"Senior sitting "onboard

[lgsla]

My husband and I are booked on an Alaska cruise in May. We will not be getting off the ship much because my husband is in a wheelchair .There is one excursion that I would like to do which he could not participate in and therefore I want to leave him onboard alone. Because he also has dementia I wouldn't feel comfortable about leaving him without supervision even though he is not independently mobile or in any way irresponsible. Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to get round this problem? We are traveling alone and the cruise company does not offer this service even though it offers babysitting.:(

[Shmoo here]

My husband and I are booked on an Alaska cruise in May. We will not be getting off the ship much because my husband is in a wheelchair .There is one excursion that I would like to do which he could not participate in and therefore I want to leave him onboard alone. Because he also has dementia I wouldn't feel comfortable about leaving him without supervision even though he is not independently mobile or in any way irresponsible. Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to get round this problem? We are traveling alone and the cruise company does not offer this service even though it offers babysitting.:(

 

The only solution I can see is bringing your own caretaker along to supervise him while you are gone.

 

Or not taking the excursion.

[Krazy Kruizers]

I have to agree.

There is no crew member that can care for and watch your DH while you go on the excursion unless you take your own caretaker with you.

[sammiedawg]

We did a two week River cruise and there was a couple on board traveling with a caretaker for the husband diagnosed with mixed Parkinson's and dementia. The caretaker had his own cabin but I saw him coming and going taking care of his Client and they went on daily excursions. If a caretaker is not possible make alternate plans. For obvious reasons be very cautious.

[Ryten]

You might want to post on the roll call with an inquiry as to anyone else bringing a caregiver who might be able to do double duty.

[jayisgerman]

I can certainly understand your desire to partake in some of the excursion activities, but I think this might be difficult to do. Please know that I am not writing this to judge, just offering my perspective.

 

I will give you my view from my professional observation of my patients (in a long term care facility). Not knowing what stage of dementia we are talking about - I can only generalize, However, all my patients with these type of cognitive afflictions handle change very poorly.

 

Continuity and routine are actually the most re-assuring things you can provide for them, as they stress very easily when things are unknown (as their brain no longer processes it the same way). So....the cruise alone would be somewhat rough on your DH, as it is a different environment, different food, different people, etc. A new caretaker would be added stress for sure. However, you might consider to post on your roll call and see if there are any passengers traveling on your cruise that would have medical training (CNA, LVN, RN, PA, MD, etc.) and might be willing to take on a charge for that day.

 

Alternatively, I would take whichever caretaker you are usually using and just purchase a basic inside room for them and this way you can enjoy the cruise in all the ports, etc. Wishing you and your husband all the best and a most favorable outcome to your travel plans.

[sail7seas]

You really cannot leave him alone. The crew is not responsible for his care and safe keeping.

 

I agree with Ryten above to try the Roll Call for your cruise and see if you are lucky to find someone suitable willing to help you.

 

I understand your disappointment but the ship will not take responsibility to look after him while you are on your excursion.

[xlxo]

I know a family that had a member go wandering on the ship... it was unclear if missing person had "jumped". An hour later the member was found wandering to another deck. On a future cruise..... that wandering person will be wearing a tracker to make searches quicker when he gets away from the caregiver (eg ordering food).

http://www.amazon.com/Loc8Tor-Loc8torLite-LOC8TOR-Lite/dp/B0012GMDC4/ref=sr_1_1

 

Dementia? Is he going to remember the trip? If the memory is poor, there may be little value to bring him on the trip.

[sail7seas]

I can certainly understand your desire to partake in some of the excursion activities, but I think this might be difficult to do. Please know that I am not writing this to judge, just offering my perspective.

 

I will give you my view from my professional observation of my patients (in a long term care facility). Not knowing what stage of dementia we are talking about - I can only generalize, However, all my patients with these type of cognitive afflictions handle change very poorly.

 

Continuity and routine are actually the most re-assuring things you can provide for them, as they stress very easily when things are unknown (as their brain no longer processes it the same way). So....the cruise alone would be somewhat rough on your DH, as it is a different environment, different food, different people, etc. A new caretaker would be added stress for sure. However, you might consider to post on your roll call and see if there are any passengers traveling on your cruise that would have medical training (CNA, LVN, RN, PA, MD, etc.) and might be willing to take on a charge for that day.[/b]

 

Alternatively, I would take whichever caretaker you are usually using and just purchase a basic inside room for them and this way you can enjoy the cruise in all the ports, etc. Wishing you and your husband all the best and a most favorable outcome to your travel plans.

 

 

Great post and so true.

A woman for whom I was responsible to see to her care suffered from demntia and change was the hardest thing for her to adapt to or accept. When everyone and everything around her remained consistent she did best.

 

Is it possible for you to take this cruise, perhaps with a friend, and have your DH cared for in his familiar surroundings. It might be easier and kinder on both of you for you to have this cruise apart from him?

 

I also am not judging in any way as I know how hard the role of caregiver can become.

 

Sending you all best wishes and hopes you find an acceptable way for you to have that cruise and excursion.

