panic over 14yo boy and clothes

[sailawayjack]

I have to admit, this whole thread confuses me... Why would he even have a choice as to what he wears to dinner?? I mean, give him a choice between the acceptable options -- i.e., "You can wear this shirt and that tie or that shirt and this tie", but no way would I ever be in a "panic" because my 14 year old expected to dress the same way he might if he were going to a movie with friends or eating at Applebee's.

 

My son is 15, we have been cruising since he was 6, and he knows that dinner time onboard is special, and that he is expected to dress accordingly -- whether it's a nice polo and khaki's on regular nights, or suit & tie/tux on formal nights. And he knows that after dinner, he is free to go change into whatever he feels like for the rest of the night. But he would definitely not cause the both of us to eat at WJ for dinner just because he didn't feel like putting on nice clothes for a couple of hours! :confused:

 

:cool:Amen, The tail never wags the dog. That said--if you believe that nice slacks and shirt are appropriate, then that's what he wears. As long as you make the decision.:cool:

[gerif]

I have to admit, this whole thread confuses me... Why would he even have a choice as to what he wears to dinner?? I mean, give him a choice between the acceptable options -- i.e., "You can wear this shirt and that tie or that shirt and this tie", but no way would I ever be in a "panic" because my 14 year old expected to dress the same way he might if he were going to a movie with friends or eating at Applebee's.

 

My son is 15, we have been cruising since he was 6, and he knows that dinner time onboard is special, and that he is expected to dress accordingly -- whether it's a nice polo and khaki's on regular nights, or suit & tie/tux on formal nights. And he knows that after dinner, he is free to go change into whatever he feels like for the rest of the night. But he would definitely not cause the both of us to eat at WJ for dinner just because he didn't feel like putting on nice clothes for a couple of hours! :confused:

 

ITA - you really need to determine who is the parent and who is the child. This lesson will serve him well throughout his life - sometimes you have to bend to authority and do the appropriate thing. DGS is nearly 14 now and wears what is (or what his mom deems) appropriate for the occasion. Heck, DH would gladly spend the whole cruise in his denim cargo shorts - but that's so not going to ever happen.

[crazy4themouse]

And when your son grows up and gets a job he won't have a problem with adhering with the workplace dress code because he "gets it" - he can't always do things his way. And I'll bet the young ladies notice too.

 

 

Oh, they did -- and my son and his best friend, all tux'ed up last cruise, definitely liked that the girls noticed. Seriously, what man - at any age - doesn't look good in a tux?? :D And our formal night pictures are awesome. :)

[IwannaGo Now]

Some of the comments here remind me of the "old" tv program...."WHO'S THE BOSS?" I thought that parenting carried an obligation to be in charge, make, and enforce the rules, and raise responsible members of the community. My kids always respected me, and did what they were told, although I'm sure they often didn't like it....AND called me many names (in their heads!). I let them tell their side of the issue, but I made the decisions. They now have their own kids, and are responsible parents....raising kids who respect them too......and thank me often for the way they were brought up!

Just my opinion...

[DonnaK]

To the OP - overlook all the unsolicited parenting advice here.

 

Your son will be fine on formal night dressed as you described. There is no need to feel banished to the Windjammer, or have him forego family together time by running off to the kids club.

 

As someone else mentioned, you have to pick your battles with teenagers, and this one is not worth fighting because your compromise will be acceptable.

[clochette]

Your son will be fine in dressed pants and shirt, his outfit will be much better than some of the adults that night. I have 2 teenage girls, so the opposite problem, they LOVE dressing up and would wear prom dresses everynight.

[Paul65]

To the OP - overlook all the unsolicited parenting advice here.

 

Your son will be fine on formal night dressed as you described. There is no need to feel banished to the Windjammer, or have him forego family together time by running off to the kids club.

 

As someone else mentioned, you have to pick your battles with teenagers, and this one is not worth fighting because your compromise will be acceptable.

 

Hmm. So you advocate overlooking all unsolicited parenting advice, then you give a little unsolicited parenting advice. :rolleyes:

[Raenstoirm]

You can also just bring the jacket and tie and see what the mood is like at the time. He might want to wear it if he finds out his age-mates are dressing up. :)

[DebJ14]

You want your son to experience the MDR; but on his terms? This means, I guess, setting his own definition of dining etiquette. I know I will be flamed but this lax adherence to the cruise line's dress code truly sucks! My wife and I have raised four sons and each understood that when the dress code required or preferred a coat and tie, they would wear them. At the end of the dinner or event, we all usually went back to the cabin or hotel room and changed into more casual clothing. Not only did they learn that as they progressed in their careers how to dress for dinner parties, weddings, funerals, etc; they learned which utensil to use at dinner. To not learn these might prove to be rather embarassing in the future.

 

Fourteen is not to young to learn or adhere. There are many on these boards that say wear whatever. I totally disagree. As I have said before, dress for a dinner at a fast food restaurant and expect service and food to match. At least as a teen he can wear business casual; a polo shirt and khakis.

