Learn How to Ask Nicely!

[BKFlowerMound]

I love this thread. Politeness pays! Rudeness usually gets its just reward as well. To think that some people are stupid enough to be rude to someone who is going to bring them food!

 

It's especially wrong in my eyes to be rude because one perceives oneself to be of higher status than someone else. While it is even dubious that one's actions might make one better than someone else, it is surely true that where one was born, how wealthy one is, or how educated one is doesn't.

 

I have no problem with "No Problem," but have no problem with people who do. I agree that it's cultural but also think it's generational as well. Many more mature people tend to think that they are being told, "I did it because it was no problem for me, had it been a problem, I wouldn't have done it." That's not the spirit in which it is said and I don't think it should be taken that way. I think the way people mean it is to put the person who was served at ease for having received the service. In other words, it's meant as a polite response and should be received as such. It is said even if it was clearly a problem or the service was significant. But, to be polite, I don't use "no problem" to people older than I am. To me, at least, it's no different than "de nada" - the polite response in Spanish - which translates as "it's nothing."

 

"You're welcome" - the traditional response in English - is odd if you think about. To use other words that mean the same thing, it means, "I am glad you are here." How did that become the appropriate response?

[tserface]

In the U.S., and I assume elsewhere, saying, "No problem..." is just like saying, "You bet!" or "Of course!" I think there is a fine line between too stuffy and too casual that these guys have walk all the time. There are some times when slightly more formal may be in order (like formal nights) but most of the time I prefer the cruise to be more casual. I always love the crew who can come across like old friends while still making you feel like you're really special. I also have no problem with no problem and wouldn't mind if they told me it was a problem ... if it was :-)

 

Tom

 

I respectfully disagree. The comment implies that they are making an exception and are going out of their way for the customer. To include the word "problem" suggests that the task is more than should be expected but they are being too polite to admit it. I myself occasionally use the phrase "no problem" when I am thanked for doing something over and above what would normally be expected for my line of work. To bring extra napkins or a refill of coffee is not "over and above" their job duties.

 

The proper response to these requests should be "my pleasure" or the like.

[Can'tstopcruising]

Perhaps it is a generational thing. Swsfrail is, as she has humorously admitted on other threads, of an older generation (she once described herself as "older than dirt") who may not be as comfortable with the casualness that some wait staff exhibit, whether it is management that dictates it, or is their own personality. I myself can't get used to some restaurants where the wait person sits down at the table with me to take my order as if they are a personal friend instead of one of the wait staff serving me. Some people may like this, but I prefer a bit more of a formal approach. But that is just me, I guess. I am there to enjoy a meal, not make a new friend. So please, stand next to the table to take my order and treat me as if you value my business instead of trying to act like an old friend, and I will return the respect equally.

 

What! Where do waitstaff sit at your table to take your order? That's a new one for me!

[Bell Ringer]

What! Where do waitstaff sit at your table to take your order? That's a new one for me!

I believe that some of the "steak houses" which are quite informal, if there is room, will either sit on the edge of the bench or squat or kneel down so that they will be able to hear the orders better since the music and talking is very loud all around them.

[Lois R]

Perhaps it is a generational thing. Swsfrail is, as she has humorously admitted on other threads, of an older generation (she once described herself as "older than dirt") who may not be as comfortable with the casualness that some wait staff exhibit, whether it is management that dictates it, or is their own personality. I myself can't get used to some restaurants where the wait person sits down at the table with me to take my order as if they are a personal friend instead of one of the wait staff serving me. Some people may like this, but I prefer a bit more of a formal approach. But that is just me, I guess. I am there to enjoy a meal, not make a new friend. So please, stand next to the table to take my order and treat me as if you value my business instead of trying to act like an old friend, and I will return the respect equally.

 

Hi,:) the wait staff sitting down with the customer? Where is this?:confused:

I honestly don't think using the phrase "no problem";) and having a

waiter/waitress sitting with the customer are even in the same

category.

