What would you do in the MDR?

[Z0nker]

Steer the conversation to politics, religion & music so I can point out everything else that is wrong with them?

 

Or just try to get to know them. Depends on whether I'm drinking tequila or wine.

 

Thanks, you made me laugh out loud. When I was single I signed up for eHarmony, the online dating sight. One prospective date, Heidi, stated in her profile that she "could not be with a man who listened to country music, supported George W. Bush or attended church regularly." So there you have it.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Z0nker

[newcruise55]

My son wore a baseball cap in the dining room to cover his kippah as he did not want to be judged by others and my father in law wore a baseball cap all the time when he was going through chemo for his cancer. So when you judge someone without knowing their story maybe you should look in a mirror and see that you have the problem not those you are judging.

[TC1957]

My son wore a baseball cap in the dining room to cover his kippah as he did not want to be judged by others and my father in law wore a baseball cap all the time when he was going through chemo for his cancer. So when you judge someone without knowing their story maybe you should look in a mirror and see that you have the problem not those you are judging.

 

+1,000

 

My wife's uncle, before he died, wore a hat every waking moment. He had a metal plate in his head due to WW2 combat injury and it made his head cold. If anyone was rude to him for not removing hat they had A LOT of people to deal with..

[slidergirl]

I can't think of any religion where men wear hats indoors. Yes, they cover their heads at all times, but they don't wear hats at all times (i.e. not indoors).

 

Even Hasidic men who wear wide black hats virtually all the time do not wear them indoors (their head is still covered with a kippah, though)..=

 

Come on down to my hotel and tell me that. A large part of the guests who come to my hotel for vacations are Orthodox Jewish (observant of Shabbat and order Kosher food for their stay, women wear wigs and are covered neck to toes). A large majority of the men are wearing baseball hats, fedoras, toques, while inside. The past 3 years, we have had what you would call on a ship a "kosher charter", where a tour company sponsors a fully Kosher vacation week. Hats all over the place. Apparently, these people did not get the message about not wearing hats while indoors. ;)

[Misskitty72]

There was a guy on my last cruise who tried to get in the MDR in a tank top and basketball shorts. He pitched a fit because they wouldn't seat him. The look of relief on everybody's faces when he left was priceless. (I guess no one wanted a whiff of his pitts while they were eating. Gross!)

 

Personally, I see that kind of stuff as inconsiderate. Like they're saying "f-you guys. I'm on vacation. I'm gonna do wut I want". But there have to be some basic rules. It's a cruise, not anarchy!

 

That being said, if he had been seated at my table I would have been polite to his face, but it would have ruined my dinner. I know, I know....

[Z0nker]

+1,000

 

My wife's uncle, before he died, wore a hat every waking moment. He had a metal plate in his head due to WW2 combat injury and it made his head cold. If anyone was rude to him for not removing hat they had A LOT of people to deal with..

 

Can I ask what kind of hat your wife's uncle preferred for formal occasions?

[TC1957]

Can I ask what kind of hat your wife's uncle preferred for formal occasions?

 

Always wore the same hat. I call them driving hats. I say the same hat...he had two that look exactly the same in case one got dirty. They were dark green. Didn't matter what color he was wearing, he wore the dark green hat.

[iancal]

We would greet them and introduce ourselves.

 

We are not clothing police nor do we get to decide what is appropriate notwithstanding what our opinions may be. The MD makes the call.

 

After all....it is only a cruise not a state dinner.

[GUT2407]

My son wore a baseball cap in the dining room to cover his kippah as he did not want to be judged by others and my father in law wore a baseball cap all the time when he was going through chemo for his cancer. So when you judge someone without knowing their story maybe you should look in a mirror and see that you have the problem not those you are judging.

 

Lots of judgemental people, not just on Cruise Critic either.

[lahlah57]

I have no issues. My bar is set at dressed and preferably does not stink. Other than that, no fashion commentary from me.

 

I will take inappropriately dressed over stinky or stinkin' drunk:eek:

[Jackytar]

I'm with the "say nothing" crowd. I haven't actually had it occur to me yet, so I have no prior experience to go on, but if I felt that uncomfortable, I'd ask the maitre d' to change table and/or time. Of course, I might wind up with worse that way.

 

Seriously, I believe the best I can do is set an example. So on formal nights, I may well be the only man in a tux (mess uniform, actually; Navy equivalent of a tux), and I'll be civil and friendly and keep my opinion to myself.

Edited September 18, 2016 by Jackytar

[Kwaj girl]

My son wore a baseball cap in the dining room to cover his kippah as he did not want to be judged by others and my father in law wore a baseball cap all the time when he was going through chemo for his cancer. So when you judge someone without knowing their story maybe you should look in a mirror and see that you have the problem not those you are judging.

 

Hmmmm....perhaps more people would "judge" a baseball hat in the dining room vs a kippah which is totally appropriate in that setting! 🙄 Call me old-fashioned, but..... Baseball hats are not appropriate dinner attire!

[NLH Arizona]

Hmmmm....perhaps more people would "judge" a baseball hat in the dining room vs a kippah which is totally appropriate in that setting! Call me old-fashioned, but..... Baseball hats are not appropriate dinner attire!

