LIVE - Beyond 1/29/2023 - Live Blog, Cat Blog, Vlog!

[David Kane]

And More!

[Jim_Iain]

David -

Looking forward to your Live Post.    Really need a cruise fix by following along.

 

Jim

[garyl62]

I'm sure this will cause me to up my bid on the Edge Villa for our March trip, looking forward to following along!

[mac_tlc]

Met David and his wife tonight in the Retreat Lounge and had a great conversation! They both looked awesome for Chic night! Maybe a picture is forthcoming?

 

mac_tlc

[TiredofTheGame]

On 1/27/2023 at 9:14 PM, David Kane said:

LIVE - Beyond 1/29/2023 - Live Blog, Cat Blog, Vlog!

Good Evening.

 

Annnnnd, we’re back. And what a time it is to BE back! After our most recent cruise in June (detailed somewhat below in background) we are once again Celebrity bound on the Beyond, our first ever “new” ship (with regards to the Summit, Equinox and Reflection – Johnny, I hardly knew ya’) experience. Now, it seems, is the winter of Cruise Critic’s discontent – which we will counter with uproarious good cheer; Onward!

 

I’d like to give a big thank you and shout out to Chemmo, Jim_Lain, Patty Knapp, HappyCruiser6143, GenerationX, and all the other frequent Cruise Critic Forum posters who provide far more accurate commentary than I ever will.

 

Note: This Blog is rated H for Hu-Mor. Curmudgeons are hereby advised.

 

Background

 

DW (who I will refer to by her initials XZ just to circumvent convention) and I are mid 40’s (*ahem*) with no kids and one cat who hates it when we go cruising. We were big Disney Park fans until their scheduled fun experience got way of whack (don’t dream of Genie+, it will give you nightmares) and made the spontaneous experience entirely unenjoyable and, for my 40th, we decided to give cruising a try.

 

Our first trip was in an RS on the Infinity for Halloween in 2015. We came right back for more, booking a RS on the Summit for 2016, an SS guarantee on the Reflection and another SS on the Summit, both in 2017. Starting 2018 we did an SS Aft on the Equinox, and an SS on the Summit and, in 2019, an SS on the Equinox. We took a slight break and came back for an SS on the Summit out of San Juan in Jan. 2020 and then, about 2 weeks after we got off the ship, the lockdown began (I realize for simplicity sake this could have been a bullet-point list; but, then again, that meeting could have been an e-mail and *we’re not doing work things on this Blog!*).

 

In June 2022, post-apocalypso, we managed, through ways and means (and not to New Orleans) to make it to the Penthouse on the Summit – a 10 year goal achieved 2 years early, and got to experience what is described as the best room on the fleet. From a private concert, to shuffleboard on the back deck, to not actually leaving the room for several days, it was a wonderful experience and, from it, we knew we had to come right back (work pending…).

 

This Trip

 

We started out booking a Sky Suite on the Beyond, using our typical strategy of cruising what is essentially the least desirable week out of the year. We were perfectly pleased with a Sky, as we planned to spend the majority of the time running about this new class of ship, playing cards in the Retreat Lounge, and getting confused for the cast of Eden. And THEN (followers of previous Blogs will see where this is going).

 

And THEN we received the typical move-up offer which never seems to work out. Click some links, enter some zeroes, let Celebrity create a decent benchmark for what people are actually willing to pay for rooms when it comes down to brass tacks, and be satisfied with what you have. Until I look over at XZ one night and go “Hey…there’s this weird charge on the card – I thought we paid this off already?” And just like that, we got moved all the way up to a VILLA. I know, I know, it was Beyond (this joke WILL get old) our expectations, but, much like our previous Penthouse re-booking, it came at a cost that was less than initially offered. So there we have it – all the stories in a 2 story room to follow!

 

Goals this go around include:

--Every Night is Formal Night!

 

--Chair Ratings: We have an ENTIRE new ship, with brand new chairs, to rate! How many will we get to? Who knows! There seem to be about 201 different seating options in Eden alone.

