Friends offering to pay for cruise...

[COLLEYBERRY]

 

 

We were visiting with friends last weekend and they told us that good friends of theirs (we have only meet these other people once , they seem very nice ) have offered to pay for our friends to accompany them on a cruise.

 

They had originally asked them if they wanted to go on a cruise vacation but our friends declined saying it wasn't in their budget at this time.

 

The next day their friends called offering to pay for the cruise, ( they are apparently fairly well off ,and were very gracious in how they made the offer)

 

Our friends did however respectfully refuse ..... I know family members have often done this for one another,but friends it's a little different ...just curious what others think. My biggest fear ..it would change the dynamic of the friendship.

[kazu]

 

 

We were visiting with friends last weekend and they told us that good friends of theirs (we have only meet these other people once , they seem very nice ) have offered to pay for our friends to accompany them on a cruise.

 

They had originally asked them if they wanted to go on a cruise vacation but our friends declined saying it wasn't in their budget at this time.

 

The next day their friends called offering to pay for the cruise, ( they are apparently fairly well off ,and were very gracious in how they made the offer)

 

Our friends did however respectfully refuse ..... I know family members have often done this for one another,but friends it's a little different ...just curious what others think. My biggest fear ..it would change the dynamic of the friendship.

 

Well it's a very nice offer Colleen, but I certainly wouldn't be comfortable accepting. I would feel that I would have to defer to the other couple and it would truly bother me that I 'owe' them money (even if it was a gift).

 

Probably the other couple who offered are well off and want some company on the cruise but I can certainly understand your friends' response. I think I would do the same thing in all honesty.

[Krazy Kruizers]

That is a nice offer -- but I know that I decline -- just like your friends did.

I would not want to be obligated to return the "gift" in the future.

[uppitycats]

I think it depends a lot on the nature of the friendship, and how the "giver" offers it.

 

We've taken friends on a cruise before, ourselves. And they're still friends. :D But we were clear up front what we would pay for, and what they'd be expected to pay for (liquor, sodas, etc.), and also made it clear that they didn't need to be "glued" to us..."here's a list of excursions (with prices), we're going on these ones, we think..." and "here are websites you might want to visit to get a sense of what you'd be doing..."

 

Once on the ship, we also were clear that they didn't need to share every meal with us (except dinners were the traditional set time meal, so we met up then), nor do ship activities with us..we'd catch up with them when we saw them.

 

It seemed to work out well... It's been several years, and there have been no repercussions, and they'll mention from time to time how much fun they had...

[TheCalicoCat]

I know family situations where this scenario created unnecessary tensions. The receiver (a sister & husband) was unhappy that they only got an inside room & she was unhappy that a fellow receiver (son + family) in additoin to having a better cabin also had drinks/spa/excursions/etc. covered.

 

On the otherside, I have often thought that if I had the wearwithall that I'd like to treat my friends to a cruise...

[gelo7]

Not sure what I would do, but I am glad that I don't have to worry about it.

[crusinbanjo]

Mrs Banjo & I have some very well off friends who in the past have offered to pay for a trip as well. We have always politely declined their offer, but many times have booked the same cruise.

 

Our reasoning is that, although we love our friends, we don't want to be in a position of not having paid our own way. When we pay our own, we are not beholding to others for our needs and wants and we don't feel obligated to do only what our friends want to do. Not sure if that sounds right, but we would feel guilty about taking so much from others when we can afford to do it ourselves. Even if it is a stretch for us, if we want to go with our friends, we pay our own way. I think in the end we are respected more by our friends for not taking their generous offer, but for being there because we enjoy their company.

[sail7seas]

We had a couple we were friends with for 30+ years. They were of like means with us, like tastes, we were very, very good friends who spent a great deal of time together.

 

They had a change of circumstances, an extreme change.

They started to refuse our request for plans, our suggestion we go to dinner etc

We knew we'd done nothing to upset them so knew it had to be financial circumstances about which we had knowledge and they knew we were aware.