I was thinking the same way. I wouldn't think twice about a kippah, but my dad always said that a gentleman removes his hat when indoors and if a boy I was dating didn't, he showed them no mercy (my dad was career military). Would I not talk to the person in a baseball cap or change my table, no. Would I say anything about the cap to them, no, because what they wear doesn't have anything to do with my dining experience. Edited September 18, 2016 by NLH Arizona

[calliopecruiser]

Come on down to my hotel and tell me that. A large part of the guests who come to my hotel for vacations are Orthodox Jewish (observant of Shabbat and order Kosher food for their stay, women wear wigs and are covered neck to toes). A large majority of the men are wearing baseball hats, fedoras, toques, while inside. The past 3 years, we have had what you would call on a ship a "kosher charter", where a tour company sponsors a fully Kosher vacation week. Hats all over the place. Apparently, these people did not get the message about not wearing hats while indoors. ;)

 

Exactly.....they didn't get the message, it has nothing to do with their religion.

 

Likewise, a turban is not a hat. Neither is a kippah, nor a taquiyah. All head coverings are not hats. And if a boy is too embarrassed about being Jewish that he feels he needs to cover his kippah with a baseball cap, there are bigger issues at hand.

[newcruise55]

Exactly.....they didn't get the message, it has nothing to do with their religion.

 

Likewise, a turban is not a hat. Neither is a kippah, nor a taquiyah. All head coverings are not hats. And if a boy is too embarrassed about being Jewish that he feels he needs to cover his kippah with a baseball cap, there are bigger issues at hand.

 

The issue was not him being embarrassed about being Jewish it was that he has experienced anti semitism in the past and did not want to deal with peoples stupid questions. Actually by the 2nd day he was only wearing his kippah on the ship.

[Beachdude]

Judgmental is a word that has been beat around so much lately in our culture to justify a personal self-interest that it's lost any meaning. Respect is the appropriate word here because it serves for the interest of the other person, not oneself. A person dressing out of context of expectation is being disrespectful. How we respond to any disrespect is a reference to our character and integrity.

 

Burt

[TC1957]

Judgmental is a word that has been beat around so much lately in our culture to justify a personal self-interest that it's lost any meaning. Respect is the appropriate word here because it serves for the interest of the other person, not oneself. A person dressing out of context of expectation is being disrespectful. How we respond to any disrespect is a reference to our character and integrity.

 

Burt

 

Respect is something you earn.

 

If you take how someone else is dressed as a sign that they disrespect you, that is a you problem...not a me problem.

[Beachdude]

Respect is something you earn.

 

If you take how someone else is dressed as a sign that they disrespect you, that is a you problem...not a me problem.

 

While the saying goes "Respect has to be earned", human nature generally starts by giving everyone a healthy expectation of respect at the start. So in reality, respect is our to loose.

 

Our respect by those around us is determined by how we show respect toward their expectations of us. Putting those around us in an uncomfortable situation when we could have chosen otherwise is not being respectful.

 

Burt

Edited September 19, 2016 by Beachdude

[TC1957]

 

Putting those around us in an uncomfortable situation when we could have chosen otherwise is not being respectful.

 

Burt

 

This is the crux of the matter and a premise with which I completely disagree. I whole heartedly subscribe to the sentiment of Eleanor Roosevelt when she said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." That applies, in my opinion, to all emotions. No person or group of people can make you feel uncomfortable...only you can do that by how you choose to react to a given situation.

 

If someone walks up to the table dressed in a manner that YOU deem inappropriate and you begin to feel uncomfortable that is YOUR fault, not theirs. If that feeling is conveyed to others (either verbally or through body language) then the only question I would have is: Do you get water in your nose when caught in the rain without an umbrella? Because I could not help but think your nose is turned up so much that would be a distinct possibility.

 

For goodness sake...you're on vacation. If your emotions are that fragile you should probably confine yourself to your cabin and enjoy room service.

 

I, for one, could not care less how people dress. If they have good hygiene and are polite we will have a nice evening.

Edited September 19, 2016 by TC1957

[Beachdude]

This is the crux of the matter and a premise with which I completely disagree. I whole heartedly subscribe to the sentiment of Eleanor Roosevelt when she said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." That applies, in my opinion, to all emotions. No person or group of people can make you feel uncomfortable...only you can do that by how you choose to react to a given situation.

 

If someone walks up to the table dressed in a manner that YOU deem inappropriate and you begin to feel uncomfortable that is YOUR fault, not theirs. If that feeling is conveyed to others (either verbally or through body language) then the only question I would have is: Do you get water in your nose when caught in the rain without an umbrella? Because I could not help but think your nose is turned up so much that would be a distinct possibility.

 

For goodness sake...you're on vacation. If your emotions are that fragile you should probably confine yourself to your cabin and enjoy room service.

 

I, for one, could not care less how people dress. If they have good hygiene and are polite we will have a nice evening.

 

Do you teach your children to be rude and disobedient in public, because this exactly what you are condoning.

 

You are confusing self-discipline with the expected civil actions of the population.

