Family Member Death -- need advice

[brookeq]

My father in law recently passed away.

 

We all booked a cruise for the last week in March next year (2019).  My mother in law and father in law currently are booked in an inside room.  My mother in law bought cruise insurance.  I will need to find out if she bought it thru the cruise line or on her own.  But I know she bought it because she purchased the cruise without talking to my father in law first.  ha ha

 

Anyways right now she doesn't want to go.  But its still far away so we are waiting to talk to her about it or cancel.   We want her to come.  All of the sibling and grand kids will be there.  We live spread out across the country so we planned this so we could all get together.  Down the road we want to talk to her about coming on the cruise.  But I want to present her with all of her options.  

 

If we cancel her husband, she is a single cruiser and would have to pay the difference in fare. So she wouldn't get any money back really even though she has insurance.  

We thought maybe she could bring a friend (but she says she doesn't want to) to help off set the cost.  I am not sure what the cost to change a passenger name would be.  

 

We also thought about maybe moving one of the grand kids out of the rooms with four people and adding them to my Mother in laws room.  Again i would have to look at the cost of switching and even see if it is worth it.  We would like to get my mother in law money back if possible.  We would pay for the changes and eat the cost of the 4th passenger (which isn't much for an inside room)  But if it isn't worth the hastle we will figure something else out (maybe help pay his portion). 

 

If mother in law does decide to go we also thought of just having a different grand kid sleep in her room each night to keep her company (and not changing anything on the ticket).

 

I have also read about making a passenger a no show and telling the cruise at the check in.  Not sure if this would really apply here.  

 

Does anyone have any advice.  Thanks so much.  

 

 

[deedle7544]

Condolences on your loss. 

 

Maybe wait until January and then talk to her again?  It might just be too soon at this point. 

[CruisinCrow]

You will have till March so don't rush to make any decisions.  My dad passed away last year and my mom said she would not take any more cruises because it wouldn't be the same.  She loved cruising with my dad.  However, we recently asked her to join us on a Bermuda cruise and now she is very excited to go.  I know it won't be the same for her as it was cruising with my dad but I'm so glad she hasn't given up on the enjoyment of cruising.  Give your mother-in-law a little time to grieve and adjust and she may change her mind.

 

If she decides to go and the cruise is already paid in full, it seems like it would be easiest to just leave the tickets the way they are and then put one of the grandkids in her room to keep her company.

Edited October 31, 2018 by CruisinCrow

[rukkian]

15 minutes ago, brookeq said:

My father in law recently passed away.

 

We all booked a cruise for the last week in March next year (2019).  My mother in law and father in law currently are booked in an inside room.  My mother in law bought cruise insurance.  I will need to find out if she bought it thru the cruise line or on her own.  But I know she bought it because she purchased the cruise without talking to my father in law first.  ha ha

 

Anyways right now she doesn't want to go.  But its still far away so we are waiting to talk to her about it or cancel.   We want her to come.  All of the sibling and grand kids will be there.  We live spread out across the country so we planned this so we could all get together.  Down the road we want to talk to her about coming on the cruise.  But I want to present her with all of her options.  

 

If we cancel her husband, she is a single cruiser and would have to pay the difference in fare. So she wouldn't get any money back really even though she has insurance.  

We thought maybe she could bring a friend (but she says she doesn't want to) to help off set the cost.  I am not sure what the cost to change a passenger name would be.  

 

We also thought about maybe moving one of the grand kids out of the rooms with four people and adding them to my Mother in laws room.  Again i would have to look at the cost of switching and even see if it is worth it.  We would like to get my mother in law money back if possible.  We would pay for the changes and eat the cost of the 4th passenger (which isn't much for an inside room)  But if it isn't worth the hastle we will figure something else out (maybe help pay his portion). 

 

If mother in law does decide to go we also thought of just having a different grand kid sleep in her room each night to keep her company (and not changing anything on the ticket).

 

I have also read about making a passenger a no show and telling the cruise at the check in.  Not sure if this would really apply here.  

 

Does anyone have any advice.  Thanks so much.  

 

 

Sorry for the loss.  We went through a similar situation in my family.  My MIL had planned to always take her kids and grandkids to disney, and planned out the trip and paid for it, but one month before the trip, she passed away all of a sudden.  We almost didn't go, but did end up talking my FIL into going, and while there were some touchy times, overall, it was good we did.  Nobody can say how she (or the rest of the family) will deal with it, overall, it should be good if you can get her to still go.  

 

For moving the 4th passenger to her room, there should be no penalties, just the cost difference between being a 2nd vs 4th.  Since it is the same ship and date, and you are keeping one of the original people on the room, it should not be an issue at all.  

[ricew001]

Give it time. My Mom passed in 2013. My Dad was in terrible shape and swore he'd never date or remarry. He was hanging on by a thread when he met a lady at Bible study 2 years later and married her within the  month. He's doing things now he'd never done in his 70+ years before. Your mom may get through the holidays and then find she loved being with family and be excited to cruise. I hope so. Thinking of you all ❤️

[katiel53]

My thought, and I have nothing to base my thought on, is that if she waits until close to the cruise to cancel, she may have a hard time doing so as the passing of her husband was several months before the cruise.  I know if she cancelled now, she should get a refund, but waiting might be a problem.

 

I'd find out who has her insurance and contact them and explain that she may need to cancel etc and see what they say.  You can then make a better informed decision.

 

She very well may change her mind by the time final payment rolls around.  The loss of a spouse is devastating and she may not be in a good position right now to make the best decision for her.  If you get the info from the insurance company, you may be able to help her.  Good luck and I am sorry for your loss.