 

She stopped by my house one day and we had a chat. I said to her we wanted their company, missed seeing them and if they were going to isolate because dinners out were not in their budget that meant we would drift apart as that was the major thing we did together. :) (I won't list the reasons why that was our main entertainment with them......)

 

I said to her money was to be spent and while we were sensitive to the circumstance in which they now found themselves, then along with other adjustments they were making, once in a while they could let us host them in one of our usual restaurants. If we couldn't afford to do it or didn't want to, we wouldn't but to please accept our invitation when we asked. She said she'd discuss it with her DH. I felt awful

 

A week later, we called and invited them to be our guest at a moderate priced restaurant. They accepted, we had a lovely evening, and we continued for some five years with them finding thoughtful and considerate ways to 'thank us'. They invited us to their home for barbeque. They helped me when I was very ill.... we loved them

 

He passed away last year and we miss him dreadfully but we had five more years of his friendship that we treasure. Imagine how we would feel today if we had not found a way to stay in their lives?

 

It's only money......... if the people are of the means and able to do it. If they have to struggle or are just showing off, that is a whole different story.

 

No one I know has so much money they can throw it around but keeping dear friends close is not throwing it around. IMO

 

[sue1898]

I have a best friend that I've had coffee with weekly for over 15 years. She was a great shoulder to lean on during both of my parents' long illnesses. My Dad passed away first and several years later my Mom did as well. During my Mom's last illness, I promised my friend that her reward for always being there for me would be a trip to Alaska with me. My Mom passed away on New Years' Day and that August my friend and I cruised to Alaska. Now, several years later she still talks about how great that trip was! I knew she would never get to Alaska on her own and could not think of a better way to tell her how much I appreciated her support over the years!

[sail7seas]

Mrs Banjo & I have some very well off friends who in the past have offered to pay for a trip as well. We have always politely declined their offer, but many times have booked the same cruise.

 

Our reasoning is that, although we love our friends, we don't want to be in a position of not having paid our own way. When we pay our own, we are not beholding to others for our needs and wants and we don't feel obligated to do only what our friends want to do. Not sure if that sounds right, but we would feel guilty about taking so much from others when we can afford to do it ourselves. Even if it is a stretch for us, if we want to go with our friends, we pay our own way. I think in the end we are respected more by our friends for not taking their generous offer, but for being there because we enjoy their company.

 

 

 

That sounds exactly right and I think most of us understand. :)

A cruise is a big gift and it could change the dynamic of the friendship and that would not be worth it. IMO

 

[fann1sh]

I've been "giver". I'd rather have a friend with me than pay the same (200% single supplement) and go alone.

 

I did this with my recent "Mischief Managed" cruise (3rd and 4th free).

 

The crunch came with the extras - tips, a la carte dining. The chemo patient reluctantly accepted a "free pass", as she was guest of honour. Another contributed her share by providing the vehicle to drive to the port, plus doing the driving (though I paid gas). The third has/will reimburse me for extras.

 

Excursions were freebies/taxis, except all accepted I required a cabana at HMC to avoid being a Crispy Critter (and clamshells don't come with A/C).

 

But, none want to make it an annual deal. :(

 

This thread may help me deal with that.

[pomme]

 

It's only money.........

 

I strongly agree with this. Money can't be taken with you when passing away, so spend it while you can is my opinion.

[sugarcharlie]

Tell them I'll go! I make great company too.:D

 

By the way, I've never seen a Brinks truck in a funeral procession, so the earlier posters have it right. Enjoy it while you can.

[PathfinderEss]

I have a best friend that I've had coffee with weekly for over 15 years. She was a great shoulder to lean on during both of my parents' long illnesses. My Dad passed away first and several years later my Mom did as well. During my Mom's last illness, I promised my friend that her reward for always being there for me would be a trip to Alaska with me. My Mom passed away on New Years' Day and that August my friend and I cruised to Alaska. Now, several years later she still talks about how great that trip was! I knew she would never get to Alaska on her own and could not think of a better way to tell her how much I appreciated her support over the years!

