Uncomfortable experience with sommelier

[NutsAboutGolf]

3 hours ago, snoopydo said:

Currently on Summit and did the Chef’s Table dinner last night. (Other than the galley tour it’s not worth it but that’s not what this post is about.)

 

You meet for the dinner at the large table outside of sushi restaurant for a toast, a short speech, and a photo before going down to galley tour and Tuscan Grille for the dinner. Here is the very short version of what happened:

 

I do not drink alcohol so about 30 minutes before the meeting time I went up and let the wine person setting things up that I don’t drink. He kept saying “oh it’s just for the toast” and I kept repeating but I don’t drink. After a couple rounds of this I sort of gave up and walked away.

 

Then the event starts and he is pouring Prosecco for everyone. He gets to me and pauses. I again tell him I don’t drink and he again tries to press me to take some “just for the toast.”

 

It does not matter if you drink or not: we all know people who, for various reasons, choose not to drink. For some people that choice is a constant struggle. To have a crew member basically pushing me to drink became very uncomfortable. 
 

In the end I had to finally get a bit more loud with my no to him. So he just left me there with my empty glass. I guess it finally occurred to him that was not a good look so offered me some ginger beer. At that point I just wanted to run away and hide in my cabin. 
 

The whole experience was at best uncomfortable and worst upsetting. I keep thinking about those who struggle more than I do with alcohol and how triggering such an interaction could be. 
 

I don’t see any point in bringing this up to management onboard as we all know I will just get the standard platitudes “I’m so sorry I’ll let someone know” response and nothing will come of it. I just felt the need to share this experience to get it off my mind as best I can. 

 

I do agree they were unnecessarily pushy and this same situation can happen at any land bar/restaurant.  The two words "I'm sober", are powerful, there isn't a comeback

[Pushka]

No means No. In any situation. Society must come to terms with that. 
 

 

[Pushka]

2 hours ago, Wineaux007 said:

We've been to many of these events where everyone is poured a glass of whatever for a toast.  My wife doesn't drink prosecco or champagne, but she takes a glass for the toast and doesn't partake.  (She gives it to me). 😁

 

What's the problem with just accepting whatever they were giving you and everyone else, and toasting and just not drinking it? 

And for some recovering alcoholics that might just be the situation that comes at a cost. 

[Travel-and-See]

I agree - not acceptable. The moment you informed him you don't drink he should have instantly offered you alternatives and had them ready to go. That's literally his job.

[WestLakeGirl]

Please do not let this slide. Yes, you got it off your chest but that isn’t going to change anything, and for the sake of your fellow passengers in the future and even yourself should you choose to again Cruise, please bring this up with management

[notscb]

3 hours ago, wallyj said:

I am a little surprised this situation happened, unless the OP is not familiar with the Chef’s Table ?

OP's issue happened at the onset of the evening. If OP didn't want alcohol for a toast, they should have just been offered literally anything else in their glass. Not to mention, 30 minutes before an event is plenty of notice for the crew to *not* serve a specific person alcohol.

Edited July 14 by notscb

[chemmo]

2 hours ago, WestLakeGirl said:

Please do not let this slide. Yes, you got it off your chest but that isn’t going to change anything, and for the sake of your fellow passengers in the future and even yourself should you choose to again Cruise, please bring this up with management

Agree…

 

OP, so sorry this happened to you. The sommelier was obviously oblivious to the inappropriateness of his behaviour. His behaviour was insensitive and possibly dangerous to someone with issues. I totally understand you not wanting to discuss this with management but there is a clear training need. If you don’t want to talk about it could you simply print off your post and ask customer service to pass it on to the Food and Beverage manager? You could, if you wanted, add a hand written addition saying you don’t want to discuss it further but felt that for the sake of future guests you needed to bring it to his attention.

 

Bad as the experience was, try to put it behind you now and enjoy your cruise!

[chefchick]

I am in the camp that suggests the OP should reconsider bringing this up while still onboard. Afterwards it could get lost in the survey so to speak.  I find it very hard to believe that this situation hasn’t come up onboard before? People choosing to drink only non alcoholic beverages is becoming more common place and cruise lines who take note will be rewarded with loyal customers.  A non alcoholic pairing could be a real niche for a chefs table experience. In any case, the OP shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable when their needs were stated beforehand.

[snoopydo]

Thanks for all the feedback. I’ll try to politely bring it up to management tomorrow. If only so someone doesn’t have to be pressured like this in the future. 
 

For those confused: the root issue is that I said no (or otherwise indicated my preference) four times before he finally stopped trying to push me to take the wine for the toast. It wasn’t a matter of forgetting he kept saying “oh just for the toast” like it was no big deal to him so it shouldn’t be to me either. 

