Rudeness and bad manners - in the eye of the beholder?

[gjt3rd]

Macleay, I had the same experience as you. Many years ago I was told by some hotels to put the trays outside the room. I saw so many trays on my last cruise that I thought that was the norm. In those days the staff patrolled the halls. These days staff does not patrol as frequently if at all. Cameras do the work. Good to know it's not always the norm.

[doublebzz]

I've had the same experience with people wanting to see our suite and I have never hesitated to let them take a look. What's the harm? I probably would have liked to see one before we started booking suites. If they ask politely and seem like nice people, I think it's rude not to honor a request by a fellow passenger.

 

At last, a voice of reason.

[Murray's Pop]

When I was growing up, when staying at hotels, we were asked to put our food outside the door. I guess they thought it was easier for the staff people to pick them up in the hallway rather than having to time going into the room to coincide with the occupants being gone. Not sure, but this was a very regular thing and not only did my family do it, so did everyone else who ordered room service.

 

I never thought of it as being rude and I can say it was never our intention to be rude, only to comply with what we were asked to do.

 

This generally is the norm for hotels, but NOT for cruise ships, for the obvious reasons.

[Mary Ellen]

I've had the same experience with people wanting to see our suite and I have never hesitated to let them take a look. What's the harm? I probably would have liked to see one before we started booking suites. If they ask politely and seem like nice people, I think it's rude not to honor a request by a fellow passenger.

Really? Where do you draw the line? Would you consider it acceptable if a stranger wanted to 'take a look' at your hotel room? Your house? I'm sorry, but I still believe it is incredibly rude to impose upon another passenger. That is their space, it isn't public. :eek:

 

Maybe because I went to college with Ted Bundy. People who knew him thought he was polite and seemed nice. :rolleyes:

 

Before we booked our first suite I knew exactly what it looked like because of the pictures HAL provides. It isn't like people don't have a clue and are booking them blindly. ;)

[GUT2407]

I was staying in the Pinnacle Suite and had the door ajar so that I could get a wifi signal. A lady walked right in and said to me. Oh dear, don't get up, I'll show myself around.

Needless to say, she did not show herself around.

Terri

 

 

:rolleyes:

[MaisonRose]

Nov 1 TA RYNDAM. BARCELONA TO TAMPA

 

LUCKY US, THE PINNACLE SUITE IS ON OUR CABIN CRAWL.

[midwest 852]

I've had the same experience with people wanting to see our suite and I have never hesitated to let them take a look. What's the harm? I probably would have liked to see one before we started booking suites. If they ask politely and seem like nice people, I think it's rude not to honor a request by a fellow passenger.

 

I agree. No one has ever knocked on my door & asked but when I open the door many times people will try to peek in. I always ask if they would like to come in and look around.

On my last cruise my son opened my door 2 ladies were standing there. He asked if they would like a tour? As they came in i called out "be careful the kitchen floor is wet"! They both laughed took a look around and on their way out I hear "O my they do have a kitchen".

If I traveled alone I wouldnt feel comfortable letting anyone in.

[lindaler]

Sometimes I am sure people think my behavior is rude but I have PTSD and go out of my way to be able to enjoy a meal or entertainment. We will arrive 20 minutes early to a show just so I can sit near a wall or door with an aisle seat. I know people don't like stumbling over me to get to a center seat but my only choices are letting them grumble or leaving. I need to sit near a window or wall and have been known to ask to go to another table not to avoid people but to have the security of a wall or window seat where I can enjoy my meal. My spouse sits next to me even at a table for four when we have it to ourselves because of a hearing problem so I guess to some we appear rude. Many handicaps are not visible but are just as real. Please consider that if it is not hurting you the person may not be able to do it any other way. I consider it rude to be asked to move my seating when I have arrived early or arranged months in advance to have a table in the dinning room where I can enjoy my meals.

