Stressed about children "free range" on Lady O

[CruisingMomma88]

Wow! Thank you to everyone for your honest posts.

First let me say that the kids are 13/16 which i typed incorrectly. They will not hang out together....no way no how. Despite popular belief, this isn't about my children because I trust them....well mostly the older one. The younger onnneeee ummmm not so much LOL. I don't trust OTHERS. I'm concerned about the naivity and false sense of safety. So while I do appreciate the "let them be free and trust them" mentality, I still worry. I am a great mother and my kids are truly terrific....aren't everyone's ;) ...but I reserve the right to be overly cautious. So it appears that there is no real solution and we will have to set some limits, check in spots and establish a new trust.

Thanks to all and to those that chose to be a little more snarky, I wouldn't hold it against you. Some people just feel the need to comment in a way that makes themselves feel better regardless of how they make others feel. So with that passive aggressive statement I bid you a goodnight.

[TheTruthCanHurt]

I was going to suggest a similar thing.

You can get unlimited internet access for mulitiple devices. and then use Skype/facebook messenger etc

Its not the cheapest but certainly leaps and bounds cheaper than 50 cents per text.

 

I would also agree, I know that many people use walkie talkies. but In my opinion they are super annoying to listen to all over the ship.

 

Just my thoughts

[DirtyDawg]

Here were my basic rules for dealing with our teens and near teens on a cruise vacation;

 

1. Tip the cabin steward and extra $50 bucks early in the week because they WILL earn it!

2. Teach the teens know how to use the card to open the door – don’t assume anything,

3. Make sure they know where the buffet is, and

4. They know where the pizza, ice cream, drinks places are, and

5. They know when dinner is (and hopefully can tell time by now),

6. They know if they need a pre-dinner dinner, they can go to the buffet,

7. Same as 6 above for pre-breakfasts and pre-lunches.

8. They know there will be serious consequences for throwing their little brother off the balcony this time,

9. Make sure they know how to use my card to get me a drink, and

10. Now bugger off, I'm on vacation!

 

Ya I tended to leave the helicopter at home. :D:)

[Biker19]

 

Does Royal have an communications app? Some other lines have them where you download the app & can message each other without it being charged as texting or wifi. The messages don't cost anything but there's a fee for the device to connect to the app.

Yes, on the Quantum and Oasis class ships it's part of RCI's IQ app (which can be used for other things like reservations, schedule, etc.). The costs seems to change between free and $15/ device (for the length of the sailing). No need for an Internet package to use this. The only downside is that you need to check the app for messages - it doesn't prompt you when you get a new message.

[GUT2407]

Oh, and one more "free" idea for you... Take a magnetic dry erase board and pen (like they probably use in their locker at school) and put it inside or outside your cabin door. Then you can leave notes for each other as to whereabouts. Metal walls on ships! This was a helpful tip we read on this forum and allowed our extended family to keep tabs on each other.

 

 

If you take the whiteboard, leave it in your cabin, too much chance of a message getting blurred or rubbed off.

[Cel_cruise]

If you take the whiteboard, leave it in your cabin, too much chance of a message getting blurred or rubbed off.

 

 

I agree with this - we had one outside our cabin and often punks would draw inappropriate things on it or it would get bumped into as people walked down the hallway and either get blurry or fall down.

[Big_G]

We use 'Hangouts' for Android when texting over WIFI. It wouldn't work on the older ships but it may work on the upgraded Oasis systems. It was free when I downloaded it off the Play Store but I don't know if that's still true. We've used it in various other countries when texting home through hotel WIFI.

[Big_G]

OP...don't read this, but I can't help it!

 

Ok...you really don't need to have "body cams" on your kids! You're attempting to raise ADULTS, right? So...allow them to come and go to SPECIFIC things alone. You MUST give kids some independence, or they'll NEVER learn to be independent!!

 

Say they go to the kid's club. You tell them where YOU will be...(and be there!) and let them come to YOU for a physical check in. If they want to go to the buffet for a lemonade...let them do it alone...and come on back to you!

Repeat as needed. Texting or walkie talkies only tell you that they're alive...it will give you no idea of their location or condition...so insist on physical check in times!

 

I'm not advocating "roaming aimlessly"..but kids that age should NOT need mommy (or another adult around) every minute! You are truly not doing your job as a parent if you insist on hovering all the time.

 

Common sense rules! We you "hovered" over as a child? I wasn't...and yet, here I am, hail and hearty, and quite comfortable on my own!! That's your goal for you kids. To NOT need you!

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: Amazing.

