Dinner Question - Is this rude?

[CrazyCrewzer]

If I were a woman cruising solo why would one think I would be better suited at at a dinner table with other solo diners? Would I not be a smart, witty, interesting and engaging dinner companion without a husband sitting next to me? Could I not be the most entertaining person with whom you have ever sat? When dinner is over, move on to something else. I prefer a few hours in the casino by myself, chatting a bit with fellow gamblers. I have never cruised solo but would certainly enjoy it. Depending on strangers to have a good time is a recipe for disaster. Although more and more people are traveling solo, they are still viewed by some as an anomaly.

[Tura Lura]

If I were a woman cruising solo why would one think I would be better suited at at a dinner table with other solo diners? Would I not be a smart, witty, interesting and engaging dinner companion without a husband sitting next to me? Could I not be the most entertaining person with whom you have ever sat? When dinner is over, move on to something else. I prefer a few hours in the casino by myself, chatting a bit with fellow gamblers. I have never cruised solo but would certainly enjoy it. Depending on strangers to have a good time is a recipe for disaster. Although more and more people are traveling solo, they are still viewed by some as an anomaly.

 

You can sit where you like. But solo travelers in a lot of cases are looking for folks to do stuff with outside of eating. So the thought is to put them together at dinner so they meet other folks traveling alone. If you don't want to eat with them, don't. It's not an insult to put you with other solos, it an attempt to give you activity buddies. That's why NCL has a solo lounge, why most cruises have solo meet ups.

[maryjaden]

You can sit where you like. But solo travelers in a lot of cases are looking for folks to do stuff with outside of eating. So the thought is to put them together at dinner so they meet other folks traveling alone. If you don't want to eat with them, don't. It's not an insult to put you with other solos, it an attempt to give you activity buddies. That's why NCL has a solo lounge, why most cruises have solo meet ups.

 

I think the idea of solo travelers looking for other people to do things with is changing. I have not cruised solo, but am considering it. My husband is not a cruiser and only goes with every 5 years or so. My girls and I usually go. With them going off to college, I will continue to cruise because I love it! Yes, I am glad lines have solo activities, but am certainly comfortable and have fun alone. It gives you a lot more scheduling freedom to do what you want, when you want.

[NLH Arizona]

First, I don't think it is rude if table mates don't invite a solo or a couple to join them for after dinner activities. I guess I've always been lucky, because when I cruise on a line that has fixed seating for dinner, I've always gotten great table mates. They have always invited me to go for an after dinner drink or to a show. Most of the times I decline, but sometimes I go.

 

With regard to sitting only with solos when I cruise. Other than one example, which was on Crystal cruise where I was at a table with all solo ladies and the most handsome officer I think I have ever seen, I prefer to be seated with a mix of couple and solos.

 

And I agree with maryjaden, I don't look for others to do things with, as I'm very comfortable deciding what I want to do when I want to do it and not have to worry about others.

[SuiteTraveler]

I'm wondering what cruise lines put singles together at dinner?

 

I've now done two 14 day cruises as a solo senior female, both times with Anytime Dining. I've never been seated (or asked if I wanted seating) with other singles. There were other singles mixed with couples at the table, but never a 'singles table'.

 

It would have been very nice if others had asked me to join them after dinner, but it's never happened -- evenings are the only part of solo cruising that I find disappointing. And it's very uncomfortable or awkward to ask. After the show, it's me & my kindle.

 

NCL's Studio Lounge concierge puts solo residents of the studio cabins together for group dinners on Epic, Getaway, Breakaway and Escape. They do stuff like go to specialty restaurants onboard the ship and have other things that they can do or not do as a group.

Edited November 18, 2015 by SuiteTraveler

[legaljen1969]

If anyone wished to ask me why I was traveling solo, what is awkward about responding I was a couple for 47 years until my very DH passed away? It may make me sad but it is nothing to feel awkward about to ME. I realize some may feel differently.

 

I find that some people don't really know what to do with the thought that a woman feels free enough to dine and enjoy her life sans spouse. It seems to make some people, especially couples, feel quite awkward. I don't really know why they feel that way.