 

That being said, my pet peeve is people who wear too much perfume. Maybe they should consider using the stairs instead of making 10 other people smell them. Or when the lady a table away has perfume smelling so strong you can't even smell the food you are eating. Perfume should be an interment thing not something everyone within 40 feet have to endure.

[GUT2407]

I guess that some people think I'm rude.

 

 

But maybe that's because I can be.

 

 

Especially if someone is rude to another [or even me].

 

 

Just try being rude to my darling and the find out [that's my prerogative].

[DesertPesce7751]

Don't proselytize at dinner. This is, by far, my biggest issue. Everyone has their personal beliefs and we should be able to act like adults and respect each other's boundaries in the MDR. When you sit down with strangers at dinner, even if you're a missionary, it's not the right venue to talk about your faith, whatever faith it is. That's a private thing and we didn't consent to a religious dinner.

 

Same thing goes for non-scientific political beliefs--I've held fossils in my hands and have worked in the sciences. Sitting down to tea with people on board for an anti-evolution conference would have been perfectly fine if they didn't try to get "into it" with the rest of the table. Scones, tea sandwiches, glaciers and whales: those are safe subjects. "Your field of research is a giant fraud" is not appropriate.

[Stratheden]

Sometimes I am sure people think my behavior is rude but I have PTSD and go out of my way to be able to enjoy a meal or entertainment. We will arrive 20 minutes early to a show just so I can sit near a wall or door with an aisle seat. I know people don't like stumbling over me to get to a center seat but my only choices are letting them grumble or leaving. I need to sit near a window or wall and have been known to ask to go to another table not to avoid people but to have the security of a wall or window seat where I can enjoy my meal. My spouse sits next to me even at a table for four when we have it to ourselves because of a hearing problem so I guess to some we appear rude. Many handicaps are not visible but are just as real. Please consider that if it is not hurting you the person may not be able to do it any other way. I consider it rude to be asked to move my seating when I have arrived early or arranged months in advance to have a table in the dinning room where I can enjoy my meals.

 

That being said, my pet peeve is people who wear too much perfume. Maybe they should consider using the stairs instead of making 10 other people smell them. Or when the lady a table away has perfume smelling so strong you can't even smell the food you are eating. Perfume should be an interment thing not something everyone within 40 feet have to endure.

 

I perfectly understand you.

We probably appear rude to some people too. We are not great conversationalists and probably bore people to snores so we usually sit at a table for two. People who have been everywhere, know everyone and talk non stop bore us too. So everyone is happy.

[Tarpeian Rock]

Don't proselytize at dinner. This is, by far, my biggest issue. Everyone has their personal beliefs and we should be able to act like adults and respect each other's boundaries in the MDR. When you sit down with strangers at dinner, even if you're a missionary, it's not the right venue to talk about your faith, whatever faith it is. That's a private thing and we didn't consent to a religious dinner.

 

Same thing goes for non-scientific political beliefs--I've held fossils in my hands and have worked in the sciences. Sitting down to tea with people on board for an anti-evolution conference would have been perfectly fine if they didn't try to get "into it" with the rest of the table. Scones, tea sandwiches, glaciers and whales: those are safe subjects. "Your field of research is a giant fraud" is not appropriate.

 

 

 

This is excellent advice. I'm a clergyman, and while I certainly don't put my faith on "hold" when my wife and I are on vacation, I would never introduce a religious topic at table, and when such has been brought up by others, I let the conversation pass me by. No positives at all come from such a conversation, as a debate almost always ensues, with the discomfort that brings. None of us is there for that.

[earljr]

Scones, tea sandwiches, glaciers and whales: those are safe subjects. "Your field of research is a giant fraud" is not appropriate.