Sails and Sue what great stories, from two very caring women. Brought tears to my eyes. Certainly you two know what the true meaning of friendship is all about.

[dfish]

I've semi-treated my sister to two cruises. She would never have been able to go otherwise. The first is one to Alaska and we had my parents along with us. She paid the difference between a single supplement for me and the cost of two along with her excursions and shipboard account.

 

The second was a Canada/New England cruise. Again, she paid the difference between what a single supplement would cost and the cost of two of us going, along with excursions and shipboard account. In both cases, I picked up airfare and the hotel the night before the cruise, although I quoted her incorrect prices and she thinks she contributed.

 

On the Canada/New England cruise we had an oceanview cabin booked and an upsell offer came. I took it. To this day, she thinks HAL upgraded us.

 

It was worth it to me to have her along as she is great company. She works hard in a job that is essential to the rest of us, but just doesn't pay well. She never quit smiling during each cruise and that was worth every penny.

 

Debbie

[VermeulT]

I had been planning to spend my 40th on the Oosterdam to Hawaii. Our best friends, whom we have done all our vacationing for years, couldn't afford to join us. After looking at the financials, I decided for less money, I could go with these friends for a week to the Caribbean, AND a 2nd week with my family. So that's what we did.

My friends and my family fell over with surprise and gratitude. I basically explained they were helping me save money :)

Like said above, we agreed what they would still have to pay for. I expect nothing but continued friendship back.

[edmusic]

Although this may come under the category of a "White Lie", I think it could work itself out in a win-win for all parties. Tell the friends you'd like to invite (but can't afford it) that your cruise consultant made you a special offer if you could find two more people to go. The 3rd and 4th persons could travel on the cruise for just $99 ea. (Who wouldn't take a cruise for $99?)It is a special they are offering for just a limited time to a 'select few' of their 'Diamond club' past cruisers. (When in fact you are paying full price for them only they hopefully won't find that out).

 

This way, you are not 'paying' for their cruise, they are. This way, they will not feel beholden or obligated to you. You could even cover the taxes and port fees if you like. They would be on their own for all the extras, but that is something that is within one's control.

 

I don't know; this may be a way to make it happen. Any thoughts?

[Typhoon1]

I wish we had those kind of friends.

[kakalina]

We have been friends with DH's "best friend"& his wife since we married over 30 years ago. The two men had longed to go to Hawaii and never made it. Years later our circumstances changed for the better while theirs sadly went the other direction.

 

We decided to take one less cruise that year and take them both with us to Hawaii. It was the best decision we've ever made. It was such fun to share the joy and discovery with them.

 

At first they also declined but we kept after them. They finally agreed if they could pay their own port charges, tips and drinks. We agreed and it worked out wonderfully.

 

We treasure the memories way more than that little bit of fare.

[Boytjie]

I wish we had those kind of friends.

 

Especially RSVP friends! ;)

[1of4]

I have found this thread very interesting. It just goes to show there are all types of people in this world. It can be sticky but some very good ideas and examples have been shared.

 

I found myself in an interesting situation last August before our Volendam cruise. I had (yes I said had) and 21 year friend who moved from Toronto to Vancouver 3 years before. She flew back many times and stayed in our home north of the city...she never lifted a finger to help which I found puzzling as she was a giving person and I work out of the house 12 to 13 hours a day and have two young kids. When we booked the cruise she insisted that we fly earlier and stay with her in her 7 bedroom house on the side of the mountains. I said I preferred not to be a bother as there are 4 of us and we would stay in hotels....she insisted (over many months) so we compromised and flew to Seattle and stayed there for 3 days and then, again she insisted, she drove from Vancouver to Seattle to pick us up.

 

To make a long story short it wrecked our friendship of so many years and we have not spoken since I returned and she sent two very nasty emails to me. Turns out she was insulted that we didn't advertise to one and all that we were staying with her. She was hostile towards me when we were in Vancouver, she wouldn't let me lift a finger and wouldn't let us pay for food or gas but then continued to pick on my 7 year old for everything and scared my just turned 10 year old by mocking her. Her emails said things like shame on me for making her pay for everything and itemizing what she had to pay for, including her time. I told my DH that if I didn't know HIM better I would assume they were having an affair as he had done some legal work for her.