Edited July 14 by snoopydo

[Trevor Fountain]

As the guy said, it was just for the toast. You didn't have to drink it, and after the toast you could have offered it to someone who'd have appreciated a little extra.

Way over the top reaction by some on here. 

[chemmo]

58 minutes ago, Trevor Fountain said:

As the guy said, it was just for the toast. You didn't have to drink it, and after the toast you could have offered it to someone who'd have appreciated a little extra.

Way over the top reaction by some on here. 

I don’t think anyone’s reaction is over the top. Would you see things differently if the sommelier was pushing a recent none smoker to just hold a lit cigarette?

 

It is simply forcing a vulnerable person to say ‘no’ and resist a temptation not once but on several occasions. He had done the right thing by alerting the sommelier before the event. The sommelier then should have found an alternative for him and discreetly provided it.
 

You know, quite apart from the OP’s experience on every occasion like this there should be a nonalcoholic option readily available ‘just in case’…

[cruisetonowhere10]

11 hours ago, Wineaux007 said:

We've been to many of these events where everyone is poured a glass of whatever for a toast.  My wife doesn't drink prosecco or champagne, but she takes a glass for the toast and doesn't partake.  (She gives it to me). 😁

 

What's the problem with just accepting whatever they were giving you and everyone else, and toasting and just not drinking it? 

I don’t disagree for people who are simply not wanting to partake (the other night I say at a bar with my husband and had water and gave him the drink that was part of my meal) however, it sounds like the OP has struggled with this in the past and I am quite sure that not even touching it is an important mechanism to not sampling.  I imagine it is hard enough in some cases for some people to simply be surrounded my alcohol.  I believe on the sommeliers part it’s a matter of education and respect and the OP attempted to mitigate the uncomfortable situation proactively and clearly.

[cruisetonowhere10]

15 minutes ago, chemmo said:

I don’t think anyone’s reaction is over the top. Would you see things differently if the sommelier was pushing a recent none smoker to just hold a lit cigarette?

 

It is simply forcing a vulnerable person to say ‘no’ and resist a temptation not once but on several occasions. He had done the right thing by alerting the sommelier before the event. The sommelier then should have found an alternative for him and discreetly provided it.
 

You know, quite apart from the OP’s experience on every occasion like this there should be a nonalcoholic option readily available ‘just in case’…

This is a fair point…like at a wedding having a sparkling option for those that don’t partake.

[momofmab]

I agree with others that he likely just intended for you to have something in your glass to toast with and did not intend to bully into actually drinking it.  My H doesn't drink champagne or wine either but he will hold up a glass for a toast.

 

It may have been helpful for you to suggest an alternative drink for him to put in your glass or to ask if there were a non-alcoholic sparkling option.

[cruisetonowhere10]

6 minutes ago, cruisetonowhere10 said:

I don’t disagree for people who are simply not wanting to partake (the other night I say at a bar with my husband and had water and gave him the drink that was part of my meal) however, it sounds like the OP has struggled with this in the past and I am quite sure that not even touching it is an important mechanism to not sampling.  I imagine it is hard enough in some cases for some people to simply be surrounded my alcohol.  I believe on the sommeliers part it’s a matter of education and respect and the OP attempted to mitigate the uncomfortable situation proactively and clearly.

Ignore my typos…. 🙂

[Lena11033]

1 hour ago, Trevor Fountain said:

As the guy said, it was just for the toast. You didn't have to drink it, and after the toast you could have offered it to someone who'd have appreciated a little extra.

Way over the top reaction by some on here. 

 

No is no. It should have ended there.

 

Once the OP said no the first time there should have been another option for them, heck the sommelier should have had an option for people who do not drink alcohol to begin with. There are plenty options out there and normally at events they do have non alcoholic options.

 

Some people don't drink for health reasons others they have had issues in the past. The OP was strong enough to say no but not everyone is, for some people the 'just holding it' is too much temptation. 

[Miaminice]

12 hours ago, snoopydo said:

 

I don’t see any point in bringing this up to management onboard as we all know I will just get the standard platitudes “I’m so sorry I’ll let someone know” response and nothing will come of it. I just felt the need to share this experience to get it off my mind as best I can. 

TBH I don’t see the point of bringing it up at all! 
I don’t drink either. So in situations as this I take the glass, toast and set it down again. DW might have two… There’s no point I have to prove and getting upset about it ruins nobody’s day but mine. 

Edited July 14 by Miaminice

[thebutlerdidit]

37 minutes ago, Miaminice said:

TBH I don’t see the point of bringing it up at all! 
I don’t drink either. So in situations as this I take the glass, toast and set it down again. DW might have two… There’s no point I have to prove and getting upset about it ruins nobody’s day but mine. 

