Defending cruise ship staff

[Nadersmom]

Well, I'm going to respectfully disagree, to a point, anyway. The phrases "Please" and "Thank You" are meaningless in and of themselves. And not saying them is not necessarily rude. Rather, it's the intent of the phrases. And very much the tone used. The gratitude implied must be real. If it's not, it shows. Have you never had someone tell you "thank you" when it was obvious what they meant was considerably less polite?

 

Personally, I respond better to something a little more....well, personal. A little friendly back and forth, maybe a smile, or a "how's your day going?", some manner or indication that we are all equals regardless of which side of the counter we are on. Words and phrases used out of habit or because some social contract says we must mean little to me.

 

However, those little phrases are valued by many and are especially useful when there is no other conversation, so it's my goal to try and be more thoughtful in this area. Probably why when I say "Thank you" and someone shouts out "No Problem" it makes me cringe.

 

Agree . I don't think its about being disrespectful if you don't say it, just that it is most definitely polite when you do say it. When I see someone receive something from someone such as a waiter, bank teller, clerk, ect. and not say thank you, I don't really view them as being rude or disrespectful, I just view it as not being very thoughtful, polite or grateful. No one says you MUST say thank you, but it's certainly a nice gesture of kindness when you do.

 

For me, there's a big difference between someone who simply doesn't have the thoughtfulness to say thank you and someone who is being outright rude, mean, hateful ect.

 

I also enjoy small friendly conversations and/or banter back and forth and agree with you whole heartedly that it can make the difference between a good day and a bad day for someone when you take the time to treat then as an equal person, not just someone serving you.

 

And while please and thank you are words that are spoken by me frequently, I honestly don't view them as words used out of habit or because I think some social contract says we should . I mean I guess habit may be the way one could describe it in that I do it automatically. But I don't ever speak the word "thank you" or "please" just because I feel it's the "socially proper" thing to do or because it just "is what I should day in this situation". I mean it when I say it. As you said, the sincerity, or lack of it, is usually obvious.

 

My 16 year old and I, we've had actual discussions as he was growing up about these words. And I've told him, if someone gives you something, you say thank you, Period. Because it's not only polite, but I believe that being grateful, as well as showing gratitude for things received, no matter the size or manner by which it is delivered, is important.

[Swampbabe]

Well, I'm going to respectfully disagree, to a point, anyway. The phrases "Please" and "Thank You" are meaningless in and of themselves. And not saying them is not necessarily rude. Rather, it's the intent of the phrases. And very much the tone used. The gratitude implied must be real. If it's not, it shows. Have you never had someone tell you "thank you" when it was obvious what they meant was considerably less polite?

 

 

 

Personally, I respond better to something a little more....well, personal. A little friendly back and forth, maybe a smile, or a "how's your day going?", some manner or indication that we are all equals regardless of which side of the counter we are on. Words and phrases used out of habit or because some social contract says we must mean little to me.

 

 

 

However, those little phrases are valued by many and are especially useful when there is no other conversation, so it's my goal to try and be more thoughtful in this area. Probably why when I say "Thank you" and someone shouts out "No Problem" it makes me cringe.

 

 

 

If someone does something for me, I say "thank you"

 

If I ask someone to do something for me, I say please. Simple good manners.

[Swampbabe]

It would only be rude if they are part of the culture. I can think of many cultures where such words are not expected. Military for starters.

 

 

 

Burt

 

 

 

A cruise ship or store is not the military. Do you have a better, modern example?

[Blondilu]

I have spent time "on the other side." My first job was waiting tables, second in a retail store. For several years after that I worked for an answering service. Look it up in the dictionary and it is defined as "hell on earth". LOL. I was driven to tears more than once by how mean people can be when they don't get what they want and they can't see your face. Or even when they can. Of course, I was younger and thinner-skinned.

 

I don't work in the public now, per se. But, I have many clients, all of whom have many customers.

 

Yes, saying thank you is polite. Yes, you should do it. Treat others "as you would want to be treated." Do teach your kids say thank you. But, if it's just so they sound nice, don't bother. They must also learn WHY they need to be nice. I was raised my a man who didn't go in much for social pleasantries. But there was never, and I mean never a time when he didn't help someone who needed it. Family, neighbors, strangers, anyone. Actions are so much louder than words. And treating someone the way you should, IMHO, should offer you some bit of reprieve when you forget to say the right words, whatever that's perceived to be.

 

Come to me for something, demand even. Heck, it's my job and I get paid for it. But, for crying out loud, look me in the eye. See me. A smile, a friendly "how's it going." Know my name. Say thank you, don't say thank you. As long as you don't treat me like I'm invisible or somehow not your equal, it's all good.