 

When we first got married, my husband was active duty military and was set to deploy just before Thanksgiving. I had debated going home to visit family for the holiday, but found myself invited by friends (a couple) to spend Thanksgiving with them. The husband was in a different unit than my husband, so he was not deploying. As it was my first Thanksgiving as a newly married military spouse, I figured it was time to embrace the lifestyle and spend time in "my" community. My husband left two days before Thanksgiving. I was a bit sad, but knew I had a place to go for the holiday. I was anxiously anticipating the Thanksgiving dinner with my friends. We had discussed that I would be bringing a dessert to the festivities, so I made what planned to bring.

 

On Thanksgiving morning, I was called and told that they wanted to celebrate the fact they were together on Thanksgiving and they had decided I would be a sad reminder that not everyone is together, and they did not want me to come over. One of the saddest lessons of "convenient friendship" ever.

 

 

Granted the above story involves people I would have to see again, so it's not particularly the same as a week long cruise. I tell it to say I understand not being joined at the hip with your tablemates, but to tell someone they are unwelcome because they are single or solo-- well that IS rude.

 

I enjoy having my own time, and I am pretty much an introvert, so asking to join others would be out of my nature.

[cruisemom42]

If I were a woman cruising solo why would one think I would be better suited at at a dinner table with other solo diners? Would I not be a smart, witty, interesting and engaging dinner companion without a husband sitting next to me? Could I not be the most entertaining person with whom you have ever sat? When dinner is over, move on to something else. I prefer a few hours in the casino by myself, chatting a bit with fellow gamblers. I have never cruised solo but would certainly enjoy it. Depending on strangers to have a good time is a recipe for disaster. Although more and more people are traveling solo, they are still viewed by some as an anomaly.

 

Well said!

 

I have never understood the whole "couples can only socialize with couples" rule. When I was part of a couple, I never had any issues enjoying the company of someone who was solo, and now that I travel solo, I am happy to socialize with others who share my interests (or sometimes who are just interesting conversationalists) -- whether they are solo or part of a couple or even a larger group is completely immaterial to me.

 

That said, the best and most interesting "table" I was ever part of, in the MDR on Aegean Odyssey, was a mix of solo ladies ranging in age from 45 to 90 and from four different countries. We had some great and far-ranging discussions. Then we parted company until the next evening's dinner.

 

As I already said, I'm not looking for a buddy to share my every experience with onboard ship. But I do enjoy the give-and-take of a good dinner table conversation with others. Afterwards, I'm happy to go my own way to enjoy the rest of the evening.

[squadron]

I would never want to be on a cruise where I'm sitting with the same people each nite. That's awkward and uncomfortable, being a solo, unless they are all solo too. I don't want to intrude and I don't want to be intruded on!

 

I prefer traditional dining and have been at tables where I was the only solo and at other times there may be one or more solos. To me solo means that you are travelling alone not attached to a friend or relative while travelling. It makes no difference - it all depends on the personalities of the people involved. I have been asked if I wanted to sit with one or more for the "show" and sometimes not.

[squadron]

I find that some people don't really know what to do with the thought that a woman feels free enough to dine and enjoy her life sans spouse. It seems to make some people, especially couples, feel quite awkward. I don't really know why they feel that way.

 

When we first got married, my husband was active duty military and was set to deploy just before Thanksgiving. I had debated going home to visit family for the holiday, but found myself invited by friends (a couple) to spend Thanksgiving with them. The husband was in a different unit than my husband, so he was not deploying. As it was my first Thanksgiving as a newly married military spouse, I figured it was time to embrace the lifestyle and spend time in "my" community. My husband left two days before Thanksgiving. I was a bit sad, but knew I had a place to go for the holiday. I was anxiously anticipating the Thanksgiving dinner with my friends. We had discussed that I would be bringing a dessert to the festivities, so I made what planned to bring.

 

On Thanksgiving morning, I was called and told that they wanted to celebrate the fact they were together on Thanksgiving and they had decided I would be a sad reminder that not everyone is together, and they did not want me to come over. One of the saddest lessons of "convenient friendship" ever.

 

 

Granted the above story involves people I would have to see again, so it's not particularly the same as a week long cruise. I tell it to say I understand not being joined at the hip with your tablemates, but to tell someone they are unwelcome because they are single or solo-- well that IS rude.

 

I enjoy having my own time, and I am pretty much an introvert, so asking to join others would be out of my nature.