 

--Villa View: There are less engaging pictures and vlogs of the Beyond Edge Villas than I thought there would be (side note; they are actually called the ‘Edge Villa’ which will in no way be at all confusing if, say, you’re in an Edge Villa on the Edge so, technically, you’ve booked an Edge Edge Villa as opposed to a Beyond Edge Villa, which still sounds somehow like you’re cruising on the Edge itself, which is ALSO the class of ship that the Edge, Apex and Beyond are…so you’d be on an Edge class ship named the Edge or an Edge Class Ship named the Beyond – it’s like Toyota calling their first SUV ‘the Toyota,’ not at all confusing. Man. I hope I don’t try and get on the wrong ship at port)  – there are multiple entrances; one of which essentially lets me stand in line for Luminae while I’m in the foyer of the room! One of our big goals is to document this room inside and out, with its plunge pool, Harry Potter-esque writing desk, and included bread maker/electrical box.

 

--Bar Crawl Challenge: My personal challenge is to pick a day and hit up every bar on the ship. This was easier on the M Class, when “Crush” was somehow listed as a bar but it was really a place they used to…I don’t even know what? Keep bottled drinks cold? But this time we have 2 Café Al Bacios, a OVC bar that supposedly opens at 6:30am (!) and a host of other places which may overwhelm even myself, who once had 14 champagnes on my first cruise to help combat sea sickness…it…didn’t so much help. I see myself ordering a lot of light beer…

 

--Captain Kate: OMG has Captain Kate been DUCKING US for like the last 5 years. We’re on the Summit, she’s off the Summit. We’re on the Equinox, she’s off the Equinox. She’s on the Edge, the pandemic hits. I feel we have been following in her wake forever. But finally, we will get to meet her and the 2^nd most famous cruise cat (rumor has it Bug has an Insta – but our Cat has an OnlyFans – so there!).

 

The Cat

Yet again, as we prepare for our cruise, our angry little (little?) Tortoiseshell cat has been busy perusing Cruise Critic, reading all of the most recent CC forum postings and thoroughly enjoying the sour ones. Each day we will review one “Cat Complaint” about Cruising and see, in person, if it’s valid. The Nattering Nabobs of Negativism have been hard at work – it’s time to see if that work has paid off (yes, that was a Spiro Agnew joke – the cat loves Spiro Agnew).

 

 Social

 

Our vlog site is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcTrwSLzNW8FzVVdyz3yC4w

 

We also made an attempt to step into the vastness of Celebrity’s own social media sites, including Instaspam, Facebag and Twiffer and…I just do not have time for all of this updating. CC, ride or die!

 

 We draw inspiration for our begrudging social media efforts from:

 

Alex Codd Choreography (Celebrity Dancers Against COVID):

 

 

Cruise Dorks (“Pick it up and party with it”): https://www.youtube.com/c/CruiseDorks/featured

 

And a host of other informative Youtubers who I just realized are all Travel Agents in their spare time so…I can’t post them here. Whoops.

 

A Note on Questions

 

One of the most enjoyable features of CC is answering questions for future cruisers. However, to add a wrinkle of unhelpfulness, I will endeavor to ask the least appropriate people I can find. Want to know if Sky Vodka is on the Premium Package? I’ll find one of the Performers to pose that question to! Interested in Debarkation Times? Perhaps the Chief Engineer will have some insights. All kidding aside, I’ll do my best to respond for at least the first 3 days, after which the ‘LIVE’ part of this blog becomes increasingly inaccurate.

 

The Self-Indulgent Nature of this Blog

 

“But wait! Where are the pictures of food? Sunsets? All I see are photos of your wife in funny hats…what gives?”

 

This blog is largely for the enjoyment of our immediate family; by which I mean I generally try to use it to make XZ laugh when she reads the daily recaps at 3am. There are inside jokes, there are throwback references, possibly related to professional wrestling, and, occasionally, there is some information masquerading as trite humor.

