Funniest Complaints Heard While Cruising

[Floridiana]

On one of the -dam ships, early morning Tai Chi class took place in the forward facing dance lounge upstairs unless we were in a picturesque area when the lounge had great views. Then the class took place at the lowest lounge of the ship.

 

Inside passage of Chilean fjords, rainy day, clouds down to sea level. A gentleman drags a chair to the middle of the dance floor where the class is supposed to take place. The instructor asks him politely to move the chair back again to the cocktail tables on the side for the duration of the 30 minute class. He gets up, fists tight, and yells at her that he paid a lot of money to see the sun rise. The clouds never lift in Puerto Chabuco all day.

[navybankerteacher]

On Zuiderdam Panama Canal itinerary in the forward facing lounge: a "gentleman" positioned a chair about 8 feet back from the center of the forward-facing windows - and complained when anyone wanted to sit on the sofa-type seats right next to the windows within twelve or fifteen feet on either side as they would block his panoramic view. After ranting at several individuals who reluctantly moved away, a family of two parents, two children and a grandparent simply sat down on the sofa - and the grandfather advised him that they outvoted him -- swearing under his breath, the "gentleman" stamped off.

[Vampire Parrot]

My wife and I collect complaints....

 

The best way to ruin your own cruise is......

 

One person complained to my wife that her cruise had been completely and utterly ruined. The reason: the previous evening at dinner, this person asked for cheese and biscuits, and they needed additional butter as they couldn't possibly eat cheese and biscuits without butter.

 

The huge, cruise-ruining problem was that the butter was brought on a regular small plate instead of a butter dish, and the butter had been put on the plate with a knife instead of being the proper shape.....

 

VP

[cruisemainiac]

NOT a joke--I once heard a woman complain that it was so hot her ice cubes melted too quickly...

 

Also, rumor has it someone once complained the elevators didn't go from the back of the ship to the front. Also, unconfirmed, someone complained that the stairs only went up...

 

You should have told her that she has to ask for the "good" ice cubes. ;)

[dreadpirate3]

People complaining it is too hot outside in the sun on the pool deck, then come inside and it is too cold. :rolleyes:

[iheartbda]

Some posters are being all too kind by referring to gentlemen. ;)

 

Cruises to Bermuda used to dock in Hamilton then move over to St. George. Sometimes it was not possible to get through the small Town Cut into St. George due to the weather, it's a very tight squeeze. Sometimes they don't know until the last minute if they will move.

 

It was too windy so we were staying in Hamilton. A "gentleman" was going up one side of a guest service rep and down the other because he had an excursion. It wasn't cancelled, it would just be leaving from Hamiton. Since Bermuda is roughly only 22 miles long, Hamilton being almost in the center of the island and St. George at the far end, it was only a ten mile difference. That just wasn't good enough for him that his excursion wasn't leaving from St. George.

 

I think guest service people have the worst job on ships dealing with irate and irrational people...and having to do it with a smile on their face.

[JimAOk1945]

This is a great thread! Let's hear some more complaints that are truly funny and not just complaints. :)

[Judie]

Reminds me of the times when the CD reads what people are supposed to have said: "Does the crew sleep onboard?" (....No, they swim back every morning)and "Where do you get your electricity?" (a very long cord.....). and "Do these stairs go up and down?"

 

 

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[JimAOk1945]

Reminds me of the times when the CD reads what people are supposed to have said: "Does the crew sleep onboard?" (....No, they swim back every morning)and "Where do you get your electricity?" (a very long cord.....). and "Do these stairs go up and down?"

 

 

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Yes, that's what I'm talking about! This is funny stuff! Thanks :D

[reedl]

There is a comedian who does cruise ships who told the story about the guy who saw the pool's water and asking if it was salt or fresh water. When told it was salt water he responded 'That explains why it is so choppy then.'

[navybankerteacher]

A pretty (but somewhat vapid) young woman was listening to her companion's explanation of how to tell port from starboard: "left and port both have five letters - so the port side is on your left when you are facing the bow."

 

"But how does that work if you are looking to the stern - or off to the side?"

[happicruzer]

Last week, at checkin, I was informed that I could not use my passport card for airplane flight.

 

Um....

 

I was checking in at Port Everglades to depart - on a ship - not a plane.

 

I also realize she may have made the observation just in case I didn't know that fact.

[Judie]

A pretty (but somewhat vapid) young woman was listening to her companion's explanation of how to tell port from starboard: "left and port both have five letters - so the port side is on your left

 

 

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Edited October 30, 2016 by Judie

[Judie]

Disregard.

 

 

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[cheeseclan]

I have 2 funny things that involve my DH.