 

I , too, had a long time marriage to a military man and understand deployments. I sometimes feel that some women should think about the fact that they may be cruising alone someday and possibly extend themselves a bit. What comes around goes around. I particularly like the question - "Don't you have anyone to travel with?" ! I do manage very well on my own - but for the newcomers remember that the first one alone if the hardest and after that you may well prefer to travel alone with the freedom it brings.

[sail7seas]

If I were a woman cruising solo why would one think I would be better suited at at a dinner table with other solo diners? Would I not be a smart, witty, interesting and engaging dinner companion without a husband sitting next to me? Could I not be the most entertaining person with whom you have ever sat? When dinner is over, move on to something else. I prefer a few hours in the casino by myself, chatting a bit with fellow gamblers. I have never cruised solo but would certainly enjoy it. Depending on strangers to have a good time is a recipe for disaster. Although more and more people are traveling solo, they are still viewed by some as an anomaly.

 

Thank you. I've never had a problem making pleasant table talk conversation when traveling with my late DH. Why would anyone think I've forgotten good manners and interesting conversation. I am well traveled, well read, well informed, well groomed, well dressed and well able to 'hold my own'.

 

I have been shocked to read these comments that a woman traveling single or solo :rolleyes: should be seated with others traveling without partners.

 

 

 

 

You can sit where you like. But solo travelers in a lot of cases are looking for folks to do stuff with outside of eating. So the thought is to put them together at dinner so they meet other folks traveling alone. If you don't want to eat with them, don't. It's not an insult to put you with other solos, it an attempt to give you activity buddies. That's why NCL has a solo lounge, why most cruises have solo meet ups.

 

Generalizations rarely work well. Each of us gets to decide for themselves what we find insulting. As an independent person, I don't rely upon someone else to define when I should be insulted. :)

 

I am not looking to find people with whom to do things. What ?stuff I may do, I don't need a hand holder or buddy. :D I'm quite able to do what I wish on my own and/or meet people independently throughout my day aboard. I don't need a CD to seat me with some others who may not be quite as independent or self-reliant.

 

If that works for some, I think it great it is offered but I won't be relegated to a specific table set for sole/single travelers.

 

 

 

Edited November 18, 2015 by sail7seas

[Tura Lura]

Who said anything about a woman traveling alone? Half the solos on NCL I met were guys. You have a strange, rather insulting,attitude that sitting with other solos is somehow being seated by the kitchen or at a kids table. It's just a bunch of other people who happen also to be traveling alone. Not sure why you feel the need to use terms like "relegated" as if sitting with other solos is beneath your stature and a demotion in your class. That's incredibly insulting to other solo travelers, you act like solos are a bunch of losers and how dare they sit you with them. Please sit with other people worthy of you. I'd rather eat alone than with someone looking down their nose.

[sail7seas]

changed my mind.

Edited November 19, 2015 by sail7seas

[notentirelynormal]

Umm, isn't a solo just half of the couple who are also strangers? What is the difference. First night everyone meets and does small talk. You gel or you don't. I don't get how someone sailing individually is any different. In all my cruises I never thought to treat anyone differently in that respect.

[Waynetor]

I can recall a thread a few years ago that was sort of the opposite of this.

A single passenger after a nice time at a large table decided she wanted to join one couple in everything. They found her hard to avoid without being what they thought was rude to say. They found her very clingy

[blueblock]

I love to cruise solo and the tables that I sit at in the dining room usually have a mix of solos and couples (or pairs of friends, mother/daughter, etc.). I would never expect any of them to invite me to socialize after dinner. On the other hand, on my last cruise, my dining tablemates included a lovely couple who joined my progressive trivia team. They were a lot of fun. As in ordinary life, I make my own friends onboard, and don't expect either the cruise line or the other passengers to facilitate that for me!

[Tura Lura]

i don't go to meet other people. I go to be on my own. So i wouldn't want to be put at a table with a bunch of strangers. On NCL, i did go to eat with other solos since we had a solo cruise host who booked our theater reservations and then offered to book us all at the MDR together beforehand. So i went along. It was a good group of a few gfs traveling together but one in a solo cabin, single guys, partnered and single women, ranging from 25 - 75 yrs old. One i ended up going out at night with in Bermuda, which was cool cause on my own i might have gotten lazy and just hung out on the ship that nite. Another girl and guy ended up being good dance party buddies. So it was useful to have someone playing host for us to meet up. Some never hung out with others at all. You do what you want, but its nice to have options.