 

This is the way I want to be treated, and so is the way I aspire to treat others. I am trying, though, to remember my pleases and thank yous. Hopefully, if I forget, I've treated everyone well enough that they won't notice.

[Nadersmom]

I have spent time "on the other side." My first job was waiting tables, second in a retail store. For several years after that I worked for an answering service. Look it up in the dictionary and it is defined as "hell on earth". LOL. I was driven to tears more than once by how mean people can be when they don't get what they want and they can't see your face. Or even when they can. Of course, I was younger and thinner-skinned.

 

I don't work in the public now, per se. But, I have many clients, all of whom have many customers.

 

Yes, saying thank you is polite. Yes, you should do it. Treat others "as you would want to be treated." Do teach your kids say thank you. But, if it's just so they sound nice, don't bother. They must also learn WHY they need to be nice. I was raised my a man who didn't go in much for social pleasantries. But there was never, and I mean never a time when he didn't help someone who needed it. Family, neighbors, strangers, anyone. Actions are so much louder than words. And treating someone the way you should, IMHO, should offer you some bit of reprieve when you forget to say the right words, whatever that's perceived to be.

 

Come to me for something, demand even. Heck, it's my job and I get paid for it. But, for crying out loud, look me in the eye. See me. A smile, a friendly "how's it going." Know my name. Say thank you, don't say thank you. As long as you don't treat me like I'm invisible or somehow not your equal, it's all good.

 

This is the way I want to be treated, and so is the way I aspire to treat others. I am trying, though, to remember my pleases and thank yous. Hopefully, if I forget, I've treated everyone well enough that they won't notice.

 

Yes!!!!! (y)

[Swampbabe]

I have spent time "on the other side." My first job was waiting tables, second in a retail store. For several years after that I worked for an answering service. Look it up in the dictionary and it is defined as "hell on earth". LOL. I was driven to tears more than once by how mean people can be when they don't get what they want and they can't see your face. Or even when they can. Of course, I was younger and thinner-skinned.

 

 

 

I don't work in the public now, per se. But, I have many clients, all of whom have many customers.

 

 

 

Yes, saying thank you is polite. Yes, you should do it. Treat others "as you would want to be treated." Do teach your kids say thank you. But, if it's just so they sound nice, don't bother. They must also learn WHY they need to be nice. I was raised my a man who didn't go in much for social pleasantries. But there was never, and I mean never a time when he didn't help someone who needed it. Family, neighbors, strangers, anyone. Actions are so much louder than words. And treating someone the way you should, IMHO, should offer you some bit of reprieve when you forget to say the right words, whatever that's perceived to be.

 

 

 

Come to me for something, demand even. Heck, it's my job and I get paid for it. But, for crying out loud, look me in the eye. See me. A smile, a friendly "how's it going." Know my name. Say thank you, don't say thank you. As long as you don't treat me like I'm invisible or somehow not your equal, it's all good.

 

 

 

This is the way I want to be treated, and so is the way I aspire to treat others. I am trying, though, to remember my pleases and thank yous. Hopefully, if I forget, I've treated everyone well enough that they won't notice.

 

 

 

Sounds good. If you put your cart back at the grocery you're all right in my book.

[Beachdude]

A cruise ship or store is not the military. Do you have a better, modern example?

 

Sure, I'm a pilot and communication is kept short and simple. Please and thank you aren't expected.

 

Same goes for in areas of industry with machinery. Adding more wording than absolutely necessary is not always desirable, even unsafe.

 

Socially? Read your last phone text. Likely you didn't say please or thank you. But if you did, likely the young person next to you didn't. And the receiver found it acceptable.

 

Its OK to fit ones behavior within the expectations of the receiver if they know what is in the heart. The heart speaks louder than words.

 

Burt

[Swampbabe]

Sure, I'm a pilot and communication is kept short and simple. Please and thank you aren't expected.

 

 

 

Same goes for in areas of industry with machinery. Adding more wording than absolutely necessary is not always desirable, even unsafe.

 

 

 

Socially? Read your last phone text. Likely you didn't say please or thank you. But if you did, likely the young person next to you didn't. And the receiver found it acceptable.

 

 

 

Its OK to fit ones behavior within the expectations of the receiver if they know what is in the heart. The heart speaks louder than words.

 

 

 

Burt

 

 

 

When speaking to people directly in either a social or a retail setting you should be well mannered. Although, good manners seem to be going the way of the dodo bird with no shortage of rationalization for the change. Starts at the top.

[SadieN]

..........