Edited January 24, 2015 by sail7seas

[cruisinjudy]

In taking care of late my mother with dementia I also noticed that changed environment was not good. She always talked about cruises she had taken and wanted to take another one. So we took her on a four day coastal. She tended to get confused although some times were good as we had her in our room to watch over her. When it was time to get off the cruise my mother got angry at me for making her get off. On our drive home in a rented car from Vancouver to San Diego we ran in to many problems with her memory but to my mother each hotel was just another day on the cruise.

[oaktreerb]

My husband and I are booked on an Alaska cruise in May. We will not be getting off the ship much because my husband is in a wheelchair .There is one excursion that I would like to do which he could not participate in and therefore I want to leave him onboard alone. Because he also has dementia I wouldn't feel comfortable about leaving him without supervision even though he is not independently mobile or in any way irresponsible. Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to get round this problem? We are traveling alone and the cruise company does not offer this service even though it offers babysitting.:(

 

Some board and care homes for the elderly offer respite care. Check with an elder services organization in your area. You may be able to find a place for him to vacation for a week with 24 hour competent care (check references). Or you may be able to have someone come into your home. Check the internet for a a website called A Place for Mom. It has advice for dealing with these issues and has a referral service for nursing homes.

 

Having had the responsibility for arranging for care for a family member I know how difficult it is to deal with dementia patients. They may suddenly decide to get out of the wheelchair (fall and broken hip), or they may wander away or suddenly have a stroke. So many things can happen.

 

Do you have family members who can take responsibility for problems that arise if he is placed in respite care? I definitely would not take him on a cruise.

[donaldsc]

I know a family that had a member go wandering on the ship... it was unclear if missing person had "jumped". An hour later the member was found wandering to another deck. On a future cruise..... that wandering person will be wearing a tracker to make searches quicker when he gets away from the caregiver (eg ordering food).

http://www.amazon.com/Loc8Tor-Loc8torLite-LOC8TOR-Lite/dp/B0012GMDC4/ref=sr_1_1

 

.

 

The problem with the bracelet approach is that if the dementia is so bad that you have to worry about him wandering off or maybe going overboard during the few minutes when you get food, you are basically dumping the responsibility for him on the cruise ship staff. That is not their job. They can not be spending their time tracking down everyone on the ship who has dementia.

 

You are responsible for the care of your loved one, not the cruise ship staff. If you can't handle it properly, either bring a care giver on board with you or leave him home.

 

We have all been on cruises and seen people who have no business being on a cruise and who may not even know that they are on a cruise.

 

This may sound harsh but someone needs to be blunt about these issues.

 

DON

[serendipity1499]

My husband and I are booked on an Alaska cruise in May. We will not be getting off the ship much because my husband is in a wheelchair .There is one excursion that I would like to do which he could not participate in and therefore I want to leave him onboard alone. Because he also has dementia I wouldn't feel comfortable about leaving him without supervision even though he is not independently mobile or in any way irresponsible. Does anyone have a suggestion as to how to get round this problem? We are traveling alone and the cruise company does not offer this service even though it offers babysitting.:(

 

You might want to post on the roll call with an inquiry as to anyone else bringing a caregiver who might be able to do double duty.

 

I'm not sure this is a good idea only because I understand what the OP is going through..IMO it would be too stressful for her Husband..

 

OP I understand completely as my DH has early onset dementia., but is not in a wheelchair.. He is able to take showers & dress himself when I remind him & handle simple daily needs, but would never think about making himself a sandwich for lunch unless I was there...He also would probably ask where I was, since I'm his only caregiver... I could not ask anyone except our best friends who sometimes cruise with us to stay with him for more than an hour.. However, I am able to leave him alone at home for a couple of hours after leaving lunch for him..

 

When we did our 68 day cruise on the Prinsendam, we too were alone but I would never be able to leave him alone on board... He however, was able to participate in some of the tours with me, or we just got off the ship & walked around town together...

 

I made one big mistake & booked a table for two in the MDR only because I did not want to subject others to the same questions from DH.. DH asked why we were alone & I had to skirt the issue as we both were lonely.. Fortunately several people on our roll call understood the problem & asked us to join them for dinner when they had room at their table.. That was very special for both of us & wish that I was able to thank them again for their kindness..

 

Unfortunately, I agree with jayisgerman, it would be very stressful for your DH to have anyone who is not familiar to your DH stay with him..

 

You put a frown in your sentence about HAL not offering help but was offering babysitting services.. The Babysitting services are done by Ladies who work at the front desk, but they certainly are not equipped to handle an adult in your Husband's condition.. None of them have the kind of training that a RN or CNG would have..

 

Unless you could afford to have a good friend, family member or trained caregiver go with you, I believe you have to understand that you must stay with your DH at all times..

 

I feel for you & am so sorry that you are going through this, but wish you both well & Godspeed..

 

Betty

Edited January 24, 2015 by serendipity1499

[Vict0riann]

There are usually nurses on board, would they be also for Alaska? I wonder if it would be possible to hire one of them for the few hours a tour would take?

[boone2]

There are usually nurses on board, would they be also for Alaska? I wonder if it would be possible to hire one of them for the few hours a tour would take?