[brillohead]

If you trust your kids (but not "other people"), teaching them a few simple rules will work wonders. It helps to write these down and have the kids each sign the "contract" agreeing to these rules, with the understanding that breaking a rule means being tied to a parent's side for the remainder of the cruise. (Trust me, NO teenager wants that!)

 

1. Don't go in anyone's room for any reason. Not only does this prevent assault, it also protects your kids from being accused of stealing something.

 

2. Don't let anyone into your room for any reason.

 

3. Don't drink anything you didn't pour yourself or see poured by a staff member.

 

4. Don't leave a drink unattended, and make sure you keep an eye on your drink (keep it within your line of sight) and/or keep a lid on it.

 

5. If someone (staff, passenger, adult, kid, anyone at all) makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, it's okay to say, "excuse me, I have to go" and walk away. Don't worry about seeming rude -- this is one week out of your life and you'll never see these people again.

 

6. If in a scary situation, even just an "uncomfortable but not overtly creepy" situation, walk up to someone who looks like a mom or a grandma and ask them if you can stand near them for a while because someone made you feel unsafe and you want the scary person to think you're there with an adult. (This was something I taught my son at a very young age -- if he got lost in a store, he should approach a mommy with kids or a grandma and ask for help. While there's no guarantee that a mom/grandma wouldn't molest or harm a child, the odds are significantly lower versus a single man of any age.) Also to know the standard yell of "YOU ARE NOT MY PARENT AND I DON'T WANT TO GO WITH YOU" so that people observing don't just assume the kid is having a tantrum with their parent.

 

7. Behave as if your parents were with you at all times. Don't be a jerk on the elevators, offer help to the elderly and infirm, say please and thank you when appropriate, indoor voices where appropriate, watch where you're going so you don't bump into people, don't go into areas marked "staff only", etc. If you'd be embarrassed if your parents saw you doing something, you shouldn't be doing it.

 

8. Check-ins at the places and times you agree upon each day. This is based on your comfort level, and can be adjusted throughout the week as needed. (For my 15yo, he has to eat dinner with me on formal nights, he has to be in the stateroom by curfew (1am), and he has to spend port days with me (other than private islands -- he has freedom there once I ding him off the ship). Other than that, he was free to do as he chose, as long as he followed all the rules.)

 

Now, for the unsolicited part of my post:

 

Think back to when you were in middle school and high school.... were you allowed to walk to the neighborhood convenience store to get a Slurpee or a candy bar? Could you go on a bike ride with your friends, or walk to a friend's house a few blocks away?

 

People talk about not letting their kids roam around in a town of 6,000 people -- that's a very small town...do you really not let your half-grown kids walk down the street to their best friend's house?

 

Yes, there could be bad people on cruises just like anywhere else. However, crime (especially assault) is NOT rampant on cruise ships, and there are very few areas that don't have staff and witnesses around (or within screaming distance). Establishing some ground rules and granting some independence can be a safe way to ease them into dealing with the public and learning how to keep themselves safe in a variety of environments.

[MaiseyM]

You have some good suggestions here. There is a post on a different forum on CC for families that cruise. A lot of parents talking about kid issues. Mostly toddlers, but there are a few teen ones too. I read one not too long ago that had a contract for her teens. I liked it and plan on doing something similar. It really holds them responsible to the rules, codes of conduct, and other expectations they may 'forget' :rolleyes: when having some freedom on board. My children are 13,12, and 11. I totally understand your concerns. I intend to start with tighter rules and loosen up as we all get assimilated to the ship. Check out the family forum. You may find some good tips.

[Cel_cruise]

If you trust your kids (but not "other people"), teaching them a few simple rules will work wonders. It helps to write these down and have the kids each sign the "contract" agreeing to these rules, with the understanding that breaking a rule means being tied to a parent's side for the remainder of the cruise. (Trust me, NO teenager wants that!)

 

 

 

1. Don't go in anyone's room for any reason. Not only does this prevent assault, it also protects your kids from being accused of stealing something.

 

 

 

2. Don't let anyone into your room for any reason.

 

 

 

3. Don't drink anything you didn't pour yourself or see poured by a staff member.

 

 

 

4. Don't leave a drink unattended, and make sure you keep an eye on your drink (keep it within your line of sight) and/or keep a lid on it.

 

 

 

5. If someone (staff, passenger, adult, kid, anyone at all) makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, it's okay to say, "excuse me, I have to go" and walk away. Don't worry about seeming rude -- this is one week out of your life and you'll never see these people again.