 

 

 

However, those little phrases are valued by many and are especially useful when there is no other conversation, so it's my goal to try and be more thoughtful in this area. Probably why when I say "Thank you" and someone shouts out "No Problem" it makes me cringe.

 

 

How is 'No Problem' being any different than 'de nada'

[IsanTom]

Some people are naturally rude! I think it's where they were raised! If I'm bored, I'll go to the Purser's Desk and listen to

these same folks complaining. My last cruise a guy on a $199 cruise with the casino was complaining about no free drinks

his first night aboard. You would have thought someone threw his luggage overboard. He was from New Jersey. If he was

my Father, I would divorced him immediately! What a sour puss. I hope they blacklisted him from further cruises.

[Blondilu]

Sounds good. If you put your cart back at the grocery you're all right in my book.

 

Will do!

[Blondilu]

How is 'No Problem' being any different than 'de nada'

 

I don't know. But, if I have to say "thank you" as part of proper speech habits and good manners, shouldn't the response be equally proper? Or at the very least, sound as if my presence in their store/restaurant is actually valued. "No problem" could easily be replaced with "whatever" and gives me the distinct impression that I, as a customer, am completely beside the point.

 

But, that may be old-fashioned thinking (I AM kind of old) and the "no problem" "hang-loose" attitude of beach life may just take over the world. Can't decide if that would be a good or a bad thing.

[calliopecruiser]

I don't know. But, if I have to say "thank you" as part of proper speech habits and good manners, shouldn't the response be equally proper?

You don't HAVE to, you CHOOSE to. Your reasons for choosing to might have more to do with what you expect from others, whereas someone else's reasons for choosing to might have more to do with what they expect from themselves.

 

It's interesting you think "no problem" is about the same as a dismissive "whatever". That's not how I interpret it: To me, "no problem" is short form for "there's no need to thank me for just doing my job (or for doing something small and ordinary)....thank you's are for doing something special that takes extra time/effort". I think someone responding "no problem" is quite nice because they're acknowledging that what they're doing is just an ordinary thing (or part of their job) and they're happy to do it.

[Blondilu]

Calliopecruiser: Something for me to think about.

 

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[Beachdude]

It's interesting you think "no problem" is about the same as a dismissive "whatever". That's not how I interpret it: To me, "no problem" is short form for "there's no need to thank me for just doing my job (or for doing something small and ordinary)....thank you's are for doing something special that takes extra time/effort". I think someone responding "no problem" is quite nice because they're acknowledging that what they're doing is just an ordinary thing (or part of their job) and they're happy to do it.

That makes sense. I am also one of those who is (was) offended by the "no problem" response. I felt it was kind of just a blow off remark. But you have me rethinking it now. Thanks

 

Burt

[maryjaden]

That makes sense. I am also one of those who is (was) offended by the "no problem" response. I felt it was kind of just a blow off remark. But you have me rethinking it now. Thanks

 

Burt

Burt, Now you have me thinking. When dealing with customers I often said "no problem" meaning "of course, I am happy to help you". I never gave it a thought someone might think I was blowing them off. I guess I will try and be more clear.....lol.

[Nadersmom]

I have also used "no problem" in the past when responding to certain customers. I work for a wire machinery manufacturer and I speak with people throughout the world on a daily basis. If a customer requests a replacement part for a machine but doesn't know what it is, I may spend 25 minutes on the phone with them researching 75 year old machinery and discussing variables to find the correct item for them. In the end, they may say,

"Thanks so much for all of your help on this. I had no idea how to find this part."

To which I may say,

" You're so welcome" or sometimes, "Oh, it was no problem. I'm happy to help, that's why I'm here."

 

So I think that, like stated earlier, your tone is important when using the phrase. The sincerity, or lack thereof, is usually obvious

[delk]

I actually saw a supervisor give a staff member heck on my very first cruise, I took my complaint to the appropriate person. I don't feel rudeness is appropriate anywhere.

 

 

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[notentirelynormal]

I have also used "no problem" in the past when responding to certain customers. I work for a wire machinery manufacturer and I speak with people throughout the world on a daily basis. If a customer requests a replacement part for a machine but doesn't know what it is, I may spend 25 minutes on the phone with them researching 75 year old machinery and discussing variables to find the correct item for them. In the end, they may say,

"Thanks so much for all of your help on this. I had no idea how to find this part."

To which I may say,

" You're so welcome" or sometimes, "Oh, it was no problem. I'm happy to help, that's why I'm here."

 

So I think that, like stated earlier, your tone is important when using the phrase. The sincerity, or lack thereof, is usually obvious

 

Tone is important in all speech. That is why texting loses a lot in translation. I can snarl out the words - you're such a sweetheart (meaning you are an A*****. BUT I can also smile at you and gently say - you're such a sweetheart - meaning you ARE such a sweetheart. That I think the world of you.