[islandgirlejfan]

Great thread....I know we noticed a lot of this on our cruise on the Eclipse in December, however I'm noticing it so much lately everywhere. Hubby and I dined on Friday at our favorite Mexican (and HUGELY popular!) establishment. We are regulars there, so they pretty much know what we are going to order. We got there a little late and there were no booths available, just larger tables. We've had children and know that it's hard for them to wait, so we declined the table and asked to wait for a booth to open. We were given a number and we went to sit at the bar. While we were enjoying a drink, a booth opened up. They had just bussed the table when an older couple walked in. She must have said that she wanted a booth because she practically yelled at the host *why can't WE have THAT table?* to him. They pointed to us and calmly told them we were holding a number and were waiting to be seated. She and her husband walked out in a total huff and mumbling all the way. The wait staff was so bewildered!:confused: We would have gladly given them the table and waited for another one had it not happened so fast (we were enjoying a lovely margarita). The worst thing about it is if they just would have either sat at the almost empty bar or in the reception area that has seating, five booths opened up almost simultaneously within five minutes of their departure! Everyone just seems to be on their own agenda these days....I notice it a lot here in the Northeast.....it makes me not want to go out. If you are in that much of a hurry to eat especially on a weekend night, perhaps you should dine out during the week when there is not as many out and save the cooking for the weekend.

[Can'tstopcruising]

How does the expression go? You get more with honey than vinegar.

[jackdiamond]

hi,:) the wait staff sitting down with the customer? Where is this?:confused:south ft. Myers, fl.

I honestly don't think using the phrase "no problem";) and having a

waiter/waitress sitting with the customer are even in the same

category.

swfl

[patty1955]

We've been in a couple of restaurants where the wait person sat with us while taking our order. I don't remember which places or even where, but they're usually casual restaurants. I know one was here in the Bay Area and I think there was one in Tahoe. We don't like the practice either.

[Shining Clem]

We don't care for the practice either, and when we sit down at a booth, we deliberatly sit on the aisle side to thwart such action if we see the practice being engaged. One time one was quite aggressive, practically sitting on my husband's lap. After the orders were put in, I excused myself to go to the rest room, and on the way back, found the manager, and told him in no uncertain terms how pushy and rude the waitress had been, and that management should discourage such actions. My husband was very embarrassed too, and we have not returned. Her tip was cut in half.

 

What we noticed is it is a chance for a little extra salesmanship. They will go into great detail about the expensive shrimp appetizer or the many varieties of beers available.

 

As for the practice being to get the orders accurately, the restaurants seem to not consider turning down the music or TV volume (another issue entirely).

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As for rude, cranky people, I always get a smile remembering my mother-in-law's quip, which she usually directed at misbehaving children: "You can dress 'em up, but you can't take 'em out!"

 

Adults seem to need to be reminded of this all too often lately. Have to admit that a couple of times we have been known to loudly repeat that phrase when it seemed appropriate. Or one could let the waiter privately know that's what you thought of offending person, after they have left. It might help take some of the sting & hurt away.

[boogs]

I believe that some of the "steak houses" which are quite informal, if there is room, will either sit on the edge of the bench or squat or kneel down so that they will be able to hear the orders better since the music and talking is very loud all around them.

 

What! Where do waitstaff sit at your table to take your order? That's a new one for me!

 

I experienced this at a Texas Roadhouse in Phoenix, Arizona recently, and again at another steak house called Logan's Roadhouse in Midland, Texas just a few days ago. Neither were especially loud. If the wait person had simply stood next to the table they would have been closer, so the noise issue probably isn't the reason. True, they are casual venues, but I still think this is a bit too relaxed. I have also experienced it at "gourmet" burger places in my home town of San Jose, CA.

[Despegue]

Rudeness is a habit that happens Worldwide, but as I travel theWorld for a living, I must say that in General, I find most Americans very kind and polite, so please don't feel bad about your countrymen:)I must say however that I can not say the same from some people living in a City very close to the Big Apple, also a New, but wity a J... I recognize the accent and often, the rude complaining that I do hear is done in that particular accent:rolleyes: Especially onboard.

Maybe it is a cultural thing? this is just my observation, nothing against the people from N.J. Or N.Y .

[Rick-cruiser]

I hve no concern with "no problem" or "have a nice day"; but, then I do not sweat the small stuff. And, folks, by and large, most of it is small stuff.