 

Glaciers would probably lead to a pro/ con debate about global warming

 

Whales would probably lead to a pro/con debate about Japanese whale harvesting and

Green Peace actions

 

Don't know about Scones and tea sandwiches --sound safe enough :):)

 

(kidding, kidding, :D)

Edited October 17, 2014 by earljr

[Se4deb]

I have two things that just drive me over the wall. 1) People wearing their bathrooms into the Neptune Lounge to get something, for Pete's sake people put something on. The Neptune Lounge is not your private area, and 2) used room service trays left in the hallways. I know that is the "acceptable" thing to do with your tray and uneaten food and I know that the room stewards work like crazy to keep them picked up, but they are a trip hazard and I always have to pick them up and let my husband go by on his scooter, lest he hit one and break a dish or make a loud clatter.

[iancal]

If the discussion turns to politics, religion, or sex we tune out. Or just leave.

 

We find the right wingers, those to the right of Attila the Hun in their political or religious views, to be the most obnoxious when they insist on attempting to start a discussion. We run, not walk for fear of saying something very rude and offensive to them.

Edited October 17, 2014 by iancal

[lazey1]

Sometimes I am sure people think my behavior is rude but I have PTSD and go out of my way to be able to enjoy a meal or entertainment. We will arrive 20 minutes early to a show just so I can sit near a wall or door with an aisle seat. I know people don't like stumbling over me to get to a center seat but my only choices are letting them grumble or leaving. I need to sit near a window or wall and have been known to ask to go to another table not to avoid people but to have the security of a wall or window seat where I can enjoy my meal. My spouse sits next to me even at a table for four when we have it to ourselves because of a hearing problem so I guess to some we appear rude. Many handicaps are not visible but are just as real. Please consider that if it is not hurting you the person may not be able to do it any other way. I consider it rude to be asked to move my seating when I have arrived early or arranged months in advance to have a table in the dinning room where I can enjoy my meals.

 

That being said, my pet peeve is people who wear too much perfume. Maybe they should consider using the stairs instead of making 10 other people smell them. Or when the lady a table away has perfume smelling so strong you can't even smell the food you are eating. Perfume should be an interment thing not something everyone within 40 feet have to endure.

 

We have a lot in common. Not PTSD but using a walker means we must have an aisle seat for entertainment. At mealtime my spouse must sit beside me because of hearing loss and tremors which can get severe suddenly. If anyone asks us to move we will say sorry, but we won't move and if that is considered rude, so be it.

 

Both of us have asthma and perfume on either a woman or a man will make both of us gasp for breath. People wearing perfume that can be smelled more that 10' away in any large or small enclosed space is the most rude thing we can think of.

[gjt3rd]

When you sit down with strangers at dinner, even if you're a missionary, it's not the right venue to talk about your faith, whatever faith it is. That's a private thing and we didn't consent to a religious dinner.

 

Sitting down to tea with people on board for an anti-evolution conference would have been perfectly fine if they didn't try to get "into it" with the rest of the table. .

 

Thank you for this. I am really tired of being judged by "Christians" for every little thing -- and I am a "Bible Believing Christian" and certified life science educator. No -- they are NOT mutually exclusive but I get judged by both side of the debate.

 

In the MDR I never claim to be either one so we can have a peaceful meal and enjoy the company of other living things created by God to do good works. People are somewhat frustrating when they behave selfishly but most are really cool. I have fossils in my back yard because our area sits on a bed of limestone. I have not found anything interesting yet, but I am still keeping my eyes open. I would enjoy meeting a cruiser in the MDR who could talk to me about fossils with intelligence instead of religious hate. I would enjoy meeting missionaries who would speak to me of their experiences without malace or hate towards "the lost souls" and not judging me if my beliefs don't line up with theirs.

 

Through these responses I am seeing that I have more in common with other cruisers than I thought. Rudeness is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

[momatibm]

You all know who I mean. When ever you relate an event, happening, whatever -- he/she can always top it. We had table mates like that one time, but we loved our waiter --we had him on another cruise as well, so we didn't ask to move -- so we let him tell us how great he was -- we ate, drank our wine and never saw him and his sweet wife (she was really nice) any place else. He was apparently a big gambler.