 

And, to get out in front of it, in case you are unaware what is to follow, allow me to quote our fellow Cruise Critics in their hour of discontent: “Retreat, retreat, retreat…Luminae, Luminae, Luminae, you’re just Celebrity Cheerleaders.” YES. EXACTLY.

 

 

And Here We Go, the luggage has been spotted and the cat is…mildly concerned...

 

I can just tell that your cat is a Republican!!!😁

[Reel Love]

David you are hilarious!  Loving your review so far and all of the laughs you are providing!  Thanks for giving us something fun to read after work every day!  Have a fabulous cruise😊

Edited January 31, 2023 by Reel Love

[David Kane]

The Remainder of Sunday - Quick Notes and No Goats

 

Once onboard the ship, stateroom cards in hand, it is time to explore the decks; notes are as follows:

 

A) Michael's Clu....er, the Retreat Lounge is MASSIVE. Coming from the M and S class, the space spans the entire deck and can accomodate...a lot of people. For onboarding, I would actually suggest enjoying a room-champagne and then heading out around the rest of the ship. Now, this may simply be because the Edge Class is new to us - on other ships we usually throw down 2 Whiskys and play Cribbage until lunch, but here we high-fived the four (4!) Conceirges and headed out on deck...and about that deck.

 

B) The Deck is MASSIVE. I'm sure, by now, you have watched many, many Beyond Vidoes on You-Tub (the streaming platform for all your bathtime viewings) but they do not do this ship justice. Everything is ginormous. We are talking 30' tall ceilings, broad passageways, and the BEST Jogging Track at sea ("It's supposed to be wild, I hear you just run."). Hopefully we'll have a Vlog later today about just how massive this ship is, but the first thing that truly impressed us was the sheer size of it all. It's not that Kelly Hoppen is a big fan of Brutalism (checks resume - nope she never went to SUNY Albany) but whomever designed this ship supersized everything. I think that would be my one takeaway for the day on the differences between, say, the Summit and the Beyond - the sheer scope of this ship!

 

C) Onboarding trick #1 - Do you have some extra OBC and want an exclusive experience on your first day? Look no further than Le Grande Bistroe . For a few bucks a head you can enjoy an almost entirely empty restaturant with Luminae quality food!  I think, so far, this has been the best hidden gem of the trip - drop by and have upgraded escargot, fresh breads, and fine quality wines before anyone else discovers it!

 

D) SPEAKING OF THAT - the 2nd best kept secret is out - The World Class Bar, situated right off the main deck, and located FAR too conveniently, is now full of guests. On the S class, this space, stuck in the middle of the shoppes, got far less traffic - here - it is centrally located AND open at 11am on EnMeowCation. The quality is still there, but the secret is out.

[David Kane]

Just on Board! Unhelpful pictures as follows:

Room Champage is the best Champage!

Everyone in a Suite is required to take this picture in honor of XZ's favorite Fantasy Series involving Rabbits fighting Wolves - Redwall!

 

All the menu, none of the crowds at LBC!

[David Kane]

Tradition Must be Maintained

 

You didn't think you'd get this far into a Blog without hearing from the Fuzzy Menace - did you? As noted above in one of the replies 'Your Cat is a Republican.' Let's be clear - ALL cats are Republicans. And speaking of that...

Hoisted on our own Petard by CC! Well done, well done. So let's take exactly one paragraph to discuss Cruise Loyalty. It's not the perks, the free shoe shines, bonus entrance into the Baggo Tounament, option to attend the muster drill in a life jacket, the chance to open a briefcase on Deal or No Deal, or the chance to drive the ship-for-a-day when you make Zenith*. Cruise Loyalty is about seeing the same staff, and sometimes passengers, every year. I have a cruise-heavy list of friends on Facebag - everyone from young parents who now have a 12 year old (!) to grizzled veterns who actually sailed on the Zenith, to the tallest man in India who XZ got so hammered at the post-cruise bar in San Juan he almost got on the wrong flight. And yes, while these certainly are acquaintences (spelled wrong) these are people we do keep up with from time to time, if not day to day. In some cases, one can literally keep up with them on online - most of your performers have - at least - show reels available, and some, like Duo Destiny, have gone on to perform and win TV shows. Cruise Loyalty is about the chance to meet, and then follow along with, and possibly meet again, a host of interesting people. I realize this is a simple, optimistic approach, but hey, you don't follow this thread for tedious negativity.