 

Flame away, but don't complain when you go through dinner looking across the table at your table mates hairy underarms beneath his wife-beater shirt.

 

 

Ronn452 I totally agree with you. Our 2 sons, now ages 33 and 29, were always required to adhere to the recommended dress code, use proper table manners and sit all the way through the meal. Now as adults they each have a job where a coat and tie is required and they never complain. My oldest says that what we taught him helped get him his current job. During the grueling interview process the company took him to a country club for lunch to observe his manners etc. because the job would require lots of entertaining clients. He knows which bread plate is his, which fork to use, how to properly place his napkin when leaving the table and planning to return etc (unlike many cruise guests I've been seated with).

 

We had a family reunion on a cruise when my kids were 14 and 10. Out of the 26 people there they were the only kids to dress appropriately for dinner and to sit through all the courses. Our kids ordered the chilled soups, escargot, lobster etc. while their cousins had hamburgers and fries every night and lasted about 15 minutes at the table. My husbands sisters and brothers didn't understand how our kids did it. The answer was simple, because they had been doing it since they were toddlers. We took them on lots of cruises and to Commanders Palace, Mortons, Ruths Criss etc while their cousins never went anywhere except McDonalds or Burger King.

It was a sign of things to come. The cousins ruled the roost and were totally out of control as teens. Babies out of wedlock, trouble with the law, DUI's etc. for all the cousins but not one bit of trouble for either of our kids.

I can't imagine posting that my kid, whether 4, 14 or 18, would not do something my DH or I asked them to do. If they had, they would have missed the cruise and stayed home with Grandma getting more etiquitte lessons.

We are going with DS & DIL and 2 kids on a cruise this summer and we and our son fully expect that his boys, ages 4 and 6, will be dressed properly and have excellent table manners.

[PhoenixDawgCruising]

Here's my take on this thread. I too am the mom of a 14 yo boy, he will be 15 next month. At home, he has a very specific style, and I would be a bit of a fool to expect him to be some other person just because we are on vacation for a week.

 

Sure I could FORCE him to wear what I want, but why? So I tell him, if you want to be the only fool in the 90 degree Caribbean sun wearing black jeans and black tshirts while everyone else is in shorts and swim trunks, have at it, you are gonna be the one sweating, not me. He did it last year, and I guess he's gonna do it again. I know that the only thing that will get him in swim attire is the Flowrider, so be it, it's his vacation just like it's my vacation, let him do what he wants.:p

 

If his choice of attire doesn't fit a particular activity on the trip, he can go do something else, he's old enough.

 

So as for your son and his clothing, I say choose your battles.:)

[ksacer]

I totally agree with you PhoenixDawg! I have taught my son how to act and dress appropriately at home. I don't feel the need to make him dress in a manner that makes him uncomfortable while on vacation. He know that he must dress up when I tell him that it is necessary. I don't consider dinner in the MDR that big of a deal. I never really understood how what someone else is wearing in the MDR could effect my dinning experience. I guess I'm more interested in the people that I'm dining with, not their clothes. I'll probabbly get flamed for this but I think too many of you get on your "high horses" with your so-called parenting advice. I believe the OP asked for advice on a shirt, not with how to raise her children.

[scubatrish]

My son wears blue or black pants and a nice button down shirt on formal night. He looks nice and is still comfortable. He has never worn a jacket to dinner on a cruise.

 

I can barely keep him a pair of long pants long enough to get the tag off - I just can't invest in a sports coat or suit that will only be worn once.

 

Most other nights he's in khaki pants but it's always long pants at dinner.

[ehfl]

Explain the rules to him. If he choses not to dress appropriately, then let him eat alone in the WJ. If he decides to follow the guidelines, then he can eat with the family.

 

You shouln't have to eat in the WJ if you don't want to, because he won't dress appropriately, and he shouldn't have to dress up if he really doesn't want to.

 

As long as everyone knows the rules and the consequences, let him make his own decisions. Who knows...maybe he'll find some friends aboard to have dinner with at the WJ.

[Sadie cruiser]

Are you kidding to the poster Ronn452 and Debj14 who is talking about the way her kids dressed as opposed to the cousins????? What are you talking about???? Weird is all I have to say. I really think this thread has to end.....very odd and destructive comments are being made. There is nothing helpful to the original poster anymore. Some of you should feel ashamed of yourselves!

[Ocean Boy]

I totally agree with you PhoenixDawg! I have taught my son how to act and dress appropriately at home. I don't feel the need to make him dress in a manner that makes him uncomfortable while on vacation. He know that he must dress up when I tell him that it is necessary. I don't consider dinner in the MDR that big of a deal. I never really understood how what someone else is wearing in the MDR could effect my dinning experience. I guess I'm more interested in the people that I'm dining with, not their clothes. I'll probabbly get flamed for this but I think too many of you get on your "high horses" with your so-called parenting advice. I believe the OP asked for advice on a shirt, not with how to raise her children.

 

Why? Everything you said makes perfect sense.

[Sugar*Magnolia]

>>>> I really think this thread has to end.....very odd comments>>>>!