[maywell]

i don't go to meet other people. I go to be on my own. So i wouldn't want to be put at a table with a bunch of strangers. On NCL, i did go to eat with other solos since we had a solo cruise host who booked our theater reservations and then offered to book us all at the MDR together beforehand. So i went along. It was a good group of a few gfs traveling together but one in a solo cabin, single guys, partnered and single women, ranging from 25 - 75 yrs old. One i ended up going out at night with in Bermuda, which was cool cause on my own i might have gotten lazy and just hung out on the ship that nite. Another girl and guy ended up being good dance party buddies. So it was useful to have someone playing host for us to meet up. Some never hung out with others at all. You do what you want, but its nice to have options.

 

That one of best things about solo traveling on the NCL Breakaway-class ships - it's not force, mandatory, never necessary to dine with other soloers because there's no assigned seating made by the cruise line. You go to lounge and/or solo meet, look or chat around a few minutes - then decide if you want to dine with them or not.

 

You either gel / get along with the people there or you don't with the added bonus of not being relegated to the buffet that doesn't have much offerings or the only specialty restaurant onboard. (My Carnival assigned solo table MDR experience pretty much summed up - and I was the most talkative person at the table of 10, which most days had only 3-5 people there; by saying "Hi, how's your day?" & "Have a good evening", literally...). It's nice to have additional options /choices especially when traveling by yourself on NCL - you can either take that or strike out on your own; still going to have great/good time either way. [emoji4]

 

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[srlafleur]

No, not rude at all, unless everyone at the table made plans to do something together during the meal, while specifically excluding the solo person.

Now, of course, if all the other people were travelling together, that's a different story.

 

If they all were discussing their evening plans over dinner and discovered that they were all headed to the show, it would have been nice to ask, "would you like to join us?" Not rude not to, but certainly nice to inquire.

Edited November 19, 2015 by srlafleur

[CowPrincess]

If a solo is interested in being invited to join others after dinner, there is nothing stopping the solo from saying "I'm going to listen to ....., would anyone care to join me?" That sends the signal that the solo is interested in socializing, without being demanding, and without expecting others at the table to others to read the solo's mind.

[Karysa]

If the cruiser travels alone there is probably a reason for that. If the reason was that their mate or travelling companion was ill or had recently passed away then yes I would tell them what our plans were and ask them if they would like to join us. If traveling solo was just their choice then I would not invite them but if asked to join them I would consider it depending on what they were doing that evening.

[cruisemom42]

i don't go to meet other people. I go to be on my own. So i wouldn't want to be put at a table with a bunch of strangers. On NCL, i did go to eat with other solos since we had a solo cruise host who booked our theater reservations and then offered to book us all at the MDR together beforehand. So i went along. It was a good group of a few gfs traveling together but one in a solo cabin, single guys, partnered and single women, ranging from 25 - 75 yrs old. One i ended up going out at night with in Bermuda, which was cool cause on my own i might have gotten lazy and just hung out on the ship that nite. Another girl and guy ended up being good dance party buddies. So it was useful to have someone playing host for us to meet up. Some never hung out with others at all. You do what you want, but its nice to have options.

 

I don't understand your post. You say you don't go to meet people and don't want to eat with strangers. But weren't the other solos you ate with also strangers to start with??

 

I also don't go on cruises to meet people, but it doesn't mean I don't want to socialize with them. In other words, I'm not looking for lifelong friends, but having someone to talk with at dinner is pleasant.

 

I've always felt that people are only "strangers" at the table for a few minutes. Once we start conversing, we aren't strangers for long.

[cruisemom42]

That one of best things about solo traveling on the NCL Breakaway-class ships - it's not force, mandatory, never necessary to dine with other soloers because there's no assigned seating made by the cruise line. You go to lounge and/or solo meet, look or chat around a few minutes - then decide if you want to dine with them or not.