 

*None of these things are true.

 

 

[DaKahuna]

@David KaneYou are going to enjoy Hilario.  We had him as our Personal Retreat Host on Silhouette in April of last year.  

 

If you get the opportunity talk to him about his hair gel.  He is really particular about his hair and we bought him two jars of hair gel when we were ashore in Curacao.  

 

Some one earlier referred to him as the signing butler and I'll never forget how he sang his introduction to us "Hilario the host" when we first met him.

 

Really enjoying your sense of humor and writing style.  The pictures are amazing.  Please keep it up.  

 

[catgirl411]

After months of reading so much negative stuff from all the entitled angry cruisers out there, it’s so good to read something positive and humorous.  And the fact that you are cat people is a bonus! Keep up the good work!

[David Kane]

Quick Response

 

Hilario Is currently heading into the lead for best PRH/Butler - edging (lol) out Tegu, the first ever Butler we met, the first ever person from Bali we met, and the first ever on ship tatoo artist...what, did you think Virgin Voyages invented that? So, yes, Hilario is absolutely in the running  

[David Kane]

Second Response before more dailies

 

I understand the entitled view born of expectation and the negativism that comes with it - but I choose the Grand Budapest Hotel Route; 'Rudeness is the expression of Fear." I get the glass half-empty vs. glass half-full dicotomy; but these forums seem to be more of the 'Glass Half Empty vs. eating shards of glass' view. And now, dailies.  

[David Kane]

BUT FIRST!

 

Let's try to end the evening. Post onboarding (the Meow jokes have run their course) and sail away which, from Ft. Lauderdale, is OK (sailing past Lady Liberty will always be a favorite) we dressed for dinner and headed to Luminae. Two important notes:

 

1) As mentioned before, if you are in a Suite, you absolutely want to attend the first night dinner in Luminae. This is your chance to get to know the staff, select your table, and otherwise get comfortable in this space. We missed Luminae exactly once, on the Reflection, years ago, and it discombobulted the rest of the week. The restaturant staff (and WHAT a staff, by the way) is ready to set your preferences on night one, from choice of bread to water selection, there is something about the first night of the cruise which sets up your service for the rest of the trip.

 

2) Danny Bold saves the day! OK! So, we were not fans of Kelly Hoppen and her design astetic at all UNTIL we sailed in the Penthouse on the Summit and used every one of the 17 closets and drawers. They prove to be impractical to everyone BUT us, because when you can drive to the Port you can bring everything but the cat. SO! After that experience, our entirely unjustified opinion of that design changed tremendously. Now, to really challenge things, along comes Danny Bold (this joke is from a popular YouTuber who walked by Le Voyage and says 'Danny Bold's restaurant is Michelle starred' and just gets better from there) who has a signature menu in Luminae consisting of an appetizer, main course and dessert which no one ever orders. The Chicken Tangine....Tagline? Tobuli? is notoriously known as being dry to the point of inedibility...and remeber, this is coming from the Celebrity Cheerleader. Good News; the Tagine has been replaced with a Duck Leg that is quite excellent. I have ordered it twice now - is it over-sauced? Absolutely; but this guy loves sauce. It is a piece of lovely, fall off the bone duck that is both sweet and savory and leave room from desert. I can't believe I am typing this, and this is liekly not for everyone, but it blows the previous offering out of the water.

 

  

[David Kane]

A Salad made IN a cheese round!

 

Dressing for the first night

 

It's not Evening Chic - so we'll just going casual...

