Britannia B017 Fantasy Blog

[DamianG]

Synopsis

 

If we had actually sailed the above fantasy account is pretty much what we would have expected. Some of it is made up and other parts are simply recalling things that happened on our past cruises. It’s taken a bit of effort but I’ll enjoy looking back at it in the future and if we all get back cruising again it will remind us what our plans would have been (in particular that grand tour in Palma). I really hope that we do (get back cruising) as next year we have a fabulous cruise booked (B118) with three new ports for us (Villefranche, Alicante and Ibiza) and a final stop in Lisbon. It’s almost perfect (just missing Kyle’s favourite port Civitavecchia!).

 

Thanks to everyone who has read this and in particular all those who commented. I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments but I think my favourite is Andrew’s “Pizza sans fromage? Sacré bleu mon ami!” as I imagined this was the cry from the chef at Kyle’s tomato pizza request.

 

I have to say that I’m gutted that no-one commented on my subtle Chesney Hawkes joke (maybe you didn’t notice it or is it that you were all far too polite to tell me how corny it was?). I also thought that someone would have a go at the crossword clue “There’s no life in these boring cruise ships” (9 letters). The answer, by the way, is “Flatliners.”

 

I’ll sign off with the (cast) closing credits just in case anyone wants to pay me some royalties and turn this into a movie. In no particular order:

 

Captain Derek Gray                    (as Himself) Captain

Neil Oliver                                    (as Himself) Entertainment Manager

Ben Fernandes                            (as Himself) Food & Beverage Manager

Sachin Tendulkar                        MDR Waiter

Virat Kohli                                    MDR Waiter

Sunil Gavaskar                             Butler

Kapil Dev                                      Cabin Steward

Virender Sehwag                        MDR Sommelier

Anil Kumble                                 MDR Waiter

Yuvraj Singh                                 MDR Waiter

Mahendra Singh Dhoni              Epicurean Waiter

Zaheer Khan                                Epicurean Waiter

Mohammed Nissar                     MDR Manager

Javagal Srinath                            Stealthy Caribbean Tier Lunch Sommelier

 

Thanks again & bye for now.

[Selbourne]

13 minutes ago, DamianG said:

Saturday 1^st August 2020

 

Southampton

 

I briefly woke in the early hours as Britannia docked in Southampton but for once I managed to get back to sleep. At 7:30am we got Kyle up and had an early breakfast in the Horizon for a change then went back to the cabin to gather our belongings. We managed to catch Kapil before we left and gave him a small tip in an envelope. We were out of the cabin before 8am as requested and we soon met the in-laws in the Atrium. We had an early disembarkation time slot and they had booked assistance so we were in the terminal by 8:30am. We found all our cases instantly (this is still fantasy remember) and after a steady stroll we had the car loaded and were on the road for 8:50am. The roads were kind to us so with just one stop we were home by 2pm.

Welcome home Damian (I see that Yorkshire is a few hours ahead of the rest of the U.K. 😉). Thanks again for a very enjoyable diversion with your fantastic fantasy cruise blog, which was superbly written throughout. I see what you cleverly did with your last post - a tipping reference to prompt a new debate. Now that we don’t have your blog to look forward to, I can’t think of anything more stimulating than a tipping thread. Any takers? 😂 

Edited August 1, 2020 by Selbourne

[Britboys]

Many thanks for all the entertainment you have provided me - it has been great fun to read. I must say that the Chesney Hawkes references went way over my head. Obviously I have heard of him but would struggle to name more than one of his songs 😄. Also good to see there is life after sport for veteran cricketers too!

I hope you get to go on your booked cruise next year. Villefranche is a lovely little town in its own right but is also well-placed for an easy train ride into Nice too. I have very vivid memories of Villefranche when I visited on Oriana. The wind got up considerably early afternoon and our tender (plus all those following) were turned back to the tiny little harbour. The Harbour Master then ordered Oriana out of the bay as she was dragging her anchor. We eventually got back on board about 10pm! P&O were great and really looked after us though. I was due to call at Alicante and Ibiza on my cancelled Aurora cruise in October.

[DamianG]

8 minutes ago, Selbourne said:

Welcome home Damian (I see that Yorkshire is a few hours ahead of the rest of the U.K. 😉). Thanks again for a very enjoyable diversion with your fantastic fantasy cruise blog, which was superbly written throughout. I see what you cleverly did with your last post - a tipping reference to prompt a new debate. Now that we don’t have your blog to look forward to, I can’t think of anything more stimulating than a tipping thread. Any takers? 😂 

 

Tipping thread? No thanks!!!

I was just keeping it realistic and if we do hand out envelopes these days they usually contain a very modest amount so it's just a token gesture really. 😃

[Dermotsgirl]

6 minutes ago, Selbourne said:

Welcome home Damian (I see that Yorkshire is a few hours ahead of the rest of the U.K. 😉). Thanks again for a very enjoyable diversion with your fantastic fantasy cruise blog, which was superbly written throughout. I see what you cleverly did with your last post - a tipping reference to prompt a new debate. Now that we don’t have your blog to look forward to, I can’t think of anything more stimulating than a tipping thread. Any takers? 😂 

If not a tipping debate, we could have a dress code discussion 😂

 

I went on my last cruise in September last year, and I’m planning a ‘This time last year’ thread, and intend to post some photos from each day of the cruise, which hopefully will be of interest to some.