 

You're absolutely right Jack.. Compared with some people's other problems / health issues, this would indeed be considered "small stuff" in the grand schema of things.. Thank you for bringing forth that perspective.

 

- Rick

.

[Happy Cruiser 6143]

I have never been in a restaurant where the waiter would sit down at the table while taking the order.

 

However, once on the ship we had a vacant place at our table. Every night, the assistant maitre d' would appear and sit down with us for a few minutes to see how everything was going and tell us what would be happening the next day. We discovered he was possessed of a "magic phone" with which he could obtain answers to anything we wanted to know. He was a treat and it was fun to spend a few minutes with him every night.

[P&C4/16/67]

I love this thread. Politeness pays! Rudeness usually gets its just reward as well. To think that some people are stupid enough to be rude to someone who is going to bring them food!

 

It's especially wrong in my eyes to be rude because one perceives oneself to be of higher status than someone else. While it is even dubious that one's actions might make one better than someone else, it is surely true that where one was born, how wealthy one is, or how educated one is doesn't.

 

I have no problem with "No Problem," but have no problem with people who do. I agree that it's cultural but also think it's generational as well. Many more mature people tend to think that they are being told, "I did it because it was no problem for me, had it been a problem, I wouldn't have done it." That's not the spirit in which it is said and I don't think it should be taken that way. I think the way people mean it is to put the person who was served at ease for having received the service. In other words, it's meant as a polite response and should be received as such. It is said even if it was clearly a problem or the service was significant. But, to be polite, I don't use "no problem" to people older than I am. To me, at least, it's no different than "de nada" - the polite response in Spanish - which translates as "it's nothing."

 

"You're welcome" - the traditional response in English - is odd if you think about. To use other words that mean the same thing, it means, "I am glad you are here." How did that become the appropriate response?

 

Yup, and a lot of things that you probably won't notice can happen to that food before it's placed in front of you.:D

[SmokeOnTheWater71]

This happened to my wife and i coming home from Orange Co.to Kansas City MO on AMERICAN.They CX.or flight so 210 people got up and ran to the gate to through a fit.I told my come on walked down a few gates found a flight going to Chicago a 767 i asked the gate lady do you have any room left they just CX or flight to KC she said no but if you wait a minute i'll help you mean while a guy from first on our flight just chewed the other agent out up and down.My agent asked me when she got back have you traveled alot i said my dad worked for TWA for 40 Years you sound like you know how to treat people while the guy next bitched my agent gave me hotel for the night meal ticket cab fare and rebooked me for the morning flight remember she didn't not have to help me but being patient and nice helps out alot the next to us he really lost it when he what we got she he wont get anything hes on his own.

[ORV]

This happened to my wife and i coming home from Orange Co.to Kansas City MO on AMERICAN.They CX.or flight so 210 people got up and ran to the gate to through a fit.I told my come on walked down a few gates found a flight going to Chicago a 767 i asked the gate lady do you have any room left they just CX or flight to KC she said no but if you wait a minute i'll help you mean while a guy from first on our flight just chewed the other agent out up and down.My agent asked me when she got back have you traveled alot i said my dad worked for TWA for 40 Years you sound like you know how to treat people while the guy next bitched my agent gave me hotel for the night meal ticket cab fare and rebooked me for the morning flight remember she didn't not have to help me but being patient and nice helps out alot the next to us he really lost it when he what we got she he wont get anything hes on his own.

 

I think I know what you're saying, but I could use a translation, especially the end. Not being rude here, I'm just trying to understand the post.

[CELTICGIRLCRUISER]

I was dizzy reading that one, take a breath I wanted to say:p

[bbappel]

This happened to my wife and i coming home from Orange Co.to Kansas City MO on AMERICAN.They CX.or flight so 210 people got up and ran to the gate to through a fit.I told my come on walked down a few gates found a flight going to Chicago a 767 i asked the gate lady do you have any room left they just CX or flight to KC she said no but if you wait a minute i'll help you mean while a guy from first on our flight just chewed out the agent next to ours up and down. My agent asked me when she got back have you traveled alot i said my dad worked for TWA for 40 Years you sound like you know how to treat people while the guy next bitched my agent gave me hotel for the night meal ticket cab fare and rebooked me for the morning flight remember she didn't not have to help me but being patient and nice helps out alot the next to us he really lost it when he what we got she he wont get anything hes on his own.