 

You either gel / get along with the people there or you don't with the added bonus of not being relegated to the buffet that doesn't have much offerings or the only specialty restaurant onboard. (My Carnival assigned solo table MDR experience pretty much summed up - and I was the most talkative person at the table of 10, which most days had only 3-5 people there; by saying "Hi, how's your day?" & "Have a good evening", literally...). It's nice to have additional options /choices especially when traveling by yourself on NCL - you can either take that or strike out on your own; still going to have great/good time either way. [emoji4]

 

Sent from my SM-N910T3 using Tapatalk

 

Almost all lines offer the choice of anytime dining. I know a lot of solos like fixed seating, but I enjoy the so-called 'anytime dining' where you can ask to share a table in the MDR or you can choose not to do so. No need to eat in the buffet or a specialty restaurant, unless you want to...

[maywell]

Almost all lines offer the choice of anytime dining. I know a lot of solos like fixed seating, but I enjoy the so-called 'anytime dining' where you can ask to share a table in the MDR or you can choose not to do so. No need to eat in the buffet or a specialty restaurant, unless you want to...

 

Personally, after that one time on Carnival with their MDR assigned dining - I prefer dealing with NCL's solo meet dining setup where you get to chat/meet with your dining mates BEFORE dinner. If I go on any other lines, I'll be sure to check that the particular ship has more than just one specialty restaurant or complimentary place that not just the buffet or the MDR for dinner. Why? Because, whether or not it assigned or anytime dining; you might not as a solo traveler get a table by yourself - and honestly, when you haven't spoken before sitting down for dinner, you don't know if you hit off or not. Heck you might winded up with crazy, rude or completely silent tablemates - which makes for awkward dining....

 

Its the same thing if it was married couple / duo / group of friends/ etc dining with other people who are complete strangers to them - might not want to dine with those other people either in a MDR, your own company is more than enough at the table. Same thing with solo travelers - book, tablet, Ipad,etc by oneself is more than enough to occupy one's time.

[Tura Lura]

I don't understand your post. You say you don't go to meet people and don't want to eat with strangers. But weren't the other solos you ate with also strangers to start with??

 

I also don't go on cruises to meet people, but it doesn't mean I don't want to socialize with them. In other words, I'm not looking for lifelong friends, but having someone to talk with at dinner is pleasant.

 

I've always felt that people are only "strangers" at the table for a few minutes. Once we start conversing, we aren't strangers for long.

 

Let me explain. What I mean is I don't want to walk over to a table of strangers or have them join me at mine. I find that uncomfortable and awkward. The solo travellers I ate with I met at the solo gathering first, already made small talk, had a clue what they were about. So sitting down to dinner with them wasn't the first time I met them. It was still kinda awkward with some of them but I already knew a couple I was ok with. I don't like small talk, I don't like forced conversation. I can fake it but I find it exhausting. Outside of 3 dinners that were arranged by the solo host, I hung out with one girl in Bermuda a bit. The rest of the time I stayed on my own. Happy with my own company, a good book and my own vivid internal life. Like a proper introvert :).

[Tura Lura]

Personally, after that one time on Carnival with their MDR assigned dining - I prefer dealing with NCL's solo meet dining setup where you get to chat/meet with your dining mates BEFORE dinner. If I go on any other lines, I'll be sure to check that the particular ship has more than just one specialty restaurant or complimentary place that not just the buffet or the MDR for dinner. Why? Because, whether or not it assigned or anytime dining; you might not as a solo traveler get a table by yourself - and honestly, when you haven't spoken before sitting down for dinner, you don't know if you hit off or not. Heck you might winded up with crazy, rude or completely silent tablemates - which makes for awkward dining....

 

Its the same thing if it was married couple / duo / group of friends/ etc dining with other people who are complete strangers to them - might not want to dine with those other people either in a MDR, your own company is more than enough at the table. Same thing with solo travelers - book, tablet, Ipad,etc by oneself is more than enough to occupy one's time.

 

Exactly, going over to a table of people you've had no prior contact with and have to eat with them, talk to them, even if they turn out to be horrible...) ugh. Awkward dinner conversation. Just what I want on a vacation. I'll sit with a kindle instead thanks. :)

 

Adding: on Breakaway the solo dinners were about 12-15 people, so I could avoid the ones that made me crazy by sitting far away! And sat near ones I found I clicked with enough to have an actual conversation, not painful small talk.

 

I also went to LGBT meet ups to see what fun family might be there, and found some i could share a drink with when I wanted some company.

Edited November 20, 2015 by Tura Lura