 

I enjoyed Damian’s fantasy blog. I think he conveyed the best thing about cruising as we knew it - the freedom to do what we want, when we want.  
 

Hopefully, that freedom will return one day 

[DamianG]

5 minutes ago, Britboys said:

Many thanks for all the entertainment you have provided me - it has been great fun to read. I must say that the Chesney Hawkes references went way over my head. Obviously I have heard of him but would struggle to name more than one of his songs 😄. Also good to see there is life after sport for veteran cricketers too!

I hope you get to go on your booked cruise next year. Villefranche is a lovely little town in its own right but is also well-placed for an easy train ride into Nice too. I have very vivid memories of Villefranche when I visited on Oriana. The wind got up considerably early afternoon and our tender (plus all those following) were turned back to the tiny little harbour. The Harbour Master then ordered Oriana out of the bay as she was dragging her anchor. We eventually got back on board about 10pm! P&O were great and really looked after us though. I was due to call at Alicante and Ibiza on my cancelled Aurora cruise in October.

 

Thanks Andrew, not sure if we'll stick around in Villefranche or take the train to Nice (which we've done before). We're lucky enough to have been all over Spain via cruises and a 2 week coach tour so to have 2 (new to us) Spanish ports is a real bonus. 🤞

[Eddie99]

That was lovely!

 

Anyone fancy documenting The Cruise From Hell?  I can think of some ideas but don’t have the skill to weave a good story or the perseverance to keep it up?

Imagine - cabin problems

 - lazy steward  

 - moaning table companions

 - high seas

 - early hours helivac/alarm through ship

 - tenders from hell

 - missed port(s)

 - off key Headliners

 - drugs search

 - IT problems with re-embarkation at ports

 - low/exhausted bar stocks

etc

[DamianG]

1 minute ago, Dermotsgirl said:

If not a tipping debate, we could have a dress code discussion 😂

 

I went on my last cruise in September last year, and I’m planning a ‘This time last year’ thread, and intend to post some photos from each day of the cruise, which hopefully will be of interest to some.

 

I enjoyed Damian’s fantasy blog. I think he conveyed the best thing about cruising as we knew it - the freedom to do what we want, when we want.  
 

Hopefully, that freedom will return one day 

 

"This Time Last Year" sounds like a great idea, especially if there are photos!

[Selbourne]

3 minutes ago, Eddie99 said:

That was lovely!

 

Anyone fancy documenting The Cruise From Hell?  I can think of some ideas but don’t have the skill to weave a good story or the perseverance to keep it up?

Imagine - cabin problems

 - lazy steward  

 - moaning table companions

 - high seas

 - early hours helivac/alarm through ship

 - tenders from hell

 - missed port(s)

 - off key Headliners

 - drugs search

 - IT problems with re-embarkation at ports

 - low/exhausted bar stocks

etc

We have experienced all of those things, and more, so if I wrote it then it wouldn’t be a fantasy blog - other than the fact that they didn’t all occur on the same cruise! I’m tempted but I’m not sure that I have the time or inclination either 😂 

[Dermotsgirl]

10 minutes ago, DamianG said:

 

"This Time Last Year" sounds like a great idea, especially if there are photos!

If I remember correctly, I think we sailed on 2nd September, so make a note in your diary😂

[DamianG]

27 minutes ago, Eddie99 said:

That was lovely!

 

Anyone fancy documenting The Cruise From Hell?  I can think of some ideas but don’t have the skill to weave a good story or the perseverance to keep it up?

Imagine - cabin problems

 - lazy steward  

 - moaning table companions

 - high seas

 - early hours helivac/alarm through ship

 - tenders from hell

 - missed port(s)

 - off key Headliners

 - drugs search

 - IT problems with re-embarkation at ports

 - low/exhausted bar stocks

etc

 

Thanks Eddie!

 

"The Cruise From Hell" is another great idea:

 

Off the top of my head...

 

Imagine - cabin problems                       

creaking cabin on Aurora, fixed with engineer spraying WD40 on the joins

 

 - lazy steward                                           

son (when very young) wet the bed, steward sighed, rolled his eyes, tutted...happened again a few days later so we washed the bedding ourselves

 

 - moaning table companions               

had the misfortune to share a table with an ex-miner from Yorkshire with the biggest chip on his shoulder ever. He called all the staff "lazy" and said they'd never done a proper day's work in their life. He was so downright rude we just stopped talking so that we could eat faster and get away from his non-stop diatribe. I daren't tell him that I worked for a bank and we couldn't get out of there quick enough.

 

 - high seas                                               

10 metre swells sailing home on Oriana after New Year's day 2012. I've not been sea sick since (touch wood)

 

 - early hours helivac/alarm through ship   

Ventura last year, air evac 2am 1st evening, medical emergency 4am 2nd evening

 

 - tenders from hell                                   

Ventura / La Spezia 2010

 

 - missed port(s)                                       

Plenty...I'll choose Oriana 2011 where we missed Cadiz and Valletta

 

 - off key Headliners                                 

Can't think of a specific show but do think some of them sing (shout) too loud

 

 - drugs search                                         

Pass on that one!!!