 

 

 

6. If in a scary situation, even just an "uncomfortable but not overtly creepy" situation, walk up to someone who looks like a mom or a grandma and ask them if you can stand near them for a while because someone made you feel unsafe and you want the scary person to think you're there with an adult. (This was something I taught my son at a very young age -- if he got lost in a store, he should approach a mommy with kids or a grandma and ask for help. While there's no guarantee that a mom/grandma wouldn't molest or harm a child, the odds are significantly lower versus a single man of any age.) Also to know the standard yell of "YOU ARE NOT MY PARENT AND I DON'T WANT TO GO WITH YOU" so that people observing don't just assume the kid is having a tantrum with their parent.

 

 

 

7. Behave as if your parents were with you at all times. Don't be a jerk on the elevators, offer help to the elderly and infirm, say please and thank you when appropriate, indoor voices where appropriate, watch where you're going so you don't bump into people, don't go into areas marked "staff only", etc. If you'd be embarrassed if your parents saw you doing something, you shouldn't be doing it.

 

 

 

8. Check-ins at the places and times you agree upon each day. This is based on your comfort level, and can be adjusted throughout the week as needed. (For my 15yo, he has to eat dinner with me on formal nights, he has to be in the stateroom by curfew (1am), and he has to spend port days with me (other than private islands -- he has freedom there once I ding him off the ship). Other than that, he was free to do as he chose, as long as he followed all the rules.)

 

 

 

Now, for the unsolicited part of my post:

 

 

 

Think back to when you were in middle school and high school.... were you allowed to walk to the neighborhood convenience store to get a Slurpee or a candy bar? Could you go on a bike ride with your friends, or walk to a friend's house a few blocks away?

 

 

 

People talk about not letting their kids roam around in a town of 6,000 people -- that's a very small town...do you really not let your half-grown kids walk down the street to their best friend's house?

 

 

 

Yes, there could be bad people on cruises just like anywhere else. However, crime (especially assault) is NOT rampant on cruise ships, and there are very few areas that don't have staff and witnesses around (or within screaming distance). Establishing some ground rules and granting some independence can be a safe way to ease them into dealing with the public and learning how to keep themselves safe in a variety of environments.

 

 

I think that this post is EXCELLENT advice! My son is only 8, but we already have many of these in place incase we get separated. We have contracts with him (signed by him!) for other things - like iPod use and care - and they always work really well when it comes time to accept consequences.

[MaiseyM]

I am copying a few links from the family forum. There are rules other parents set in place that I never thought of, but they make sense. It may be info. overload. If so, ignore. Otherwise, cherry pick the best ones for your family.

 

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1199310&highlight=contract

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1907543&highlight=contract

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1809990&highlight=contract

[pcur]

After cruising for 4 decades, I've seen and heard all of the above. Walkie-talkies are annoying to other passengers, and kids seem to "lose" them or leave them in the cabin. Face-to-face check-ins work best IMO, because texts and notes don't really give you the conversation and "read" about how your kid is doing.

 

The teen program is really good. From what I've seen, young teens and pre-teens get obnoxious when they are in a group of new friends, and the peer group pressure kicks in to show-off and impress. Breaks from this to eat and chat with Mom or Dad is a good idea.

 

I'm more in favor of the OP's attitude about her kids on the ship. My rule of thumb would be, "how would I deal with my kids being in a large resort hotel complex on land with a lot of adults drinking alcohol all the time?".

 

There's a reason for the children/teen programs.

[fischymom]

My son was 14 when he had his first cruise- and we did the face to face check in. On the first day or two he had to check in when he went to different areas then what he originally had planned on, or every 4 or 5 hours. Lots of times it would be that he was either going to be at the sports court-flowrider-or at the pools, but that is what worked for us. He ended up meeting a friend that he spent the rest of the time with and by the end we had him give us what activities he was going to be at for that day then he had to check in at meals. He knew we could drop by the activities so he stuck to them but I did not make him check in as rigorously. He did have the standard set of rules he had to follow- no going into other cabins- no going into staff areas, etc.

[jayblue]

OP...don't read this, but I can't help it!

 

Ok...you really don't need to have "body cams" on your kids! You're attempting to raise ADULTS, right? So...allow them to come and go to SPECIFIC things alone. You MUST give kids some independence, or they'll NEVER learn to be independent!!

 

Say they go to the kid's club. You tell them where YOU will be...(and be there!) and let them come to YOU for a physical check in. If they want to go to the buffet for a lemonade...let them do it alone...and come on back to you!

Repeat as needed. Texting or walkie talkies only tell you that they're alive...it will give you no idea of their location or condition...so insist on physical check in times!