 

Laughing here with some eye rolling thrown in, because it is so funny that this thread is still going on the first page! Really folks? It couldnt stay quiet from last night? roflmfao

[marci22]

Some threads just go TMA- too much advice.

[griffy116]

Some threads just go TMA- too much advice.

 

You hit the nail on the head!!! I'm sure these parents weren't asking if their parenting skills were in need of advice from anyone here. They asked a legitimate question. We have carried teens on our extendef family cruises for over 10 years now. We've had some that carried the suit and tie and showed up w/o them at dinner. They still looked nice and we had a great time. Don't let some on the board upset you and don't miss out on the MDR experience just because of a tie. Just because you choose not to make a tie a battle doesn't mean your son won't be "their son's" boss a few years from now. As one of my Grandson's high school teachers warned students some students bullying a classmate in his class one day, "keep it up with the superior attitude, but you'll probably be asking one of these kids your picking on for a job in the near future." You dress your child and let them allow theirs to make a dress code decision. Both are acceptable.

[Paul65]

You hit the nail on the head!!! I'm sure these parents weren't asking if their parenting skills were in need of advice from anyone here. They asked a legitimate question.

 

I'm not so sure about that. In this case, the first two paragraphs of the initial post were explaining the fact that their son normally only wears "tracksuits and trainers" and goes on to basically describe how they have had to more or less negotiate with the kid on what to wear, then finally asked if people thought the compromise would be OK.

 

If all you care about is opinions on the particular clothes, then why add the other background information. If you supply that much information on an interenet discussion forum, isn't it somewhat of an invitation for people to comment on it?

[Wilda]

Ronn452 I totally agree with you. Our 2 sons, now ages 33 and 29, were always required to adhere to the recommended dress code, use proper table manners and sit all the way through the meal. Now as adults they each have a job where a coat and tie is required and they never complain. My oldest says that what we taught him helped get him his current job. During the grueling interview process the company took him to a country club for lunch to observe his manners etc. because the job would require lots of entertaining clients. He knows which bread plate is his, which fork to use, how to properly place his napkin when leaving the table and planning to return etc (unlike many cruise guests I've been seated with).

 

We had a family reunion on a cruise when my kids were 14 and 10. Out of the 26 people there they were the only kids to dress appropriately for dinner and to sit through all the courses. Our kids ordered the chilled soups, escargot, lobster etc. while their cousins had hamburgers and fries every night and lasted about 15 minutes at the table. My husbands sisters and brothers didn't understand how our kids did it. The answer was simple, because they had been doing it since they were toddlers. We took them on lots of cruises and to Commanders Palace, Mortons, Ruths Criss etc while their cousins never went anywhere except McDonalds or Burger King.

It was a sign of things to come. The cousins ruled the roost and were totally out of control as teens. Babies out of wedlock, trouble with the law, DUI's etc. for all the cousins but not one bit of trouble for either of our kids.

I can't imagine posting that my kid, whether 4, 14 or 18, would not do something my DH or I asked them to do. If they had, they would have missed the cruise and stayed home with Grandma getting more etiquitte lessons.

We are going with DS & DIL and 2 kids on a cruise this summer and we and our son fully expect that his boys, ages 4 and 6, will be dressed properly and have excellent table manners.

 

Here's hoping I don't get seated at a table with you during one of my future cruises. Not only will you evaluate whether I am dressed appropriately but my table manners will be scrutinized as well:eek::eek::eek:

[Chelley00]

We're cruising with an 18 year old and a 15 year old boy in 2 months. They know now that they are expected to wear a suit and tie on both formal nights. Figuring it's 2 hours for dinner, that's 4 hours out of a 9 day cruise. They'll live, they'll adhere to what we've taught them about respecting "rules" (apparently just suggestions for RCL formal night dress but still) and that it won't kill them to look nice for a formal night picture for Mommy :p

 

As soon as dinner is over they can go back to their comfortable shorts and tshirts with my blessing.

[nelblu]

Don't panic you'll be ok.

[Ocean Boy]

Here's hoping I don't get seated at a table with you during one of my future cruises. Not only will you evaluate whether I am dressed appropriately but my table manners will be scrutinized as well:eek::eek::eek:

 

So that people don't talk trash about us for putting our napkins in the wrong place when we I get up would it be acceptable for us to walk out of the dining room holding them?;):D

[reallyitsmema]

So that people don't talk trash about us for putting our napkins in the wrong place when we I get up would it be acceptable for us to walk out of the dining room holding them?;):D

Just leave it tucked into the neck of your shirt, you will be fineeeeeee.:eek:;):D

[Sugar*Magnolia]

A new twist in my head..to the OP - if you truly are in a "panic", even though your boy will be fine in nice long pants and button-down (plaid, checked or whatever :rolleyes:) as you described, whats the problem with just telling him what he should be wearing? It isnt possible for him to only wear track suits when at home, different occassions call for different garb! lolol

 

When Mommy is happy, everyone is HAPPY! :D

 

:::::ducking:::::