[SteveH2508]

You all know who I mean. When ever you relate an event, happening, whatever -- he/she can always top it. We had table mates like that one time, but we loved our waiter --we had him on another cruise as well, so we didn't ask to move -- so we let him tell us how great he was -- we ate, drank our wine and never saw him and his sweet wife (she was really nice) any place else. He was apparently a big gambler.

 

The one-upper - you've been to Tenerife - he's been to Elevenerife...;)

[Mary Ellen]

You all know who I mean. When ever you relate an event, happening, whatever -- he/she can always top it. We had table mates like that one time, but we loved our waiter --we had him on another cruise as well, so we didn't ask to move -- so we let him tell us how great he was -- we ate, drank our wine and never saw him and his sweet wife (she was really nice) any place else. He was apparently a big gambler.

We had a couple like that at our table for our last Mariner Brunch. Yes, we could have topped everything with which they were attempting to impress us. They didn't even wait for us to say a thing. They just started right in on their cruising history, how many days, their next cruise... We just sat there saying 'that's nice'. We decided there was no need to engage with them.

[CowPrincess]

The one-upper - you've been to Tenerife - he's been to Elevenerife...;)

 

Good one :D

 

Have experienced people like that and invariably DH and I just become really good listeners, with nothing to say. Not that our silence is even noticed :eek: :D

[GUT2407]

Good one :D

 

Have experienced people like that and invariably DH and I just become really good listeners, with nothing to say. Not that our silence is even noticed :eek: :D

 

 

That's what we do MOST of the time.

 

Every now and then we have some fun.:cool:

[Lady Chew]

I have two things that just drive me over the wall ... People wearing their bathrooms into the Neptune Lounge to get something, for Pete's sake people put something on. The Neptune Lounge is not your private area, ...

 

How do you wear an entire bathroom into the Neptune Lounge (or anywhere else, for that matter)? I've got a picture in my head of an old cartoon I once saw, of a man wearing a bathtub, complete with faucets & water pipes, his legs sticking out of the bottom, with a shower cap on his head and carrying a plunger ...

 

it's late & I'm a little punchy, this just gave me a little giggle ...

[steve ch]

Glaciers would probably lead to a pro/ con debate about global warming

 

Whales would probably lead to a pro/con debate about Japanese whale harvesting and

Green Peace actions

 

Don't know about Scones and tea sandwiches --sound safe enough :):)

 

(kidding, kidding, :D)

 

Scones at tea time? What a minefield!

 

Do you put butter on? Jam first, or cream?:D

[SeagoingMom]

We had a couple like that at our table for our last Mariner Brunch. Yes, we could have topped everything with which they were attempting to impress us. They didn't even wait for us to say a thing. They just started right in on their cruising history, how many days, their next cruise... We just sat there saying 'that's nice'. We decided there was no need to engage with them.

This brings up a question that I, myself, have not yet settled on an answer to -- we have been disarmed by other cruisers we've met who seemed to us to be "bragging" about their cruise and travel experiences -- but we, unlike you, felt intimidated because our cruise and travel resume's didn't "hold a candle" to the other person's, and we really couldn't contribute much to the conversation. Indeed, our lives don't compare to the lives of some we meet on board -- we are simple, old-fashioned folk who have worked (husband) and stayed home to raise the children (me) and cruise and travel infrequently because we must carefully save the money to do so, usually as an anniversary celebration. But on the other hand, what is there that we have in common with folks on a cruise ship other than our cruising history? Haven't others on this board found consistently that this is one of the first things that one asks (right after "where are you from") when one meets someone for the first time on board?

 

There are so many "unacceptable" topics -- ones we are all told to avoid bringing up with fellow pax, because these topics are rude or controversial, even including such simple questions as "what line of work are you in?" that if we don't talk about our cruise histories, what do we have to talk about?

 

Now that over the years my husband and I have managed to take four cruises, I fear becoming that person who might intimidate someone else who has cruised even less than we have!