 

I'm not advocating "roaming aimlessly"..but kids that age should NOT need mommy (or another adult around) every minute! You are truly not doing your job as a parent if you insist on hovering all the time.

 

Common sense rules! We you "hovered" over as a child? I wasn't...and yet, here I am, hail and hearty, and quite comfortable on my own!! That's your goal for you kids. To NOT need you!

 

Sorry, but I agree with the OP.

 

Times have changed since I was a kid. She trusts her children, but with child predators lurking everywhere, parents can NEVER be too careful!

 

Don't flambé her choice of watching over her own!

[serene56]

The ship may seem VERY large-- but a large portion of that ship is cabin space.

You tell your kids they should only be in public walkways-- NEVER allowed in the cabin areas for any reason- They are not allowed to walk someone back to their cabin to get something they forgot. Nor are they allowed to bring someone back to your cabin.

you will be given a daily activity sheet. Ask for me if needed. Take highlighters and mark it up where you will be.

Make dinner mandatory. or you will not see them except when they are sleeping. Make a time to get ready for dinner-- and no lateness. (make sure they have a watch-- cell phones will change time

[Rolla4fun]

We took our kids on a cruise when they were 10 & 12. They had their own room across from ours. We established rules before the cruise such as curfews, not to go in anyone else's stateroom nor to have anyone in their stateroom. We made dinners mandatory - even if they only stayed for appetizers. That way we could meet up then. We had a key to their room so that we could check on them. They are not allowed to get off the ship without parents so you will always know that they are on the ship if you are. I also explained that there are cameras all over the ship and they are being monitored constantly. The kids made friends quickly onboard and most of them hung out together. Safety in numbers! Enjoy your cruise and I know the kids will enjoy their freedom!

[Sherri914]

[quote name='sailaway2010']It's quite simple, really. In internet jargon words spelled with capital letters represents yelling.[/QUOTE]

I disagree. If an entire post is written in capital letters, then yes, it would likely be interpreted (and I would also read that) as [I]yelling[/I]. However, if only a few random words are capitalized, I would use common sense and assume those were capitalized for emphasis and nothing more. It's hard to infer the intent with which something is written. Often times, capitalization is used simply to help the reader understand where the writer intended to place emphasis.

[Lionesss]

I used to have the habit of posting all my replies with size 4 on the selction line.

Did this for years.

Then one day, I was "criticized" for the size.

Heck I only did it so when I checked my spelling, I did not have to wear my readers.

Now, readers on I post in 2..............

But, when one uses capitals to post and get their point across, I too take it as an emphasis, not yelling.


SEA YA

[jayblue]

[quote name='brillohead']If you trust your kids (but not "other people"), teaching them a few simple rules will work wonders. It helps to write these down and have the kids each sign the "contract" agreeing to these rules, with the understanding that breaking a rule means being tied to a parent's side for the remainder of the cruise. (Trust me, NO teenager wants that!)

1. Don't go in anyone's room for any reason. Not only does this prevent assault, it also protects your kids from being accused of stealing something.

2. Don't let anyone into your room for any reason.

3. Don't drink anything you didn't pour yourself or see poured by a staff member.

4. Don't leave a drink unattended, and make sure you keep an eye on your drink (keep it within your line of sight) and/or keep a lid on it.

5. If someone (staff, passenger, adult, kid, anyone at all) makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, it's okay to say, "excuse me, I have to go" and walk away. Don't worry about seeming rude -- this is one week out of your life and you'll never see these people again.

6. If in a scary situation, even just an "uncomfortable but not overtly creepy" situation, walk up to someone who looks like a mom or a grandma and ask them if you can stand near them for a while because someone made you feel unsafe and you want the scary person to think you're there with an adult. (This was something I taught my son at a very young age -- if he got lost in a store, he should approach a mommy with kids or a grandma and ask for help. While there's no guarantee that a mom/grandma wouldn't molest or harm a child, the odds are significantly lower versus a single man of any age.) Also to know the standard yell of "YOU ARE NOT MY PARENT AND I DON'T WANT TO GO WITH YOU" so that people observing don't just assume the kid is having a tantrum with their parent.

7. Behave as if your parents were with you at all times. Don't be a jerk on the elevators, offer help to the elderly and infirm, say please and thank you when appropriate, indoor voices where appropriate, watch where you're going so you don't bump into people, don't go into areas marked "staff only", etc. If you'd be embarrassed if your parents saw you doing something, you shouldn't be doing it.