My wife and I experienced this coming home from Orange County to Kansas City MO on AMERICAN. They cancelled our flight so 210 people got up and ran to the gate to throw a fit. I told my wife, "come on" and we walked down a few gates and found a flight going to Chicago, a 767. I asked the gate lady if they had any room left, since they just cancelled our flight to KC. She said "No, but if you wait a minute I'll help you." Meanwhile a guy from first class on our flight chewed the other agent out up and down. My agent asked me when she got back, "Have you traveled a lot?" I said "My dad worked for TWA for 40 Years, you sound like you know how to treat people." Meanwhile the guy next to me was being awful. My agent gave me a hotel for the night, meal ticket, cab fare and rebooked me for the morning flight. Remember she didn't have to help me, but being patient and nice helps out a lot. The guy next to us eally lost it when he saw what we got. Our agent said "He won't get anything [from the other agent] He's on his own."

This is what I think was meant. Probably this was done on a smart phone with autocorrect - and it moves things around.

If I mis-translated, I apologize the errors are mine.

Beth

[CaroleSS]

Several posts ago it was mentioned that politeness, please and thank you, may be generational things. Case in point.....

 

When my son was in kindergarten the teacher told the kids to use phrases like please, thank you, yes ma'am and no ma'am. One of the kid's mother complained to the principal saying that.requiring her son to say yes ma'am was reminiscent of slavery and got an exemption - her son was the only kid who didn't have to say 'those' things!!

[CELTICGIRLCRUISER]

 

One of the kid's mother complained to the principal saying that.requiring her son to say yes ma'am was reminiscent of slavery and got an exemption - her son was the only kid who didn't have to say 'those' things!!

 

Was her ancestral background one that could have involved slavery? Seems a bit touchy to make her 4 year old soon aware of things like this and make him different from everyone else. What harm does it do, its the South everyone uses it!

[cwayne]

I hope I am not digressing too much! I am a big Please & Thank you person. It's automatic!

 

What drives me crazy is when in the U.S.' date=' a waiter/waitress or salesperson answers Unhuh! What's wrong with "You're welcome"?

 

One other thing. Don't forget the Tone of Voice speaks volumes.[/quote']

 

The one that drives me crazy is when you say, "Thank You" and their response is "No Problem".........:rolleyes:

[phoenix_dream]

On our cruise on ocean princess our Filipino waiter always spoke harshly to my then 17 year old son

Every night he was solicitous with our table mattes but would ask my son in a rude tone ..ok what do you want

It bothered me because my son is quiet and reserved and was taken aback by the tone and attitude

I never said anything but he rubbed me the wrong way . I tip extra according to how nice waiters treat my kids .many do exactly that one in particular on .r.c.i adventure took such great care of my 7 year old .he was a wonderful thoughtful waiter and I was very generous with him .he treated all of us at the table with kindness and respect .lubo was the best

 

Michele

So it is not always pax who are rude

If you ever encounter this type of situation again, I would definitely recommend speaking to the maitre d' and ask to be moved to a different table or have the waiter moved. I would never, ever be rude to a crew member and I certainly expect the same in return. Fortunately, this is a rare, rare situation indeed on Celebrity (and I suspect most cruiselines)

[Ships R Great]

Yup, and a lot of things that you probably won't notice can happen to that food before it's placed in front of you.:D

 

Please forgive me for sharing this (it is not my aim to offend anyone's sensibilities) but I cannot resist.

 

When I was a child we always had a cook to help my teacher mom. My father was talking to a certain one, one night, about employees who were "difficult" to work for. Her explantion for dealing with them was (no lie), "That's okay, Mr. Sam. I just spits in the biscuits." We had a new cook the next day. :)

[ORV]

If you ever encounter this type of situation again, I would definitely recommend speaking to the maitre d' and ask to be moved to a different table or have the waiter moved. I would never, ever be rude to a crew member and I certainly expect the same in return. Fortunately, this is a rare, rare situation indeed on Celebrity (and I suspect most cruiselines)

 

Perhaps this was a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, perhaps the waiter was semi-goofing around since it was a younger person and the OP mis-read the situation.