I disagree. They were proactive in alerting the sommelier prior to the event, and there’s no reason that they shouldn’t have had an appropriate beverage in hand to participate in the toast. 
 

I’d do just about anything to avoid confrontation, but that particular sommelier needs to learn from this so he can handle the situation appropriately in the future. I wouldn’t want him reprimanded, but again, it’s an opportunity to learn and improve his performance.

[Miaminice]

Just now, thebutlerdidit said:

I disagree. They were proactive in alerting the sommelier prior to the event, and there’s no reason that they shouldn’t have had an appropriate beverage in hand to participate in the toast. 
 

I’d do just about anything to avoid confrontation, but that particular sommelier needs to learn from this so he can handle the situation appropriately in the future. I wouldn’t want him reprimanded, but again, it’s an opportunity to learn and improve his performance.

 

Happy with his actions or not. I would be there to enjoy my time, not to teach him a lesson.
DW tells me I get upset about too many things. This, however, would not be one of them. 

[thebutlerdidit]

2 minutes ago, Miaminice said:

 

Happy with his actions or not. I would be there to enjoy my time, not to teach him a lesson.
DW tells me I get upset about too many things. This, however, would not be one of them. 

Probably because this particular issue isn’t an issue that you’ve ever had to deal with. 

[zitsky]

5 hours ago, snoopydo said:

Thanks for all the feedback. I’ll try to politely bring it up to management tomorrow. If only so someone doesn’t have to be pressured like this in the future. 
 

For those confused: the root issue is that I said no (or otherwise indicated my preference) four times before he finally stopped trying to push me to take the wine for the toast. It wasn’t a matter of forgetting he kept saying “oh just for the toast” like it was no big deal to him so it shouldn’t be to me either. 

I’m sorry you had this experience.  I know people who had trouble with this.  You are too nice.  I think sometimes when it comes to your health, that politeness needs to go out the window.  Excuse me for saying so.

 

I do think Celebrity listens to feedback both on board and later.  At least that has been my experience.

 

This just reinforces to me that many of these so called “sommeliers” are no more than wine pushers, not trained experts.

Edited July 14 by zitsky

[Miaminice]

14 minutes ago, thebutlerdidit said:

Probably because this particular issue isn’t an issue that you’ve ever had to deal with. 

Oh, on the contrary. For someone who doesn´t drink that´s a regular (non-)issue :-) 
Just none to make a fuzz about.

Waiters always want to pour me some wine, give me a glass of bubbles etc. etc.
I have been asked "why don´t you drink?" my whole adult live.

When my wife and I met, even her thoughts were "oh, he doesn´t drink..."
So no, your statement doesn´t count 😉 

on a humorous note... I never drank. I just don´t like the taste of alcoholic drinks. The positive side - I have always been invited to every party. A driver was always needed :-)

[michri]

I don’t understand why Celebrity didn’t already have a non-alcoholic option for the toast.  It should have been,’ Thank you for letting me know.  Would you like a glass of sparkling cider?’   
The sommelier was definitely in the wrong for pushing alcohol after being told no.

 

[zitsky]

7 minutes ago, Miaminice said:

Oh, on the contrary. For someone who doesn´t drink that´s a regular (non-)issue 🙂
Just none to make a fuzz about.

Waiters always want to pour me some wine, give me a glass of bubbles etc. etc.
I have been asked "why don´t you drink?" my whole adult live.

When my wife and I met, even her thoughts were "oh, he doesn´t drink..."
So no, your statement doesn´t count 😉 

on a humorous note... I never drank. I just don´t like the taste of alcoholic drinks. The positive side - I have always been invited to every party. A driver was always needed 🙂

Sometimes “nice” only goes so far.  How do you respond to those questions?  Some people joke and some don’t want to explain.

 

My dad got to a point where it became a problem.  I remember at age 12 he would stop at a bar after work every day before his 8 mile drive home.  He even took me once.  Did I mention I was 12?  He did dry out, though I’m not sure if he totally stopped drinking.  We didn’t often have alcohol at home.

[zitsky]

16 minutes ago, michri said:

I don’t understand why Celebrity didn’t already have a non-alcoholic option for the toast.  It should have been,’ Thank you for letting me know.  Would you like a glass of sparkling cider?’   
The sommelier was definitely in the wrong for pushing alcohol after being told no.

 

The fact that @Jim_Iain was served multiple non alcoholic options at a dinner says that there was not just NA wine but other drinks as well.  That “sommelier” knew or should have known.

Edited July 14 by zitsky