8. Check-ins at the places and times you agree upon each day. This is based on your comfort level, and can be adjusted throughout the week as needed. (For my 15yo, he has to eat dinner with me on formal nights, he has to be in the stateroom by curfew (1am), and he has to spend port days with me (other than private islands -- he has freedom there once I ding him off the ship). Other than that, he was free to do as he chose, as long as he followed all the rules.)

Now, for the unsolicited part of my post:

Think back to when you were in middle school and high school.... were you allowed to walk to the neighborhood convenience store to get a Slurpee or a candy bar? Could you go on a bike ride with your friends, or walk to a friend's house a few blocks away?

People talk about not letting their kids roam around in a town of 6,000 people -- that's a very small town...do you really not let your half-grown kids walk down the street to their best friend's house?

Yes, there could be bad people on cruises just like anywhere else. However, crime (especially assault) is NOT rampant on cruise ships, and there are very few areas that don't have staff and witnesses around (or within screaming distance). Establishing some ground rules and granting some independence can be a safe way to ease them into dealing with the public and learning how to keep themselves safe in a variety of environments.[/QUOTE]

This is the best advice I have read. This post caught my eye because I was going to take my 12 year okd nephew with me on my next cruise. I was worried because we have very different tastes in entertainment and I feared letting him roam if there were no kids in his age group. I think he changed his mind about going because of this.

[Arzeena]

[quote name='CruisingMomma88']I know I know I know...this has been posted hundreds if not thousands of times. I am a self-proclaimed "helicopter" mother and I'm totally nervous about my two kids roaming free. Yes, they are young (12/13) and I wouldn't let them roam free in a city (as an example) of 6000+ people so why should Oasis be different? My DH and both children insist that I need to land the helicopter and 'chill' but it's very hard.

So, the compromise is that I want the kids to be able to answer my *cough cough random texts to see where they are etc. After all this is their vacation too so they should enjoy it right? Of course. *She says reluctantly* So I've read about internet/renting phones/walkie-talkies etc. We are Canucks so walkie-talkie type things are not likely as feasible or inexpensive in the US. Myself, DH and two children all have different carriers (one child has IPhone) and we have Android etc. So I don't know if there is anything we can do in terms of enabling text?

Please don't flame me for asking this question. I'm really looking for someone who has recently been able to SUCCESSFULLY keep tabs on their kids and I am not really interested in a speech/lecture about why or how I need to let go. I say that with the utmost respect. I am asking for some feedback and a way that is reliable.

Thanks in advance and happy cruising. Can't wait to board Oasis soon.[/quote]

I don't know how you can keep tabs on your kids, but to lighten your stress, I can give one advice....Just book yourself some spa treatments and pretend you left the kids with grandma at home.:D:D

[CruisingMomma88]

Brillohead-thank, although some of your points were things I planned on implementing I must say that your attention to the "drink rule" was so important! I never even thought of that! Especially for a young girl that is something everyone on here should take note of. I do appreciate all of the feedback and we have done contracts before so that is likely what we will go with. We have cruised freedom class with them but my younger didnt have check in and out priveledges so this time will be a good test.
SAFE cruising is great cruising for me.

[brillohead]

[quote name='CruisingMomma88']Brillohead-thank, although some of your points were things I planned on implementing I must say that your attention to the "drink rule" was so important! I never even thought of that! Especially for a young girl that is something everyone on here should take note of. [/QUOTE]

I think this is something that EVERYONE needs to be aware of... and something that most people think "will never happen to me" so they don't take it seriously enough.

Have your kids watch this video (and really, EVERYONE should watch this video!) and remind them of it from time to time... if grown adults can have it happen to them (even with a friend "watching their drink" for them), it can surely happen to an easily distracted teen. Having the drink in their [B]line of sight[/B] is so crucial!

[B][URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTd1647CTFs"]See how easy it is to drug a stranger's drink -- click here![/URL][/B]

[Lady Chew]

[FONT="Garamond"][SIZE="3"][COLOR="Indigo"][B]I remember seeing something similar, a show (or a segment of a show?) called "What would you do?"

They did the same sort of staging ... put a sugar pill in the drink when the young lady left ... people always saw them and nobody did anything ... they showed 7 or 8 incidents, and only ONE woman out of all the people who saw ran right up to the girl and told her not to drink it.

I imagine on ships it would be very easy to do this ... people don't pay attention to their drinks.[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[funfamilyfun]

We paid the .50 to send texts. They knew that had better answer. They also had to ask us to move locations. We didn't text a lot, but we always knew where to find them and...they always knew how to find us! Enjoy!