 

I have never (or rarely enough that I can't think of a time) been offended by "no problem". I once took a class where we were told saying no problem is a bad thing because you are using two negatives. I just looked at the teacher, smiled and said in a sweet voice "no problem. I don't mind helping you".

[luvtheships]

I actually saw a supervisor give a staff member heck on my very first cruise, I took my complaint to the appropriate person. I don't feel rudeness is appropriate anywhere.

 

 

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You went to a higher level person because you felt that a ship employee wasn't.being nice to his subordinate ?

 

Do you do this everyplace you go?

 

Are you in the habit of telling employers/supervisors that they aren't making nice to their employees?

 

How does this work out for them?

 

 

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[delk]

You went to a higher level person because you felt that a ship employee wasn't.being nice to his subordinate ?

 

Do you do this everyplace you go?

 

Are you in the habit of telling employers/supervisors that they aren't making nice to their employees?

 

How does this work out for them?

 

 

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If I see an employee being mistreated, then yes I do. Sorry if you find my expectation of civility a problem for you. Having been in management I can tell you there are better ways of handling a problem than to lambaste an employee in private or public.

 

 

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[grapau27]

You went to a higher level person because you felt that a ship employee wasn't.being nice to his subordinate ?

 

Do you do this everyplace you go?

 

Are you in the habit of telling employers/supervisors that they aren't making nice to their employees?

 

How does this work out for them?

 

 

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We once spoke to a waiter who was in tears because his head waiter gave him a warning because he wouldn't let a rich gay passenger kiss him on the lips.

 

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[luvtheships]

We once spoke to a waiter who was in tears because his head waiter gave him a warning because he wouldn't let a rich gay passenger kiss him on the lips.

 

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And this crew member told you why he was crying?

 

Crew telling pax stuff like this is just as inappropriate as the rich jerk trying to kiss him

 

My point is that what goes on between crew and their supervisors should never be shared with pax. PERIOD

 

 

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[grapau27]

And this crew member told you why he was crying?

 

Crew telling pax stuff like this is just as inappropriate as the rich jerk trying to kiss him

 

My point is that what goes on between crew and their supervisors should never be shared with pax. PERIOD

 

 

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This was during a C&A special breakfast in one of the lounges that some of you may remember and the passenger must have been in a top cabin or a celebrity because a lot of crew were fussing around him. He was quite boisterous and i saw the incident and minutes later his head telling him off.

I asked him if he was okay and he was upset and told me what happened but not to say anything or it would be bad for him.

 

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[luvtheships]

This was during a C&A special breakfast in one of the lounges that some of you may remember and the passenger must have been in a top cabin or a celebrity because a lot of crew were fussing around him. He was quite boisterous and i saw the incident and minutes later his head telling him off.

I asked him if he was okay and he was upset and told me what happened but not to say anything or it would be bad for him.

 

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It certainly wasn't a nice experience I'm sure for the crew member but he did know that he should not have said anything to you but since you asked him what was wrong I guess he didn't want to offend you by saying nothing was wrong

 

This is the most important reason to just not get involved with crew for any reason...because they are always being watched and evaluated by their supervisors

 

Of course be friendly to them but when pax start asking too many questions the crew member now has the quandary of being perceived as rude to you if they don't want to divulge why they are upset

 

Plus

 

They could get reprimanded Or worse if they do tell you why they are upset

 

 

While the rich gay person was totally out of line...ncl still appeased him didn't they ? Well money still speaks.

 

IMHO regular pax like me and probably you should really not get involved with crew other than to be cordial to them

 

If I saw crew that was upset I'd perhaps just not make things worse for him by asking why

 

He wasn't hurt or bleeding was he? No he was just upset with his supervisor but really the crew member never shoukd have told you the reason

 

Of course you saw the incident....but that alone didn't allow you to speak to crew about it.

 

Crew have a fragile standing on a ship and pax interference doesn't help them. It's a fine line that shouldn't be crossed

 

Crew are easy to hire and easy to fire

 

While we might not like it the only way we cAn make our feelings known is to stop cruising and/or perhaps let ncl top brass know our feelings via a letter to the top but still you run the risk of hurting crew because ncl will find out the crew member divulged what happened to you

 

It's just the nature of this industry

 

Fwiw the rich guy was a jerk no doubt but pax asking crew too many questions is also not good

 

In this situation the crew member was not injured (if he were then of course summon help etc) but crew are treated a certain way on a ship and that's just they way it is.

 

 

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