 

 - IT problems with re-embarkation at ports   

Not P&O but once got stuck in Puerto Rico where they had no arrangements for already registered passengers wanting to get back onboard so we had to queue with hundreds who were embarking for the 1st time.

 

 - low/exhausted bar stocks                             

Pass on that one too!

 

Edited August 1, 2020 by DamianG

[po go]

THE ONE and only chesney hawkes  and your all time indian cricket team as serving staff , as a fantasy you could have captain sunill and kapil for entertainment  and  geoff (boycott) as butler and fred (trueman ) as waiter 

[Britboys]

14 minutes ago, po go said:

THE ONE and only chesney hawkes  and your all time indian cricket team as serving staff , as a fantasy you could have captain sunill and kapil for entertainment  and  geoff (boycott) as butler and fred (trueman ) as waiter 

Boycott & Trueman as Butler and Waiter 😱. Definitely cruise from hell as opposed to fantasy cruise 😂.

[SarahHben]

2 hours ago, Dermotsgirl said:

If not a tipping debate, we could have a dress code discussion 😂

 

I went on my last cruise in September last year, and I’m planning a ‘This time last year’ thread, and intend to post some photos from each day of the cruise, which hopefully will be of interest to some.

 

I enjoyed Damian’s fantasy blog. I think he conveyed the best thing about cruising as we knew it - the freedom to do what we want, when we want.  
 

Hopefully, that freedom will return one day 

'This time last year' sounds like a good idea, I shall look forward to seeing the photos 🙂

[SarahHben]

3 hours ago, DamianG said:

Synopsis

 

If we had actually sailed the above fantasy account is pretty much what we would have expected. Some of it is made up and other parts are simply recalling things that happened on our past cruises. It’s taken a bit of effort but I’ll enjoy looking back at it in the future and if we all get back cruising again it will remind us what our plans would have been (in particular that grand tour in Palma). I really hope that we do (get back cruising) as next year we have a fabulous cruise booked (B118) with three new ports for us (Villefranche, Alicante and Ibiza) and a final stop in Lisbon. It’s almost perfect (just missing Kyle’s favourite port Civitavecchia!).

 

Thanks to everyone who has read this and in particular all those who commented. I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments but I think my favourite is Andrew’s “Pizza sans fromage? Sacré bleu mon ami!” as I imagined this was the cry from the chef at Kyle’s tomato pizza request.

 

I have to say that I’m gutted that no-one commented on my subtle Chesney Hawkes joke (maybe you didn’t notice it or is it that you were all far too polite to tell me how corny it was?). I also thought that someone would have a go at the crossword clue “There’s no life in these boring cruise ships” (9 letters). The answer, by the way, is “Flatliners.”

 

I’ll sign off with the (cast) closing credits just in case anyone wants to pay me some royalties and turn this into a movie. In no particular order:

 

Captain Derek Gray                    (as Himself) Captain

Neil Oliver                                    (as Himself) Entertainment Manager

Ben Fernandes                            (as Himself) Food & Beverage Manager

Sachin Tendulkar                        MDR Waiter

Virat Kohli                                    MDR Waiter

Sunil Gavaskar                             Butler

Kapil Dev                                      Cabin Steward

Virender Sehwag                        MDR Sommelier

Anil Kumble                                 MDR Waiter

Yuvraj Singh                                 MDR Waiter

Mahendra Singh Dhoni              Epicurean Waiter

Zaheer Khan                                Epicurean Waiter

Mohammed Nissar                     MDR Manager

Javagal Srinath                            Stealthy Caribbean Tier Lunch Sommelier

 

Thanks again & bye for now.

I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your fantasy cruise blog Damian. Thank you for all your time & effort! 

 

[AndyMichelle]

It's been a great read Damian, very entertaining and it was nice to (virtually) meet Michelle and Kyle. 

Thank you for taking the time and effort. 

Andy 

 

[grapau27]

9 hours ago, DamianG said:

 

Tipping thread? No thanks!!!

I was just keeping it realistic and if we do hand out envelopes these days they usually contain a very modest amount so it's just a token gesture really. 😃

I really enjoyed reading your fantasy cruise.

Excellent photos and written like a professional.

 

[grapau27]

6 hours ago, AndyMichelle said:

It's been a great read Damian, very entertaining and it was nice to (virtually) meet Michelle and Kyle. 

Thank you for taking the time and effort. 

Andy 

 

 

[SeaJane]

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading your fantasy blog Damian. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it - really brings back so many memories of cruising 

[DamianG]

12 hours ago, grapau27 said:

I really enjoyed reading your fantasy cruise.

Excellent photos and written like a professional.

 

 

Kind words, thanks Graham.

I'm enjoying your Northern Britain tour photos too!

[grapau27]

50 minutes ago, DamianG said:

 

Kind words, thanks Graham.

I'm enjoying your Northern Britain tour photos too!

Thank you.