 

So the morale of the story is to follow your instinct. I should have booked into and stayed in hotels and then she would have had nothing to hold over me. Now she is telling everyone that I am cheap. It wasn't worth it as I thought she wanted time with me, time we wouldn't have had if we were staying in downtown Vancouver and she in Coquitlam. Turns out she is not the friend I thought I knew at all.

 

You know your relationship with your friends better than anyone and if parameters are set I can see it working just fine. You just have to avoid the resentment that can build and I think that can be done by being clear and communicating before the trip.

[COLLEYBERRY]

Interesting stories...don't suppose I will ever be in a position to decline or offer a cruise :D

[xxoocruiser]

A few years ago, I found a fairly reasonable deal for an cruise and was going to book it solo. My best friend heard me talking about the cruise as it was always a dream of hers to go to Alaska. Found out that she could afford the cruise portion but the airfare was a deal breaker for her.

 

Oddly we both had Breast cancer at the same time and had finshied all of our treatment . I was taking the cruise to rest , relax and put the previous 8 months behind me. Oddly both of our birthdays are a few days apart and were the same time as the cruise. So I decided to turn the cruise into a "Celebration of Life " and offered to assist with the airfare. Explained to her there were no strings attached and that she would be responsible for all other expenses. That I would be paying more in a single supplement than the airfare would cost me and that bottom line I was being very selfish as I wanted her to be on the cruise with me. What better way to Celebrate what I had just survived than to do it with my best friend that just went through the same thing ..... a week earlier !!!!!

 

After carefully thinking it through she realized this was not a hand out that I truly wanted her to go so she accepted. Made it very clear we were not joined at the hip and she could go off and do things as she pleased. We had a great time and still friends today. Have been for over 30 years and we are both 5 years cancer free !!!!Things have actually turned around for her and she's now in a situation to do more travel. We have been on cruises together since. Oh I should note that I also have MS and she has always been there for me when I needed her support and assistance.

 

In the end to accept or not accept often comes down to how the offer is presented .

[COLLEYBERRY]

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What a wonderful story ...a good friend is priceless.:):) Best wishes to you both on your recovery milestones, and continued cruising adventures.

 

Colleen

[sail7seas]

A few years ago, I found a fairly reasonable deal for an cruise and was going to book it solo. My best friend heard me talking about the cruise as it was always a dream of hers to go to Alaska. Found out that she could afford the cruise portion but the airfare was a deal breaker for her.

 

Oddly we both had Breast cancer at the same time and had finshied all of our treatment . I was taking the cruise to rest , relax and put the previous 8 months behind me. Oddly both of our birthdays are a few days apart and were the same time as the cruise. So I decided to turn the cruise into a "Celebration of Life " and offered to assist with the airfare. Explained to her there were no strings attached and that she would be responsible for all other expenses. That I would be paying more in a single supplement than the airfare would cost me and that bottom line I was being very selfish as I wanted her to be on the cruise with me. What better way to Celebrate what I had just survived than to do it with my best friend that just went through the same thing ..... a week earlier !!!!!

 

After carefully thinking it through she realized this was not a hand out that I truly wanted her to go so she accepted. Made it very clear we were not joined at the hip and she could go off and do things as she pleased. We had a great time and still friends today. Have been for over 30 years and we are both 5 years cancer free !!!!Things have actually turned around for her and she's now in a situation to do more travel. We have been on cruises together since. Oh I should note that I also have MS and she has always been there for me when I needed her support and assistance.

 

In the end to accept or not accept often comes down to how the offer is presented .

 

 

What a fabulous Friend story.

 

Thanks for sharing and Congratulations on five years cancer free.

 

Of course, wishing you and your friend many more celebrations of life in the years ahead. :)