[klfrodo]

Listen to Katie on this.

Right now, MIL can cancel and receive 100%.

If you wait, Insurance might pay nothing due to the fact that at the time of FIL passing away, there was no monetary loss.

 

My condolence at having to even ask about this.

[HeidiHo]

So sorry for your loss. I know it's difficult but hopefully she will change her mind. I want to share my experience. I went on a cruise with my adult daughter 8 months after my husband passed away. We actually booked it after he passed but I had other friends going on it so I knew I'd like to go. Then 4 months before the cruise, a friend of mine also lost her husband so I invited her along too. She found a friend to go along and room with her and we had a really great cruise. Sure, there were times when we were sad but honestly, it was great to get away and be with friends and enjoy ourselves for a change.

 

A year later I went on another cruise with many of the same people although this time I didn't have a room mate and honestly, I really liked that. I liked that I could have alone time whenever I felt like it but also be with my friends when ever I wanted. I spent a lot of time reading on my balcony on that cruise. It was probably the most relaxing cruise I have ever been on. Sure, I had to pay the double rate but I figured I was paying the same as we were paying when I cruised with my husband so that didn't bother me. It is what it is.

 

I know it's different for everybody and she has to do what's right for her so it's a good idea to know what your/her options are ahead of time. I hope everything works out for the best.

[beerman2]

Sorry for your loss. I'm in the give it some time category and when it appears to be a better time , explain the benefits ( Family for all over) cruising together to her.

 

Sure she will have down moments, however seeing the joy/excitement of the family might be just what she needs.

 

As far as trying to move people around just leave it as is, and let a grandkid(s) spend a night with her.

 

 

Good Luck with however it works out.

[Tapi]

I agree with those who say to give it time. You still have a few months before final payment so you don’t need to make any immediate decisions. 

 

Give your family time to process and absorb the situation. Give priority to letting your MIL grieve without thinking about cruise plans. Those will be addressed in due time. What makes sense now may not make sense in a few months. The correct answer will become more clear as the initial shock of your FIL’s passing wears off.

 

 

[GeorgiaMomof4]

First off, let me say I'm very sorry for your loss.  I know your family's lives have been turned upside

down but as others have said, as time goes by it will be easier.

 

Now, about the cruise.  You didn't say whether your MIL booked direct, with a travel agent or with a PVP.

If you booked with a PVP and he (or she) is as awesome as mine is, I would definitely reach out to them

and explain the situation.   Your PVP may be able to give you options that you haven't even thought of and

sometimes has some leeway in things they can do or at least mine has been able to work  magic in some  strange situations that we have encountered in the past.  I'm thinking that it would be best to let them know of your FIL's passing now and go ahead and cancel him since it's prior to final payment.  As time goes by maybe your MIL will change her mind and decide to go. 

We all know that now more than ever she needs to be around people who love her and can be there to

support her.  If she does decide to go, at that point she could invite a friend or you could do as you said

and move a grandchild into her room to help absorb some of the cost (even if on paper only, they don't care who sleeps where once you're on the ship).   I would think if she can decide and has decided prior to final payment

it would certainly make any changes easier and if you're cruising in March I'm assuming your final payment is

sometime in January.  

 

All any of us here can do is guess.  Call whoever you booked with and check with the insurance co that she purchased.

You'll then be able to talk to her and have all the information you need so she can make a decision.  Please ask her

not to make one in haste though - give it some time.

 

Good luck and God Bless.

 

 

[ZoeyVictoria]

I also agree with “give it time”.  My dad died in September, in December I asked my mother to join me on a short February cruise.  She took an old friend she hadn’t seen for a while (also widowed).  She had a wonderful time until the last day, when she felt guilty for having a wonderful time.  Overall she was glad she went.  Just wait for a while, until she is ready.  

[SAlady]

12 hours ago, HeidiHo said:

So sorry for your loss. I know it's difficult but hopefully she will change her mind. I want to share my experience. I went on a cruise with my adult daughter 8 months after my husband passed away. We actually booked it after he passed but I had other friends going on it so I knew I'd like to go. Then 4 months before the cruise, a friend of mine also lost her husband so I invited her along too. She found a friend to go along and room with her and we had a really great cruise. Sure, there were times when we were sad but honestly, it was great to get away and be with friends and enjoy ourselves for a change.

 

A year later I went on another cruise with many of the same people although this time I didn't have a room mate and honestly, I really liked that. I liked that I could have alone time whenever I felt like it but also be with my friends when ever I wanted. I spent a lot of time reading on my balcony on that cruise. It was probably the most relaxing cruise I have ever been on. Sure, I had to pay the double rate but I figured I was paying the same as we were paying when I cruised with my husband so that didn't bother me. It is what it is.

 

I know it's different for everybody and she has to do what's right for her so it's a good idea to know what your/her options are ahead of time. I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[brookeq]

Thanks everyone.  My plan was not to bring it up for awhile.  I just was trying to get some thoughts for later.  She definitely isn't ready to talk about it and i would never even want to at this point.  

 

My Sister in law says she bought insurance thru Carnival.  So I will read up on that.  She didn't book thru a PVP she booked on line.   

[brookeq]

Hit enter too soon 🙂

 

Basically we don't want MIL to make any rash decisions. (unless needed).  She tends to do that.  And if she doesn't need to decide now then we don't want her too.  And will bring it up at a more appropriate time.  

I am going to go read the carnival plan tonight to see if states how much time she has.