 

 

The nurses on board absolutely would not be able to care for someone, I speak as a cruise ship nurse, that is not their role.

My mother has dementia, still living at home with carers, our son is getting married in the Caribbean in June. There is no way she could cope with the change involved, she can only cope with a set routine, although we are all heartbroken she can't be there. Taking someone on a cruise with dementia needs very serious consideration, I hope you are able to resolve it

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Forums mobile app

[DaveOKC]

There are usually nurses on board, would they be also for Alaska? I wonder if it would be possible to hire one of them for the few hours a tour would take?

 

The problem is, the OP said that HAL does not offer this service, so she would have to wait until she boarded to find out if anyone would be interested in providing this service. Does not really solve the problem/question IMO.

 

DaveOKC

[summer slope]

I can't offer any help with care for you to go on the excursion, but there was a couple on our Alaska land/cruise tour and the husband had middle stage dementia. The wife said he probably wouldn't remember much, if anything, of the trip but she had always promised him they would see Alaska. We spoke when we were getting off and she said she had no regrets. Another cruise with a friend/relative might be the best way for you to see that excursion.

[Homosassa]

I was on a HAL ship and had a cabin across from the medical center. While unpacking during the first day, I heard yelling and cursing coming from the medical center. An elderly gentleman with dementia had wandered away from his wife and was being verbally abusive in a public area as he was frightened and didn't know where he was.

 

Security brought him to the medical center. The doctor evaluated him and determined the gentleman would be a hazard to himself, and maybe others, if allowed to stay on the ship.

 

When the wife was located (about an hour after the man had been brought to the medical center), she was informed that they were being denied passage on the ship and was disembarked.

[cb at sea]

My grandmother would get awfully mean and nasty with folks she didn't know as her dementia progressed...never cussed in her life, but ended up cussing like a sailor! She slapped my mother (her daughter) and tried to have her son arrested for stealing something she THOUGHT she had (but didn't!!!) What an awful way to end such a lovely life.

 

You need to either NOT take the tour and stay onboard with your dear hubby, or don't bring him on the cruise at all...

 

It's not fair to him to leave him with a stranger, even for a couple of hours. A dementia patient is NOT a child...so "babysitting" won't work in this case.

Edited January 24, 2015 by cb at sea

[sail7seas]

What is so sad is so many of us have been touched by this horrid disease.

So many families struggle to watch their loved ones disappear into their disease.

 

OP....... I think it safe to say we all feel for you.

[PathfinderEss]

Welcome to Cruise Critic.

 

I certainly would never tell you not to go on a cruise with your husband. Your the only one that knows how he will do and if you can handle whatever situations that might come up. But what I will say is do not go on that tour and leave your husband with someone else, even if you can find someone to do that. That tour is not that important to leave him with a stranger.

[solocanadian]

Welcome to Cruise Critic.

 

I certainly would never tell you not to go on a cruise with your husband. Your the only one that knows how he will do and if you can handle whatever situations that might come up. But what I will say is do not go on that tour and leave your husband with someone else, even if you can find someone to do that. That tour is not that important to leave him with a stranger.

I fully agree with you, Melodie.

[MsSteinrunner]

You will be the best determiner of your husband's ability to travel/cruise, but I urge you to be realistic. My husband has younger onset Alzheimer's and for a period of time we were able to cruise. I never left him alone, even hovering outside restroom doors.

 

He was never agitated on board, but he sometimes was confused.

 

As he progressed, we, too, switched to a table for 2. We quit cruising to Europe because he would never have been able to function independently if I were incapacitated.

 

After our Montreal-Boston cruise in July 2013, I decided that the risks were too great to continue. He loved sitting on the balcony of our Neptune Suite and Canadian ports were very walkable, but the airports and TSA overwhelmed him, he really didn't understand the menus, he could not socialize, etc.

 

You are the best judge for our spouse, but do know that behaviors that never show at home might appear when surroundings are not familiar. Alzheimer's caregivers know that routine is our friend and changes in routine can be very problematic.

[take us away]

If your DH's dementia is not too advanced, I recommend you call customer services and ask about an adult sitter for him while you are off the ship. Have a tablemate who had to disembark for a minor medical situation for a few days and the crew stepped in and assisted with keeping an eye on his wife. We escorted her to her cabin each evening after dinner as she also liked her wine and there was a steward waiting for her in her cabin. One evening they attended the show. When he wanted to go on a tour that she could not handle, we saw the librarian walking her through the town right at the port. Have also see crew assisting passengers with wheelchairs in ports - for a fee of course. As there are nurses on each cruise, you can ask about 'renting' one as they often have time off in port. So maybe if you call, you can discuss options that may be available to you for assistance.

[TiogaCruiser]

OP- I'm joining so many others in sending the best to you and your DH. Our family is also very touched by a family member with dementia.....

 

There was a poster several years back who posted about a situation similar to yours on CC and later received a call from HAL advising her that there was a risk they could be de-barked in a foreign port if the situation was felt to be unsafe. HAL had figured out the cruise and individuals involved and wanted to let them know in advance.