Ummm- dumbest question ever. Cruising with an Ex

[spookwife]

So this had to be the most idiotic question and scenario ever. I really don't need the flaming a- hole responses but I know they are coming.

 

My husband and I have been planning our Alaska cruise for a year and a half. This is on my bucket list. Pretty sure we will be divorced by then. Hearing is earlier that month. We don't hate each other. Frankly I can't think of anyone else I would rather go with. If he is sober.

 

Would you cancel or go?

 

key word: SOBER.

 

access to alcohol is easy and its plentiful. If you cannot objectively trust him to remain booze free( or at least severely limit his intake) then DO NOT GO WITH HIM. most of the 'man overboard' scenarios and high publicity deaths involve alcohol and domestic disturbances.

[jackalope12]

Sounds like a horrible time. Buy out his half and go with a friend.

[DirtyDawg]

Does the soon-to-be Ex even want to go with the OP?

 

If so, and the OP wants to go then go.

[luddite]

Believe it or not - this is not the first time this has been asked here!

 

If you still get along - go, Have a great time.

 

It is also not the dumbest question ever asked here.

[babyher]

Went on a few trips with my ex wife long ago, not just with the kids, but with each other. We were the same as you , get along fine , just couldn't be married.

 

If his drinking is that much of a problem (only you know the answer to that) , I wouldn't chance it. but otherwise go for it.

[kitty9]

We don't know you or your husband, so giving advice is difficult if not impossible. There are too many "ifs" involved here. Just ask yourself some questions. If he drinks too much, is he a happy drunk or a dangerous one. If he drinks too much, can he hurt you, others or himself (those who fall overboard are usually drunk). If he's a nasty or dangerous drunk, are you prepared to be thrown off the ship, and can you afford to find your own way home. If he drinks too much, can you share a space with him that's smaller than a hotel room. If he's drunk, do you get into loud screaming matches.

 

You say there's too much you want to see in your life, but what you're not seeing clearly now is that you don't need your husband to do that. I'm long divorced, and I've been on 90+ cruises without him. Your life, and your adventure life, will not end with your divorce----you're just starting a new chapter of your life, hopefully as a happy traveler. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of divorced people who cruise, either as a solo or with friends.

[onespots]

First you have spent much time in the planning & now a have a certain expectation for this trip. In my opinion Alaska is best enjoyed on land. Therefore your time at ports & taking excursions are paramount. If your traveling partner is not sober to enjoy these trips or too hung-over to get off the ship it will detract from your time & lessen the experience you wanted to share.

 

We like to do private or very small group excursion. ( hardly use the ship excursions ) Just the potential of this situation( drinking excessively ) would incline me to find a new travel partner. There are just too many temptations aboard the ship for one who makes alcohol the priority.

 

Good luck in your final decision...

[slidergirl]

I am sorry that PTSD and TBI has affected your family. You only know how his self-medication can complicate things. What will you do if he does over-medicate? How does he act when he drinks? Will he be safe on the ship? Can he cope alone if you decide to not deal with him onboard?

If he has any health care providers, you may want to go together and see what they believe would be best for him and you. The cruise and it's environment (the closed environment, small cabins, easy access to alcohol - would he be able to handle this? You have some serious issues to consider here. I hope you make the one that works for everyone.

[bakersdozen12]

My only concern here is that you've stated it will be ok if he's sober. If you guys are divorced by then, quite frankly it's not any of your business whether he drinks or not. So if you can't handle being around him when he's drinking, I would say don't go.

 

 

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[MrsPete]

Until I read the "if he is sober" statement, I would have said go. Consider that you will be stuck in a small cabin with someone who could come in drunk at any time, I say cancel.

 

DON

Yeah, I zeroed in on that line too. Drinking is a very big deal on a cruise, so if he has a problem with drinking, he's not likely to be sober.

 

I suggest you talk about this with him ahead of time about this subject.

[VennDiagram]

So this had to be the most idiotic question and scenario ever. I really don't need the flaming a- hole responses but I know they are coming.

 

My husband and I have been planning our Alaska cruise for a year and a half. This is on my bucket list. Pretty sure we will be divorced by then. Hearing is earlier that month. We don't hate each other. Frankly I can't think of anyone else I would rather go with. If he is sober.

 

Would you cancel or go?

 

I can't tell you what to do. Only you can make that decision. Can you honestly answer these questions to yourself?

 

"Why are we divorcing?"

"Why do I want to vacation with this man I am divorcing?"

 

I would want to know what my motivation was before I spent one minute longer than necessary with a person who needed the phrase "If he is sober".

 

I think you need to clarify to yourself why you are considering this. I wish you all the best.

[dolittle]

I would go ,if it does not work go through with it . It would be nice if like in a rom-com you to rediscovered each other and went on. Is that what you want.

[GottaKnowWhen]

So this had to be the most idiotic question and scenario ever. I really don't need the flaming a- hole responses but I know they are coming.

 

 

 

My husband and I have been planning our Alaska cruise for a year and a half. This is on my bucket list. Pretty sure we will be divorced by then. Hearing is earlier that month. We don't hate each other. Frankly I can't think of anyone else I would rather go with. If he is sober.

 

 

 

Would you cancel or go?

 

 

I would say "Go!" but your comment that you can't think of anybody else you would rather go with, that worries me. If you (and he) can maintain a casual friendship, do your own things, go your separate ways, occasionally reconnect if/when it is convenient, then great. If you are expecting to be WITH him, sharing, reminiscing on past times together, enjoying good times together on and off the ship, please don't do this. Your pending divorce already verifies that this level of sharing doesn't work for you. My parents were divorced, I watched my Dad struggle to maintain a cordial relationship and it didn't work. I have been there twice, struggled to "just be friends", and it didn't work. I hope you can do this, but don't go into it expecting that you can, in any sense, really share the cruise with your (ex)husband.

 

Stan

[AK Wife]

Remember that you would have no where to go if he drank & that caused issues that prevented you from safely/peacefully sharing a cabin together.

Would he consider not going (be a no-show) & call it a divorce present to you?! If not then I agree with a previous poster who suggested you book your own cruise & enjoy a carefree trip.

[zqvol]

So this had to be the most idiotic question and scenario ever. I really don't need the flaming a- hole responses but I know they are coming.

 

My husband and I have been planning our Alaska cruise for a year and a half. This is on my bucket list. Pretty sure we will be divorced by then. Hearing is earlier that month. We don't hate each other. Frankly I can't think of anyone else I would rather go with. If he is sober.

 

Would you cancel or go?

 

 

If you two can get along and be friendly even if you can't be married then by all means go and have a good time.

[spookwife]

My only concern here is that you've stated it will be ok if he's sober. If you guys are divorced by then, quite frankly it's not any of your business whether he drinks or not. So if you can't handle being around him when he's drinking, I would say don't go.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

 

Sorry but I vehemently disagree on this. if they are sharing a cabin damn skippy his drinking habits will be her business. especially with PTSD, which can manifest itself as major violence at the drop of a hat.

[Pyrate13]

First, it's not a dumb question. Second, you said yourself he would probably get drunk early on and stay that way the entire time. Sorry, but that doesn't sound like a stress free, enjoyable trip to me. Good luck with your decision though.

[2specialkidsforme]

Whatever you decide, I hope you have a fantastic trip!!!!

 

Despite still getting along, is there any reason not to take the trip alone? I ask because perhaps you have never cruised alone but many will agree it is a great way to travel solo. Opportunity to spend time alone or join in with others.

 

Again, enjoy your trip and I hope whatever decision you make brings you happiness.