 

Your virtue of patience should not have a bearing on the choices others make toward you. Civility requires consideration of those around us as we act because humans generally react back in kind. Civility starts by considering the expectations of others before ourselves.

 

Even you have standards to your patience; what if your table mates don't have good hygiene? It seems we all have expectations of our fellow man.

 

Burt

[Pyrate13]

A person dressing out of context of expectation is being disrespectful.

 

Question, and just a question.

 

Isn't expecting one to dress according to others preferences, rather than their own, not disrespectful of the person who's dress is being assessed? Or does the opinion of the person making the assessment override the assessed persons opinion?:confused:

 

I'm just curious as to whose opinion gets to matter more, the person dressed or the person looking at them.

 

As I said earlier, I don't concern myself with others choice of dress for dining nor do I pay attention to such. But that's just me. YMMV

[pullen0]

Question, and just a question.

 

Isn't expecting one to dress according to others preferences, rather than their own, not disrespectful of the person who's dress is being assessed? Or does the opinion of the person making the assessment override the assessed persons opinion?:confused:

 

I'm just curious as to whose opinion gets to matter more, the person dressed or the person looking at them.

 

As I said earlier, I don't concern myself with others choice of dress for dining nor do I pay attention to such. But that's just me. YMMV

 

The value I give another's opinion of my dress is directly proportional to the amount they contribute to my cruise fare.

 

I go on vacation to satisfy my desires, not the desire of others to live out some fantasy of high society/Titanic style cruising.

[TC1957]

Do you teach your children to be rude and disobedient in public, because this exactly what you are condoning.

 

You are confusing self-discipline with the expected civil actions of the population.

 

Your virtue of patience should not have a bearing on the choices others make toward you. Civility requires consideration of those around us as we act because humans generally react back in kind. Civility starts by considering the expectations of others before ourselves.

 

Even you have standards to your patience; what if your table mates don't have good hygiene? It seems we all have expectations of our fellow man.

 

Burt

 

Wow...just wow.

 

Considering the definition of rude is "offensively impolite or ill-mannered" I don't see how it applies. Especially since dress has nothing to do with being impolite. Also, the definition of disobedient is "refusing to obey rules or someone in authority". Since everything I have ever seen on the mass market lines like RCI that address dining attire starts off with "We suggest" and not "We require". Add to that the obvious fact that someone on the crew has given, at the very least, tacit approval (and THEY not YOU are the authority)...disobedient is not applicable.

 

I truly hope you don't expect others to live according to your standards in every aspect of your life.

 

As for your last comment...perhaps you should read more carefully. I addressed that in a fairly recent post.

[Beachdude]

Wow...just wow.

 

Considering the definition of rude is "offensively impolite or ill-mannered" I don't see how it applies. Especially since dress has nothing to do with being impolite. Also, the definition of disobedient is "refusing to obey rules or someone in authority". Since everything I have ever seen on the mass market lines like RCI that address dining attire starts off with "We suggest" and not "We require". Add to that the obvious fact that someone on the crew has given, at the very least, tacit approval (and THEY not YOU are the authority)...disobedient is not applicable.

 

I truly hope you don't expect others to live according to your standards in every aspect of your life.

 

As for your last comment...perhaps you should read more carefully. I addressed that in a fairly recent post.

 

My reference of disobedience was directed at your confusion of who is responsible for the personal actions of others.

 

If a person acts toward others around them without consideration of the situation and the expectations of the group, then that type of behavior could certainly come under the heading of "offensively impolite or ill-mannered".

 

As much as many here seem to want to judge the victims of actions, the actors are still just as responsible, if not more so, of their actions in the situation they created.

 

Even you state limitations of how table mates should present themselves. Not always, but more often than not those actions were conscious choices knowing they were stepping on boundaries of normal expectations. Those are simply selfish choices.

 

Burt

Edited September 19, 2016 by Beachdude

[Beachdude]

Question, and just a question.

 

Isn't expecting one to dress according to others preferences, rather than their own, not disrespectful of the person who's dress is being assessed? Or does the opinion of the person making the assessment override the assessed persons opinion?:confused:

 

I'm just curious as to whose opinion gets to matter more, the person dressed or the person looking at them.

 

As I said earlier, I don't concern myself with others choice of dress for dining nor do I pay attention to such. But that's just me. YMMV

 

I find it interesting that folks find they have to keep repeating that they don't pay much attention to how someone dresses. You just haven't been presented with your limitation yet. I think the question is more about how you would react when the situation occurs, not what you think of the other victims with different expectations.

 

There was a thread a few years ago from an angry mother who wanted to go strait from the pool area with her two young wet kids to the main dinning room. She was offended the staff wouldn't let her pass. Is that reasonable? Was she crossing the expectations of the average person in eating in the Main Dinning Room?

 

To your question, if everyone in the group considers others of the group before themselves, rarely does anybody get offended.

 

My point is that there are many using the question as an opportunity to be judgmental of those who do have some expectation of décor in the MDR and not enough be judgmental of those who put the group in the situation by making a selfish choice. That you are patient is great, but how will you respond that one day when your table mates chose to be offensive without your consideration. Seems to be a tough question for this crowd.

 

Burt