruise (without life-long emotional scaring or years of therapy.)

 

Lastly, my praise to the OP as a GOOD PARENT, raising a daughter in an environment of open communication, where she could seek the help of supportive parents who only requested a fair outcome. (As opposed to lawsuits or having the boy burned at the stake.)

[nooptere]

Thank you for your story. I am sailing on the Ruby in June to Alaska with my teenage daughter, and will share it her.

[RetiredNTraveling]

By the OP's account, the offender's parent(s) were open, receptive and supportive of the Security Officer's discussion about their son's "reported" behavior. (How many times can stories be told about parents in this same situation becoming belligerent, defensive, and supportive of their child, stating their child can do anything they want... "Don't tell us how to raise..." etc.) Whatever private parenting and follow-up that occurred between parent and son was EFFECTIVE, as the OP stated the offender "walked the other way" and avoided the daughter.

 

It sounds like LESSON LEARNED. The boy made a mistake that hopefully he'll never make again. The daughter and her friends got to enjoy the balance of cruise (without life-long emotional scaring or years of therapy.)

 

Lastly, my praise to the OP as a GOOD PARENT, raising a daughter in an environment of open communication, where she could seek the help of supportive parents who only requested a fair outcome. (As opposed to lawsuits or having the boy burned at the stake.)

 

I agree with your comments regarding the situation.

 

The courage to report this and support their daughter was awesome!

 

Princess should take note of this and publish it with their comment in a Captains Circle to encourage others to be aware of how to handle these type of unwanted advances.

 

Just Mike

[COMBOY]

 

Never the less, the one guy -she called him “creepy guy”- started hanging around the teen club (tried to come in once but the staff questioned him about his age), trailing the girls to the gym and to the pool deck. While he never touched my daughter or propositioned her specifically, he did cross the line with the girls she was hanging around with; offering them drinks, asking their room number, inviting them to come to his room; touching at least one of them around the waist. It was creeping the girls out and while they discussed it amongst themselves, for their own reasons they didn’t want to report it to their parents or the cruise staff. My daughter, on the other hand, had no reservations about speaking up.

 

 

This is why parents must absolutely discuss with their children how important it is to advise them or a crew member no matter how nice or creepy an older adult is making them feel. This situation could have ended tragically in a sexual assault or worst. Some of those girls dismissed his actions or didn't want to get him in some sort of trouble. But that's not for them to call. Always go with your gut feeling. I'm glad your daughter did the right thing or this story might have ended up completely differently.

[Chunder Worthy]

I hated it when my step-daughter was a teenager; at first I constantly worried about unwanted advances she was not yet capable of handling, but thankfully she was raised right and was very mature and capable for her age, and my concerns dissipated greatly.

 

Likewise, I worry not about your daughter, but for her (at least ship-board) friends, who may very well fall prey to agressive young males with testoserone to burn. When they next encounter one or a batch of them -- and of course they will -- say, in the mall or on the street, there probably won't be so structured a complaint mechanism available with all parents conveniently situated in such a small area like a ship to take immediate and decisive action. Obviously then, when you can't be at all places at all times..., education is the key.

[Mom33]

Thanks for sharing your experience with security. Hopefully the young man will have gained some knowledge about respecting young women and your daughter's friends will learn about how to recognize some danger signs in social situations.

[greenie082756]

I think its great that your daughter had the confidence in her parents to let you in on what was going on around her that made her feel uncomfortable.

 

When you have that kind of trust with your child its very good. Big compliment to you as her parents!!

 

She did the right thing and that's what she needs to know. Even though her "friends" on the ship had different attitude about the pesky boys, she was smart enough to listen to her own alarms that this was not right.

 

Its also to nice to know that security is watching what is going on. It sounds like it was handled very nicely by them.

 

I get the feeling that the boy got the sternest lecture from his parents...at least I hope so.

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

Other than that, I hope your cruise was wonderful!! :D

[Silent Penguin]

 

A few years ago I took my daughter and a friend on a cruise following their high school graduation. Both were 18 at the time of sailing but still too young to be drinking. I purchased soda cards for both girls and gave them very strict instruction to get a fresh drink anytime they walked away from theirs. I didn't care whether they had just one sip before running off to the dance floor. I did not want to chance someone slipping a "mickey" into their glasses. .

 

Taking notes. I need to share that bit of tactical wisdom with my daughter.

[socaljo]

Thanks so much for this post. So happy to see how Princess handled it. Kudos to you & DD!

 

I've promised my granddaughter a European trip for HS graduation next summer, have been considering a cruise, but have been concerned about her safety aboard. I sleep like a rock and more importantly, I know I can't stay up as late as she would like to, with all there is to do on board, I can't blame her, I just can't keep up! :p

 

This would just be a girls trip for the 2 of us, she's got a lot of common sense, knowing now how security would handle this type of situation, I think I need to look at some cruise options!! :D Especially because she would have to be UNplugged! Woohooo! I would see more than the top of her head looking down! :D:D:D It's the little pleasures...

[Silent Penguin]

I am curious as to how this guy who was 'too old for the teen club but not yet 21' was going to get the 'drinks' for the girls. By 'drink', did he mean something non-alcoholic? Or was he going to get it from his cabin? Or was he just trying to impress...EM

 

That's a good question. Here's my take on it. He definitely meant alcohol and he definitely had the means of obtaining it. We learned from the Security Officer that he was part of a very large Spanish-speaking family group traveling together. (He spoke English fluently but an interpreter was present during the meeting his parents attended). In his country, he had been old enough to drink for a little while. More than likely, within his traveling group he had sympathetic older siblings, cousins or uncles (maybe aunts) who would share their wine with him or get him what he wanted from a bar. For all I know, the fellows he palled around with were older cousins or siblings.