 

1. We were on a cruise out of San Diego one year when there was a fire nearby. We could actually see the smoke from the ship when we were setting sail. A group of people were standing next to us and said that they did not understand where the smoke was coming from and were concerned it was coming from the ship. Of course my DH has to say something cheeky and says " it is coming from the ship since it is powered by burning wood". I almost wet my pants laughing and thought the people would also think he was kidding. But they did not. They even went to a staff member to complain :D

 

2. The other time was when we were at the Captains cocktail reception in the atrium. My DS was about 5 at the time. The Capt gets up and makes his speech and thanks everyone for sailing with him. My son says loudly that DH should make a speech since he is also a Captain. We say to him that he is the Capt of an airplane and it is not that same. Well for about an hour after that my DH had people following him around asking to speak to the Captain. When the ships captain heard about this he came over and shook my DHs hand and they both had a good laugh :p

[mainepaddler]

NOT a joke--I once heard a woman complain that it was so hot her ice cubes melted too quickly...

 

Also, rumor has it someone once complained the elevators didn't go from the back of the ship to the front. Also, unconfirmed, someone complained that the stairs only went up...

 

On our last cruise there was a trend of people complaining about the elevators although we never had to wait long. One day a women looked at me after we had waited no more than 30 seconds and said, "This is just ridiculous. They really need to have two of these elevators only go up and the other too only go down. It would stop these ridiculous waits."

 

I mean, I guess that would work....once.

[celle]

A pretty (but somewhat vapid) young woman was listening to her companion's explanation of how to tell port from starboard: "left and port both have five letters - so the port side is on your left when you are facing the bow."

 

"But how does that work if you are looking to the stern - or off to the side?"

 

Ummmm - left and port both have four letters, not five.

[Judie]

That's what I was trying to comment, not too effectively. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

 

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[packercruising]

On our last cruise there was a trend of people complaining about the elevators although we never had to wait long. One day a women looked at me after we had waited no more than 30 seconds and said, "This is just ridiculous. They really need to have two of these elevators only go up and the other too only go down. It would stop these ridiculous waits."

 

I mean, I guess that would work....once.

 

Okay, that is funny!:D

[haladdict]

When the Koningsdam was new, we listened to 2 complainers in the MDR for 19 nights. Everything was wrong. Over the nights, numerous dishes arrived and wine was always wrong. The poor waiters did their best. Night after night, waiters. MDR managers, hotel director and front desk staff, came to try and please these 2. Nothing worked. They even complained about the carpet. It was new and it was shedding a bit. Perhaps HAL could have replaced the bit around their chairs.

The only good thing was, that these 2, had a table for 2.

[navybankerteacher]

Ummmm - left and port both have four letters, not five.

 

Precisely - they were rather well matched, I thought.

[Pipo]

Port Everglades, waiting at the immigration line after disembarking Allure: "Royal Caribbean should hire more people to check passports. This is too slow".

[dreadpirate3]

Seen in a review thread here:

 

The balcony got wet overnight.

People could see into your balcony.

:rolleyes:

[4x4bob]

While waiting in a group on the dock to depart on a tour I observed two Ladies arguing with a tour staff person about wearing a wrist band. The staff person was explaining that it was required to prevent unauthorized people from boarding the tour vehicles.

 

Next the two Ladies, ID as Complainers 1 and 2 (C1 or C2), were directed to a table to at which they were required to sign a Hold Harmless Form before going on the tour. They argued about signing any document in a foriegn country??

 

Then when presented with a short form to select the lunch that was part of the Tour C2 got real huffy because she had already paid for her lunch.

 

Fast forward to the theater were we would see a show. As we came in staff handed us a free local drink in a glass with a spice on the top lip of the glass.

 

My best guess was that C1 bulled passed the line waiting to get a drink ending up without one. When she figured it out she demanded one from the staff. The girl that brought her one brought the drink in a plastic cup. Same drink but not in a glass.

 

C1 demanded that she be given the same drink that everyone else got. And, she was the type that figured if she talk real loud she would over come the language barrier of being in a foreign country. At the time she was standing behind me so I was listening to her gripe about the container of her free drink.

 

Next C1 walked over to our table and stuck her hand right in front of my face pointing at my drink sitting on the table. Her finger was about 1 inch from my glass. C1 almost yelled at the bar girl stating that is what I have been try to tell you, that is what I want.

 

My Wife grabbed my left wrist in her secret message that means You Had Better Not Say Anything.

 

When C1 left I told the Wife if she had touched my drink I would have shared it with her. The Wife said that is why I stopped you.

 

Bob

[carolmacey]

Probably the most memorable to me was the woman complainign to her husband about all the "foreigners" on the ship (she said it like it was a virus or something) and how she would have never gone a cruise if she'd known they let so many foreigners onoboard.

 

 

It was a Med sailing out of Venice with a heavily Italian leaning passenger base that particular sailing (or maybe she meant crew?).

 

I thought it was doubly odd/funny that this American sounding woman did not cosnider herself ot be a foreigner given that no port the ship was visiting, inluding the embarkation port, was anywhere near the US.

 

 

We have heard a lot of good things at guest services over the years too. I am odd enough that I enjoy taking a dirnk and sitting at a table near the GS desk and evesdropping and marvelling at how the crew keeps their composure

 

God bless the Guest services staff as they take so much %@#$& almost everyday. Sometimes I stop by just to say hello if the desk is quiet.