 

 

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

[David Kane]

Final Thoughts from Night One

 

I have discovered the perfect way to not lose money at the Casino. It is quite simple and rather flawless and it works like this; start gambling late, have the bartender pour heavy Whiskys for your wife, escort her back to the room at 11pm, and then "no no, please, use this cashout ticket' and viola - free play for the rest of the night. Our advice remains the same - separate bathrooms; separate bank accounts! 

[David Kane]

Day 1 - dailies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Essiesmom]

Takin’ it to the limit…don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with spats that match the waistcoat.  Can hardly wait for chic night.  EM

[clochette]

Thank you for taking us along, love your writing style.

[David Kane]

Day 2 - Up and at 'em + Secret Bar

 

Day 2, because unfortunately one has to count onboarding as Day 1 in the rough math that brings one closer and closer to that must spurious of times - the last day - began with a Jog. As Bill Rafel said in his quite execellent Vlog posts from several years back "Rosie and I got in our 10,000 steps before..." and so did I. XZ began the day at the Gym, powerlifting her way to a visible tricep flex, while I knocked out roughly 8 laps. In terms of re-designs, the Jogging Track on the Beyond is second to none. Multiple levels, elevation changes, fun, blind corners where one has a reasonable chance of colliding with another guest if they happen to be walking the wrong way, and, for once, a path that doesn't pass through the smoking area! I mean, to each their own, no judging here, but the fact the M Class track had me wind sprinting past Flavor Country every 4 minutes left a bit to be desired on both sides. Here, you pick up speed going downhill, huff and puff on the incline, and attempt to keep up with the ship's performers who seem to knock out 3 miles in the time it takes me to do 1 before going on to...I don't even know what one does with 9-pack abs - laundry on your chest or something.

 

After the jog/lift XZ repaired to the Spa for her semi-annual toe polish (no, seriously - the ship pedicures and nail varnish last at least 3 months - sometimes as long as 6) while I stalked around looking for a light breakfast and found the SECRET BAR.

 

As noted before, the more and more wisdom is gleaned from CC forums and You Tub (all bath videos, all the time - Rubber Ducky, you are the one) the less cruise secrets remain, but I found one. The OVC has a bar, at the waaaaaay back of the ship, that, somehow, no one has discovered. Likely because the sailaway bar is gorgeous and re-designed and looks so much like the set of Casablaca there should be a drink called "Frankly, I don't..." (ok, this digressed) BUT likely becausse of this, no one goes to the OVC Bar for anything but take-away Mimosas and Bloody Mary's. There is a bartender there, named Rolly, who has such a personaility they might as well re-name the space to 'Rolly's Place.' In between making his 34th and 35th Bloody (what, no one orders Ceasar's anymore? - Letterkenny reference) he can recount all the past and glorious days of this line, going as far back as the Horizon (!). So, if you want to reminisce about cruises from times past, this is the bar, and this is the man to do it with.

 

NOW, here is an odd choice to go along with this hidden bar - plush velvet seats! Not normally a covering one would choose for a place where people have a tendency to either spill drinks or drop sausages.  

[jelayne]

Dang, you disclosed the secret bar😮.  It was until about day 9 or 10 on our sailing that people found it.  

[kwokpot]

7 hours ago, David Kane said:

It's not that Kelly Hoppen is a big fan of Brutalism (checks resume - nope she never went to SUNY Albany)

Are you alum? Class of '83 here. It always seemed like a futuristic self-contained city a la Logans Run to me. Then of course you have NY's version of Brasília that is Empire State Plaza.

[peanut head]

I was wondering if you could confirm if all EV's have the cute little patio.  I just read on another posting that only the Starboard EV's have the patio.  Thanks.

[Lastdance]

46 minutes ago, peanut head said:

I was wondering if you could confirm if all EV's have the cute little patio.  I just read on another posting that only the Starboard EV's have the patio.  Thanks.

That "patio" is starting to receive a lot of traction!  

[Texed]

1 hour ago, Lastdance said:

That "patio" is starting to receive a lot of traction!  

I couldn’t afford the patio, much less the Edge Villa.  🫣